Search KoopaTV!


Monday, February 13, 2017

Introducing the (First?) Splatoon 2 Global Testfire?!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Teasing a server test on an unreleased system.

I hope you remember the Splatoon Global Testfire! This series of server stress-tests, or limited-time Splatoon free demo opportunities, ran just before Splatoon's May 2015 release all the way to the end of August 2016, for eleven total sessions. It was only supposed to be three sessions, but it got extended for several “final” testfires. You could take it as an illustrative lesson of “Don't take Nintendo promises seriously.”

However, what does appear to be serious is that Splatoon's sequel, Splatoon 2 (originally revealed in the still-super-important Nintendo Switch Presentation from a month ago) will be continuing the Global Testfire series for at least one collection of SIX rounds! Here's the trailer from the Squid Research Lab:

Note that they say “One weekend only!” I strongly doubt it will just be one weekend, based on past behaviour on the part of the Squid Research Lab. They'll have more Testfires, especially as more people actually buy a Nintendo Switch.

Let's talk about that, actually.

The Splatoon 2 Global Testfire will be taking place at the end of March, as seen below:

March 24 (Friday) to March 26 (Sunday).

To convert things to Eastern time (since I know Splatoon players, or Nintendo fans in general, are timezone-challenged), that's:

  1. Friday, March 24, 2017: 3–3:59 PM Eastern
  2. Friday, March 24, 2017: 11–11:59 PM Eastern
  3. Saturday, March 25, 2017: 7–7:59 AM Eastern
  4. Saturday, March 25, 2017: 3–3:59 PM Eastern
  5. Saturday, March 25, 2017: 11–11:59 PM Eastern
  6. Sunday, March 26, 2017: 7–7:59 AM Eastern
The Nintendo Switch will be released March 3, 2017, and Splatoon 2 will be released sometime in the summer. Meanwhile, online gameplay will require a paid subscription starting in the fall, effectively giving Splatoon 2 a flat-fee plus subscription-based pricing model.

If you want to go by the Wisdom of Crowds, the date of the Splatoon 2 Global Testfire means Splatoon 2 will be coming out before, during, or up to a month after E3 2017!

I believe that the “one weekend only” Splatoon 2 Global Testfire may be brought to a weekend prior to Splatoon 2's launch, and a weekend after online services require a subscription payment. There might also be one following Holiday 2017, or after the launch of Super Mario Odyssey. Why? Holding a test for the pre-release of Splatoon 2 would be for marketing, holding a test after the post-subscription-mandate would be to test what effects putting a pay barrier would have, and a post-holiday test would be testing supposedly-improved Nintendo's servers with actual stress.

One other bit from that trailer: Music plays a big role in the Splatoon series (yeah, it's a SERIES now), with the music representing bands that have cultural prominence. Splatoon 2's music seems very different than Splatoon, indicating shifting tastes and preferences among Inklings. Yet, just as with Splatoon's first Global Testfire, the music from this trailer also reminds me of a No More Heroes 2 song, this time “It's Kill or Be Killed”. At least... the start of it. There's not much material from the trailer to judge!

Hopefully with six rounds (and likely more in the future), the Squid Research Lab, and its research participants, will have a lot of experience to judge with when it's all over! ...If it ever truly ends.

Will Splatoon 2 mean that Squidwig will return to KoopaTV? Only time will tell. Ludwig doesn't plan to get a Nintendo Switch on launch month, so he'll miss out on all six rounds of the Splatoon 2 Global Testfire. Maybe you can try to change his plans around in the comments section, or have similar plans to him. He hasn't played Splatoon on the Wii U in a very long time.

For a clear example of Nintendo outright lying to customers, click here.
Since Ludwig doesn't have a Nintendo Switch, RawkHawk2010 had to provide the first-hand experience with the Splatoon 2 Global Testfire!
A year and a half later, Squidwig finally makes another appearance on KoopaTV.


  1. I'm hoping there will be a Splatoon 2 Switch bundle. By then, I should be able to afford it.

    1. If they won't bundle the Switch with any software at launch, I'm doubting we'll get any bundles ever. Unless the Switch's demand is less than Nintendo expects. (Well, of course it'll be less, because they think it'll do as good as the Wii.)

  2. It's annoying that my newfangled Apple smartphone can't comment on here. I type the comment and hit "Publish" and then it just disappears. Oh well.

    Yeah, Nintendo will easily lie through their teeth for stuff like this. "Wii U will not be ending production soon." Yep. Of course, Ninty. That one turned out... exactly... as they said....... ..... ... uh huh. "And Zelda for Wii U will be coming out next year [2015]. But after Star Fox." Yep... totally.

    And besides, like you've said, with multiple weekends they can test their presumably new servers from the online subscription thing.

    Splatoon 2 is looking pretty good, but still not enough to convince me to get a Switch right away, unfortunately.

    1. Uh... I'm not intentionally making that happen, despite my stated hatred for newfangled (and oldfangled) Apple smartphones. It's not showing up as a SPAM comment, for the record.
      Take that up to Google's product forum. (Or maybe I should.)

      The Wii U production stories were still fake news. It happened later than those outlets said.
      ...It just also happened a lot earlier than Nintendo's time period.

      I wouldn't expect anyone to buy a Nintendo Switch on launch month to play a Splatoon 2 demo from the comfort of their own home for a weekend, and then be...stuck.
      ...Actually, I expect a few dumbasses would.

  3. It's strange, but I hope that future demos taking advantage of online play will be in this format.

    It helps understanding the game while also limiting players to a specific time-frame. I could see a Testfire (or demo) with ARMS.

    Eh, that's my five cents.

    1. They did something sorta similar with The Legend of Zelda: Tri Force Heroes in that the demo's functionality expired after a certain date.


We embrace your comments.
Expect a reply between 1 minute to 24 hours from your comment. We advise you to receive an e-mail notification for when we do reply.
Also, see our Disclaimers.

Spamming is bad, so don't spam. Spam includes random advertisements and obviously being a robot. Our vendor may subject you to CAPTCHAs.

If you comment on an article that is older than 60 days, you will have to wait for a staffer to approve your comment. It will get approved and replied to, don't worry. Unless you're a spambot.