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Tuesday, August 20, 2019

The KoopaTV Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) Report

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Will be updated all the time. Not just once a year!

Dear readers, players, fans, trolls: Welcome to KoopaTV's Corporate Social Responsibility and Sustainability Report. We at KoopaTV's staff are strongly supportive of doing good in our world and yours.

We've also been reading what the consultants are saying. People, especially younger people (Millennials) in our target demographic, want to be part of something greater than themselves. A community. That goes for both customer and potential future staffers. To that end, and without sacrificing or selling out our principles in any way, we're publishing this always-active Corporate Social Responsibility report. This will look at our activities from a variety of perspectives, demonstrated by the headings.

In fact, we'll have a table of contents:

KoopaTV's Social and Societal Contributions
Disaster Relief in Sierra Leone
Accessibility Activism
Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Free Rescues
KoopaTV Promotes Literacy and Self-Worth Across Koopa Kingdom
KoopaTV's Environmental and Sustainability Contributions

KoopaTV's Social and Societal Contributions

KoopaTV does many, many things in the way of benefiting the societies in which we exist. So many, we need sub-headings.

Disaster Relief in Sierra Leone

In 2017, there were highly-publicised mudslides that killed hundreds of Sierra Leoneans. Our Earthly headquarters is in Freetown, Sierra Leone, and these mudslides occurred near there. There were a lot of displaced, hurting people. KoopaTV's staff volunteered our time and efforts to help the affected folks, for no reason other than kindness towards those around us.

Accessibility Activism

In many respects, KoopaTV has been on the front-lines trying to make the universe a more accessible place for people who are not always the most well-off. This ranges from vision-related issues like advocating for a bigger font size on the Nintendo eShop gift cards, to wishing for Nintendo videogames (and any other game) to have a richer contrast between text and backgrounds, to advocating against the banishment of plastic straws. The straw activism was recognised by external disability advocates as well.

KoopaTV plastic straw ban Twitter reaction
“When a satirical newsletter in the voice of video game villains is somehow better at covering the #strawban that @natgeo

Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Free Rescues

For anyone in the Pokémon world who needs help, in any timeline in any game, KoopaTV has been willing to rescue you at any cost... for no compensation necessary beyond a token thank-you.

KoopaTV Promotes Literacy and Self-Worth Across Koopa Kingdom

This is perhaps one of KoopaTV's greatest achievements. There was a sense among Koopa Kingdom of disaffection. The mainstream media attaches the awful label of “NPC” on Koopa Troopas. KoopaTV seeks to individualise every Koopa and recognise his or her unique accomplishments and worth to the world. This has dramatically helped the situation in Koopa Kingdom.

Additionally, in Koopa Kingdom, public schooling is not compulsory. Perhaps as a result, the literacy rates among Koopas hasn't been the greatest. This hasn't been a priority among our kingdom's top leadership.

KoopaTV has completely changed the model. Rather than force literacy from the top-down, we simply provide great content that people will want to read so much that they will learn how to read. That's how it used to be back in the days on Earth when the printing press got invented. As a result, Koopa Kingdom is going through a whole renaissance period. At least, relatively speaking.

We've even managed to affect the minds of our top leadership, for the better of the whole kingdom. Roy Koopa, for example, started going to night school.

Bowser King Koopa sneaky two-faced cheating illiterates businessman of legend fear my accounting Super Mario World cartoon Paper Mario The Thousand-Year Door
Lord Bowser has gone from encouraging illiteracy to Koopas to bragging to others about being a highly-educated and legendary accountant.

This isn't even getting into whatever unquantifiable affects we have on promoting reading and critical-thinking to our audience on Earth, including in both highly-developed nations like the United States, as well as where our headquarters is, Sierra Leone.

At the very least, we encourage our audience to be on the look-out for incorrect information in our articles, including typographical errors. This keeps our audience's minds sharp. We reward this behaviour in our KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program, which gives away free goods such as Nintendo eShop gift cards (provided to winners in a readable font size). These winners may be from economically-disadvantaged situations.

KoopaTV's Environmental and Sustainability Contributions

Since its creation, KoopaTV has kept the same basic layout, style, and commitments. KoopaTV purposefully goes to market with a text-centric, 1990s-esque low-fidelity website infrastructure. This is because that's the easiest formatting for browsers to consume, especially for our target audiences in Koopa Kingdom, United States, and Sierra Leone, where access to the Internet isn't the greatest everywhere. We keep energy costs minimal on Internet-browsing consumer electronic devices. Additionally, our policy of not putting a bunch of trackers or advertisements on the website, unlike many other gaming sites, means that browsing KoopaTV is that much of a lighter-weight experience.

We've also advocated for much more durable electronic goods, which would reduce electronic waste that planned obsolescence brings about.

KoopaTV also strongly supports the turtle community.

This is KoopaTV's 1700th published article! Ludwig promises that as new things occur that are socially responsible, this page will be updated. If you have any ideas for corporately-social responsible things that KoopaTV can do, or things that KoopaTV already did but are just not remembering, comment!

If you are interested in joining KoopaTV's staff and doing some socially-responsible activities of your own, click here!

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