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Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Ashley has granted kids to Hell... What about Sakurai?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Ashley may still be playable... via threat.

A year ago, I wrote about the positive experience of Trans-Ashley, a male-to-female transgender who is finding great success in her life, including a singing career. (Which we showcased in that article. I like her singing.) This contrasts greatly with the experience with the original witch, Ashley. You see, she doesn't want to just be an Assist Trophy. She wants to be the Wario franchise's second playable character.

Unfortunately for Ashley, Super Smash Bros. director Masahiro Sakurai doesn't want Ashley to be a playable character. As revealed in last week's Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Direct, Ashley was once again relegated to be an Assist Trophy. She had the “red eyes” that Masahiro Sakurai was claiming he would have.

...Or so, that's what it looks at first glance. And I admit, that's what I initially thought as well. But clear your mind of any preconceived notions of Ashley being an Assist Trophy in Super Smash Bros. 4 and look what was actually confirmed in the Direct. And, more importantly, what was not confirmed.

Monday, August 13, 2018

Microsoft Flight Simulator to Plane Stealing?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The simulator is blameless.

You may have heard that over the weekend, a Horizon Air ground-crew member, Richard Russell (29 years young) of Seattle stole a Bombardier Dash 8 Q400 airliner for a suicidal joy-ride — after doing some tricks (including a barrel roll, which he always wanted to do), he crashed into a small island and died. He was the only person in the plane. Since that airliner does not operate via keys — one has to go through many intricate actions to get it flying via the control panel — the Labo's Vehicle Kit master key was not found responsible.

Now here's the interesting part — Russell wasn't a pilot. He never flew a real plane before. He just worked at the airport. While he was flying around doing tricks, an air traffic controller tried to help him fly the thing, but Russell claimed that he didn't need help, because he had “played some video games before. ... I know what I'm doing, a little bit!” While it appears that instantaneous mastery of a vehicle is one of the traits that the Labo key grants, since there wasn't a key slot in the plane, Russell must have gotten his flying skills the old-fashioned way:

Friday, August 10, 2018

Dragon Ball FighterZ Open Beta on Nintendo Switch... could use some work.

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...It's a beta, not a demo. If you consider it a demo, it's terrible.

We have been lobbying Bandai Namco for Dragon Ball FighterZ to come to the Nintendo Switch ever since it was announced, and continued to lobby for it after it was released on other platforms. Then it was announced at Nintendo's E3 2018, amidst a flurry of many other things. We haven't said anything since, but now is a good time to — between Friday morning and the end of Saturday, Dragon Ball FighterZ has an Open Beta that you can download and experience from the Nintendo eShop!

If you don't know how to play the game already, then you're going to struggle with it since the game doesn't make an effort to teach you how. They don't display the controls in a prominent place before the game starts, like Pokkén Tournament DX. However, there are Battle Tutorials in the game. I recommend you play through all of them before playing other people. They are... really hidden away, but here's a video teaching you how to access them:

Thursday, August 9, 2018

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is Full of Content... is it the WRONG Content?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...Chromtent.

Did you watch the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Direct featuring Masahiro Sakurai yesterday? You can watch it and read my reactions here. You can also read Nintendo's very detailed press release about it here. Please familiarise yourself with the material, since this article will go in-depth about it and it's best we all have the same baseline. I'm not going to summarise it in this article, since you now already (know) everything you need to know.

Oh, one more thing: On Tuesday, I wrote an article defending Masahiro Sakurai as an exhausted, overworked person who people should stop thinking is trying to put hidden messages in his statements. People who saw Sakurai's statement about tired, red eyes as a hint for King K. Rool or something related to vampires had no humanity.

Well, it turns out that I'm wrong. King K. Rool is now playable. Simon Belmont is now playable. Richter Belmont is now playable. Alucard is an Assist Trophy. Dracula is a stage boss. Given how wrong I was to view Sakurai as a human being and not a troll, the contingency for me being wrong in that article was,
“In that case, Ludwig will never feel sympathy for Sakurai ever again,”
So I'm going to be very harsh in my assessment of the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Direct. Masahiro Sakurai has a personal grudge against me spanning years, and it's about time I have a grudge against him and stick to it.

Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Ludwig's Non-Live Reaction to the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Direct (8/8/18)!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...Well then. That's a lot of content.

Today is the day. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Direct. I'm reacting to it by myself because everyone on the staff has different enough schedules that no one could commit to watching it at the same time. For example, Rawk watched it live. Kamek still hasn't watched it because he works weird hours, so we're actually avoiding discussing any spoilers in our Discord server out of consideration for him.

I also don't want to spoil this above the page break, so here are just my reactions. I avoided the whole Internet ever since last night, so I could come into this Direct completely fresh and unspoiled. Tomorrow I'll write an actual article about my thoughts:


Tuesday, August 7, 2018

Masahiro Sakurai Says What He Means

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - He's not trying to obfuscate.

When Masahiro Sakurai writes a tweet that he'll be presenting for tomorrow's Nintendo Direct dedicated to Super Smash Bros. Ultimate and that he'll be tired (from all of the work he's doing working on the game), the normal response is to feel compassion for the Super Smash Bros. franchise director.

Embedded Bing translate says:
I will also do some kind of presentation. Because I think that it is comparatively easy to see in the Japan, please watch it! The eyes may be a little red, but this is tired eyes...”
The abnormal response, which a lot of people are doing in that tweet's replies and elsewhere, is to think that Masahiro Sakurai is trying to hint at a character reveal. You know, for a character that has tired, red eyes. Like King K. Rool. Have some humanity. You don't deserve a character reveal.

Here's a guy apologising in advance for a possibly non-photogenic appearance due to stress and long hours. He's worked himself nearly to death in the past, sustaining injuries. He doesn't even get a day off. He gets death threats from rabid Waluigi fans and who knows what else. He doesn't even stick around for E3 but goes to fly a midnight flight to Japan to nerf Bayonetta.

And you thank him by applying bizarre scrutiny to any statement he'll make, construing it for your own agenda? Please, Sakurai doesn't have any reason to leak his own creations ahead of schedule (or even after the fact). He's super-concerned about that sort of thing, and that's why there's no story mode in Super Smash Bros. For Wii U.

If you want to apply deep analysis and parsing of language to something, do it to KoopaTV. We're actually designed for that kind of depth. The more time and effort you put into KoopaTV, the significantly more you'll get out of KoopaTV. There's a net gain for you. If you do that with Masahiro Sakurai, the world will have a net loss.

Do the math.

(There is a small possibility that this entire article is wrong and Sakurai actually is hinting that he's going to cosplay as a vampire in the Direct with fake bloodshot contact lenses to demonstrate new Mii Fighter functionality or something. In that case, Ludwig will never feel sympathy for Sakurai ever again, and he'll stop forgetting that he put Sakurai on the list of news sources to stay away from.)


Ludwig wanted to title this article, “Masahiro Sakurai is not Alan Greenspan” to reference “fedspeak”, but he did a poll and it turns out that the vast majority of people don't know who Alan Greenspan is, or any other Federal Reserve chairman. He considers this proof that public education is a disaster. By the way, don't expect a log published on KoopaTV immediately following the Direct, since Ludwig and most of the staff won't be able to watch the Direct live. It's called a day job. 11 PM for Japan means 10 AM for Eastern time.


The announcement that this Direct is happening was made during EVO 2018, and if Sakurai was watching that, then EVO 2018's events were certainly tired-eye-worthy.
It's pretty obvious from watching the Direct itself that there is a major flaw in this article.
Masahiro Sakurai deserves no sympathy.

Monday, August 6, 2018

Super Smash Bros. at EVO 2018: A Mysterious Destiny

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Won’t let go of the fight ‘til tomorrow is Bayonetta's. (...Then it's okay.)

The biggest fighting game tournament of the year, EVO 2018, was last weekend! And for Super Smash Bros. For Wii U, it was really controversial. Here at KoopaTV, we revel in that controversy. And as someone who follows the competitive scenes for both Super Smash Bros. Melee and Super Smash Bros. For Wii U (and watched both of their EVO brackets), I can give you informed statements. I'll tell you what happened, what the reactions were, and then my thoughts on those reactions, and the future of the franchise's competitive activity.

What happened at EVO 2018 for Super Smash Bros.


Both Super Smash Bros. For Wii U and Super Smash Bros. Melee got around 1350 entrants, so these are absolutely massive tournaments. The top 8 for the former was Saturday night, and the top 8 for the latter was Sunday morning/noon. (Sunday for EVO is considered much more desirable.)

There were a lot of upsets for Super Smash Bros. For Wii U getting to the top 8, and many prominent players were eliminated earlier than expected. That's sort of true for Super Smash Bros. Melee but the top 8 for that was nearly what you'd expect. (Bummer for Mew2King.)

For Super Smash Bros. For Wii U, that meant all of the EVO 2018 top 8 members were not in the top 8 for EVO 2017, including EVO 2017 champion and Bayonetta professional, Salem. This time, there were three Bayonetta players, two Diddy Kong players, a Zero Suit Samus, a Duck Hunt, and a Lucina. After the amazing match between MVD vs. Raito to determine 7th place (Diddy vs. Duck Hunt), I went to sleep. It was simply very late at night, and I didn't have the energy for watching a bunch of boring Bayonetta-involved matches.

Friday, August 3, 2018

Madden NFL 19: Colin Kaepernick? No big deal. Nintendo Switch? Real controversy

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Real talk about the real issue.

There was a minor uproar among the gaming and sports media about a song licensed for Electronic Arts's Madden NFL 19, which is available for Origin Access (and/or also for EA Access — why does EA have multiple of these programs?) right now, though the full game will be released next week on August 10.

The song was Big Bank by the rap artist YG. You can listen to it here, but it's quite explicit and also terrible listening. I don't recommend it. In any case, somehow people who listened to the song while playing the game managed to actually sit through and not mute their audio long enough to hear that the verse in the song that name-drops failed American football player Colin Kaepernick was brushed out and replaced with silence. (Around 2:12 in the song.)

EA has since apologised and will update their early access before-the-game-is-actually-launched build of the game once the weekend is over. Their explanation is basically that their content team didn't fully understand their legal team's instructions regarding licensed material, and they thought they didn't have the license to have Kaepernick's name in the song because they didn't have the license for him to appear in the game.

That explanation is very likely what actually happened (if you don't think that's the case, you probably haven't worked for a large company with a legal department — you tend to be on the safe side when working with licensed stuff), marking this one of the only times that, in all likelihood, Electronic Arts has told the truth in a statement.

The real controversy, to me, is that, once again and really, as usual, Electronic Arts is snubbing Nintendo. Madden NFL is still not on a Nintendo console since Madden NFL 13, after EA lied on their website about the popularity of the Wii U. Somehow, even FIFA 18 is on the Nintendo Switch (even if the only reason to buy a FIFA game, Alex Hunter, is not), but Madden? Nope.


Why does EA Sports (and Electronic Arts as a whole) despise Nintendo? Do you despise EA back? Which do you think is a bigger story: An honest mistake by EA about their legal rights around Colin Kaepernick, or the relationship between EA and Nintendo? Also, do you think that Big Bank song is horrible, and would you want to play American football to that sorry excuse for music?


Colin Kaepernick is famous for kneeling during the national anthem while he was still signed to a team, a move that KoopaTV approves of.
Ludwig notes what's happening with the Madden NFL series because KoopaTV is infamous for doing ground-breaking journalism efforts around the Madden Curse movie, from start-to-finish.
Ludwig doesn't have a particular hatred for rap songs sung by black people. He has a guilty pleasure for 50 Cent's song, Money.

Thursday, August 2, 2018

The Power Of... Us? What Happened to One?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Completely changing the message of Pokémon the Movie: The Power of One, and the consequences...

Continuing off the rebooted alternate timeline established in the 20th Pokémon movie, Pokémon the Movie: I Choose You (live-reacted-to by KoopaTV's staff over here), the 21st Pokémon movie is based off of Pokémon the Movie: The Power of One (otherwise known as Pokémon 2000), but in an alternate timeline. And by based off, I mean they have little in common other than Ash, Pikachu, Team Rocket, and there being a plot focused on Lugia. The 21st movie is the second movie in the alternate timeline, and The Power of One is the second movie in the original timeline.

It'll be called Pokémon the Movie: The Power of Us.

The Power of Us's trailer is about “some things I can't do alone, but together...!”
The Power of One's trailer is about “how one person will make all the difference.”

See what they did there? They turned “One” into “Us”. Now, there are two possibilities that I can think of for why that happened:
  1. Consider that, in a way, The Power of Us is a sequel to The Power of One... like, “The Power of One 2”. Given that, they decided to just pluralise it as wordplay.
  2. They wanted to do away with the individualistic, “one person can make a difference” message and turn it into a collectivist one because of ideology.

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

KoopaTV's July 2018 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I really liked this month. Did you?

Somtimes, KoopaTV surprises ourselves with how brilliant we are. (I am the primary driver of brilliance on this website, obviously.) In this case, looking back, it's weird to think that some of the earlier articles in July were from... July. It feels like so long ago. But KoopaTV's content has been consistently awesome for that whole long stretch of time. (Compare that to June, which zipped by because of that big event in the middle of the month.)

Let me prove that by showing you our top five recommended articles of the month...

KoopaTV's Top Five Recommended Articles of July 2018

This list is in chronological order. If you're only going to read five articles from this month, you'll want to pick these five. That said, there are some notable snubs, and that's because, as I said, KoopaTV was consistently awesome.
  1. Chain Chomp: Free at Last! (This is BAD!) —  The story about how Chomps were roaming around and free, chained up thanks to King Bowser, and then freed again by the non-Koopa nations. This is bad for public safety.
  2. Nintendo, could your eShop card activation code be a little bigger font size? — Providing details on Nintendo's vendor for their Nintendo eShop cards, and requesting that they have a bigger font size because they're hard to read.
  3. The Splatfest Race War: Squid vs. Octopus — The Splatfest for July 2018, in “celebration” of the one-year anniversary of Splatoon 2, created a senseless race war between Inklings and Octolings.
  4. Koopas Dominate Sports  — No matter what sport you put in front of us, Koopas will end up mastering it better than anyone else.
  5. The Threat of the Nintendo Labo: Vehicle Kit — The threat coming from the Nintendo Labo is intensifying with the third Toy-Con kit, the Vehicle Kit. Ludwig gets his own vehicles and is preparing for a strike.
Some of those articles are considered “must-have” to have on this top five, to the exclusion of many other great articles from this month. Seriously, every article on KoopaTV is worth reading. We're great. You're great, too, as seen here: