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Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Orange Juice is Awful, and Pulp Makes it Worse (Splatfest)

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Do I make myself clear?

I'm going to just cut the suspense and flowery philosophical writing. I hate citrus fruit and all of its byproducts. I detest the taste of oranges, orange juice, orange popsicles, and anything else you can flavour with orange. At least if a treat is yellow, there's a possibility it can be banana-flavoured instead of lemon, which is a big plus around these parts. Oranges have a lock on the colour orange, for an obvious reason.

What does not have an obvious reason is why Splatoon 2 will have a Splatfest this Saturday based around if one prefers pulp or no pulp in their orange juice. (Pulp is also known as “juice vesicles” — it's the fruit membranes that come out when you squeeze a fruit to produce juice.) I don't drink orange juice. I don't drink any juices with pulp in it. I don't think you can still use the verb “drink” when it comes to pulp-containing juices. It's a solid byproduct. In an otherwise liquid beverage experience. Just on that basis alone, no pulp is the winner.

Splatoon 2 Splatfest orange juice Team Pulp versus Team No Pulp announcement
I like my orange juice spilled down a warp pipe, personally.
Note: The team with orange ink is Team Pulp.


If you need some indication of which team will win the Popularity vote, the Everybody Votes Channel back on the Wii had a “With orange juice, do you prefer pulp or no pulp?” poll in February 2012 for the United States. Pulp got 33.7% of the vote, and no pulp got 66.3%.

It's probably likely that Team Pulp will win the most victories and win the whole Splatfest, but... Don't let that likelihood turn you away from doing the right thing. Also, the Splatfest is shared with Europe, which may explain why the theme is so bad.


With this article, Ludwig continues to complete his contractual obligation to write about the Splatfests as they come. Which team are you on? Do you care? Do you think that Ludwig missed a chance to make a greater metaphor with this article, or do you share his view that this is an awful Splatfest idea?


The Splatfest before this was the finale of the trio of Splatfests about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Another terrible idea.

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

President Donald John Trump Summits With Kim Jong Un

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - See the good things that can be done when Cappy is preoccupied?

Last week, while we were live-reacting to Sony's press conference at E3 2018, President Donald John Trump of the United States of America and North Korea's Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un were having a peace-deal-making summit in Singapore. (I think this was intentionally timed to be at the same time at Sony's conference, because of North Korea's prior history of hacking Sony.)

We don't know the exact details of the final agreement since it doesn't exist yet, but the preliminary outline looks pretty nice. The United States and North Korea are going to establish relations, work towards peace between North and South Korea, North Korea will get rid of its nuclear weapons, and North Korea will recover Korean War dead people. President Donald John Trump also said he would end joint-military exercises between the United States and South Korea, which North Korea sees as a threat to peace. The United States will drop the economic sanctions against North Korea once the country de-nuclearises.
 
President Donald Trump Kim Jong Un United States America North Korea summit signatures paper
Here's their preliminary agreement. Kim Jong Un's signature is interesting.
(That's President Donald John Trump's finger.)

We know that Cappy, the evil Bonneter who is affiliated with Mario, wished to prevent peace between North Korea and the world. But then South Korea successfully banned Mario and Cappy. Cappy moved on to the United Kingdom (and KoopaTV staffer Vortexica went missing). And here we are today — no Vortex (who originally wrote that North Korea hacks Sony article as his first-ever KoopaTV article), but peace (for now) with North Korea.

Where Cappy goes, it's misery. Without Cappy, things can actually work out well for the world. Oh, and you also need to get rid of the Democrats. You know if Hillary Clinton was president, this would never happen.


KoopaTV didn't get the proper chance to discuss this very positive development to Earth peace due to E3 2018, so here is the opportunity one week later. Do you think Earth is going in the right direction? Can Koopa Kingdom kidnap President Donald John Trump to broker peace between the Koopas and the Mushroom Kingdom?

Monday, June 18, 2018

Friday, June 15, 2018

E3 2018 Conferences Tier List!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - From worst to best, all of the real company press conferences.

When someone asks me how E3 2018 went, I say something along the lines of, “Good, but not as great as previous years.” A lot of people don't even know what E3 is, and “Electronics Entertainment Expo” doesn't ring a bell either.

People who followed E3 2018 closely, like we did (for proof, check out our momentous and action-packed E3 Weeks 2018 Schedule), probably find that to be a non-controversial statement. I don't think there was anything overall mind-blowing or super-new that everyone had to get their eyes on or experience. Niche fanbases might be overjoyed about this E3 more than others (like if you're a Ridley fan), but here at KoopaTV, we rate conferences for more than just gaming content. Since we watch everything (again, see that schedule), we want the E3 events to be entertaining, even if we don't have a company's console or would ever actually go and buy the game.

Keep in mind that the header's “real company press conferences” excludes the PC Gaming Show (not a company) and Devolver Digital (not real), but it takes a liberal interpretation of “press conference” to include events without a stage or a physical audience. The press can be anywhere, even in Sierra Leone. (Like us! Except Kamek. He went to E3.)

Now, here are are the companies, ranked from worst to best. Then I'll go into detail about them, in that order. I won't be hyperlinking each of their associated reaction logs because you can go and pick them out for yourself in the E3 Weeks 2018 Schedule that I've been referencing in literally every article for the past calendar week.

Thursday, June 14, 2018

KoopaTV Live Reacts: Nintendo Treehouse Live | E3 2018: Killer Queen Black, and BYE!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The FINAL LOG.

We obviously didn't know it based on how we reacted in the preceding log, and the log you can read in this article, but Nintendo Treehouse Live | E3 2018 has ended.

The very last game shown is Killer Queen Black — outside of the normal Treehouse Live area — and then just like that, they're saying bye.

Well, guess Rawk and I will say bye, too. ...The other staffers aren't around (Wendy), are at E3 instead of Discord (Kamek), or are probably dead (RIP Vortex). In any case, I'll just drop off our E3 Weeks 2018 Schedule SINCE YOU'RE GOING TO NEED IT.

And now, the final log:

KoopaTV Live Reacts: Nintendo Treehouse Live | E3 2018: Tennis, Octopath, and Smash!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Which is the weak LINK?

We got three games, here! Mario Tennis Aces doubles action, Octopath Traveler inaction, and some The Legend of Zelda-inspired Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.

Rawk is here and so am I, and so is our E3 2018 Schedule. With 25 or so reaction logs with very similar naming schemes because I'm an idiot, that schedule is mighty helpful.

KoopaTV Live Reacts: Nintendo Treehouse Live | E3 2018: Super Mario Party; Kirby hats

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - About time he shows up.

Want to see a new mode for Super Mario Party? (Teams?) How about Kirby's new hats for Ridley and Inkling in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate? Then this Nintendo Treehouse Live segment is for you. (You can check out all the other ones, and anything else that happened in E3 2018, over here.)

Fellow KoopaTV staff member Kamek finally joins us during a Nintendo Treehouse Live segment this year, but he's not here as a live reactor... Hm...

KoopaTV Live Reacts: Nintendo Treehouse Live | E3 2018: Xenoblade Chronicles 2: Torna ~ The Golden Country

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Very expansive DLC.

Are you a big fan of Xenoblade Chronicles 2? What do you think of that Xenoblade Chronicles 2: Torna ~ The Golden Country announcement? Looks great, right? Well, how about 20 or so minutes of gameplay content to go with it? Plus, some news?

Rawk leads this log in terms of content. He took the pictures and did most of the talking, since he's the resident obsessive for Xenoblade Chronicles 2.

I'm the one who keeps the E3 Weeks 2018 Schedule up to date, though! And since it's me, you know that I'm doing my best.

KoopaTV Live Reacts: Nintendo Treehouse Live | E3 2018: Arcade Archives and Starlink!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - New content in Day 3, confirmed.

Welcome back to the beginning of KoopaTV's Day 3 coverage of E3 2018. Once more, we'll be live-reacting to every moment of Nintendo Treehouse Live | E3 2018. This log features Arcade Archives Donkey Kong, Arcade Archives Sky Skipper, Starlink Battle for Atlas, and new items, Poké Ball summonables, and Assist Trophies in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.

It's a new day, so it's also a new time to plug the E3 2018 Schedule!

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

KoopaTV Live Reacts: Nintendo Treehouse Live | E3 2018: Leffen vs. ZeRo in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The Super Smash Bros. family.

Everything at Nintendo's E3 2018 seems to begin and end with Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. Since Leffen showed up as a substitute at yesterday's Invitational tournament but didn't get to play, he makes up for it by appearing on the Nintendo Treehouse Live stream against ZeRo!

Thankfully, this is the very last log of the day. You can look back at all of the great stuff in the E3 2018 Schedule article!

(Thursday is also a thing.)