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Friday, December 6, 2019

Ring Fit Adventure Fitness Log Week 4: Squats In Real Life

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - At least we watch Dragaux at dance.

We are at the end of week 4 of my fitness log series. That's a whole month of training! However, I didn't play Ring Fit Adventure for most of the days of this week. I have a very good explanation, though!

You see, we had Mr. Blizzard come visit us in Koopa Kingdom. Specifically, Mizzter Blizzard, who you may remember from Paper Mario: Sticker Star. I called him a loser some years ago when I advocated for sandcastles over snowmen. I think he wanted some kind of help from Lord Bowser with having a better body, but Koopa Kingdom rejected the snowman. Mizzter Blizzard reacted by covering Koopa Kingdom—and Lord Bowser's castle—in snow, which isn't great. Master Bowser blamed me for Mizzter Blizzard being upset, and ordered me to spend hours between Sunday and Tuesday clearing out all the snow, with just some shovels in claw as opposed to a mechanised solution.

It turns out that all the squats I've been doing in Ring Fit Adventure is exactly what one needs to do in order to correctly shovel snow—that is, to lift the snow with one's legs, as opposed to destroy their back. I actually came out of this in much less pain and much better shape than previous experiences with snow, and I attribute that to Ring Fit Adventure. Perhaps it also helps I had Ring Fit Adventure music in my head while shovelling.

So that's why I only played Ring Fit Adventure twice this week. Let's talk about those times:

Thursday, December 5, 2019

A Mario Allegedly Conspired Against George Zimmerman

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This is hilarious stuff.

I would like this article to serve as a contrast to yesterday's very pro-plaintiff article. I'm definitely not for every time someone sues another person for the person initiating the lawsuit. KoopaTV is filled with articles about baseless lawsuits against videogame companies for matters like getting them addicted, and how we're on the side of the company. (Most recently with some Canadian family suing about Fortnite being addictive.)

You might've heard that George Zimmerman—which KoopaTV has an embarrassing history with because mid-2014 and early 2015 had nothing better happening—is suing a lot of people for a lot of money, including the family of Trayvon Martin, who he killed in self-defence back in 2013. (And was found not guilty in his Ace Attorney-esque trial, a verdict we still support.) He's also suing the prosecutors, the state of Florida, and others.

You can read the court filing for yourself here. It features a fascinating theory from George Zimmerman, being that the prosecution from his 2013 case conspired against him and put Rachel Jeantel, described in the filing as an unemployed Florida citizen (who back in 2013, was an 18-year old ninth grader reading at a fourth grade level and was the number one tardy student in school) as “an imposter and fake witness” in place of her half-sister, Brittany Diamond Eugene, who was Trayvon Martin's true girlfriend and phone witness to his death.

The conspirators behind this swap are described as Trayvon's best friends (described as possibly dangerous and gangster-y), named Mario and Bramble.

Mario? Here? Wouldn't surprise me.

The reason the lawsuit is happening now is because the prosecutor in the 2013 case, Benjamin Crump and HarperCollins published a new book in October with the inflammatory title, Open Season: Legalized Genocide of Colored People, and it contains false information about George Zimmerman. Thus, he felt compelled to sue for defamation... for $100,000,000.00, as well as attorney's fees.

The claims in this lawsuit about the imposter witness are largely due to the new investigation done by filmmaker Joel Gilbert, whom Wikipedia notes as a right-wing conspiracy theorist. They claims are not proven (or disproven), but hey, that'll be what court is for.

Assuming this case isn't totally thrown out by the judge like the last time Zimmerman tried to sue for defamation, that time being NBC. Quite frankly, I don't inherently believe George Zimmerman's claim here. I mean, if it's true, then he should be entitled to damages. It's not like he has any other method of having a future, since the case also notes he's unemployable, under constant death threats, and can't maintain a date. (That date was also a Mario fan... he keeps coming up, doesn't he?)

If you look at KoopaTV's history of ZimmermanTV articles, you should note that this site's opinion of George Zimmerman slowly goes from “he's a hero” to “this guy is a dangerous lunatic in an endless loop of doing stupid things for attention.” This latest theory sounds like a Phoenix Wright bluff, so that might mean it's actually true! Though it's never made clear what anyone had to gain from having the half-sister be an imposter.

Wednesday, December 4, 2019

The Pokémon Company International's Trade Secrets vs. THE LEAKERS

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - A valiant and necessary crusade to be settled with the courts’ help. (No spoilers in this article text, by the way.)

Almost two weeks ago on November 22, 2019, The Pokémon Company International (TPCi—they're in charge of managing the Pokémon series intellectual property), through their legal representatives at Perkins Coie LLP, submitted court documentation to the United States District Court for the Western District of Washington versus John/Jane Does 1–3. (They're probably all Johns, calling it now.) Why? Because they're LEAKERS and helped sabotage the release of Pokémon Sword and Pokémon Shield by gaining access to the Pokémon Sword and Shield: The Official Galar Region Strategy Guide (to be released November 22) and dumping many pictures of it to the Internet on November 1, which bad websites took and spread in front of your face, obliterating TPCi's carefully-crafted marketing plan for the game releasing November 15. Perhaps that's why they revealed the Galarian starter evolutions weeks after the game's release.

I made it clear that I don't like reading spoilers about Pokémon Sword or Pokémon Shield in my article where I wrote about how I'm not getting the game. In their documentation, which is itself filled with spoilers in the form of almost 80 pages of screenshot exhibits at the end, TPCi made clear that they carefully timed their announcements to maximise fan excitement and anticipation over the games (as opposed to the uncareful timing back in Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon), and it's quite damaging for the leakers to break that.

More to the point, the co-defendants, for now only known as WolfenX#5356 (no longer a valid Discord name), the mysterious and unknown WolfenX#5356's source, and Uxinator#3307; knew exactly what they were doing. (There is also another guy named DimensioNz#3307, but TPCi isn't suing him...yet.) Through some combination of those people, they willfully violated non-disclosure agreements and TPCi's security mechanisms (detailed in the court documents, including background checks, tarps, key cards, passwords, and internal digital rights management. They pretty much kept the strategy guides and game files in a Team Rocket Headquarters-style puzzle contraption) to keep the game's unrevealed Pokémon and other details as a secret. Obviously, someone or some people broke civil laws along the way, and TPCi is well within their right to go after them.

Tuesday, December 3, 2019

Not Content With Mario Kart, Link Tries Super Mario Maker 2

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Arguably as newsworthy headline: Super Mario Maker 2 is getting an update.

Remember that Super Mario Maker 2 is out? For less than six months? Has everyone forgotten about it? Well, Super Mario Maker 2 has basically four million copies. As of writing this, it's the 34th most-viewed game being streamed right now on Twitch, ahead of things like ASMR. It's not irrelevant, then.

Still, Nintendo hasn't been giving it the love that Super Mario Maker on the Wii U got, in terms of update quantity at this point in the game's lifespan.

Super Mario Maker 2 has gotten one update so far, which enabled online with-friends multiplayer. When the game launched without it, that was a huge complaint.

Nintendo has now announced a second update to be released this week, which primarily is the addition of a new power-up course part: the Master Sword, which allegedly transforms Mario into Link from The Legend of Zelda series with a sword, shield, Pegasus Boots, down-thrust, arrows, and bombs. Take a look:

Monday, December 2, 2019

KoopaTV's November 2019 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Yes, vember!

Cheers, and welcome to the November 2019 KoopaTV newsletter! Want to know what this strange but lovable KoopaTV site is all about? Wondering what happened in the past month, that of November? Or maybe you enjoy reflecting on the immediate past—and it feels immediate, since it went by fast.

Sure, this newsletter can assist in that. Let us get started. There's no breaking news, by the way. Sometimes that's in these newsletters. Not this time. You'll still like the base content, though.

The Top Five Recommended KoopaTV Experiences of November 2019

Personally, I think I'm a genius writer. What do you think when you see these five chronologically-ordered articles? (And if they're not listed but were published in November 2019, then they're still worth reading.)
  1. Buying Pokémon Sword/Shield? Why I Won't—You know, I wrote this article so people wouldn't ask me if I've gotten Pokémon Shield yet. I obviously have the money and the means. I just don't want to, and this article explains why.
  2. Catastrophic: YouTube Culls Comments For COPPA—A lot of people are concerned about what the FTC vs. Google settlement means for YouTube as it results to the application of COPPA law. KoopaTV wades through the fear and misinformation and gives you the information you need, as well as KoopaTV's own policy.
  3. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate: Version 6.0.0 (November) Fighter Usage Stats!—I really like the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate version 6.0.0 update, since it buffed Jigglypuff. But how did the buffs and Terry's addition affect how much each character is used in online play? I compiled the stats!
  4. Why Pokémon National Dexers Failed But Sonic's Movie Got Redesigned—A reader asked why the whole Dexit movement was a failure, but the backlash for Sonic the Hedgehog's movie got a successful redesign. I dig into the philosophies behind fan-driven change at big companies.
  5. Eric Swalwell's #Fartgate Spirit Battle—I believe this article is the only fart joke I've written in KoopaTV's six and a half year history, and it's very well done, too! Makes fun of a guy who deserves scorn, but in KoopaTV's truth & levity style.
There's articles not on here that I'm referencing a lot already, as well as the new Ring Fit Adventure fitness log series that's published weekly. Those are great and in a style not seen on KoopaTV before.

Friday, November 29, 2019

Ring Fit Adventure Fitness Log Week 3: The Kingdom of Sporta

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Most of the Kingdom of Sporta, anyway.

My scaly wrists are feeling pretty sore typing this out, but yes, it's our third edition of KoopaTV's Fitness Log Fridays.

This goes through Days 9, 10, 11, and 12 of Ring Fit Adventure, and according to the in-game exercise log (reproduced at the end), I've played it for longer and more intensely than Week 1 and Week 2! I'm going to tell you my impressions as I'm playing Ring Fit Adventure, the good and the bad, and the play-by-play through this very unique role-playing game.

Starting Monday night at World 4: The Nation of Sporta. I had the difficulty level set up to 19 for the week, to continue to challenge myself and look impressive to the folks I'm about to spend my week with. You see, Sporta is no mere nation. It is a kingdom, full of buff, fit, muscular people. They wish to fight back against Dragaux, who has done little more than fly in. I'm tasked by the local Sportan Commander to scout out the Sportan Waters. There's actually all sorts of collectibles here that you can Ring Pull, like wildly growing strawberries. But we're stopped by a non-traversable river.

Thursday, November 28, 2019

Eric Swalwell's #Fartgate Spirit Battle

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Don't do this to your family on Thanksgiving.

In honour of the very American holiday of Thanksgiving, established around a century and a half ago, KoopaTV has decided to dedicate today's article to a very American fellow: California Congressman (and very failed Democrat presidential candidate, being the first to drop out) Eric Swalwell!

Of course, at KoopaTV, we're not going to bore you with some puff piece about a politician. ...Though there are some puffs involved, of another sort.

Warning: This article contains cursed imagery and fart jokes. In fact, there already just was one.

Spirit Details

Eric Swalwell
California Democrat Party (real life)
Spirit Type, Ability
Down Special ↑

Wednesday, November 27, 2019

Galarian Starter Evolutions Officially Revealed

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Nice to know who they are, eventually. My thoughts.

Let's suspend our knowledge for a bit that we all know Pokémon Sword and Pokémon Shield are already released. We can even forget that I said I'm not getting it.

The Pokémon Company International just revealed, as of this morning, the first and second stage evolutions to the Galarian starter Pokémon we first met back when Pokémon Sword and Pokémon Shield were introduced back in February. You remember Grookey, Scorbunny, and Sobble, right?

Meet their evolutions (and some less interesting details about Snorlax forgetting to play Ring Fit Adventure): 

I'll go through each evolutionary line separately and give my thoughts, but I'm telling you upfront: I'm still a Grookey supporter, and I didn't need to see these to have that affect my opinion.

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Why Would You Join the Pocket Camp Club?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Some folks still play this, for some reason. Perhaps not for much longer!

Full, upfront disclosure: My experience with Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp is about as limited as watching the Animal Crossing Mobile Direct two years ago with the rest of the KoopaTV staff, and watching someone play the game for a few minutes during Thanksgiving 2017. The key verb there was “watching.” I never played it. Still, I think I'm qualified to commentate on this news, because with any announcement from Nintendo there's both an audience of existing consumers, as well as non-players who might just become interested based on the information. And I do have non-mobile Animal Crossing experience so I have a reference point.

Right after making some very controversial changes to the Gulliver's Ship feature that greatly distorted the established resources→reward ratio (as well as making it more difficult to rid oneself of duplicate inventory), Nintendo announced two new $3 or $8 per month subscription services for Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp, collectively called the “Pocket Camp Club.”

(The new update also made Gulliver's Ship better.)

There are two membership options. The Happy Helper Plan, and the Cookie & Depot Plan. I'm not sure if you can subscribe to both, though let's briefly discuss why you'd subscribe to either optional plan.

Monday, November 25, 2019

Sad Excuses for Black Friday Sales, 2019

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - There's likely going to be many more examples.

I would like to tell you a tale of three companies’ bad Black Friday outings. You might not view them as objectively bad in a holistic sense, but we're KoopaTV, and we can spin the story how we want.

First example is the important one, as far as KoopaTV is concerned. CAPCOM is having a Black Friday sale on select games... and what they don't tell you in their headline, is select games on select consoles.

I suppose I should share CAPCOM's caveat:
“By the way, this is a growing list! Keep an eye on it as we’ll be adding more deals as they’re made available.”

But for now, they have Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy at 33% off ($20.09 from $29.99)... but only on Xbox One and PlayStation 4. That's an inferior discount than August's CAPCOM Publisher Sale 2019. Most of the other sales are titles on Xbox One that I didn't know were even ported there, like Ōkami HD.

There's a certain console missing there that this site tends to focus on. But it's a growing list.

Update 11/26/2019: They added Steam games to the list, including Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy for only $19.79, or 34% off. That's better than August.

Update 11/28/2019: While CAPCOM is not acknowledging this, the Ace Attorney games are on sale on Switch and 3DS right now until December 4.

Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney Nintendo eShop Switch 3DS Black Friday Cyber Monday 2019 sale discounts
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy is 33.33% off or 60% off depending on system.
Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney is 50% off.
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Spirit of Justice is 60% off.
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Dual Destinies is 70% off.

But I don't think Best Buy's Black Friday sale will be a growing list. They went and paid for #BestBuyBlackFriday to be a trending tweet, starting yesterday morning. (Sunday.) What's on offer?

Best Buy Black Friday 2019 Nintendo Switch Lite full price not a deal
Normally-priced (MSRP) Nintendo Switch Lite, for $199.99!
(There's hundreds of other items, too, but how is this justifiable?)

Ever since I announced to the world that I'm a trillionaire, a lot of people have come to me asking me to buy them things. Knowing that I'm very... frugal (some say stingy), they justify their requests with “well it'll be on sale on Black Friday.” Except some of those same people are asking for Nintendo Switch (Lite) systems.

Silly. Nintendo doesn't put those on sale. They just put their old (read: discontinued) Nintendo Switch systems as a Black Friday deal by having it at full price ($300) but it includes a full game download code of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe. And hey, that's the best-selling game on the Switch, so I guess that's arguably enticing. Still not really much of a deal...

You can probably take it as a bad sign that Ludwig is writing a filler article about Black Friday on a Monday, but you can and also should blame these companies for starting their sales a week early. Meanwhile, KoopaTV has begun its latest giveaway contest process since November 1. You should participate.