Search KoopaTV!


Monday, June 13, 2016

KoopaTV's Ubisoft E3 2016 Conference Live Reactions

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The Queen of Presenting, Aisha Tyler.

You might be noticing a theme this E3 2016: Bad presentation skills from the companies that have went so far. We're bemoaned it and made fun of them. It's really the only way we could get through these conferences, and the only way you could get through reading our logs.

Ubisoft, today, is standing as a leader. A company that actually understands how to present material in an engaging, engrossing way. This is apparently unique among videogame companies so far.

We're about to dump on you KoopaTV's staff's LIVE thoughts to the Ubisoft E3 2016 press conference as it happened, along with my live print-screening. I'm Nintendork 13 13 in this log, RawkHawk2010 is himself, and breezinabout is Vortexica. I regret to say that, although Kamek greatly looks forward to Ubisoft's conferences every year and has a crush on Aisha Tyler, he did not appear for our log.

Now, with that out of the way:

Nintendork 13 13 4:00 pm
    Twitch cut off PC Gaming Show.

 RawkHawk2010 4:00 pm
    lol owned

 Nintendork 13 13 4:00 pm
    "The Ubisoft press conference is about to begin"

 Nintendork 13 13 4:01 pm
    Wot is happening?

 RawkHawk2010 4:01 pm
    They're having a good time.

Ubisoft E3 2016 Conference Just Dance 2017 sun suspenders Orlando
Ubisoft not only began on time, but with an on-stage dance session! 4:01 pm
    Ahh, Ubisoft.
    Don't ever change <3

 RawkHawk2010 4:01 pm
    what IS happening

 Nintendork 13 13 4:01 pm
    I dunno how to screenshot this

 RawkHawk2010 4:02 pm
    Are you guys having a good time?
    Are you having a ball?

 Nintendork 13 13 4:02 pm
    Well they're winning
    Is this their Orlando tribute?
    Like, is this what people do in gay bars?

 RawkHawk2010 4:02 pm
    LOL 4:02 pm
    lol, the floating animal heads in the background are lip-synched to the backing vocals.

 RawkHawk2010 4:02 pm
    oh my god
    maybe this really is an Orlando tribute.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:02 pm
    (Kamek's missing out)
    I wonder how long in advance they planned out this choreography.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:03 pm

 RawkHawk2010 4:03 pm
    Dude is shredding on a BUTTERFLY GUITAR

 Nintendork 13 13 4:03 pm
    "Hey everybody thank you!"
    She seems different.
    Just Dance 2017.
    Bug showed up top left. 4:04 pm
    I love how self-aware they are.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:04 pm
    "Take a moment to do something that's gonna feel uncomfortable"
    "Everyone here at Ubisoft wants to offer our deepest sympathies to everyone affected by the tragedies in Orlando."

 RawkHawk2010 4:04 pm
    Holy shit.
    It really was.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:04 pm

Ubisoft E3 2016 conference Just Dance 2017 Orlando tribute panda giraffe candy cane butterfly
If this is what gay bars are like, maybe KoopaTV should have a field trip. 4:04 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 4:05 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 4:05 pm
    "Dance on demand service"

 RawkHawk2010 4:05 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 4:05 pm
    "Lion screaming at you out of your television screen"

 RawkHawk2010 4:05 pm
    What's it gonna be called?

 Nintendork 13 13 4:06 pm
    NX IS VR

 RawkHawk2010 4:06 pm
    "Just Dance: No Pulse"?

 Nintendork 13 13 4:06 pm
    OR 3D
    "or girlwood"
    She says she has overwhelming Internet love.
    "It's not the money, I'll tell you that. Ubisoft is French. They're paying me in red wine and sarcasm, you guys."
    (Kamek is missing sooo much)

 RawkHawk2010 4:07 pm

 RawkHawk2010 4:07 pm
    yeah this is already the best conference so far.
    And we're not even 10 minutes in. 4:07 pm
    And all they've shown so far is Just Dance 2017.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:08 pm
    "blew your fucking mind" 4:08 pm
    The thing we normally cringe at.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:08 pm
    "yes an f-bomb in the first five minutes of this show"
    (It's a little past 5 minutes.)

 RawkHawk2010 4:08 pm
    I wish that had closed captioning.
    That would have been a fantastic print screen.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:09 pm
    "For those that oppose me..." *crying woman*
    I missed the title of this game.

 RawkHawk2010 4:09 pm
    is this beyond good and evil 4:09 pm
    No, it's Sea of Thieves.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:09 pm
    No, this was what they announced at the end of 2015.
    Ah, neckbeard with a machine gun.
    Now I understand.

 RawkHawk2010 4:10 pm
    Oh, with the car going down that hill crashing into fences?
    This is that?

 Nintendork 13 13 4:10 pm
    I think that was Sony. 4:10 pm
    I do love me some helicopter goodness.

 RawkHawk2010 4:10 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 4:10 pm
    I think that was Uncharted 4.
    Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Wildlands.

 RawkHawk2010 4:10 pm
    they're bringing ghosts
    they're bringing drugs 4:10 pm
    Ya, we saw this last year. Briefly.

 RawkHawk2010 4:11 pm
    they're GIRLWOOD

 Nintendork 13 13 4:11 pm
    "In Bolivia, the cocoa leaf is core to the culture."

 RawkHawk2010 4:11 pm
    The More You Know

 Nintendork 13 13 4:11 pm
    Making drinks out of leaves.

 RawkHawk2010 4:11 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 4:11 pm
    "It can also be used to make cocaine." 4:11 pm

 RawkHawk2010 4:11 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 4:11 pm
    "What if a Mexican drug cartel moved in and took over the entire country?"

 Nintendork 13 13 4:11 pm
    Oh crap random tweets 4:12 pm
    lol, Bolivia doesn't even border Mexico.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:12 pm
    Up to four-player co-op open world set across a lot of places.
    Gonna assassinate El Pozolero
    "He's known as the stewmaker, because he makes the bodies disappear."

Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon El Pozolero the stewmaker Ubisoft E3 2016
El_Pozolero? What is that, his NSider screen name?

 RawkHawk2010 4:13 pm
    They have to go back.
    Freedom of CHOICE

 Nintendork 13 13 4:13 pm
    "Let's go get that intel"
    As Trump just discussed, the USA has bad intel gathering.
    We need to get intel "SECOND TO NONE. SECOND TO NONE."
    I thought El Pozolero was a facecam.
    At the top left.
    (Thanks, Sea of Thieves.)

 RawkHawk2010 4:14 pm
    picture a team of trump, carson, giuliani, and christie performing this operation
    I'd play that.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:15 pm
    Got that gun out of the copter.
    "Nomad: Hey you guys need a hand?"

 RawkHawk2010 4:15 pm
    so is el pozalero an expy of el chapo?

 Nintendork 13 13 4:15 pm
    "See for yourself" *activates binoculars*
    These are players talking, right?
    Not characters? 4:16 pm
    Yeah. Must be.

 RawkHawk2010 4:16 pm
    (this question gets asked at every E3, lol)

 Nintendork 13 13 4:16 pm
    Because these aren't how real people talk unless they're playing pretend soldier.
    as a drone

Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon drove view perspective gameplay El Pozolero
I loved the Beetle from The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, so it seems the modern equivalent are drones.

 RawkHawk2010 4:17 pm
    i heard a mariachi band

 Nintendork 13 13 4:17 pm
    "Red gloves gas mask"

 Nintendork 13 13 4:18 pm
    "Oh man I think he was dissolving somebody"

 RawkHawk2010 4:18 pm
    that didn't look like deadly force
    that elbow to the face

 Nintendork 13 13 4:18 pm
    "talk about nightmare fuel"
    Random bike.
    Following El Pozolero fleeing.
    I wonder if you can shoot him before he flees.

 RawkHawk2010 4:19 pm
    these are like the Bikers for Trump people

 Nintendork 13 13 4:19 pm
    lol 4:19 pm
    Do they need him alive?

 Nintendork 13 13 4:19 pm
    Well they say "extract"

 RawkHawk2010 4:19 pm
    who go to every rally in every state to "protect" him and his supporters.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:19 pm
    "Okay guys I'm CLEAR!" *drives into a bush*

 Nintendork 13 13 4:20 pm
    "Help is on the way guys... outrun this train..."
    Going into randomly placed chopper.
    Biker is about to get ran over.

 RawkHawk2010 4:20 pm
    this is actually engaging

 Nintendork 13 13 4:20 pm
    It needs background music. 4:20 pm
    I'm certainly invested.

 RawkHawk2010 4:21 pm
    this might be my favorite thing shown so far, for all of E3 4:21 pm
    I wanna see the chopper take him out.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:21 pm
    He just ejected off the bike like it's a Kirby Air Ride vehicle.

 RawkHawk2010 4:21 pm
    yeah, lol

 Nintendork 13 13 4:21 pm
    "Well hold him off I gotta fly this thing!" What is he, Falco?
    They even had snarky comments as they fly away.

 RawkHawk2010 4:21 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 4:21 pm
    Like they're Team Star Fox.
    Or Star Trump.

 RawkHawk2010 4:22 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 4:22 pm
    Will be released March 7 2017.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:22 pm
    PS4/Xbone/Windows PC

 RawkHawk2010 4:22 pm
    I wish he just said "will be released."

 Nintendork 13 13 4:22 pm
    Ubisoft actually has segues.
    With an UbiE3 graphic. 4:22 pm

 RawkHawk2010 4:23 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 4:23 pm
    lincoln 4:23 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 4:23 pm

 RawkHawk2010 4:23 pm
    wtf 4:23 pm
    Didn't see that coming.

 RawkHawk2010 4:23 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 4:24 pm
    "All that stuff is really true."
    "Please welcome Trey Parker and Matt Stone."

Matt Stone Trey Parker South Park The Fractured but Whole Ubisoft E3 2016
Th-They're not wearing any rainbow ribbons? Rebels. We respect that. And APPLAUD.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:24 pm
    Nice comfy couches.
    The other conferences lacked seating arrangements.
    Asked what's going on in the story. "Dunno yet."

 RawkHawk2010 4:25 pm
    Did we ever figure out what "Kupa Keep" was?

 Nintendork 13 13 4:25 pm
    "real gameplay"
    More f-bombs.
    (But in-game.)

 RawkHawk2010 4:26 pm
    "Jesus Fuck."

 RawkHawk2010 4:27 pm
    "not there." 4:27 pm

 RawkHawk2010 4:27 pm
    *audience roars with laughter*

 Nintendork 13 13 4:27 pm
    "Coonstagram" 4:27 pm
    It was FB in the last game.

 RawkHawk2010 4:27 pm
    that's how it ends?

 Nintendork 13 13 4:27 pm
    It's implied the developers haven't made anything else.
    "It's more spiritual."
    "There's a gay fish in South Park."
    Want to note these dudes don't have rainbow ribbons. 4:28 pm
    Is this their tribute to Orlando?

 Nintendork 13 13 4:28 pm

 RawkHawk2010 4:28 pm
    "The gay fish loves fish sticks."

 Nintendork 13 13 4:29 pm
    Oh, more footage.
    "It's time they learned your tragic backstory."

 RawkHawk2010 4:30 pm
    An audience member was shaking his head after that.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:30 pm
    "I can see there's a lot of people who relate to that story."

 RawkHawk2010 4:30 pm
    In embarassment?

 Nintendork 13 13 4:31 pm
    Ubisoft guy makes Jesus joke.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:31 pm
    Or whoever that is.
    "We wanted to keep the turn-based stuff because it's easier to do story."

 RawkHawk2010 4:31 pm
    by the way

 Nintendork 13 13 4:32 pm
    Refreshingly honest usage of turn-based mechanics.

 RawkHawk2010 4:32 pm
    these dudes created The Book of Mormon musical.

 RawkHawk2010 4:33 pm
    *blast becomes silent* 4:33 pm
    Falcon Punch!

South Park: The Fractured But Whole battle system scene kitchen chefs special attack
A special laser-y attack did this to them.

 RawkHawk2010 4:33 pm
    exciting nudes 4:34 pm
    dat Freudian slip

 Nintendork 13 13 4:34 pm
    "We made a trailer... if you wanna see it."
    "What is the release date?" "I dunno, what do you think it is?"
    December 6.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:35 pm
    Making black hero jokes.

 RawkHawk2010 4:36 pm
    who the hell was that

South Park: The Fractured But Whole logo 2016
No idea who it was, but here's the game's logo!

 Nintendork 13 13 4:37 pm
    Aisha making explicit segue
    "10 million of you have spent up to 3 hours a day"

 RawkHawk2010 4:37 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 4:37 pm
    Probably playing The Division.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:38 pm
    "Thank you for wearing those shoes." - To Aisha
    Underground expansion says "endless replayability"
    Out June 28 on Xbone and PC, and August 2 PS4.
    (Never for Wii U.)
    Giving fans 3 exclusive outfits.
    All previous Tom Clancy stuff.

 RawkHawk2010 4:39 pm
    they all look the same

 Nintendork 13 13 4:39 pm
    Yo why does Chad keep showing up?

Tom Clancy's The Division year one expansions underground survival packs
Hey, this implies Tom Clancy's: The Division will have multiple years of expansion.

 RawkHawk2010 4:39 pm

 RawkHawk2010 4:40 pm
    Now I'm actually wondering if that's him.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:40 pm
    Aisha claims to get arrested "typically"

 RawkHawk2010 4:40 pm
    Brutal Weather Conditions
    What is it with this E3 and brutal weather?
    Something last night had wind-powered game mechanics.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:41 pm
    Dishonored 2. 4:41 pm
    That poor chopper. :(

 RawkHawk2010 4:41 pm
    poor chocker

 Nintendork 13 13 4:41 pm
    This dude is cold and is looting stores.
    (But apparently only black people can loot stores and white people are just innovatively surviving.)

 RawkHawk2010 4:42 pm
    I keep thinking everyone is Nathan Drake.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:42 pm
    That's tonight!
    You can customise your dude. Kamek tried to make him into Bandit Keith.
    "The storm doesn't care if you live... or die." (You're gonna die tonight motherfucker!)
    Is that a woman?
    oh tripping
    Now talking about VR which makes gaming "more accessible"
    VR and accessible don't go together. 4:43 pm
    VR makes gaming accessible?

 RawkHawk2010 4:43 pm
    creative director Shoutin' Dough 4:43 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 4:43 pm
    "Eagle Flight VR"

Charles Huteau Ubisoft Montreal Palmer Luckey Oculus Jason Holtman Eagle Flight VR E3 2016
It's Eagle Flight, a Virtual Reality game.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:44 pm
    "real frrrreedom of fllllying"
    "A live PvP demo in VR for the first time at E3"

 RawkHawk2010 4:44 pm
    this looks like a CNN panel

 Nintendork 13 13 4:45 pm
    Hawaiian shirts vs. red shirts
    Capture the Flag.

 RawkHawk2010 4:45 pm
    with the trump and hillary supporters arguing on opposite sides
    this conference has a lot of giraffes

 Nintendork 13 13 4:45 pm
    ShinyGirafarig would be happy about that.

 RawkHawk2010 4:46 pm
    so would i

 Nintendork 13 13 4:46 pm
    The vision keeps flashing red.
    Does that mean he's taking damage?
    Or what?

 RawkHawk2010 4:46 pm
    i have a six foot giraffe antique in my room

 Nintendork 13 13 4:46 pm
    "Andre killed you"

 Nintendork 13 13 4:46 pm
    Guess so.
    I have no idea what's going on. 4:46 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 4:46 pm
    Didn't they say this is accessible and you'll know what to do the first second? 4:46 pm
    What's the target?

 Nintendork 13 13 4:47 pm
    I want to see footage of the players.
    And what it looks like they're doing.
    There we go.

Eagle Flight Virtual Reality on stage E3 2016 Ubisoft demonstration capture the flag
It's so nice that Ubisoft's camera guy knows what I'm thinking. 4:47 pm
    They look damned silly.

 RawkHawk2010 4:47 pm
    (my giraffe)

 Nintendork 13 13 4:48 pm
    Looks like a hostage.
    Oh, Eiffel Tower because it's France.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:48 pm
    (Kamek would love this)

 RawkHawk2010 4:48 pm
    i actually wanna play this

 Nintendork 13 13 4:48 pm
    I'm worried I'll collapse if I put that headset on.

 RawkHawk2010 4:48 pm
    this sorta reminds me of City Trial

 Nintendork 13 13 4:49 pm
    Team Hillary won.

 RawkHawk2010 4:49 pm
    Imagine VR City Trial

 Nintendork 13 13 4:49 pm
    "BOOM! BOOM!" - random dude 4:49 pm
    Thanks to the power of awful Hawaiian shirts.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:49 pm
    "It was super-alpha and I peed a little." - Aisha
    Eagle Flight to be on Oculus and all the other VR platforms.
    And segue-ing to something.

 RawkHawk2010 4:50 pm
    david botipka

 Nintendork 13 13 4:50 pm
    David Votypka

 RawkHawk2010 4:50 pm
    more y's

 Nintendork 13 13 4:50 pm
    "Today, VR is all about... opening the final frontier." 4:50 pm
    Was that a Star Trek reference?

 Nintendork 13 13 4:51 pm
    Yes. 4:51 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 4:51 pm
    Audience is excited. (Nerds) 4:51 pm
    That sounds like Levar Burton.

Levar Burton Star Trek The Next Generation Geordi Ubisoft 2016 E3
Because it IS Levar Burton.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:51 pm
    "This is amazing!" Oh.

 RawkHawk2010 4:51 pm
    i think this is a Trek game. 4:51 pm
    AKA, Geordi from TNG

 Nintendork 13 13 4:51 pm
    Real people.
    Got hilarious pic of Levar Burton.
    Well I guess any possible picture of him is funny.

 RawkHawk2010 4:52 pm
    ya i'm pretty sure this is a Trek game.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:52 pm
    You mean it's not Sea of Thieves? 4:52 pm
    Aww, I thought Karl Urban was Johnathan Frakes (Will Riker) for a second there. <_<

 Nintendork 13 13 4:53 pm
    So is Vortexica a Star Trek fan? 4:53 pm
    Not really.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:53 pm
    Apparently Star Trek's crew has been waiting for VR for a long time. 4:53 pm
    I just know the actors.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:54 pm
    Fall 2016.
    Levar Burton himself is here.

Star Trek: Bridge Crew logo VR virtual reality Ubisoft
Star Trek: Bridge Crew.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:54 pm
    In the flesh.
    Aisha is taller.

 RawkHawk2010 4:55 pm
    who is this guy

 Nintendork 13 13 4:55 pm
    A Star Trek actor.

 RawkHawk2010 4:55 pm
    ah 4:56 pm
    He played Geordi La Forge in Star Trek: TNG.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:57 pm
    "I'm used to responding to an order, not initiating an order."

 RawkHawk2010 4:57 pm
    "preferably at your house"

 Nintendork 13 13 4:58 pm
    "I don't wanna burst into tears in the middle of this conference."

 RawkHawk2010 4:58 pm
    Do Aisha and LeVar fuck?

 Nintendork 13 13 4:58 pm
    "You are dismissed." - Aisha
    Aisha left.
    Is the conference ov-...
    oh 4:59 pm
    No segue there.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:59 pm
    Well, this looks...destructive.

 Nintendork 13 13 4:59 pm
    (and not a game)

 RawkHawk2010 4:59 pm
    is this tengami 2

 Nintendork 13 13 5:00 pm
    (no) 5:00 pm
    Wondering if this cutscene is gonna be even slightly representative of the game...

 Nintendork 13 13 5:01 pm
    Oh is this what they showed last year?
    Like, first?

 RawkHawk2010 5:01 pm
    is this RYSE 2 5:01 pm
    Chivalry: Deadliest Warrior?

 Nintendork 13 13 5:01 pm
    "The reason they fight, lost to the ages." Well that's what'll happen if Hillary Clinton is president.
    Is this narrator Ashera?

 RawkHawk2010 5:02 pm
    I read that "Aisha"

 Nintendork 13 13 5:02 pm
    "I bring war!"
    "For Honor"
    Oh yeah!

 RawkHawk2010 5:02 pm
    who's this cat
    I don't remember him.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:02 pm
    I took some screenshots of him last year.

 RawkHawk2010 5:03 pm
    "and the wolves among us"

 Nintendork 13 13 5:03 pm
    Jason Vandenberghe

Jason Vandenberghe Ubisoft Montreal creative director For Honor beard Viking guy
Look at Ubisoft's conference from 2015 (linked at the bottom of this article) and you'll see this guy.

 RawkHawk2010 5:03 pm
    This dude looks just like a wolf.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:03 pm
    Like Shi-long Lang.
    From Ace Attorney Investigations.
    Though he lacks that beard.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:03 pm
    Dude fancies himself a Viking.
    So the Vikings are invading Japan? 5:04 pm
    Vikings invade Japan?

 Nintendork 13 13 5:04 pm
    (Is this Sea of Thieves? There are ships!) 5:05 pm
    Pretty sure that never happened, but props for a novel concept.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:06 pm
    This is cooler than Sea of Thieves.

 RawkHawk2010 5:06 pm
    this is D-Day but with vikings

 Nintendork 13 13 5:06 pm
    I dunno if any of this is gameplay.
    Oh, here we go.

 RawkHawk2010 5:06 pm
    and yeah this is cooler than Sea of Thieves.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:06 pm
    Seems like it plays like Dynasty Warriors.

 RawkHawk2010 5:06 pm
    Isn't Pokemon Conquest related to Dynasty Warriors?

 Nintendork 13 13 5:07 pm
    Yeah, they use their characters.

 RawkHawk2010 5:07 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 5:07 pm
    Not the gameplay.

 RawkHawk2010 5:07 pm
    "GET OVER HERE!" 5:08 pm
    "We're gonna build a wall"

For Honor wall climb scale segment Vikings Japan
...And the Vikings will climb over it.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:08 pm
    Real-time box dodging.
    Only one warrior made it to the top.
    Well, they came in with a whole army!

 RawkHawk2010 5:09 pm
    Where is Japan's border patrol?
    Is this them getting slaughtered?

 Nintendork 13 13 5:09 pm
    Uh, this is them. 5:09 pm
    Damn Scandinavian migrants.
    They're bringing war.
    They're bringing death.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:10 pm
    They just want jobs and an opportunity for a better life, Vortex! Be compassionate.

 RawkHawk2010 5:10 pm
    If this was Trump's Japan the vikings would be nuked by now.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:10 pm
    Boss fight with the Shogun talking in English.

For Honor boss battle Japanese samurai Shogun Ubisoft E3 2016
There's a possibility I don't know what a Shogun actually is and that this dude ain't a Shogun. 5:10 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 5:11 pm
    Pick him up and throw him into the fire. 5:11 pm
    Knee to the FACE

 Nintendork 13 13 5:11 pm
    And an axe to the shoulder
    and stomach
    "That raider showed us what viking fury could do."

 RawkHawk2010 5:11 pm
    pretty cool

 Nintendork 13 13 5:11 pm
    Delayed to Valentine's.

 RawkHawk2010 5:12 pm
    "the very next alpha"
    Isn't that called a beta?

 Nintendork 13 13 5:12 pm
    "Now, here to talk about catapaulting of a very different kind, here's Pete Young"
    It's buggier than a beta.
    "Wobbly red robot in a small experimental game."
    I missed the game name because of this guy's accent.

 RawkHawk2010 5:13 pm
    This looks like one of the two Eggman robots from Sonic Colors and Lost World.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:13 pm
    Grow Up?

 RawkHawk2010 5:13 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 5:14 pm
    So are these brambles? 5:14 pm
    Diggin' this music.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:14 pm
    Grow Up is the game's name.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:14 pm
    "Not only... can you forget your words..."
    Why can't this indie thing be on Wii U?
    Aisha claims Ubisoft's DNA is mutating.
    And now there are tag-team champions?
    The hell is going on

 RawkHawk2010 5:16 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 5:16 pm
    Is that NOA_Andy?

 RawkHawk2010 5:16 pm
    is this still the ubisoft conference
    i looked away for a second and uh
    It looks like RawMeatCowboy
    From GoNintendo.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:16 pm
    What is he, Trump?

 RawkHawk2010 5:16 pm
    I hear the Mortal Kombat beat

 Nintendork 13 13 5:16 pm
    "Get out"
    "And also president of Finland"

 Nintendork 13 13 5:17 pm
    Antti Ilvessuo and Dean Evans.

 RawkHawk2010 5:17 pm
    speaking of raw meat, that's what these outfits looks like.
    Seinfeld music.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:17 pm
    yo wot's this

 RawkHawk2010 5:17 pm
    seriously what is happening

 Nintendork 13 13 5:18 pm
    Something about protecting America
    and guns to shoot cyborgs, communists, and dragon balls.

 RawkHawk2010 5:18 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 5:18 pm

 RawkHawk2010 5:18 pm
    we getting this?

 Nintendork 13 13 5:18 pm

Trials of the Blood Dragon logo Ubisoft E3
Trials of the Blood Dragon looked really dang cool. 5:18 pm
    Blood Dragon still just as 80s I see.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:19 pm
    Available on PC, PS4 and XBONE.
    "There is no Ubi experience without Assassin's Creed."

 RawkHawk2010 5:19 pm
    super multi-platform
    Wii U?

 Nintendork 13 13 5:19 pm
    Assassin's Creed movie = "super multi-platform"

 RawkHawk2010 5:19 pm
    3DS? 5:20 pm

 RawkHawk2010 5:20 pm
    "I'm always looking for a good story."

 Nintendork 13 13 5:20 pm
    Frank Marshall, movie producer of yuge projects.

 RawkHawk2010 5:20 pm
    Good man.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:20 pm
    Can we have this guy instead of Miyamoto?

 RawkHawk2010 5:20 pm
    I wish

 Nintendork 13 13 5:21 pm
    "Obviously there's an historical aspect to the story"
    They have a visionary guy from Macbeth.
    Translating best game elements to the movie.
    Why are we not mad at them talking about movies at a games conference? 5:23 pm
    Because it's a game-based movie?
    And I'd honestly rather see this news than yet another AC game.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:23 pm
    "never before-seen before footage"

 RawkHawk2010 5:24 pm
    are they gonna make a game based on the assassin's creed movie?
    And will it be called Assassin's Creed: The Movie: The Game?

 Nintendork 13 13 5:24 pm
    Movie trailer.

 RawkHawk2010 5:25 pm
    when's the KoopaTV movie

 Nintendork 13 13 5:25 pm
    ... 5:26 pm
    I keep forgetting AC isn't actually set in the past, with all that technological backstory going on.
    Or whatever this series is about.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:26 pm
    Ask Kamek.
    "This film is not yet rated."
    What is Aisha talking about?
    Dedsec 5:27 pm

 RawkHawk2010 5:27 pm
    i'm confused

 Nintendork 13 13 5:27 pm
    "Corporate interests are rigging the elections"
    Evil Congressman Mark Thruss

 RawkHawk2010 5:28 pm
    Is dedsec a reference to lulzsec?

 Nintendork 13 13 5:28 pm
    "Welcome everyone to the San Francisco Bay Area" ew

 RawkHawk2010 5:28 pm
    "take back control from the Establishment"

 Nintendork 13 13 5:28 pm
    "Hacker on a mission to take back control from the establishment."
    Very timely.
    This guy needs to stop dropping his "h"s when talking about hacking.
    "Hey!" "Hi." 5:30 pm
    Graphics look pretty nice.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:30 pm
    Marcus. 5:30 pm
    Can't wait to see how it looks once it's inevitably nerfed for release.

 RawkHawk2010 5:30 pm
    are these characters or players talking

 Nintendork 13 13 5:30 pm
    I think.
    Mark Thruss rigged the election.

 RawkHawk2010 5:31 pm
    Bernie fans are gonna love this.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:31 pm
    I like this guy's goggles.
    Expressive eyes.

 RawkHawk2010 5:31 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 5:31 pm
    Reminds me of Ted Tonate for some reason. 5:31 pm
    I want goggles like that guy's.

WATCH DOGS 2 goggles guy emotions text faces dedsec

 Nintendork 13 13 5:32 pm
    Me too.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:32 pm
    Dude has a drone spying on security guards.
    Is this guy a Trump expy? 5:33 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 5:33 pm
    Is Trump actually gonna win but only by out-rigging Hillary?
    Is it possible to outrig Hillary?
    Nice music.
    When you're entering a restricted area.

 RawkHawk2010 5:34 pm
    hillary is the one who's actually been a congressperson
    and cheated with superdelegates
    so if it's a trump expy that's kinda flawed.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:34 pm
    So they made their expy the opposite gender to avoid suspicion?

 RawkHawk2010 5:34 pm
    He looks like Rick Scott.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:34 pm

 RawkHawk2010 5:35 pm
    I feel like this song was in a Tony Hawk Pro Skater.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:36 pm
    They have Thruss as red.
    Must be a Republican.

Mark Thruss Let's Make the Bay Area Stronger WATCH DOGS 2
The only way a Republican can win in the San Francisco Bay Area is by rigging the election, obviously.

 RawkHawk2010 5:36 pm
    this is like Mini-ROB from Star Fox Zero.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:36 pm
    Vs. Blue.

 RawkHawk2010 5:37 pm
    cars in buildings
    i like that

 Nintendork 13 13 5:37 pm
    Zipline just because.
    "Holy fuck this is awesome!"

 RawkHawk2010 5:37 pm
    dude with goggles has the Anarchist symbol tattoo'd on his neck.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:38 pm
    November 15 2016
    Right AFTER the election.
    Hey, it's Ubisoft's CEO.
    Yves Guillemot
    I actually got his name right on my first try.
    Only took four years of doing this.

 RawkHawk2010 5:39 pm
    what became of Watch Dogs Wii U?

 Nintendork 13 13 5:39 pm
    It came out. I think.
    Oh boy, they got a Sony dude out.
    Jim Ryan, President Global Sales and Marketing of Sony Interactive Entertainment.
    Sony Pictures Entertainment + Ubisoft Motion Pictures to have a movie. 5:40 pm
    This guy is so stiff.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:40 pm
    A Watch_Dogs movie after the Assassin's Creed.

 RawkHawk2010 5:40 pm
    at least we know nintendo is getting into movies now.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:40 pm
    Sony people get DLC a month before other dudes.
    Another WATCH_DOGS trailer.

 RawkHawk2010 5:41 pm
    what if a trump protester gets their hands on technology like this

 Nintendork 13 13 5:41 pm
    Yeah this seems tailor-made for Bernie people.

 RawkHawk2010 5:42 pm
    lol yeah 5:42 pm
    IIRC, there was no melee system at all in the first Watch Dogs. Nice to see they added something so simple.

 RawkHawk2010 5:42 pm
    This is Bernie People: The Game

 Nintendork 13 13 5:42 pm
    Young college kids who have income from their parents while they're moaning about income inequality.
    "Literally the most fit hacker in the world."
    woaaaah pre-order bonus
    "Wrench Jr."
    An actual robot.
    "We have one more game to show you today."
    Yves Guillemot to show the last game.

 RawkHawk2010 5:43 pm
    beyond good and evil?

 Nintendork 13 13 5:43 pm
    "New IP"
    nope 5:43 pm
    That's an impressive bonus.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:44 pm
    "They worked on The Division on some part of the game."
    "Completely new genre."

 RawkHawk2010 5:44 pm
    new genres are good

 Nintendork 13 13 5:44 pm
    Skiing and snowboard open world?
    And paragliding? 5:45 pm
    A Winter sports title?

 RawkHawk2010 5:45 pm
    maybe Mario & Sonic will ape this for the 2018 Oympics.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:45 pm
    This is better than that tomato guy with Cammie Dunaway.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:46 pm
    Unpronouncable French people.
    The studio is next to the Alps.
    Sandbox open world winter sports game?
    UBISOFT ANNECY 5:47 pm
    What means what?

 Nintendork 13 13 5:47 pm
    Something means needles.
    I think the mountain's name.

Steep Ubisoft E3 2016 Mont Blanc Alps
Mont Blanc in Steep... woah. And this is all traversable territory.

 RawkHawk2010 5:48 pm
    i feel cold

 Nintendork 13 13 5:48 pm
    "Mountain view" massive zoom out

 RawkHawk2010 5:48 pm
    the problem is that Alp Travel is like Space Travel
    It's all the same
    It's just massive swaths of snow and ice.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:49 pm
    Well this has paragliding.
    And skiing and snowboarding.
    And racing.

 RawkHawk2010 5:49 pm
    I like this.
    Reminds me of a Nuts challenge with the rings. 5:49 pm
    I wanna see someone crash.

 RawkHawk2010 5:49 pm
    And Pilotwings 64.
    LOL 5:50 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 5:50 pm
    There you go. 5:50 pm
    I enjoyed that.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:51 pm
    First person view is TERRIFYING.

Steep first person perspective skinning Ubisoft

 RawkHawk2010 5:51 pm
    first-person-view skiing
    yeah 5:51 pm
    Imagine if this had VR support.

 RawkHawk2010 5:51 pm
    why is this even an option

 Nintendork 13 13 5:51 pm
    You can view your trails.
    And share your replays.
    Showing a path.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:52 pm
    Can rewind, pause, control camera
    It's like a  better Mari0 Kart 8.

 RawkHawk2010 5:52 pm
    Chewbacca roar. 5:52 pm
    lol, those slow-mo screams.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:52 pm
    Specifically found a guy who crashed.
    WHAST TJHTRN 5:53 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 5:53 pm

 RawkHawk2010 5:53 pm
    this is terrifying

 Nintendork 13 13 5:53 pm
    I'M SCARED 5:53 pm
    That's great.
    I'm laughing.
    So hard.

 RawkHawk2010 5:54 pm

 Nintendork 13 13 5:54 pm

 RawkHawk2010 5:54 pm
    guys 5:54 pm
    This is brilliant.

 RawkHawk2010 5:54 pm
    we should get this.

 Nintendork 13 13 5:54 pm
    I want my mommy

 RawkHawk2010 5:54 pm
    I want this just to find funny ways to crash.

Steep logo Ubisoft alps skiing snowboarding paragliding glidewings E3 2016
Let's have all of that scary stuff fade to black... It's alright, Ludwig...

 Nintendork 13 13 5:55 pm
    Ships this December.
    Ubisoft went 2 hours.
    Longer than anyone else.
    Bringing everyone out on stage.
    What about the dancers?

 Nintendork 13 13 5:56 pm
    wtf Aisha

 RawkHawk2010 5:56 pm
    "zank you" 5:57 pm
    What are those red onesie things

 Nintendork 13 13 5:57 pm
    "When you are free, there is no failure. There is only forward." 5:57 pm
    Those are horrid.

 RawkHawk2010 5:58 pm
    i saw a rayman person

 Nintendork 13 13 5:58 pm
    Ubisoft 30 year anniversary movie?

 RawkHawk2010 5:59 pm
    Was that the Pokemon save noise?

 Nintendork 13 13 5:59 pm
    "You've been so awesome."

 RawkHawk2010 5:59 pm
    burning questions

 Nintendork 13 13 5:59 pm
    Aisha saying bye.
    "DO THAT SHIT!" - Aisha 6:00 pm
    Ubisoft best conference so far.

Ubisoft E3 2016 press conference group picture members staff Aisha Tyler
That's all, folks. Thanks for being a great crowd.
 Nintendork 13 13 6:00 pm
    That's... actually kinda impressive.
    I didn't think coming into this Ubisoft would ever be in 1st place.
    Even if it's just momentarily.
    But it's only Sony and Nintendo left. 6:01 pm
    It's like they completely circled the gamut of cringe and came right back around to awesome again.

 Nintendork 13 13 6:01 pm

 RawkHawk2010 6:01 pm
    I liked that Tom Clancy game.

 Nintendork 13 13 6:01 pm
    Ghost Recon?

 RawkHawk2010 6:02 pm
    And I wanna crash into things in StEEP.
    The first one.

 Nintendork 13 13 6:02 pm
    Is it StEEP or STEEP?
    The site just says "Steep"
    According to this, it also takes place in Alaska.

 Nintendork 13 13 6:04 pm
    Twitch commentators are here and I don't wanna listen to them.
    Any closing thoughts?

We'll be taking a break until Sony's conference tonight. We deserve it.

The previous, um, E3 conference, uh, was Donald Trump's.
And the next one is Sony's, as the footer said.
Ubisoft's 2015 E3 conference is here!
Um... Aisha Tyler isn't in Ubisoft's 2017 E3 conference.

1 comment :

We embrace your comments.
Expect a reply between 1 minute to 24 hours from your comment. We advise you to receive an e-mail notification for when we do reply.
Also, see our Disclaimers.

Spamming is bad, so don't spam. Spam includes random advertisements and obviously being a robot. Our vendor may subject you to CAPTCHAs.

If you comment on an article that is older than 60 days, you will have to wait for a staffer to approve your comment. It will get approved and replied to, don't worry. Unless you're a spambot.