By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We're announcing a huge, major change with KoopaTV's output.
We're a twelfth done with the year. It's kind of a disaster, in that I originally typed “January 2016” in the article headline. Yes, I'm STILL having trouble coming to grips with what year this is.
That's not the only problem we're facing, however, so let's start with... BAD NEWS.
KoopaTV Article Production To Be Cut 40%
Horrifying header, isn't it? But it's true. You see, given the recent global conflicts of the world and a certain President of the United States (not President Barack Hussein Obama — we're done with him, finally) trying to make a name for himself, KoopaTV is caught in a precarious position.
Remember: Our Earth headquarters is in Sierra Leone. Sierra Leone is a Muslim-majority country filled with dark-skin people. It's a ripe target for some immigration policy and economic controls, and Sierra Leone itself is fed up. On the Sierra Leone side, they're trying to boycott America. On the American side, they want to restrict immigration and imports from Sierra Leone. We at KoopaTV condemn this behaviour from the man whom we helped elect with our election meddling.
As a result, we must smuggle our articles into the United States (where KoopaTV's servers are located) from Sierra Leone through the Southern border, which is currently under extra scrutiny as work on THE WALL is beginning. Due to the added costs of having to perform this measure, and the fact that we're making no additional revenue (0 + 0 = 0), we are making a Three-Fifths Compromise with you, the reader, to only have three articles a week instead of five.
We plan for articles to be published Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, effective immediately.
That said, if something very important needs to be published on a particular Tuesday or Thursday, we'll try to do our best to smuggle it as soon as we can!
We will try our best to make up for the lost quantity with added quality.
We once had a lengthy discussion back in 2015 about what would happen if KoopaTV went to one article a week instead of five. Going to three seems like a balance, doesn't it? (Not that balance is always... good.)
Personally, I was extremely upset that
Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma was robbed of a chance to win Best 3DS Game of 2016 on KoopaTV, or be nominated for any other category.
As I admitted back in November 2016, I haven't played it even though I've owned it for a while — and I STILL haven't played it. Surely, KoopaTV being a time-suck is somewhat to blame? (So are
Pokémon Moon and
Paper Mario: Color Splash, though.)