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Tuesday, December 30, 2014

The New About Page

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - One About page for all your needs. Will be ACTUALLY UPDATED.

Time to do two things: One, de-mystify KoopaTV with an About page that will be maintained. And two, combine our perfectly good existing "About KoopaTV" page with our sorely lacking "About Us" page into one, to save some space for those page tabs at the top of the site.

Oh, and three: We're gonna keep a TIMELINE here of KoopaTV! Now you can follow key events without hassle!

Last Update: 8/14/2017


What is KoopaTV?

KoopaTV is a videogame commentary website that updates three to five times a week. Every article is essentially an op-ed on some topic involving the videogame industry, many times with a political slant. KoopaTV has a rotating cast of columnists, whom you can read about below.

CURRENT KOOPATV STAFF:


Ludwig Von Koopa

Ludwig Von Koopa.
This is Ludwig. That's me. I'm the main writer for KoopaTV. You may recognize me as one of the princes of Koopa Kingdom. That's right, I'm King Bowser's (best) son! Some history on me: My first Internet community is canonically the Nintendo NSider Forums, which I joined on November 27, 2003 — 3 days after the forums opened. My screen name was ANTIROCKETCLOUDY, but don't let that fool you: I made clear to everyone of my royal heritage right away. In early 2004 I founded what later became known as "Koopa Keep", one of the first roleplays on NSider and the biggest Koopa — or Mario series in general — roleplay. I became notorious throughout the forum. Later, after the Nintendo of America dudes banned roleplays on December 21 2005, I penned my literary achievement, Events of Star World. (There is also an unfinished sequel.) This witty and epic fan-fiction started me on the path to the writer I am today. I simultaneously continued to be a controversial figure for my Enlightenment Movement ideals. In summary, as the Prince of Koopa Kingdom, it is my belief that the red-hatted plumber is a menace to society and Public Enemy #1. And part of what I did was try to convince others of that.

Nowadays, with no more NSider, I've still been keeping up my anti-plumber activism, but I've also been espousing my far-right political beliefs too. (Which were also on NSider if you looked close enough.)

One vehicle for that is the (fair & balanced) KoopaTV, which is a videogame version of former Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain's "Best of Cain" site, formerly called "CainTV". KoopaTV is all about the dual values of truth and levity. We publish multiple high-quality articles every week, and we are proud of our “infotainment” status.


There are also other KoopaTV staff members.

Kamek

Kamek.
That's Kamek. He's known for traveling a lot. His unofficial role within KoopaTV is to travel across the human Earth on his magic broom to spread the KoopaTV gospel to places including France, Mexico, Taliban headquarters, and Sierra Leone. What effect this has had on KoopaTV's global popularity is unclear.

Kamek has been part of Koopa Keep since its founding in 2004, and has been a good, loyal member since. Incidentally, in Events of Star World's Koopa Keep-based Side Story, he served as the main villain. His NSider username was ULTRALINK1000.

Vortexica

Vortexica.
Vortexica is the first new staff member since KoopaTV was founded. He is KoopaTV's foreign correspondent and a back-up writer, known for writing detailed specials on select topics.

While Vortexica was never a Koopa Keep member, he was still an NSider member and was a fan of Events of Star World, becoming close to Ludwig through that. Vortexica is also British and not a Koopa. Vortex's NSider username was VORTEX-878.

Wendy O. Koopa

Wendy O. Koopa.






This is the Princess of Koopa Kingdom, Wendy O. Koopa. She's bossy and outspoken, but in terms of KoopaTV's contributions she will be working behind the scenes as KoopaTV's Digital Graphics Producer. Wendy was also a member of Koopa Keep, known for her cunning and access to top-secret resources. Well, we know what they are, but you don't. If you did, they wouldn't be a secret.

She was known on NSider as FENIRKNIGHT and was also a member of Koopa Keep since 2004.


RawkHawk2010

RawkHawk2010.
That is RawkHawk2010, known on NSider as RAWKHAWK2010. He has been in Koopa Keep ever since 2004, although his contributions to the roleplay were limited by the fact that he was constantly getting banned by Nintendo of America from NSider for a wide variety of reasons. Still, Rawk went around that by continually making alternate accounts. His greatest accomplishment on NSider was, that when threatened with an IP ban by Nintendo, he gave his account information to one of his enemies. This enemy was all too happy to take control of Rawk's account for mischievous ends, only to be the victim of the ensuing IP ban, leaving Rawk himself scot-free.

Rawk's undisciplined nature results in him being at odds with the rest of the KoopaTV staff at many times. He left KoopaTV in February 2014 (to return April 2014) and then again in December 2014, finally returning in January 2015. He left once again in September 2015, but came back in May 2016.

Rawk promises to be focusing on audiovisual content for KoopaTV. It's as if he wants the name of the site to mean something.

Roxy

Roxy.






Roxy joined KoopaTV at the end of 2016. She is a graduate of Sierra Leone's prestigious Fourah Bay College, and is the only KoopaTV staff member with a degree in journalism. Roxy is dedicating her life to fighting the scourge of Fake News on the Internet.

Roxy did not previously have an NSider account, and she also didn't know any of the staffers before joining KoopaTV. She is also the first KoopaTV staffer to appear in one of KoopaTV's videogames, being the newscaster that delivers the results of each primary election in The Wonderful 1237. She was not voiced by herself, however.

KILLED IN ACTION


Devin.






Devin was one of KoopaTV's mascots, and the son of Noxial.  He stars in the TV Troopas Wall Clock, and played Ike.

Devin was killed in action when Noxial took him to the Middle East. ISIS trapped him inside a stolen Winged Blue Shell and detonated it.


Claira.






Claira was the second of KoopaTV's mascots, and was the daughter of Noxial. She stars in the TV Troopas Wall Clock. She played Abraham Lincoln.

Claira was killed in action when Pac-Man ate her whole as retaliation for KoopaTV's repeated screeds against Pac-Man.

FORMER KOOPATV STAFF:

YoshiRider123.
YoshiRider123 was never in Koopa Keep either, and in fact, wasn't really friends with Ludwig over on NSider. Still, he was in the same... area as Ludwig post-Power On (RP) closing and... kind of knew him. Back then, he was pretty witty and put energy into being irreverent and knowledgeable. A perfect combination for KoopaTV, so we picked him up as a member in the [Koopa Keep] AIM Blast.

...And then he changed. YoshiRider123 no longer rode Yoshis. More concerning was that he stopped being funny. Well, that's... tolerable, I guess, but he became against being funny or even friendly. In due time, he sold out KoopaTV for unclear reasons we love to speculate on, and we fired him.


Noxial.






Noxial was KoopaTV's social media manager, being our first hire of 2015. She is the mother of Devin and Claira, KoopaTV's spokesturtles across various forms of social media. She is an avid animal lover and was never on NSider, proving that anyone can be hired at KoopaTV.

Unfortunately, she became radicalised and joined the Islamic State soon after being hired... in fact, she only did her job for less than a week before leaving. She took Devin and several Koopa Kingdom munitions with her, and left Claira to die as food for Pac-Man.




THE KOOPATV PHILOSOPHY:

As I said in my own section, KoopaTV combines information and entertainment into one high-quality product. What does it mean to be high quality? It is high in both levity and in truth. That means our goal is to get you to laugh, but also to have you informed. What does it mean to be high quality in "truth"? We vet the information we provide you, or drudge it up ourselves. In other words, you can trust us that the information we give you is accurate. That is very important and a priority! It's our goal that you can consistently rely on us. Since we are writers by trade, it's not enough to just read one KoopaTV article, or even ten, to get our full narrative. It is an on-going process of understanding, and it really is enriching to be a hooked reader.

We have several other sub-philosophies as well. Since we are a commentary website, we believe strongly in freedom of speech and of the press, and will not tolerate censorship. There are also strong values our individual staff members hold that may permeate their respective works.

We believe in being Fair & Balanced:

KoopaTV staff political compass group fair and balanced Ludwig Von Koopa Wendy O. Vortex Kamek Rawk Hawk Roxy
The centroid is -.002, -1.965, or economically centrist and socially slightly libertarian.


A KOOPATV TIMELINE OF (Important) EVENTS

We might change this into a visual later, but that's a pain to make modular so you get a bullet list instead.

  • May 12, 2013: KoopaTV is launched. Ludwig, Rawk, Kamek, and YoshiRider are part of the staff.
  • May 29, 2013: KoopaTV's first politically-charged article. Ludwig confesses to his neo-Confederate leanings.
  • June 4, 2013: KoopaTV gets the genius idea to have a Terms Index to make navigation a breeze.
  • June 6, 2013: KoopaTV begins its quest for the truth on EA's Madden Curse movie.
  • June 27, 2013: KoopaTV reveals that we have the capability to design and program our own games.
  • July 8, 2013: KoopaTV then reveals our obsession with George Zimmerman.
  • August 16, 2013: KoopaTV begins Punch-Out!! Week.
  • August 23, 2013: KoopaTV releases our first game, Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!!. It's a free, flash-based Punch-Out!! parody.
  • October 13, 2013: KoopaTV opens its Twitter account.
  • October 16, 2013: KoopaTV writes to President Barack Hussein Obama and every member of Congress.
  • December 10, 2013: The Terms Index is no longer supported because Blogger exploded from the length. KoopaTV loses navigational ability.
  • December 20, 2013: KoopaTV declares war on the restrictive videogame forum, NeoGAF.
  • December 23, 2013: President Barack Hussein Obama responds.
  • January 7, 2014: KoopaTV begins its campaign to lobby for Nintendo to change its eShop policy for purchasing M-rated eShop games.
  • February 3, 2014: KoopaTV takes a vacation hiatus following RawkHawk2010's leave of absence.
  • March 6, 2014: KoopaTV ends its hiatus.
  • April 1, 2014: KoopaTV changes its focus to a left-wing, progressive site. ...For a day.
  • April 14, 2014: KoopaTV begins its war against the #Miiquality movement over Tomodachi Life.
  • April 25, 2014: KoopaTV tries to make ends meet with advertisements.
  • May 2, 2014: Ludwig figures out the Nintendo-sponsored workaround for the eShop policy problem.
  • May 12, 2014: KoopaTV turns one year old!
  • June 4, 2014: KoopaTV's last attack on the #Miiquality movement, for comparing Nintendo to Uganda.
  • June 23, 2014: KoopaTV publishes the interview for the site's inspiration, Herman Cain.
  • July 15, 2014: KoopaTV fires YoshiRider123.
  • July 21, 2014: KoopaTV holds its first contest, the KoopaTV Guest-Posting Contest!
  • August 11, 2014: KoopaTV publishes its academic study on ESRB ratings across consoles.
  • September 3, 2014: KoopaTV formally opens up to having affiliate sites.
  • September 18, 2014: The KoopaTV Facebook account is defunct.
  • September 22, 2014: As a result, KoopaTV opens its Tumblr presence.
  • October 31, 2014: KoopaTV's staff all get Ebola.
  • December 8, 2014: RawkHawk2010 is put on unpaid administrative leave, putting the KoopaTV staff at two.
  • December 12, 2014: KoopaTV gets its definitive answer on the Madden Curse scandal.
  • December 22, 2014: Vortexica joins KoopaTV's staff, Ebola-free. KoopaTV's staff increases back to 3 members.
  • December 24, 2014: KoopaTV releases its second KoopaTV-branded videogame, Defend Anita Sarkeesian. This is a spiritual sequel to Beat Up Anita Sarkeesian.
  • January 7, 2015: RawkHawk2010 rejoins the staff (staff count = 4), and KoopaTV finally gets some kind of advertisement video. 
  • February 14, 2015: Noxial joins the staff as KoopaTV's social media manager! She brings with her Claira and Devin, KoopaTV's very own spokesturtles and de-facto mascots. This makes KoopaTV's staff go up to 7!
  • February 27, 2015: KoopaTV establishes its Loyalty Rewards Program. 
  • March 27, 2015: KoopaTV reveals that Noxial has joined the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria. 
  • April 1, 2015: KoopaTV opens a Myspace account, but it's apparently a joke. 
  • April 10, 2015: First Let's Play of a KoopaTV game, Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!!, by YouTuber Jareditton. 
  • May 12, 2015: KoopaTV now turns TWO years old! That's two years with no cease & desist!
  • May 25, 2015: KoopaTV reveals what happened to Claira and Devin.
  • July 3, 2015: KoopaTV switches to a new domain name: www.koopatv.org
  • July 20, 2015: KoopaTV enlists the services of Princess Wendy O. Koopa to be KoopaTV's graphic designer. The Koopas on KoopaTV's staff finally make a majority.
  • August 2, 2015: Defend Anita Sarkeesian has been removed from Scratch for violation of the site's rules, rendering it unhosted. 
  • September 3, 2015: RawkHawk2010 has disappeared once again indefinitely, reportedly off to join an ethnic minority dancing troupe after losing a bet to Ludwig. 
  • October 2, 2015: KoopaTV takes its first staff photo!
  • December 31, 2015: KoopaTV releases its third videogame, Capture the Confederate Flag.
  • April 1, 2016: Wendy and Ludwig get sick from Zika Virus while in Brazil. 
  • April 11, 2016: Ludwig and Wendy come back to Koopa Kingdom after escaping Brazil.
  • May 4, 2016: RawkHawk2010 comes back. 
  • May 12, 2016: KoopaTV turns THREE years old! Wow!
  • June 6, 2016: Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders writes a guest article.
  • October 12, 2016: Vortexica launches KoopaTV Adventures, a photo comic video series.
  • November 1, 2016: KoopaTV announces that if Hillary Clinton won the election, KoopaTV would end.
  • December 22, 2016: KoopaTV hires Roxy as a news correspondent, for six staffers! 
  • December 23, 2016: KoopaTV releases its fourth videogame, The Wonderful 1237.
  • February 1, 2017: KoopaTV announces a switch to a three-articles-per-week format.
  • March 12, 2017: KoopaTV writes a letter to the president to abolish Daylight Savings Time, continuing the site's long-standing opposition to it.
  • May 1, 2017: KoopaTV announces a switch back to the five-articles-per-week format. 
  • May 12, 2017: KoopaTV has now turned four years old, and was offering food.
  • May 23, 2017: Vortexica has been declared missing after the Manchester terrorism attack. 
  • July 7, 2017: KoopaTV declares a meme war against CNN.
  • August 14, 2017: KoopaTV's Sierra Leonean headquarters and staffers survive a mudslide.


KoopaTV staff count graph chart
Vortexica made this handy graph to keep track of our staff.


What that timeline doesn't mention? Hundreds and hundreds of articles of amazing gaming commentary, four years of live-reacting to all the big E3 events and Nintendo Directs, a lot of artistic contributions, and many more awesome things.

This timeline — and page — will be updated as time goes on, of course.


If you have any questions about KoopaTV, this is the place to put 'em.


For the old "About Us" page that was KoopaTV's first article, click here.
For the old "About KoopaTV" page that is considered more artistic than informative, click here.
For our "Contact Info", click here.

7 comments :

  1. What does Vortexica have in his avatar? I'm thinking Solid Snake.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. According to him, it's Vortex from Transformers.

      Delete
    2. That's correct. Full version: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Commission-Vortex-175229417

      Delete
    3. Well, that's certainly mind-blowing!:

      http://i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/4/2/9/36429.jpg?v=1

      Delete
    4. boom

      Well, it's slightly better than a sentient vortex with eyes or something.

      Delete
  2. oO I'm sooo much farther into the green box than anyone in your staff
    meeeee: https://politicalcompass.org/chart?ec=-9.25&soc=-8.56

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jeez, you're more of an extremist than I am.

      To the point where if you hypothetically joined our staff, it wouldn't be Fair & Balanced and it'd tilt extremely left!

      Delete

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