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Thursday, June 30, 2016

KoopaTV's June 2016 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Our fourth June, and the first time the June newsletter is within June.

We heard there is supposed to be an official release from The Pokémon Company on July 1st, so we decided to have our June newsletter on the last day of June rather than the first day of July. Hope you don't have a problem with that.

For June 2016, we published a massive 35 articles (including this one)! That's only behind or tied with June 2015 and June 2014, at 36 and 35 articles, respectively. You can thank the massive amount of Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) coverage that KoopaTV did starting June 12! We had a great E3, and we hope you guys did as well.

But KoopaTV's June wasn't just that one E3 week. Nah, we had consistently fantastic content throughout. Everything was totally worth reading. Here's just five of our most recommended articles from June 2016, in chronological order. None of them from E3's live reaction logs: 

  1. A Plea From Bernie Sanders: Your Vote in California
  2. Voting? User Participation? Elections? RIGGED. 
  3. E3 2016: Company Conferences Tier List 
  4. Brexit Strategy: The Good Ship Britain Enters Uncharted Waters 
  5. After E3 2016, Color Us Splashed 

Well, that's my list. Other KoopaTV staffers disagreed with some of it, which, again, speaks to the strength of our exclusive content.

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

It's Troubling That Sepia Go! is Considered “Impressive”

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - What standards do mobile trash bootleggers get?

If you're already around social media or Splatoon places, then maybe today you've learned about a Chinese mobile trash game on Android called “Sepia Go!”, which doesn't deserve being italicised. It's a rip-off of Nintendo-developed Splatoon, from the maps to the characters to the music to the gameplay. According to Twitter user ZhugeEX, who made this game's existence apparent to the rest of the world, even gamers in China think it's not cool.

The widely-distributed YouTube gameplay video of “Sepia Go!” was blocked by Nintendo on copyright grounds (they can control YouTube, but not China), and that's where some of this article's screenshots came from. Here is an alternative video you can watch, but I'd rather you use this time to read the rest of this article.

It looks like a disgrace and a disaster to me. Hopefully, you agree.

Here's what the title screen looks like:

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

After E3 2016, Color Us Splashed

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We're non-ironic about our pro-Paper Mario: Color Splash stance.

We at KoopaTV had no expectations regarding Paper Mario: Color Splash going into E3 2016. And I don't mean that in a “if you purposefully lower your expectations on something, you'll get more out of it! Consider this a life philosophy!” sort of way. It was in a, “The initial trailer for Paper Mario: Color Splash from March 2016, compared to other Paper Mario games, made us believe that this game was dead-on-announcement.”

Of course, we didn't have any expectations for Paper Mario: Color Splash going into E3 2016 because the official word for a while was that we'd only see The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. It's a good thing Nintendo backed off from that. We were dying from half a day of just that game. Imagine two days.

By the end of when Nintendo Treehouse Live was finished with Paper Mario: Color Splash, our opinion of the game did a total reversal within that one hour. How could that happen? (And does it mean that KoopaTV should no longer judge games based on trailers?)

Before I hit the page-break for this article, I want to get this out there: There are no dudes on the Internet more understanding of why people hate Paper Mario: Sticker Star and adore Paper Mario and Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door than KoopaTV's staff. Among our staff is literally Rawk Hawk. Personally, I have a very close attachment to several original characters from the series, such as the Crystal King and Doopliss the Duplighost. And that's not just because of my fan-fiction Events of Star World, though that was a major contributing factor.

Monday, June 27, 2016

Activists Want Captain America To Be Gay — The Slippery Slope is REAL!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The slippery slope is also loaded with lubricant. Be careful down there.

A little non-ironic content warning: This article talks about upsetting things and may have upsetting imagery. It's safe-for-work, but, uh, I'm disgusted. And upset. I'm frowning, and if I wanted to put effort into this article, I'd have a special frowning 65x65 avatar for this. ...But, then again, most of KoopaTV's articles have me angry or ranting about something, so it's best not to go down that path.

With that out of the way, June 2016 is apparently “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Month”, as declared by President Barack Hussein Obama. That includes activities such as a gay club in Orlando being shot up by an Islamic terrorist, and activists and weird people across the Internet demanding that Marvel's Captain America be gay. It went viral on Twitter at the end of May, just in time for it to still be getting a ton of tweets throughout June.

Rawk told me he watched Captain America: Civil War and said there are no hints of any homo-romantic overtones or undertones. But since that movie came out before the campaign, perhaps the activists are targeting the next one? (Or the on-going comic series.)

The question is: Why are they trying to pair Captain America up with Bucky, who happens to be his best male friend? Is it a message that all same-sex friendships must be romantic? Or is it something even more insidious? 

Friday, June 24, 2016

Brexit Strategy: The Good Ship Britain Enters Uncharted Waters

By VORTEXICA - Britain says “no thank EU.”

Yes, it's me again, once more summoned to fill my foreign correspondent boots. Back to talking about the political goings-on of this Sceptred Isle.

...Look, it's like getting an injection. It'll be over before you know it.

Anyway, last year I wrote a little something about the UK general election, and a month after that I wrote a follow-up criticising the Labour Party's unwillingness to hold a referendum on European Union membership. See that article for my views at the time, and see here for a handy-dandy guide to everything referendum-related you could ever want to know, since this article's gonna be long enough without me stopping to explain things for laymen.

I promised I'd have more to say when this referendum was held, and we don't go back on our promises at KoopaTV (no matter how much we might want to)! Well thankfully, Labour lost last year's election, and democracy is denied no more! The referendum went ahead yesterday, 23 years after the EU's political inception and 41 years since we voted to stay in its predecessor, the European Economic Community (EEC). The British people have finally had their say, and we've voted to...

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Shufflegate: Exposed!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The imagined headline is real. (Content Warning: Zoe Quinn swears in a picture below.)

Did you know it is indisputable that Nintendo hates women? You cannot argue with that. Or you will be blocked, by, among others, former Nintendo Treehouse employee Alison Rapp:

Shufflegate Alison Rapp block Twitter Paper Mario Color Splash Zoe Quinn Nintendo Treehouse
KoopaTV's Twitter account has been following her for years, but we couldn't take it anymore after this.
(Tweet order re-arranged so it's chronological from top to bottom.)
What are current events and “the Paper Mario screens”? Well, it's a new scandal called Shufflegate, and it exists in the mind of Depression Quest developer (and other games, I hear) Zoe Quinn:

Zoe Quinn Twitter Paper Mario Color Splash Watergate Gamergate Shufflegate
After this, she is vowing to take a major hiatus from Twitter.

Okay, okay. Let's back up.

Who is Zoe Quinn? Well, she was the impetus for many people to start the #GamerGate movement, which, if you may recall, is supposedly about promoting “ethics in videogame journalism” and therefore they are against KoopaTV. According to #GamerGate, she had intimate relations with five men (Five Guys) in exchange for positive reviews on her games. This blew up into a whole big thing going against a lot of feminists but at the same time still being about ethics in journalism. Whatever.

Zoe Quinn's fledgling career was ruined due to being the target of a lot of anger on the Internet, and she was on the receiving end of many threats. The movement was called #GamerGate. Therefore, Five Guys + career-ruining + Something that ends with the -gate suffix = Nintendo purposefully is making a joke about Zoe Quinn's suffering in the upcoming Paper Mario: Color Splash.

Let's unpack that.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

The Team Koopa BR-Exit: Brazil Exit

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - After we left, the country turned to a disaster. Now's the opportunity for some to return...

This week, select members of Koopa Kingdom's Olympics team, Team Koopa, are returning to Rio de Janeiro. I won't be among them. I am never, ever, EVER going to step foot in Brazil ever again. Or South America, for that matter.

Hopefully everyone is familiar with How Team Koopa Escaped Rio, KoopaTV's original non-fiction epic drama written over six parts. If you're not, click that hyperlink to read a very well-put-together table of contents. To recap, the gist is that back in March, Koopa Kingdom brought eight representatives to Rio de Janeiro to form Team Koopa, to attempt to win gold medals from teams such as Team Mario and Team Sonic. It was just a training session then, but we got stranded in Rio because I got the Zika Virus. Through fun adventures, we got out.

It's a training session this time, too, since the actual Rio 2016 Olympics don't begin until the start of August. Team Koopa will be training to coincide with Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games for Wii U, coming out June 24.

As I said, I'm not coming. Neither will Roy Koopa. Neither will Dry Bones. Team Koopa is now reduced to five members: King Bowser Koopa (now in every event), Bowser Jr. (now in every event), Larry Koopa (Equestrian only), Wendy O. Koopa (100m Freestyle Swimming only), and Dry Bowser (Javelin Throw only... I still don't know why he's different than actual Bowser). That means that while Wendy, Larry, and King-Dad-who-needs-Vaseline are retaining all of their responsibilities and gaining no more, Bowser Jr. and King Dad will be picking up the slack from everyone else going.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

When Kickstarters Get Kicked In The Ass (Part 3)

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Mighty No. 9 came out! And it's a disaster, surprising no one.

I told you so. Two and three-quarters years ago, I said regarding Mighty No. 9:
But this just serves a target market of embittered Mega Man fans rather than doing something new or innovative, as a brand-new IP should be doing. ‘Oh, Capcom has to pay for its abandonment of my beloved childhood series! I'm going to support Keiji Inafune because he cares about us! Stick it to Capcom!’
You can stick it to Capcom all you want, but the game needs an identity besides that.” 

It turns out that Mighty No. 9 has developed an identity besides Comcept sticking it to CAPCOM. The problem is that the identity is having the reputation of that kid who sits in the back of the classroom that doesn't shower, is covered in acne, and always farts. Meanwhile, Mega Man is that popular kid. Dude plays soccer, which is a lame sport, but let's say this is Europe and everyone loves FIFA. (Funny, because Europe barely even knows who Mega Man is.) Everyone wants to be Mega Man's friend, while Beck tries his hardest to emulate the popular kid so that he too can have friends.

It worked for a little while, but as time went on, people saw Beck's true colours. And now?

Mighty No. 9 Metacritic score 56 on release June 21 2016 PlayStation 4
Monday morning, it was at 62. As the days go on, the Metacritic score gets lower and the release problems grow greater.
...Also, that User Score speaks for itself.

He has failed, and gets wedgies to the point where he wears a condom outside of his pants. That spectacular failure has extended to Mighty No. 9's release, which was officially today. For most consoles.

Monday, June 20, 2016

Are You An Early Bird or a Night Owl?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Alternatively: Which would you RATHER be?

When you rise and shine (or fall off your bed — assuming you sleep on a bed, and not a couch, a car seat, a futon, the floor, or a pile of hay), is it early in the morning or sometime right before noon? ...Or even later than that? When do you go to bed? Before the night's KoopaTV article is actually published, or many hours afterward?

The basic question for the Splatoon Splatfest starting this Saturday (25th at 12 AM Eastern time) is: Are you an Early Bird, or are you a Night Owl?

Early Bird Night Owl Splatoon Splatfest North America
I am firmly on Team Early Bird. Not because I really am much of an Early Bird, but because I want to be one.

Friday, June 17, 2016

E3 2016: Company Conferences Tier List

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - These should've been easy for you to guess, but I'll explain them anyway.

The Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) for 2016 is finally over. This has been the week we've been planning our whole year around — a special time in our lives.

We've covered the events of seven companies over the course of seventeen live reaction logs for E3 2016. Through our completely, um, objective voting process (the criteria involved is a trade secret), we've decided which companies won E3, and which lost. Which were the best, and which were the worst. And whatever's in-between. What those words actually mean is also a trade secret.

Sorry we can't be more transparent, but I hope you understand that this site relies on intellectual property to survive. Gotta protect it. We have no choice.

Behold the list, from best to worst:
  1. Ubisoft
  2. Nintendo (Day 1; Day 2)
  3. Microsoft
  4. Electronic Arts
  5. Donald Trump
  6. Sony
  7. Bethesda

I hear this list goes against common opinion, so I'm obligated to explain each company in detail. And I will, for I am not a troll who merely leaves incendiary material without anything to back it up. Let's start from the bottom of the list and make our way to the top:

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Nintendo's E3 2016 Sales & Deals

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Big savings on some great games.

After spending the past two days covering Nintendo's E3 2016 activities (and for two days before that, other companies as well), we need to cover one more bit of news for Nintendo's E3:


Until June 21 at 11:59 AM Eastern, save up to 40% on select digital games! Get another 10% off if you've registered a My Nintendo account! (But everyone's done that already, right?) The numbers listed as the new sale price actually change depending on if you're logged into My Nintendo or not, so any numbers I refer to are assuming you have a My Nintendo account.

Select digital games include those in The Legend of Zelda series, Pokémon series, and a lot more. I'll recommend some particularly special things on sale in this article.

ALSO! On the Wii U today, Drill Dozer from Game Freak (you may know them from their other hit games such as Pocket Card Jockey, HarmoKnight, and Pulseman) and Super Paper Mario are out on the Virtual Console. Very worthy purchases. Unfortunately, the game I expected wasn't released.


Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Nintendo Treehouse Live E3 2016: Day 2 — Rhythm Heaven Megamix & Goodbye

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Day 2 of E3 is finished. Who knows what'll happen tomorrow?

After this, Nintendo Treehouse Live is finished for the year. That means KoopaTV gets to stop reacting to every single thing they do for 2016!

So, the last game? Rhythm Heaven Megamix: Revealed to come out TODAY, June 15, 2016! Awesome! Vortexica (breezinabout), myself (Nintendork 13 13), and RawkHawk2010 (RawkHawk2010) are all fans of the Rhythm Heaven series and we all appreciate this being the last game shown.

So, check out our reactions and our good-byes: 

Nintendo Treehouse Live E3 2016: Day 2 — Paper Mario: Color Splash

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Completely unexpected. We're absolutely bewildered here.

We have been developing a theory at KoopaTV throughout this incredibly long Day 2 of E3 2016, as we've been covering Nintendo Treehouse Live: They're going to save Paper Mario: Color Splash for basically last and show a ton of stuff we don't care about. Then, by the time Paper Mario: Color Splash arrives, we'll actually like it.

That may or may not have ended up actually happening. We ended up having a VERY enthusiastic response to Paper Mario: Color Splash, and it's still unclear whether it's fatigue or we actually somehow enjoyed it.

You can read the log and find out for yourself. I'm Nintendork 13 13, Vortexica is breezinabout, and RawkHawk2010 is RawkHawk2010. 

Nintendo Treehouse Live E3 2016: Day 2 — Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Ludwig got sick by the weeaboo-ism.

RawkHawk2010 has never seen Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE before in action. Ludwig has and doesn't like it.

If you don't know who is who by now in this log you're a loser and can't pay attention.

Nintendo Treehouse Live E3 2016: Day 2 — Dragon Quest VII: Fragments of the Forgotten Past

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Ludwig loves slimes.

I know a lot of people have been waiting for Dragon Quest VII: Fragments of the Forgotten Past to come to America. SOON.

Apparently, according to the log, Square Enix listened to the fans to localise the game. So... online petitions apparently work?

I'm Nintendork 13 13, Rawk is him, breezinabout is Vortexica. 

Nintendo Treehouse Live E3 2016: Day 2 — YO-KAI WATCH 2 & Monster Hunter Generations

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Two games with large Japanese fanbases that we don't understand.

Do you think KoopaTV's staff are well-versed in Japanese culture?

Well, read on to see how Ludwig, Rawk, and Vortexica are baffled and bored by LEVEL-5's YO-KAI WATCH 2 and CAPCOM's Monster Hunster Generations. Only on Nintendo Treehouse Live at E3 2016!

Nintendo Treehouse Live E3 2016: Day 2 — Mario Party: Star Rush

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Koopa down! Koopa down!

The fine folks at Nintendo Treehouse Live are now showing us Mario Party: Star Rush, a new Mario Party game for the 3DS! It's really the first sign of the plumber we've seen at E3.

I'm Nintendork 13 13, Rawk is Rawk, Vortex is breezinabout. Kamek shows up as Ultralink1 at the beginning of the log, but he mysteriously disappears...

...Read the log to find out where he went!

Nintendo Treehouse Live E3 2016: Day 2 — Ever Oasis & BOXBOXBOY!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Hot stuff?

We're back with Nintendo Treehouse Live stuff. As the title says, we got the latest on a new IP from Grezzo called Ever Oasis! HAL Laboratory also has a BOXBOY! sequel, BOXBOXBOY!.

I'm Nintendork 13 13, Rawk is him, and Vortex is breezinabout. Kamek warped away after how bad the previous segment was but he appears at the very end.

Nintendo Treehouse Live E3 2016: Day 2 — Pokémon GO Q&A

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Overhyped mobile TRASH.

Fortunately, after Day 1 of Nintendo Treehouse Live, all of the staffers are alive and well (well, eh) for Day 2!

First up is the Pokémon GO Question & Answer session. I'm Nintendork 13 13, Rawk is back too, so is Vortexica, and even Kamek is here today, technically.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Nintendo Treehouse Live E3 2016: Day 1 — The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild all day.

You've been waiting for this moment forever: The Legend of Zelda on Wii U (and NX) is now The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. And we're watching footage of it. A lot of footage of it. And commenting. ...A LOT of footage. Over four hours worth. Including new news about the game's antagonist and amiibo.

I'm Nintendork 13 13, Rawk is him, and Vortexica is breezinabout. We have quite a lot of content to share with you, so get ready:

Nintendo Treehouse Live E3 2016: Day 1 Begins — Pokémon Sun and Moon

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Our Nintendo coverage begins.

The time has come for Nintendo's E3 festivities to begin! KoopaTV will be covering Nintendo Treehouse Live. There's no digital event or anything this year, so this is all we got.

We're starting with Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon, but first, a message from Reggie Fils-Aime! ...With a title announcement drop: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild!

I'm Nintendork 13 13, Rawk is Rawk, Vortexica is breezinabout. Let's go. 

Monday, June 13, 2016

KoopaTV's Sony E3 2016 Conference Live Reactions

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Space bullets, orchestras, and I hope that headset is a joke.

Time to finish up the last company press conference of Monday for E3 2016: Sony. The big company in the lead. The company that most people are looking forward to. But do they live up to expectations?

I'm Nintendork 13 13 in this live reaction log. Joining me are Rawk (named conveniently after himself) and Vortexica (breezinabout). We're reacting to Sony's conference as it happens in our AIM Blast, [Koopa Keep]!

KoopaTV's Ubisoft E3 2016 Conference Live Reactions

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The Queen of Presenting, Aisha Tyler.

You might be noticing a theme this E3 2016: Bad presentation skills from the companies that have went so far. We're bemoaned it and made fun of them. It's really the only way we could get through these conferences, and the only way you could get through reading our logs.

Ubisoft, today, is standing as a leader. A company that actually understands how to present material in an engaging, engrossing way. This is apparently unique among videogame companies so far.

We're about to dump on you KoopaTV's staff's LIVE thoughts to the Ubisoft E3 2016 press conference as it happened, along with my live print-screening. I'm Nintendork 13 13 in this log, RawkHawk2010 is himself, and breezinabout is Vortexica. I regret to say that, although Kamek greatly looks forward to Ubisoft's conferences every year and has a crush on Aisha Tyler, he did not appear for our log.

Now, with that out of the way:

KoopaTV's Donald Trump E3 2016 Conference Live Reactions

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Uh, maybe it's weird to name this “E3 2016 Conference”?

Did you know that Donald Trump is now apparently considered a company by KoopaTV? No? Well, he is, and he has his own E3 press conference. He even posted a transcript of it here.

Mr. Donald J. Trump was speaking at Saint Anselm College (not Los Angeles) for his conference, though he ultimately didn't have any new games to announce. But hey, that ties him with the company that'll be going tomorrow, doesn't it?

So KoopaTV live-reacted to it. I'm Nintendork 13 13, Rawk is himself, and Vortexica is breezinabout. No idea where Kamek went, but if he got deported, he probably ain't coming back for today.

KoopaTV will bring you DIRECTLY to Donald Trump!

KoopaTV's Microsoft E3 2016 Conference Live Reactions

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The first of the big console manufacturers’ conferences.

I kind of doubt that Sunday's E3 Conferences will be scoring highly when we evaluate them at the end of this process, but I could be wrong. Microsoft is first up this Monday, and they'll either clinch #1 early on or somehow fall aside.

Here (in our AOL Instant Messenger Blast) to react to Microsoft's conference with me (Nintendork 13 13) are KoopaTV staffers RawkHawk2010 (he's looking forward to this the most out of anyone), Vortexica (breezinabout in the log), and Kamek (Ultralink1000)! Without further ado, here's our picture-populated live reaction log:

Sunday, June 12, 2016

KoopaTV's Bethesda E3 2016 Conference Live Reactions

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Featuring delays, a screaming sociopath fangirl, and rainbow ribbon pins.

We treated Bethesda pretty poorly last year. It was their first time doing an E3, and we didn't take 'em seriously. Bethesda fanboys and fangirls roundly criticised KoopaTV's coverage, and believe me, they're LOUD.

Now all of those fanboys and fangirls are in the audience for Bethesda's E3 2016 presentation. Will we be able to survive and actually have a good time, or will we say a bunch of Star Fox 64 quotes to try to stay sane? I'm Nintendork 13 13, RawkHawk2010 is RawkHawk2010, and breezinabout is Vortexica.

KoopaTV's Electronic Arts E3 2016 Conference Live Reactions

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Get the historically worst one out of the way.

It is the first live reaction log brought to you by KoopaTV for E3 2016! Wow! It's awesome to be doing this with y'all again, and for the first time ever, we start off with Electronic Arts.

I'm Nintendork 13 13, Rawk is himself, and Vortexica is breezinabout. We have some fun thoughts.

Friday, June 10, 2016

Is Yooka-Laylee's Message Out Of Tune?

By RAWKHAWK2010 - Too much g-string.

First of all, I'm proud of that subtitle.

Second of all, the past month or so has been the bee's tits when it comes to Yooka-Laylee news. Articles...screenshots...and just this week we got our first real trailer -- a broad showing of the game's mechanics for anyone who hasn't been following.

Overall, the game looks good. Good gameplay, good graphics, good music, good dudes, good everything. It looks gooder than Banjo-Kazooie. It looks waaaaay gooder than insipid slog Banjo-Tooie. And you better believe that it looks astronomically gooder than that hunk-of-junk Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Who Is The Master of Disguise? Wario, Or Chrom?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - They're both losers.

Today, the Thursday before E3 Week, Nintendo's Wii U Virtual Console release is... Wario: Master of Disguise, developed by the now-bankrupt Suzak, Inc. The game was originally released in early 2007 on the Nintendo DS, being the second-to-last Wario series platformer, coming out before Wario Land: Shake It!. Wario Land: Shake It! was a fantastic game from Good-Feel on the Wii, but it apparently was the series' death knell.

Wario: Master of Disguise Wii U Virtual Console $9.99 Suzak Nintendo buy digital
$9.99! By the way, the asterisk is that you need a Nintendo Network ID to buy it.
Shouldn't the asterisk therefore be next to the Buy digital button, rather than the game's price?

After Wario Land: Shake It, you only see Wario in the title of games in the WarioWare series, and it looks like Wario as a platforming series is deader than Chibi-Robo. Even Masahiro Sakurai thinks of Wario as only a farting microgaming tycoon, with Super Smash Bros. Brawl and Super Smash Bros. For Wii U having pretty much only WarioWare representation. All of the new stuff for that consists of just an Ashley Mii costume and an Ashley Assist Trophy. Which is great for Ashley fans, and hey, I'm one of those.

But while Ashley fools you with her innocent demeanour, Wario tries to fool you with his brand name of supposedly being a purveyor of quality games. He also tries to fool you by being on Team Costume with his seven disguises. ...But, yeah, I said “supposedly” because Wario: Master of Disguise is a terrible game. I've never actually played it, and I don't know anyone who has. ...Well, there IS one person, and this person is how I know it's a bad game.

...But can I really trust this man's opinion? I suppose I must, or this article's tone will be completely unfounded. Fine... Your Honour, my witness...

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Voting? User Participation? Elections? RIGGED.

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Stick to monarchy, where we make decisions for you.

Once upon a time, KoopaTV had a poll on the sidebar of the site. That didn't last very long at all and I took the non-participation as y'all hating polls. Now it's sort of replaced with the more-private-to-others-but-not-to-us KoopaTV Feedback Form series!

While I love to cite GameFAQs polls for statistical measures, I strongly believe that anything where you're asking a large body of people to make a decision is inherently rigged. After all, there's a saying that the dudes who counts and records the votes are the ones in power. This goes for everything from Nintendo's Everybody Votes Channel, to Splatfest participation, to the Super Smash Fighter Ballot. There's no independent verification that the reported results are accurate.

And why would there be? The ruling class already has a predetermined result in mind. They're not going to change how the system works and unnecessarily put themselves at risk. Silly.

I have proof that elections and election results are rigged. RIGGED! Just take a look at some of these examples, including one ran by that scumbag Mario.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Euro Splatfest: Travel the World or Go Into Space?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - #TravelTuesday is trending on Twitter so it's timely.

Fortunately for creativity, lag, and community-building, it appears that not every future Splatoon Splatfest is going to be sponsored by some company. It also appears that not every Splatfest is going to be shared across countries. And, better yet, it appears that Europe can have original and somewhat decent Splatfest ideas!

Behold the theme for this weekend in Europe (wait...I hope they're not playing Splatoon during E3?):

Splatoon Splatfest European travel the world go into space Callie Marie

A word on what Marie said in the above screenshot: A holiday doesn't just refer to a “holy day”, but also travelling.

Anyway, only Europe is having a Splatfest this weekend. So while I am not officially joining a team, I would like to state my support for Team Travel The World. (Team World?) I have a few personal reasons why, and then I'd like to talk about Star Fox.

Monday, June 6, 2016

A Plea From Bernie Sanders: Your Vote in California

The Bernie Sanders campaign has prepared an audio version of this article for the visually impaired.
The Spanish version will be released shortly. In the meantime, mira este video.
See the bottom of the article for the British audio version.

By BERNIE SANDERS - Secretary Clinton must not become the Democratic Party's presidential nominee.

I am writing today because I hope to earn your vote. Tomorrow, June 7th, is a very important day that will decide the most important election in our lifetime. Will our political revolution succeed, or will we have to wait at least four more years? Can America survive another four more years without solving our formidable challenges?

Hello, my name is Bernie Sanders. I believe readers of this website already know who I am. I was endorsed by KoopaTV for the Democratic nomination, and was rated the best in the Democratic debates by KoopaTV's grading scale.

If you live in California, New Jersey, Montana, North Dakota, New Mexico, or South Dakota, I want you to pay special attention to what I have to say. You should check out the map here to see the status of the primary in your state, and what you need to be registered as.

We win when we have high voter turnout. I believe that I have the winning message of the future, while my opponent in this primary election, Secretary Clinton, is a throwback to the past.

Bernie Sanders 2016 get out and vote in California goofy grin face
We are tired of establishment politics!

I will explain exactly what differentiates me and Secretary Clinton in the course of this article, and why I am the better choice. For a better United States of America and the whole world. And, ultimately, how that benefits you, the hardcore gamer.

Friday, June 3, 2016

E3 Week 2016 Schedule!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This'll house KoopaTV's E3 week stuff.

In a little over a week from today (see publishing date), E3 week will begin. It's the week of June 12th! Be hyped.

We notoriously have June be the month with the most amount of articles for that year. It's all because of E3, because for that week, we're just glued to our seats watching live streams and live-reacting to them. Each event gets its own article.

These live-reaction logs are some of the best. The awards for Best Reaction Log on KoopaTV each year have gone to an E3 conference, after all. It's a hype, joyous time.

Our banner also changes for the week. We're not ready to reveal what the banner will look like, and we can't won't give any hints. You better stay tuned.

Edit 6/9/2016: Here's our E3 Week 2016 Banner. It references something we're excited about. Looks like our site has been possessed by the Pokémon Rotom!

KoopaTV E3 Week logo banner Rotom Pokémon Sun Moon
KoopaTV's E3 Week 2016 Banner!
Made by RawkHawk2010. Concept by Ludwig, though as a joke.

So, here's what the schedule will look like. As is normal in this industry, things can change at the last minute. ...And even during. (No one knows what the heck is going to happen with Nintendo's and in what order, after all.)

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Pokémon Sun/Moon: Rotom's Recharged Resurgence

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon news of June 2nd. Features devouring.

As promised, The Pokémon Company has some Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon news for us this Thursday morning, localised world-wide.

Meet Solgaleo and Lunala. They're the cover legendaries. Solgaleo is Psychic/Steel, and Lunala is Psychic/Ghost. (Those type combinations are...unexpected for both. That said, Game Freak knows what they're doing more than you do, so stop condemning them this early.) The Sunne Pokémon and the Moone Pokémon.

Last time I checked, the species names were supposed to be actual words. For example, Xerneas is the Life Pokémon.

Solgaleo apparently “devours the sun” (sounds world-ending) and has “a new Ability that no previous Pokémon has had.” It's “Full Metal Body”, which does the exact same thing as Clear Body. Basically, it's a furry Metagross with a new move, Sunsteel Strike.

Lunala merely “calls the moon” as opposed to eating it like its counterpart, despite the moon being made of an actual food (cheese). Lunala's Moongeist Beam attack disregards enemy Pokémon's abilities (Shedinja destroyer, along with Sturdy) while its own ability is Shadow Shield, also described as “a new Ability that no previous Pokémon has had.” It's just Multiscale.

Anyway, just check out the “Explore the Alola Region in Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon!” video:

...Yeah, there's stuff here that needs more explanation.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

KoopaTV's May 2016 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's the fourth May we've had!

Some say June is Alzheimer's Awareness Month. Others say it's a month for LGBT people. We say it's E3 month!

We're very excited this June to bring you awesome E3 coverage, as we usually do every June, but first thing's first: How was May? Well, May was a-may-zing! So many great articles and opportunities for you! The moments we've made together, between the staff and you, the readers, have been unforgettable. (For a while, anyway.)

Top Five Recommended Articles of May 2016

Let's start with those articles. Every one of 'em is worth reading, but here's my top five written in chronological order that you just gotta read if you haven't already: