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Thursday, August 31, 2017

Shutting Down Miiverse vs. Nintendo NSider Forums

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You newer, younger folks have it easy. Comparison table!

Earlier this week, Nintendo devastated everyone by announcing the end of Miiverse with an exact time: November 7, 2017 at 10 PM Pacific, or November 8, 2017 1 AM Eastern. Despite my use of American timezones, Miiverse will be closed worldwide, on all systems and platforms.

While we are all upset over this, we're not surprised. Miiverse's demise coming soon was made obvious a month ago, and we all had a feeling of malaise for YEARS now.

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Capcom SUMMER Sale 2017? Buy Ace Attorney at Big Percents Off!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - 'cause a winter sale ain't enough.

We dutifully and breathlessly advertise all of the sales that CAPCOM has to offer. I didn't think there would be another one for another several months, but, hey, CAPCOM just invented the CAPCOM Summer Sale and is acting like it existed this whole time.

I believe the last CAPCOM sale was back in February. Those were great deals there.

So, what are the percent discounts greeting the Ace Attorney games this time?

Capcom Summer Sale 2017 Publisher Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney discounts Nintendo eShop 3DS
Nintendo erroneously calls it the “Capcom Publisher Sale”, but CAPCOM never even used the word “publisher” to describe it.
(That means Nintendo made that image with Phoenix Wright and Apollo Justice in front of the gradient.)

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney — Spirit of Justice is 33% off. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney — Dual Destinies is 66% off. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy is 50% off. The previous deal from February had Trilogy at the same 50% off (as did the deal before that), while Spirit of Justice actually got its discount weakened from 40% to 33%. However, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney — Dual Destinies got its greatest discount of all time: From a previous high of 60% off, now to a high of 66% off!

It's the perfect time (how many times do I keep saying that?) to buy all of the Ace Attorney games on your Nintendo 3DS, for soon, this November, Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney will also be available on the Nintendo eShop. Then you can have every mainline Ace Attorney game on ONE system, and you will have obtained most of them at ridiculously low prices! Quite frankly, they're all worth your purchase at prices even higher than their base price, so... Get to buying.

The sale ends September 4, which is enough time for you to get an extra $10 Nintendo eShop credit to your account by winning Round 15 of the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program! (...Which ends in less than two hours.) You can get a quick come-from-behind win by looking at those big-ticket items under the How to Win? section

Ludwig likes winning, and he likes helping you win. There is no better win than treating yourself to Ace Attorney games at exceptional prices. If you have any questions about why you should buy the Ace Attorney series, or what the series is about, ask away in the comments section! Also, one more reason to buy NOW: Miiverse functionality, which is absolutely a big plus for the Ace Attorney games, will be destroyed come the beginning of November. That doesn't leave much time left to document your Ace Attorney experiences!

If you wish to read a spoiler-free review of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney — Dual Destinies, click here!
You thought these percents were big? There's even BIGGER percent discounts for November!
The Capcom Publisher Sale returns for 2018, but it's not in the summer and it's actually called the Capcom Publisher Sale.
The CAPCOM Summer Sale 2018 is its own thing, with much steeper discounts!

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Splatoon 2 Superpowers Splatfest! Flight vs. Invisibility! Freedom and Privacy?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - In a rarity for a Splatfest article, I'm actually going to defend the side I'm against. Freedom vs. Privacy!

Let's face it: condiments was a lame first theme for the FIRST OFFICIAL Splatfest of Splatoon 2. Superpowers, though? That's much better.

Meet Team Flight, sponsored by Pearl. Now, meet Team Invisibility, sponsored by Marina. Why two super powers that traditionally have never been at-odds with one another? I don't know. But now I'm tasked with choosing between them.

Splatoon 2 Splatfest superpower flight invisibility Pearl Marina
Flight and invisibility actually represent critical human rights.

My allegiance is with Team Flight. I'll explain why below.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Smart Devs Don't Do Rabbids

By RAWKHAWK2010 - Down the Rabbid hole.

Fuck Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle, to be totally frank.

When leaks of a Mario/Rabbids crossover composed by Grant Kirkhope surfaced, Ludwig didn't believe it due to his tendency to label literally everything Fake News until absolutely proven real, while I was more on Team True News due to the concept sounding too weird to fabricate, much like when Trump had those Russian hookers piss in Barack and Michelle's embassy bed. (...You know, if that happened.)

Anyone who knows me knows I like weird, but anyone who knows me should also know I don't like ugly. A Rabbid is a hideous autismal cretin; an abortion that lived. A Rabbid is like if the most uncomforting animation from the Viva Piñata cartoon suddenly became happily conscious of its torment. A Rabbid is something I personally have no use for and never will.

Rabbid Rabbids Invasion Cartoon Nickelodeon Chicken Chick Baby Rawk
Get that thing away from me.

Friday, August 25, 2017

Dragon Ball Koopa™ - The Turtle Saga

By RAWKHAWK2010 - Wordplay. (I'm just saiyan'.)

When it comes to the two, there is no weird perpetual Splatfest of "Koopas vs. Turtles" occurring on KoopaTV. Instead, we're some of the biggest turtle fans there are. Why else would we celebrate World Turtle Day? Why else would we support an all-turtle Pokémon lineup which thanks to Turtonator is finally possible? Why else would we hire literal real-life turtles as KoopaTV staff members until they're killed by Pac-Man and ISIS respectively?

Many have asked what part of Dragon Ball falls under KoopaTV's scope and why Rawk keeps making Dragon Ball Koopa™ articles, being that it's not a video game property inherently, definitely has nothing to do with Nintendo, and (so far) is something the actual site owner has never displayed a hint of interest in. Well, if I didn't make it clear in my articles about Dragon Ball soundtrack genocide and the solar eclipse giving off Blutz Waves to the president, I apologize, because Dragon Ball's purpose here is truly all about the turtles.

Turtle suit Goku Krillin Master Roshi Dragon Ball Super DB DBS
Just wait until he sees OUR suits.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Why Is Angry Sun So Angry? Total Solar Eclipse!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm not blaming the August 21, 2017 eclipse, but there was an earlier one.

No, we didn't interview the Angry Sun for this article. We merely are applying logic and did some investigative journalism. (What a great interview that would be, though. How do we get in touch with him?) Anyway, the Angry Sun, known for being a pretty small-looking sun that is always mad, has confounded many Desert Land denizens and tourists for decades. Why is the Angry Sun so angry? Was he born angry? Believe me, it would be perfectly understandable if Angry Sun was angry just because Mario was in his presence. Everyone, including heavenly bodies, ought to be mad at that war criminal's continued existence. But, no, Angry Sun is just always angry, plumber or not. 

There must be a tragic backstory.

There IS a tragic backstory. We figured it out.

Teletubbies baby sun Angry Sun Super Mario Bros. 3 solar tragic backstory
How did the Angry Sun go from such a happy little cutie to the pissed off ball of fiery rage we know it as today?

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Jim Gilmore

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's time for Jim Gilmore to prove himself. GILMENTUM!

Last, but far from least, is Jim Gilmore. Why is this article about Jim Gilmore? Well, this is the very last strategy guide for KoopaTV's browser-based Flash game The Wonderful 1237! The Wonderful 1237 features seventeen unique minigames, all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with should you play the game.

If you want to see a collection of these strategy guides, click this detailed article about The Wonderful 1237's minigames. As I've already said multiple times now, this one is about Jim Gilmore, who is most notable for being the governor of Virginia between 1998 and 2002. Jim Gilmore was also the Chairman of the Republican National Committee, a board member of the National Rifle Association, one of the worstSenate candidates in the state of Virginia in modern history, and also an Attorney General. Jim Gilmore happens to be the strongest opposing candidate in the game, and will likely be stronger than your own candidate if you never create negative advertisements against him. Jim Gilmore has a lack of weaknesses, with equal stat opportunities across the board. His one weakness is that he might get RNG-screwed, since he isn't guaranteed stat growth. In real life, of course, Jim Gilmore only got 12 votes in Iowa, out of over 186,000 votes cast. Mr. Gilmore explained that by claiming he wasn't even campaigning in Iowa, but he was really trying in New Hampshire. He earned 133 votes, out of over 285,000 cast. Jim Gilmore then suspended his campaign.

Help Jim Gilmore out by learning about him in The Wonderful 1237, and play his minigame at the bottom of this article!

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 0 + (0–5)
Cool: 0 + (0–5)
Cute: 1 + (0–5)
Smart: 0 + (0–5)
Tough: 0 + (0–5)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 35
Cool: 35
Cute: 36
Smart: 35
Tough: 35

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Ultra likely. (Jim Gilmore will have 15 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 Versus Jim Gilmore endorsement minigame fight screen
“Versus... JIM Gilmoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooore! Fight.”

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Go 🌒 Yourself, Fake News!

By RAWKHAWK2010 - Get them Fake News lips off my eclipse.

Fake News says that President Donald John Trump stared at the sun Monday (at NASA's dehest) and destroyed his vision. Yeah, his vision may have been clouded...last week, but during the eclipse he knew exactly what he was doing. He was becoming as familiar with solar energy as possible so that he could have all the facts before solar panel-ing the Wall. How could he have fully embraced something he feared?

Donald Trump sun total solar eclipse eyes blind damage balcony Fake News Melania
something something the sun just got ten light years taller something something

Monday, August 21, 2017

Eclipse 2017—In The Path of Totality!

By VANESSA TSUKINO - It’s a once-in-a-lifetime event!

You may recall the huge excitement about this year’s coast-to-coast solar eclipse! But were YOU in the path of totality? Were you one of unlucky ones who saw it on a livestream? Well have no fear! This girl’s got you covered.

Let me start off by saying that where I live was one of the places in the path of totality for the eclipse. That’s where the moon completely covers the sun, and you can remove those special viewing glasses for a short period of time to take photos or whatever. Anyway, people from all over had traveled here just to see this thing, since there were many places to view it!

State Capitals in Path of Totality United States America solar eclipse 2017 NASA
I'm near the fourth star shown here.

And of course, they also traveled to the other places in the path.

This past Friday I received these glasses at school:

Friday, August 18, 2017

Dark, Ominous Clouds Over Alola

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Ominous clouds, eh? Get ready for mudslides.

Today, The Pokémon Company International is trying to play weather forecaster. They project dark, ominous clouds over the Alola region this November, specifically for Pokémon Ultra Moon and Pokémon Ultra Sun. Here's a video of the forecast... well, most of it is about Rockruff and Lycanroc for some reason.

I'm sorry, but if their reason for buying a sequel or pseudo-sequel or remake or whatever the hell this is of Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon is a dark cloud, irrelevant and lame rock dogs (seriously, Lycanroc better not be the new Lucario because it sure ain't worthy), and some ebony dude who I still have never heard of (Necrozma), there's no purchase from me.

Oh, but wait. There's MORE to Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon than just clouds and new clothes. There's the Alola Photo Club!

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Did You Know Americans Spend More Dollars On Lotteries Than Real Entertainment?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The lottery is a waste of money, AND not fun!

You Americans apparently spend over $70 billion on state lotteries every year. If you're poor, it's because you think it'll be a miraculous way to escape poverty. If you're not poor, you apparently play the lottery because you think it's... good entertainment? What?

It turns out that consumers spend more money on the lottery every year than every other form of entertainment put together. I have a big issue with that. The lottery isn't fun, and that's extending lottery to things besides buying a ticket and waiting for the draw results. Scratchcards are boring. Instant win tickets are boring. There's nothing satisfying, in terms of gameplay, about the whole lottery establishment.

It's wise to think of the lottery in terms of entertainment value, because, of course, the odds of winning more money than you paid in are against you. Lottery is one of the worst forms of gambling in terms of both your odds of winning and entertainment value. Even the Nintendo Badge Casino is better. (I'm happy to report that Nintendo Badge Arcade will no longer have new updates, so the number of badges is now a finite UNDER NINE-THOUSAND amount.)

Since I mentioned gaming, however, I will say that there are many games out there — and it feels like most of them dwell on mobile devices or the web — that are glorified lottery systems with more interesting window dressing, except you're not paying for anything that has a possibility of getting you a return.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Scott Walker

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Scott Walker, in the governor's house! Scott Walker transformed into a mouse!

Two more strategy guides left for The Wonderful 1237! If you are just joining us, then you really should go back and start with what The Wonderful 1237 is by clicking there. Basically, The Wonderful 1237 is a browser-based Flash game that is a satire of the 2015–2016 Republican presidential primaries.

Each opposing Republican candidate — 17 in all (you play as yourself) —  has their own minigame, which you can read about in terms of the development process over here. Today's article, as the header delightfully will tell you (it's a reference that you shouldn't get), is about Scott Walker. Scott Walker is the governor of Wisconsin. He won three elections to be governor in four years, which, if you don't know about America's politics, is very abnormal. (One of those was a recall election made by union thugs.) Unfortunately for Scott Walker, no one likes him outside of Wisconsin, and he was considered too ugly and not charismatic for everyone else. I think his stats in The Wonderful 1237 reflect that, having the second lowest stat total in the game. He is of no threat to anyone (except union thugs).

...Which means you should enjoy his minigame demo at the bottom of the page!

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 0 + (0–1)
Cool: 0 + (0–3)
Cute: 0 + (0–1)
Smart: 0 + (0–3)
Tough: 0 + (0–4)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 7
Cool: 21
Cute: 7
Smart: 21
Tough: 28

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Very unlikely. (Scott Walker will have 7 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 Versus Scott Walker endorsement minigame fight screen
“Versus... Scott...WalKER! Fight.”

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Run Fast From Undertale's PlayStation Port. Mania!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - A tale of two games with bad franchises. Different fates!

Today, Undertale and Sonic Mania came out. The former is notable for being the biggest news from Sony during E3 2017, despite not appearing in Sony's crappy conference. Undertale is also responsible for ruining the end of 2015, both in terms of being voted by freaks as the BEST GAME EVER and for those freaks spreading unfunny “memes” throughout the Internet

They're still trying to do that. That's why Undertale being revived on the PlayStation 4 and the PlayStation Vita is a big part of their agenda. (Well, the PlayStation Vita release isn't contributing to a revival.)

You might conclude that, since I'm still bringing up the GameFAQs Best. Game. Ever contest from 2015, that I'm still holding that against Undertale and that I'm not giving Undertale a fair shot. That's a logical conclusion to make, but I also believe that I can be very fair-minded and logical as well. Let me be objective here.

Monday, August 14, 2017

WE'RE ALIVE! Regent, Sierra Leone MUDSLIDE Kills HUNDREDS!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - KoopaTV's office wasn't directly affected by the mudslide.

It is fairly common knowledge that the staffers at KoopaTV are excellent, kind-hearted people just looking to help our local communities. Princess Wendy O. Koopa and myself (Prince Ludwig Von Koopa) decided to help our neighbours out in the quaint country of Sierra Leone, Africa. (We hope it's also common knowledge that KoopaTV's office and headquarters on Earth is in Freetown, Sierra Leone, selected for its excellent real estate values.) KoopaTV truly loves the Sierra Leonean people — their great hospitality, welcoming royal Koopas in their human land and allowing us to co-exist in harmony (as long as the Ebola is kept under wraps). We had already dedicated today to being community service day, and we headed over to Ma Soupswill's soup kitchen in Freetown. We're just do-gooding, humankind-loving humanitarians.

However, we quickly discovered something was very wrong once we got to Ma Soupswill's soup kitchen. There was an absolutely horrific tragedy that happened today near Freetown, Sierra Leone: In the Sierra Leonean area of Regent, just sort of south of our headquarters, there was a massive mudslide that killed at least over 200 people. If you look at mudslide history, you'll know that these subset of landslides can be absolutely devastating to structures and people, and they have a tendency to wipe things out. That's compounded thanks to Sierra Leone having bad infrastructure in general, along with the non-stop torrential rain and thunderstorms we've been having since before E3 2017 over two months ago. (For years, we've been donating a percentage of KoopaTV's profits to help strengthen Sierra Leone's infrastructure, but those amounts are unfortunately nowhere near enough to solve the problem.)

Sierra Leone Freetown Sugar Loaf Mountain rain cloud mudslide Mario Party Piranha's Pursuit
Here's one explanation for why there's so much rain.
With the heavy rains, the mud has no choice but to roll off Freetown's Sugar Loaf Mountain.

Let me reiterate: Every staff member at KoopaTV is okay, along with our office. ...At least, in terms of the mudslide. 

Friday, August 11, 2017

Where Is Mario & Sonic at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Nowhere to be found. It's possibly Dennis Rodman's fault. Blame Cappy! (Update 2/6/2018: See the follow-up article to this written the week of the Olympics.)

When Ubisoft announced the Steep DLC at Ubisoft's E3 2017 (Steep: Road to the Olympics) featuring the PyeongChang Winter Olympics in South Korea, I thought that Nintendo would announce a “Mario & Sonic at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games” the following day. Didn't happen.

Two months after E3 2017 started, there still isn't any news regarding a new game in the Mario & Sonic series. This is significant, because the 2018 in PyeongChang 2018 is February. By comparison, Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games was announced in a June 2015 Nintendo Direct for a March 2016 release.

Believe me, this stuff matters. Big time. I know this from very personal experience. Remember the How Team Koopa Escaped Rio series? I sure do. (If you don't, click that hyperlink. It was a very big deal last year.) It was a horrible experience, but following Mario on his conquest of Earth was important. By the end, it turns out that Mario, and evil cap, Cappy, had captured the Prime Minister of Japan, Shinzō Abe. Then they promoted the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games. But what about PyeongChang?

When you think about what's going on in the world, it makes sense that South Korea will try to do everything they can to keep Mario out of their country. (If you're wondering what they have against letting Sonic in, you're on the wrong website. Go start EggmanTV or some crap.) I'll clue you in.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney Is NOW Coming to Nintendo 3DS!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - After Apollo Justice's stint on mobile trash, he's coming where he belongs.

Remember back in December 2016, when CAPCOM brought Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney to iOS and Android platforms? I made a big stink about how it's bad that the Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney port goes to mobile garbage before it went to the Nintendo 3DS. I even made a tangential point at the end about how Nintendo president Kimishima is doing a bad job fighting for Nintendo's interests.

Well, SOMETHING has now changed, and CAPCOM has announced that Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney will be coming to the Nintendo 3DS family of systems this November 2017. (Nintendo eShop only.) 

Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney will cost $20, compared to the $15 you would pay to buy all four cases in the mobile version. I think that's a worthy price, and you will almost-assuredly get a better user experience when playing on the 3DS than a mobile device.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Lindsey Graham

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - If Lindsey Graham were president, the world would be a much different place today. (That's a bad thing.)

We're running out of opportunities to be publishing Wonderful Wednesday articles. If you don't know what Wonderful Wednesday is by now, you're not an active KoopaTV reader. (There are benefits to being one of those, including a chance of winning the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program.) Wonderful Wednesday is the series of Wednesday-dated articles all about KoopaTV's FREE browser-based Flash game, The Wonderful 1237! The Wonderful 1237 features seventeen unique minigames, all from each of the seventeen Republican presidential candidates you will be competing with should you play the game. (...And you damn well should.)

As explained in the Wonderful Wednesday article about those minigames, I'll be writing these strategy guides — one for each candidate, in a specific order. This one is about the one of the current Senators of the great state of South Carolina: Lindsey Graham. Lindsey Graham is notable for being a total chicken hawk and one of the leading neo-conservatives in the country. For those who don't know what that means, it means that Lindsey Graham is a big supporter in the United States of America constantly getting into more wars (including against North Korea) and trying to shove democracy down the throats of the other nations of the world. Exactly the kind of foreign policy that we don't want. Lindsey Graham was also a very ineffective candidate, and that is reflected in his stats. However, Lindsey Graham has one strength: He is the Cutest candidate in The Wonderful 1237. His mannerisms are adorable. All of his answers during the debate questions related to him wanting to drink beer with his opposition. (And anyone else interested.) He's in favour of more immigration and amnesty, and isn't even a conservative. It's a wonder how South Carolina keeps electing him.

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 0 + (0–2)
Cool: 0 + (0–3)
Cute: 3 + (1–5)
Smart: 0 + (0–2)
Tough: 0 + (0–3)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 14
Cool: 21
Cute: 45
Smart: 14
Tough: 21

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Average likelihood. (Lindsey Graham will have 11 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 versus vs Lindsey Graham endorsement minigame fight screen
“Versus... Lindsey Graham. Fight.”

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Nintendo World Championships Return For 2017!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's like 2015's, but lamer.

Remember Nintendo's E3 2015, with the Nintendo World Championships 2015? That event could have made E3 2015 one of the best for Nintendo, but then their actual conference happened and that sucked.

What I'm trying to say is that the Nintendo World Championships in 2015 were awesome. The qualifiers for that grand E3 event, though? Well, I was critical on the Nintendo World Championships qualifiers in 2015 for their eight questionably-distributed locations.

WELL, the Nintendo World Championships are BACK for 2017, coming in October! THIS time, the qualifiers (late August and early September) locations are... in pretty much the same exact locations as they were in 2015. Well, some of the cities moved, but the state allocation is the same: Two in California, one in Florida, one in Illinois, one in Minnesota, one in New York, one in Texas, and one in Washington state.

One big change in the rules this year? Non-Quebec Canadians may participate. Previously it was only Americans. Which Best Buy would the Canadians go to? Who knows.

(Reminder that Alberta residents have not been a part of Canada for over one year. You're in a better kingdom now.)

Monday, August 7, 2017

The Torkoal of West Virginia


Are you wondering about why Torkoal has returned to prominence in the Pokémon world all of a sudden? Could it be that, suddenly, there is a President of the United States of America that is unleashing “fossil fuel” energy? There is a lot of demonisation of coal, especially because of the War on Coal propagated by the former President, President Barack Hussein Obama. That's along with totally failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton — she's the one who vowed to put a lot of coal miners and coal mines out of business.

That's a direct threat to Torkoal's survival. See these Torkoal Pokédex entry excerpts:
You find abandoned coal mines full of them. They dig tirelessly in search of coal.”
Coal is the source of Torkoal’s energy.”
“If the fire burning within its shell goes out, it will die.”

Essentially, under the Democrat Party, Torkoal would become extinct, and we would lose our all-turtle Pokémon lineup. That is a problem for some decent Democrats, such as Jim Webb of Virginia, who wished for an all-of-the-above energy policy. It was also a problem for new governor of West Virginia, Jim Justice, who is a billionaire coal magnate who refused to endorse Hillary Clinton due to her anti-coal stance.

Therefore, Jim Justice switched his party registration from Democrat to Republican on Friday, August 4, 2017. In doing so, he is saving the Torkoal from extinction! We have a picture representation of what this looks like:

Friday, August 4, 2017

Condiment Conflict: Mayonnaise vs. Ketchup Splatfest!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - In case you haven't realised from my procrastination on writing this article, this Splatfest is stupid.

Welcome to the first OFFICIAL (as opposed to a demo) Splatfest of Splatoon 2!

Splatoon 2 Team Mayo Mayonnaise Ketchup decision board join better than Splatfest
It's... Mayonnaise vs. Ketchup?

Team Mayonnaise vs. Team Ketchup. Many question why mayonnaise gets a spot here, instead of another condiment such as mustard. Personally, I'm questioning why they brought Splatfests back if the theme is going to be so... lame. Well, I'm going with Team Ketchup. Why? Well, no deep reason. I like the taste of ketchup more. The only condiment to prominently appear in my world is tomato sauce, but ketchup is related to that.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Kirby Series: 25 Years Old! eShop Sale!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Kirby himself isn't 25 years old. Just his franchise.

Did you know that the reason KIRBYBIRTHDAY is a usable password in Team Kirby Clash Deluxe (the ONLY usable password in North America. The other regions get more passwords, a sign of inequality) is because Kirby's Dream Land came out in April/August 1992 (again, depending on your region), and that means 2017 is Kirby's 25th year of being in business? Of course, when you consider the whole year to be a birthday, then every year is a birthday. (Remember: Anniversaries happen more than just numbers ending in 0 or 5.)

...Normally, I wouldn't cover this sort of silly thing as an article, because I don't give a damn about anniversaries. However, Nintendo wants me to give a damn, putting more effort into letting me know Kirby is 25 years old than... well, a lot of other franchises. There's a Wii U push notification. A 3DS push notification. A Nintendo eShop sale (ending August 8th). A Miiverse-wide announcement. (Keep in mind that Miiverse is supposed to be dying out, as seen by Nintendo not having any announcement about E3 2017 — an actual event. Also keep in mind that Miiverse announcements are supposed to be used for updates about Miiverse, like its horrible redesign, rather than marketing pitches.) There's also a press release and special My Nintendo rewards. (Such as spending virtual currency to get a wallpaper that you could download for free from Play Nintendo.)

Kirby 25th Anniversary 25 wallpaper theme
Nintendo chooses to use a trademark symbol instead of a possessive apostrophe.

So... I guess I should detail the sale. You tell me if you want me to get anything from it. (You can also tell me if YOU want anything from it. As in, you'll buy it yourself. Put SOMETHING in the comments section, will ya?)

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

The Wonderful 1237 Strategy Guides: Bobby Jindal

 By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Prove your math skills to the Republican Party's smartest candidate.

We are quickly nearing the end of KoopaTV's very extensive coverage of The Wonderful 1237, best described as KoopaTV's satirical strategy simulation game of the Republican presidential primaries of 2015–2016. You really should play it, which Flash-enabled readers can do here. There's nothing else like it. Each of the candidates in those primaries — 17 in all — serve as your opponents. Each of them have their own minigame, too, as explained here.

This Wonderful Wednesday is dedicated to the man who was the governor of Louisiana, and was a rising star in the Republican Party (and still might be — he's young!): Bobby Jindal. In terms of statistics, Bobby Jindal is very similar to Ted Cruz, but marginally has more Beauty and less Cool. That means that Bobby Jindal is very lopsided, but he is one of the smartest Republicans in both the game and real life. Will he be able to put it to good use? He'll certainly test YOUR smarts!

Candidate Stats

Base stats and growth:
Beauty: 0 + (0–3)
Cool: 0 + (0–4)
Cute: 0 + (0–2)
Smart: 3 + (1–5)
Tough: 2 + (0–5)

Average untouched stats after 14 rounds:
Beauty: 21
Cool: 28
Cute: 14
Smart: 45
Tough: 37

Average likelihood of surviving Iowa if untouched:
Fairly likely. (Bobby Jindal will have 13 delegates on average; need 11 to clear.)
The Wonderful 1237 VS Bobby Jindal versus endorsement minigame splash screen
“Versus... Bobbbbbyyyy Jindaaaaaaaaaal. Fight!”

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

KoopaTV's July 2017 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We start off the newsletter with... a tribute to a special person.

Get ready for another great KoopaTV month! Aw yeah!

But first, let's review what happened in July of 2017. Lots of stuff, judging by the number of headers in this article. BY THE WAY, I hope you readers know that if you hover your cursor over a heading, it'll give you the url anchor extension bringing the page directly to that header. Try it.

BUT, before we get to our newsletter's headlines, there's something I gotta explain: All five of last week's articles' sub-titles were quotes by King Koopa from the Super Mario Bros., Super Mario Bros. 3, or Super Mario World cartoons. This was done as a sorta stupid/silly tribute to Harvey Atkin, who voice-acted King Koopa in all three of those cartoons. He died two weeks ago of cancer at the age of 74. King Koopa is a big reason that I'm a fan of those cartoons. His wit, cruelty, fashion sense, and bursts of brilliance continue to be an inspiration to Koopas everywhere.

Now with that out of the way, let's stop talking about Koopas on TV and talk about KoopaTV. Starting with...

Top Five Recommended Articles of July 2017

Here are my top five recommended articles of July 2017. These are presented in chronological order: