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Tuesday, January 22, 2019

President Donald Trump's Second Year Reflection

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Why did I say it's his reflection? It's our reflection about him.

One year ago, I created an article about President Donald Trump's First Year Reflection. The idea is that KoopaTV discussed the President of the United States a lot during his first year from January 2017–January 2018, and it would be interesting to see what sort of coverage we gave him. Positive, neutral, or negative? Were we fair & balanced or not?

I put together a big list of all of the coverage about President Donald John Trump and sorted it by topic and how positive, neutral, or negative it was. Then I put it all in a table at the end, and it turns out that KoopaTV's coverage, spread across 19 articles in a year, was... exactly neutral, with equal amounts of good and bad.

That's a super-interesting result. It made me wonder how KoopaTV's coverage of 2018–2019 was, and if I find that to be an interesting question, surely you do as well. It's time for a similar list for the past year, then! Let's go!

For fun, try guessing what the ratio will be before getting to the end. Last year, we made a mini-contest out of the guessing. This year, I'm not going that far...

All dates on this website (that I can remember) are in dd/mm/yyyy format.

Monday, January 21, 2019

Morton Luther King Jr.: MORTON HAVE NIGHTMARE

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And now, his nightmare will be your nightmares!

More than any other Koopaling besides Ludwig and Wendy (because we're both staff members here), I'm pretty sure that Morton Koopa Jr. is the most talked-about Koopaling on KoopaTV. (If you try to fact-check that and successfully prove I'm wrong, I'll give you 5 Correction Corner points—that's the maximum.) Most of the focus of that talk is rather negative coverage, as I'll allude to in the coming paragraphs.

But did you know that Morton Koopa Jr., aside from being a masterful kart-racer and a feet-on advocate for ending childhood poverty, is also a civil rights activist? It's true. I figured that today, without any provocation, I'd write about that. Not like anything else is going on.

In fact, Morton is famous for his “MORTON HAVE NIGHTMARE” speech that he gave to a large gathering of Goombas, claiming to care about the disparity in treatment of Goombas compared to Koopas within Koopa Kingdom, as well as around the world in other kingdoms with Goombas vs. their dominant population species.

We have some pictures and a partial transcript that go along with that. Sorry, no lyrical music video of Morton this time. Or any video. This is a historical event that no one thought was worth recording, but it is worth sharing. ...Maybe. (It took KoopaTV over five and a half years to share this, though, so maybe not.)

Keep in mind that this stuff is controversial and disturbing. (Viewer discretion advised.) Given Morton's speaking style, the transcript is also a little hard to read. (It was hard to transcribe, too!) There's some analysis at the end from me, just to get things straight.

Friday, January 18, 2019

Travis Strikes Again: No More Heroes Released... And More Best Buy Shopping Adventures!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I bought Travis Strikes Again: No More Heroes. There's more to the story than that.

I last wrote about Travis Strikes Again: No More Heroes in September, writing about its delay to January 2019 (a very smart delay) and how I was still unsure if I should buy it. Either way, January 2019 is here (specifically Friday, January 18) and the game has released. I decided to go to Best Buy today and see if I would impulsively buy it or not. Moment of truth time.

I do want to support the No More Heroes franchise, after all. But Travis Strikes Again strikes me as something to be wary of... again and again. (There's wordplay in that sentence.) That said, it's something I've been paying close attention to since SUDA 51 appeared on that stage when the Nintendo Switch and its concept was formally introduced.

The first thing I see when I get to the Nintendo section of the store is that Travis Strikes Again: No More Heroes is nowhere to be found. Instead, another game that I've been agonising over the purchase of was there, and in eye-catching fashion.

Thursday, January 17, 2019

Your Fortnite Account's Credit Cards Could've Been Hacked

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The could've would turn into would've if the method fell into the wrong gloves.

Being a hipster—and I'm not saying I'm a hipster, since I have legitimate grievances against Fortnite—has advantages. We know that hackers target gamers for a variety of reasons, covered here. Hackers want to get the highest return on investment for their time, so they want to go after online games with large userbases that involve e-commerce or micro-transactions. Bonus points if that userbase consists of idiots, children, or idiotic children. There isn't a game that fits all of those criteria right now better than Fortnite, which is pretty much the most popular game on every platform it's on, which is basically anything modern that can play games.

There are probably tons of scammers out there trying to target unsuspecting Fortnite players and extort value from them. I don't encounter these since I'm suspecting and not a Fortnite player, but it's out there. Something about whatever a V-buck is and the desire to obtain more of them is just that captivating. As a result, millions and millions of people have provided Epic Games their (or their parents’) credit card details, stored for easy use.

I've written about the dangers of storing your credit cards with any game provider infrastructure, and that's one of my biggest issues with Nintendo Switch Online right now

And this is exactly why. Check Point Research, a cyber threat intelligence outfit, documented how they were able to—through sophisticated means that could take advantage of a better-than-unsuspecting Fortnite player—hack accounts (and their credit card spending ability, as well as impersonating the victim in voice chats with their friends) through weaknesses in Epic Games's cybersecurity infrastructure. It's not even true phishing since the user isn't putting in their log-in information!

Epic Games single sign on Fortnite account PlayStation Xbox Nintendo Facebook Google
Through single sign-on, they could get you via any major platform, Facebook, or Google.
It doesn't appear that the Nintendo Switch's lack of an Internet browser would save you.

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Your Online Gaming Sessions Are Illegal, Declares Sessions In His Last Session

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And by online gaming I mean online gambling, but there's a lesson there.

Once upon a time, I actually wrote on KoopaTV, “we're happy that Jeff Sessions was just confirmed to be President Donald John Trump's Attorney General!” I can't justify that statement, since it's weird even for the early-2017 President Donald John Trump honeymoon period. Maybe it was sarcasm. I want the benefit of the doubt. I never liked Jeff Sessions (aka Attorney General/Senator Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III), believe me. Still don't.

Jeff Sessions recently got FIRED by President Donald John Trump, and for excellent reasons being that he was useless and counterproductive. Dude hates states rights and liberty, too. And his insistence on non-Senator power is the reason that we even know who Roy Moore is. (And similar sexual harasser Roy of Pherae.)

But right before he did, the U.S. Department of Justice Office of Legal Counsel, which advises the President and the Attorney General on legal matters, issued a memorandum saying that the Wire Act, which was previously thought to just ban online sportsbetting in the United States, applies to all forms of gambling. (Don't actually try to read the memo—it's two-dozen pages about interpreting almost 60-year old comma usage. Not that ancient grammar isn't important, but it's bad reading material, unlike the rest of this article.)

Between 2011 and now (thanks President Barack Hussein Obama—non-ironically), the Justice Department saw the Wire Act of 1961 as only applying to sportsbetting as it relates to online wagering, meaning state-regulated online casinos and lottery are just fine. So states like Georgia set up (online) lotteries like the Georgia Lottery, which funds the crucial HOPE Scholarship in that state. People like Rawk get their gambling fix, and kids get scholarships to go to school. Works out for everyone. But now the online Georgia Lottery is considered illegal.

Why did the Justice Department suddenly come to this new conclusion? Well, I think I know why.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Irrationality: Gillette and So-Called “Toxic Masculinity”

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Everyone is up in ARMS, and there's nothing worse than that.

All of a sudden, venerable American shaving company Gillette got into the news over a commercial they made. In their over 100 years in business, it might be the most attention-grabbing commercial they've ever put out, which probably means it was a great success.

Gillette markets bladed razors to mostly men and sometimes women, with their slogan being “The Best a Man Can Get”, created 30 years ago. In honour of the 30th anniversary of that slogan (having their anniversaries matter is their first mistake; though I suppose going 87 years without a notable or existing slogan is chronologically the first mistake before that), Gillette released this commercial (pretentiously referred to as a “short film”) known as “We Believe.”


What does Gillette believe in? Well, here's the embed of the commercial. I want you to, if you haven't already, watch the whole thing without any preconceived notions.



Just to make sure that you're not mishearing something, or if the video gets deleted or you're not allowed to listen to audio from where you're reading this article, here is the video's OFFICIAL transcript. You'll notice nowhere is the phrase “toxic masculinity” used by the Gillette narrator, unlike in the title of this article.

Monday, January 14, 2019

What Is A Good Game Purchase?

By WENDY O. KOOPA - Considering Purchases...

Atlas was the first game I ever refunded since I started playing on PC. I have never refunded anything else, considering all of the digital platforms I have bought my games on. Steam, Humble Bundle, GOG to name for example...

ATLAS Steam Support refund request multiplayer doesn't work
You can really see how often I go to Steam Support.

So this got me thinking, what made me super picky on the games I buy now?

Friday, January 11, 2019

NSMBUD is a Dud, BIS is the Bes'

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - (That title is going to be awful for search engines.)

Today on January 11 2019 Nintendo is having TWO releases in the Mario franchise: New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe on the Nintendo Switch (formerly New Super Mario Bros. U on the Wii U... and technically New Super Luigi U as well, but that game is only remembered for being the shitposting board on Miiverse and shitposting isn't included in the Switch version), and Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story + Bowser Jr.'s Journey on the Nintendo 3DS, formerly Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story on the Nintendo DS. Clearly, Nintendo hasn't stopped their porting strategies. While the Nintendo Switch receiving Wii U ports is extremely common, the 3DS getting DS ports is more rare but not unheard of, given backwards compatibility.

While hopefully Super Mario Maker (especially if that gets ported too) makes “original” (if you can call them that to begin with) New Super Mario Bros. series titles cease to exist. Or maybe there is no direct alternative. I've been sick of them even with a 6-year absence. There are so many better platformers out there.

I'm saying this even though I'm in New Super Mario Bros. U (and its allegedly “Deluxe” form that doesn't add anything besides a new playable character in Toadette that makes the game easier if you use them, like the port of another Wii U platformer that is much better than New Super Mario Bros. U).

But I'm also in Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story + Bowser Jr.'s Journey — and without ever being in the original Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story. Now THAT is a significant addition to the game.



“Ludwig,” you begin to ask, “if you were born as Toadette and not as Ludwig Von Koopa, you'd be saying the exact opposite in terms of how you feel about the two games being released today!”

Thursday, January 10, 2019

Splatoon 2 Family vs. Friends Splatfest: White Ink Was A Bad Idea

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Gold ink, too. That whole Splatfest was a disgrace.

The first weekend of 2019 featured two things: KoopaTV's staff deliberating over the Game of THAT Year 2018 nominees (moreso the KoopaTV article awards than the games), and the Family vs. Friends holidays Splatfest. This article is about the results of that Splatfest, as well as the actual Splatfest gameplay itself. Click that Splatfest hyperlink to see that I was steadfastly on Team Family, and why I made that decision. (Good article.)

Here were the results, though:

Splatoon 2 Splatfest Team Family vs. Friends results votes wins
Team Family (here as Team “Fam”) won Popularity, and lost the actual Turf War matches to Team Friend.
So Team Friend unfortunately won the Splatfest.

Very regrettable results. I got to Fam King solely by playing Splatfest Battle Normal and stopped, but I know that I was above average within Team Family.

That said, I had my first ever 100x battle and lost it. Whoops. Can now confirm through personal experience that it's not a Fortnite battle royale, though!

What were the factors that caused Team Family to lose to Team Friend? Fundamentally, I think it's the ink colours. Allow me to explain the built-in advantage that Team Friend had over Team Family because of the ink colour differences.

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Phoenix Wright Impersonator Arrested For Poisoning—Exclusive Fight Footage Inside!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Ace Attorney's reputation restored.

(LOS ANGELES, California) Yesterday, head of Tender Lender Furio Tigre (42) was arrested after a fierce turnabout battle that spanned both inside and outside of Courtroom No. 4, reversing a courtroom decision one month earlier that held former policewoman and Trés Bien waitress Maggey Byrde guilty for the murder of Glen Elg, a programmer at Blue Screens, Inc.

Ms. Byrde was accused of poisoning the coffee of Glen Elg while he was alone at the French-styled restaurant, but her defence attorney, Phoenix Wright, demonstrated that the court case a month earlier in December was a mistrial. Interestingly, it was believed that Phoenix Wright was also Ms. Byrde's defence attorney in that trial.

However, as revealed in court yesterday, Glen Elg's poisoner was Furio Tigre. Mr. Tigre also admitted in court to having posed as Phoenix Wright in the December trial of Maggey Byrde, having fooled the court by dressing up as Phoenix Wright and using a cardboard attorney's badge. Mr. Tigre's intentionally shoddy defence was a stain on Mr. Wright's reputation as an up-and-coming Ace Attorney.


Mr. Tigre was said to conduct his business, a loan company, through fear and intimidation. KoopaTV exclusively obtained photography and footage demonstrating that he handled being investigated by Mr. Wright and the Los Angeles Police Department much the same way: