July 31 2019 Democrat Presidential Primary Debate 2, Night 2 ANALYSIS!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm just surprised that July has 31 days.

Welcome to KoopaTV's coverage of the second 2020 Democrat presidential primary debate... night two! Unlike night one (and night two) of the first debate, we'll try to have our analysis published on the very same night, made possible by the 8 PM Eastern starting time. (As opposed to the 9 PM Eastern starting time.) That still only gives me about twelve minutes maximum per candidate to publish the article in the same day, so let's introduce tonight's heavy hitters: Michael Bennett, Kirsten Gillibrand, Julián Castro, Cory Booker, Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Andrew Yang, Tulsi Gabbard, John Inslee, and Bill de Blasio.

(If you need an explanation about these debates or who the candidates are, check out the page-level pinned 2020 Presidential Debate Coverage Index.)

This debate and night one hosted yesterday is hosted by FAKE NEWS CNN. Here is their ruleset:

• The candidates will be aware, via colour-coded lights, how much time they have left
• Other candidates want to be attacked so they get 30 seconds of speaking time. They have to be attacked, not just merely name-dropped
• Candidates who consistently interrupt will get less attention from the moderators/“time reduced”
• The viewers will see the questions asked on the bottom of the screen, so we can remember what the question is when the candidate pivots to another topic
• No one-word-answer questions like the first debate

We'll see if CNN follows it, because they didn't exactly follow the point about no interruptions. Here's NPR's talking times:

July 30 2019 Democrat Presidential Primary Debate 2, Night 1 ANALYSIS!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This is the one with the least people I care about.

Welcome to KoopaTV's coverage of the second 2020 Democrat presidential primary debate... night one! Unlike night one of the first debate, we'll try to have our analysis published on the very same night, made possible by the 8 PM Eastern starting time. (As opposed to the 9 PM Eastern starting time.) Night 1's cast is Marianne Williamson, Tim Ryan, Amy Klobuchar, Pete Buttigieg, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Beto O'Rourke, John Hickenlooper, John Delaney, and Steve Bullock.

(If you need an explanation about these debates or who the candidates are, check out the page-level pinned 2020 Presidential Debate Coverage Index.)

This debate and night two hosted tomorrow is hosted by FAKE NEWS CNN. Here is their ruleset:

• The candidates will be aware, via colour-coded lights, how much time they have left
• Other candidates want to be attacked so they get 30 seconds of speaking time. They have to be attacked, not just merely name-dropped
• Candidates who consistently interrupt will get less attention from the moderators/“time reduced”
• The viewers will see the questions asked on the bottom of the screen, so we can remember what the question is when the candidate pivots to another topic
• No one-word-answer questions like the first debate

We'll see if CNN follows it, but here are the talking times for each candidate, courtesy of NPR:

BethesdaNet on DOOM Switch... And Its Quick Doom

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - What's the lesson here?

While everyone with a Nintendo Switch was, in one way or another, examining Fire Emblem: Three Houses on Friday, Bethesda spawned DOOM, DOOM II, and DOOM 3 on the same day on the same system. It also came out on PlayStation 4 and Xbox One. July 26 happened to be during QuakeCon, which was DOOM-themed. In fact, it was called QuakeCon: Year of DOOM. (Though Bethesda's E3 2019 conference said it'd be called DoomCon.) Apparently it was DOOM's 25th anniversary. Feels like it was around longer.

Play the games that started it all. DOOM, DOOM II, and DOOM 3 are all available now on Nintendo Switch, Xbox One, and PS4. #DOOM25 #QuakeCon pic.twitter.com/aZwEfnJaP0

— DOOM (@DOOM) July 26, 2019

My first question is that I don't know why they dropped the Roman numerals with DOOM 3. I know Roman numerals can be and are a pain—they're in use for the fun KoopaTV Feedback Form and Quiz series, now at Part XX—but id Software also has Quake III (which came before DOOM 3), so it's not that scary for them.

But what is scary is this screen:

Fire Emblem: Three Houses Released; Dorothea Is Pretty Cute

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Convince me to buy Fire Emblem: Three Houses.

There are people out there who, having never really played a Fire Emblem game before, are looking at the just-released-today Fire Emblem: Three Houses for Nintendo Switch and are asking if they should buy the game.

I'm in another house. I've played several Fire Emblem games, but I'm still asking the same question: should I buy Fire Emblem: Three Houses?

I'm a total elitist for the two Tellius games, Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance and Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn. I adore their collective story (plot-line and themes, which I still reference at least as of two weeks ago), lore, characters, deep gameplay, great music, and even replay value. Within the past month, I just played through Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance for at least the 8th time, and I'm suddenly eager to replay Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn as well. (For the fourth and a half time.)

Alternatively, I could just go and buy Fire Emblem: Three Houses. But I'm concerned. I loathe Fire Emblem Awakening and Fire Emblem Fates. When people tell me that they saved the franchise and I should be grateful for that, I think that's a stupid thing to say because the franchise would be better off dead than with those games in it, and there hasn't been anything in the series worth the life support. Could Fire Emblem: Three Houses reverse that?

I'm on record saying things like, “Speaking of no buy, here's Fire Emblem: Three Houses.” As well as “Every new news about the Fire Emblem series makes me believe that the Fire Emblem game on the Switch, which will be the first new Fire Emblem game to be on a home console in a decade, will be more like Fire Emblem Awakening (but in high-definition!) than the grandiose and actually amazing Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn.” You can't forget “I've left the Fire Emblem series for dead, so screw Fire Emblem: Three Houses. It's UGLY.”

But you know what or who isn't ugly? Dorothea. She's one of the students in Fire Emblem: Three Houses, specifically in the Black Eagle house. In fact, she's pretty. And cute. And I requested fan-art of her. ...And my request was granted. Take a look:

Labo's Toy-Cons Trolling Star World

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - In the physical Earth world!

Since January 2019, a game called Fishing Star World Tour developed and published by WFS—a Japanese company that appears to be fully named Wright Flyer Studios (not related to Phoenix Wright... or is it?)—has allowed fishing fans to... fish, on the Nintendo Switch for $30. It's one of the pricier fishing games on the Switch.

While I initially thought that the game's title was meant to be read that it was a fishing tour of Star World (which is the planet I'm from with many locales like Koopa Kingdom and the Mushroom Kingdom), it's actually a world tour undertaken by a fishing star. That makes it substantially less interesting, though the trailer is... unique.

 

*No shit.
(So this is Enguarde's new gig after he got laid off from the Donkey Kong Country games?)

Fishing Star World Tour will be releasing in physical game form thanks to Aksys Games (speaking of game studios named for Wright, why doesn't a relevant game like the Ace Attorney series get that anymore?) at the end of September 2019.

Here's why this matters: This game advertises Toy-Con support. Specifically, the Toy-Con Fishing Rod in a “trolling mini-game.” While I think of trolling as a disingenuous Internet interaction, trolling is a legitimate fishing activity that I can't describe in my own words.

But Toy-Con minigames aren't legitimate activities. That's why the kid has to pretend to look like he's having fun (much like with everything else in that trailer).

Splatfests Are Over. Here's Ludwig's Splatoon 2 Splatfest Record

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Was sticking by KoopaTV's team choices a good idea?

Well then, that's it. I'm pretty much done writing about Splatoon 2 at least once every month. The last Splatfest is over, and if the first Splatoon is any indication, that probably means I'm going to stop playing the game. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is going to finally overtake it as my most played Nintendo Switch game. Fun fact... I've played Splatoon 2 almost triple the amount of hours I've played Splatoon on the Wii U. (217 hours for Splatoon vs. 585+ hours for Splatoon 2.)

Most of those hours on the Switch version were probably from playing Salmon Run, but playing Splatfests contributed a fair amount as well. I got to King in all of them! And as Nintendo would like to remind us in their Splatfest tribute video's description, Salmon Run shifts are still going to be a thing. 
 

There were 27 Splatfests in Splatoon 2 (in the North America region), counting the demo Splatfest. I wrote articles about all of them. Here's a table summarising all of my picks:

How The Media Botched The Bocchi Bullying Debacle

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Or, why you shouldn't go repeating that the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate community chased a 15-year old girl away.

Since the beginning of July (or before), you may have read this on places outside of KoopaTV: The collective Super Smash Bros. competitive community is horrible. They're bringing stench. They're bringing crabs. They're rapists. And some, we assume, are good people. But as a whole, at least half are deplorables. They're racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic... you name it.

In our evidence-based quest for promoting individualism, we've avoided such ghastly generalisations on KoopaTV. But they're unavoidable if you venture outside of here, and they're driven by lazy media narratives and the lowest-of-effort identity politics.

In this article, I'm going to discuss how the media treated the Super Smash Bros. community with the story of Bocchi, who appears to be a sweet 15-year old Isabelle player who beat one of the most established Super Smash Bros. players, Ally. I'll direct most of my judgment and criticism towards the media instead of the minor (though if the media is being contributed to by minors, then so be it). ...But not all.

Warning: This article contains uncensored slurs. ...From the 15-year old.

The Bocchi vs. Ally Battle

The story begins in mid-June, at a reoccurring New York local.
 

Nintendo Deletes Hungrybox Crab and Many Others From Smash Bros. Shared Content

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Speaking truth to power.

You hopefully remember KoopaTV's crabby six-year anniversary article. If you don't, I suggest you read it before I personally exhibit from crab characteristics on your face. (They aren't good at applying make-up.) At the end of the article, I had a call-to-action: Go to the Shared Content section of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate's Online mode, and give a Yeah! to fellow KoopaTV staffer RawkHawk's Hungrybox Crab video (embedded from YouTube in the article) to make it go from seventh place to sixth place (for six years) in the Video section's By Popularity sorting.

...Well, after that article, it fell from seventh place to tenth place, and then off the top twelve videos. But it was at least always around. Until around five days ago. Then Rawk received this e-mail from Nintendo: 

“Thank you for using Nintendo Switch.

Content you posted in-game has been deleted because it violates the Nintendo Account User Agreement, including the Nintendo Code of Conduct.

Title: Super Smash Bros. Ultimate
Content: Video
Date/time posted: 04/22/2019 01:58 PM (UTC-04:00)

Violation:
Inappropriate and/or Harmful Content


This is Nintendo's final decision.” 

That date/time posted corresponds to the Hungrybox Crab video, and lo and behold, it no longer exists:

ID: QT0QK5KS? No content found.

Exactly what was inappropriate and/or harmful? Fun fact, the Nintendo Code of Conduct doesn't state the word inappropriate, and the content isn't harmful to Hungrybox. Hungrybox himself believed the video belongs in a museum and found it highly amusing. It's harmful to the extent that any video based on a fighting game is harmful.

Hungrybox laughing at the Hungrybox Crab video on his own stream.
But, no, it's inappropriate and harmful, says Nintendo.

The fact that there is no way to appeal the decision and your first contact from Nintendo is also your last one is ridiculous and corrupt. Even Miiverse lets you appeal, even if it's a joke.

But that's not all that got deleted.

Mega Man 11 Instrumental Tracks ARE A Free Download; CAPCOM Summer Sale 2019

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Why wasn't there an announcement...?

Once upon a time, I wrote an article about CAPCOM's Mega Man 11 entitled, CAPCOM, Don't Keep The Superior Mega Man 11 Soundtrack Hostage. That was about the instrumental soundtrack that was a pre-order bonus for Mega Man 11 that is significantly superior to the in-game soundtrack. At the end of the article I concluded,

“I will not buy the game until CAPCOM gives me the ability to pay them additional money to get access to what they were giving away as a free pre-release bonus. (...Or they could provide it for free.)”

After that... well, we haven't heard anything from CAPCOM. 

However, at the beginning of April of this year (about three and a half months ago), CAPCOM silently made the instrumental soundtrack freely available as individual DLC, on all the consoles. 

Silence and soundtracks don't really go together, but you can download the soundtrack even without owning the game. (You can't use it... but it is free.)
 

Impressions of the Yoku's Island Express Demo; 50% Off

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The 50% off is news. The demo is not, but I finally played it.

I hope you remember Yoku's Island Express. It's the fairly well-received 2D pinball-platformer adventure game developed by Villa Gorilla and published by Team 17 that released last year in May. It stars the post-beetle (a beetle that delivers packages) Yoku, who won KoopaTV's Best New Character of 2018 award against staunch competition. He's super-cute.

His game is also 50% off until July 24. That was the same scenario at the end of March 2019, which I called out because the sale advertised indie games up to 30% off, yet here was Yoku's Island Express at only $10 instead of $20. But at the time, I let it pass by and I took no action.

But unlike the United States Postal Service and the Mokumana Island postal express, and like the Paratroopas that run our kingdom's mail service, I won't be lazy this time. I've learned (almost a year later) that Yoku's Island Express has a demo, and so I played through it. Behold my thoughts... and by the end, read if I've bought the game. (You may or may not care about the same things I do, so you may or may not also buy the game based on what I write and show.)

The former island express postmaster, Posterodactyl, is a lazy loser who flies away and doesn't want to stick around for a big job.

The So-Called Nintendo Switch Pro (New Battery)

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...Wait, doesn't this invalidate the Switch Lite?

There are way too many gaming media outlets out there. Besides making it hard for the really good ones to stand out (like KoopaTV), that also has the side-effect that there is approximately a 1:1 (or maybe even a 2:1) relationship between gaming outlets and pages one can stalk for information. Some outlets stalk ESRB or other ratings board filings. Other outlets spend their days refreshing various patent and trademark office applications around the world. (See the bottom of the reaction log for that—it's the closest thing on KoopaTV to referencing that phenomenon because I've done a good job not doing that.)

Personally, I spend my days checking out when Ace Attorney games are on sale. (On Nintendo systems, that stops tomorrow.) 

Today's article, however, is brought to you by the people who apparently stalk the Nintendo Switch Technical Specs nintendo.com page. There's no dramatic change to the page... Until you notice this bit describing the Nintendo Switch's battery life:

Remind Me To Bring A Plushie To My Next Dentist Appointment

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I need something to hold tight.

Sometimes when I write for KoopaTV, I discuss some of my... vulnerabilities. One of those vulnerabilities is my fear of dentists. I've written that dentists are terrifying and have torture tools. It's like being on the receiving end of my forward-smash in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate... for an hour. They have drills. Painful stuff. Plus, there's the water gun, the really bright light right in your eye, and the bizarrely-reclined chair.

What am I supposed to do with my limbs during this? I'm not chained down or anything. But giving into my instincts and slashing the face off my oppressor—that I (through my insurance) am paying—doesn't make sense. (Though since I'm paying them, maybe they shouldn't be so scary to their client.)

What if I get to hold something with my claws? Tightly? At present, I just interlock my right and left claws and hold on for dear life, sometimes to my own scales. What if I brought a plushie with me instead?

Speaking of plushies, I just got these in the mail from the official Nintendo online store, delivered by UPS. I think UPS has redeemed themselves by now, by the way, from the last time I ordered merchandise from there.

Left: Toon Princess Zelda plushie, based on The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker.
(Not in picture: My Toon Link plushie from The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, which I've had for years.)
Right: Lord Bowser plushie.

Of those two plushies, I'd bring Princess Zelda. She's quite cuddly and could calm me down considerably during the dental cleaning and cavity search. (Currently cavity-free, by the way.)

Lord Bowser, although an amazing man and it being long past time that I owned non-amiibo merchandise of him (it was a huge gap made obvious in my Team Tortoise article), is difficult to actually hug. He's tough and not snuggly, just like the real King Koopa has been with me ever since Bowser Jr. was born.

...


Ludwig had a dental appointment the day of this article being written, so his next one is Thursday, January 23, 2020. Please remind him before that to bring a plushie, though he may bring one not pictured here because of the risk of bodily and oral fluids from the dental procedures possibly getting on the accompanying plush. Best the plush not be part of any royal family out there, in that case. If you have any better ways of coping with dental appointments, please do share them in the comments section.


This article appears to suggest that Ludwig would like the dentist more if he WAS chained to the chair...
Of course, the January 23 2020 article was about Ludwig bringing a plushie to his scheduled dentist appointment. Find out what happened!

Prime Day 2019 (and Associated Sales at Competing Sites)

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Big shrug. But there's a positive at the end.

You may remember that last year, Amazon was just littered in dog pictures because the site kept crashing during Prime Day 2018, and for whatever reason they associated mutts with error messages. I suppose both of those are things I like to avoid.

Anyway, once again, Amazon is hosting Prime Day, now Prime Day 2019, I guess out of obligation to do this annually. Does anyone really care about it anymore? Well, several competing retailers have their own deals right now, as if it's a summer Black Friday. Quite frankly, they're all kind of bleh (at least for gaming), with the usual bulk of the deals going to headsets and accessories. ...Well, I am in the market for a new headset, I guess... I still don't think I'm going to buy anything.

I got a big chuckle out of Pokémon Let's Go, Eevee! being 50% off, however. (Pokémon Let's Go, Pikachu! is a mere 25% off.) 

I wouldn't recommend either game, by the way.
But just funny that they're treated differently.

 
Moving out of Amazon and to GameStop, here's something I'd recommend even less:

Final Decision in the Chaos vs. Order Final Splatocalypse

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Possibly affecting the world in Splatoon 3?

You may remember the Splatoon 2 World Championship 2019 that Nintendo hosted as one of their pre-E3 2019 tournament events.

You may then remember by the end of that tournament, Nintendo announced the final Splatfest that takes place next week starting Thursday July 18 (coupled with the last content updates), referred to as the Splatocalypse. Scary name... with a familiar theme to long-time KoopaTV readers. Check out the question:

“What kind of world do you wanna live in?
A world of chaos? Or a world of order?”

I already wrote about this exact topic over five years ago in an article entitled, /v/ Vs. NeoGAF: Chaos Vs. Order. It is just as relevant today, but just replace NeoGAF with ResetEra for a contemporary point of view. (Given NeoGAF's demise from relevance.) If you want to fully understand my opinion on chaos vs. order, and why I'm on Team Chaos, read that article. Truly, my thoughts haven't budged a bit. If I were to write that article today, I'd use the exact same Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn comparison that I did back then.

If you still doubt the validity of that article to this Splatfest, check out this Splatoon 2 accessory:

First Look (and Thoughts on) Nintendo Switch Lite

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Letting past Lite versions down. (It also can't switch.)

Once upon a time in mid-2006, Nintendo released and announced the Nintendo DS Lite, a hardware revision to the 2004-released Nintendo DS, around the international release of Brain Age. According to Nintendo,

“The Nintendo DS Lite offers a smaller, sleeker package with a brighter screen, larger stylus, and a longer-lasting rechargeable battery than the original Nintendo DS. The unique game play features and wireless connectivity remain intact.”

Put another way, the DS Lite was a great improvement over the original, offering basically everything in the DS but better.

Skip 13 years later. Nintendo has just announced the Nintendo Switch Lite, releasing this September around the release of Pokémon Sword and Pokémon Shield. Here's the first look trailer, with my thoughts to follow:

Perilous Pill Popping: A KoopaTV-Exclusive Investigation Into Dr. Mario

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We went deep into his practice and found startling things.

One of the most sympathetic lines of reasoning we Koopas have used since the beginning of our multi-decade quest to convince the universe of the diabolical and evil nature of Mario is to ask people to think through his medical profession. To all but his most unreasonable supporters, Dr. Mario makes no sense. Exactly how does a lazy dimwit plumber suddenly invent the Megavitamin and become a doctor overnight and start treating people without a medical education or training? Some have tried to rationalise Dr. Mario by claiming he's actually a different person entirely from Mario. That's... entirely false.

What's more, this whole narrative that Dr. Mario is curing diseases and is a hero for doing so by inventing the Megavitamins to subdue flu-causing Viruses is... also false. It's a fiction. In fact, the truth is significantly more sinister, and proves that Mario, no matter what profession he's pretending to be, is a villain of destructive ends.

Today (well, apparently it was actually yesterday despite official announcements indicating otherwise) Dr. Mario World released to the world of mobile devices on the Apple Store and Google Play. Many eyes are on it, including Koopa Kingdom's. In anticipation, King Bowser instructed the two Koopalings assigned to working on KoopaTV—myself and Wendy O. Koopa—to infiltrate Dr.  Mario's medical practice and find out what we could.

And so we did, as publicly shown by Wendy and Ludwig being the only Koopalings who appear as doctors in Dr. Mario World:

Bowser vs. Mario Archery, Karate, Skateboarding in Tokyo 2020

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - At least... it could happen.

Let's recall that Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games Tokyo 2020, or “Mario & Sonic at the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games” as it may be called by someone who knows how English word-order works (it's unclear if Nintendo or SEGA are aware), is coming out in November 2019. (According to Nintendo's official website, the official title is the version where they don't know grammar.)

Courtesy of GameSpot, there's nearly five minutes of gameplay footage, and a lot of it shows off Lord Bowser versus that awful Mario. I'd like to share it to my readers, since you guys depend on KoopaTV for Olympics coverage.

Once you get past the part with Sonic and Dr. Eggman, you get to Lord Bowser displaying superior archery skills. Quite frankly, the controls for that remind me of the Wii all over again, and there's no way I'm getting the game if I had to use the Joy-Cons like that. (Well, I'm pretty sure there's no way I'm getting the game anyway, but...)

Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games Tokyo 2020 does have local multiplayer (up to 4 players) and online multiplayer (up to 8 players), so you and your whole Family Group can play these awful minigames together around the world. Not just in Tokyo... and not just in 2020. (Or 2019 when it releases.)

Maybe that's too harsh. Let me know if you can identify anything interesting from a purchase perspective in that GameSpot clip. As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing inspiring about the sporting events’ gameplay, sound design (or music), and especially not the graphics.

There's something... off about this character model.

Still, let's appreciate Lord Bowser displaying his superior talents in archery, karate, and skateboarding.
He's expanded his repertoire far past boxing and golfing.

While Lord Bowser is beating up plumbers in karate, his children are doing a deep investigation into the plumber's medical practice. Stick around for tomorrow for the report.


For an article of how Koopas of all kinds dominate sports, read this!
Here's the plumber's medical practice investigation.
Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games Tokyo 2020 has a horrendous 8/16-bit graphics mode.

Drednaw Likely Won't Evolve, But Will Be GIGANTAMAX!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - (Let's hope the first four words of this headline won't be fake news.)

Consider this possibility: The Pokémon Company wasn't going to do constant news drops of Pokémon Sword and Pokémon Shield to avoid what happened to the Generation 7 main games. But then, all of the GAME FREAK bashing with the no-National Dex news made them adjust all of their plans, and now they're going to regularly putting out trailers with news like this until the mid-November launch:
 

The video title might say the game is being changed all they want with Gigantamaxing, but I don't think that's going to change the negative perception. Just look at the notable strength of that dislike bar. (Compare to the widely-positive reception of the sure-to-be-a-disgrace Pokémon Masters.)

Wait, Gigantamaxing? I know we discussed Dynamaxing a month ago, but what's Gigantamaxing? Well, while every Pokémon found in Galar (which is to say, every Pokémon coded in the game) can become huge with Dynamax and get access to stat buffs and special Z-like moves, only certain Pokémon species (likely Galar-introduced final-evolution-stage Pokémon... and maybe Charizard) can Gigantamax. In fact, you gotta be a special snowflake within that species to Gigantamax. Gigantamax Pokémon have access to a special species-unique “G-Max Move”, which is basically a species-exclusive Z-Move. (Which is already a concept that existed with moves like Mimikyu's Let's Snuggle Forever.) They also change forms, instead of just becoming resized. (Which is already a concept that existed with Mega Evolution.)

Koopa Kingdom Immigration Family Relocation Services

By KAMEK - Sharing our expertise to the people who need it.

Now, I've been carefully monitoring the border situation for some time. Having provided family and child relocation services ourselves, we've decided it's time to share our best practices for border relocating!

We at KoopaTV understand the value of family. I include extended family in that definition as well. This is especially true in our organization. Rawk and I may have our differences of opinion, but we still take time to share an amicable nod in the hallways of our Sierra Leone office building.

Relationships are all about communication you see.

The Koopa family relocation services are here to help the Trump administration and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez come together in a brand-new harmonious approach. The United States' current situation of child and family detention is simply unacceptable. If you're going to be taking in children, you absolutely cannot overextend yourself. I've compiled a small set of rules that we take into account with the placement of children and families in regards to our borders.

The Samsung Conspiracy Against Dot-Organisations

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Down with dot-com advocacy!

Four years ago I bought and continually renewed the KoopaTV.org domain name, after we were on the unseemly koopatv.blogspot.com name. We became independent of the free domain and to a paid one. It's one of the best decisions I ever made for this website. We had a lovely music video to go with it too.

Unfortunately, not everyone has been supportive of the change. Take the smartphone industry, for example. I have a running theme of demeaning smartphones and their associated products as “mobile trash” or related terms on KoopaTV, as recently as yesterday.

Makes sense that they'd strike back on KoopaTV... by trying to prevent people from coming here. How do they do that? Manipulating the very input methods that billions of consumers use to get to websites. Observe, from the Samsung smartphone under my control:

Notice the .com buttons on the default Samsung keyboard, and the Swype keyboard.

The Samsung smartphone comes pre-installed with two keyboards. One is Samsung's, and one is Swype's. They both have an automatic .com button when inputting an address. (As opposed to the .com being an auto-fill or auto-correct function... and clearly, those functions have very strange suggestions for KoopaTV. Painkillers?)

The problem with an automatic .com button is that KoopaTV's domain is KoopaTV.org. That's obviously incompatible with a .com button. And while this impacts many other existing organisations (as opposed to commercial enterprises), it of course impacts KoopaTV. If you're wondering, KoopaTV.com is under the control of domain trolls for stupidly high amounts of money that's way outside our already-strained budget.

I wasn't able to test other smartphone manufacturers’ keyboard set-ups—I asked some Apple users and one of them said their default iPhone virtual keyboard doesn't do this—but KoopaTV's resident tech expert Kamek told me that this kind of .com button is “common practice.” Let's take his word for it, because that best plays into the KoopaTV-is-a-victim narrative I'm trying to portray here.

Independence... is hard. 


KoopaTV doesn't have to be independent all alone (despite that being what the word implies)... the site has you, readers, to help it survive and fight back against these dot-com tech giants! Spread the dot-org word to your friends and advocate the better top-level domain! (Advocating for KoopaTV.org itself and not just the .org part would be great, too.)

I'll Be a Pokémon Master Without Pokémon Masters

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm passing on Pasio.

Gee, what filler article can I toss out there the night before Independence Day? Oh, while we were covering the Democrat presidential primary debates, The Pokémon Company International (TPCI) released this animated trailer (with a few snippets of actual game information at the end) about Pokémon Masters, which you may recall is the mobile-only game revealed at the end of that bad-in-hindsight Pokémon Direct in May. They also put out a news release.

Obviously the first...six minutes or so of this trailer (including Ishihara from The Pokémon Company) is “not actual gameplay” so there's really nothing to discuss about it. At the end, Yu Sasaki from DeNA discusses the artificial island of Pasio where Pokémon Trainers across the world come to fight each other. Each trainer only gets one Pokémon, and the trainer-Pokémon combination is called a Sync Pair. You participate in 3v3 Sync Pair battles with some version of the Active Time Battle system. There are also Sync Moves (presented as unique Z-moves), and supportive Trainer Moves akin to Warrior Skills in Pokémon Conquest—though the official site news release describes this as a franchise first.

Pokémon Masters is designed to be a free-to-play, casual experience with in-app purchases. I think it's a safe bet that all of those Sync Pair combinations are going to be purchasable, directly or through random distribution packs. There's allegedly a story and lots of instances of dialogue, though I'm going to guess it's underwhelming and stupid.

What conversation did Hugh, Silver, and Wally have with one another that'd get them to pose together?
It's not like Rival is an officially-recognised title like Pokémon Professors, Gym Leaders, Team Rocket members, family members, or Frontier Brains.

Pokémon Masters is releasing in the summer of 2019, which could be any day from now to September.

According to the official website FAQ, “the app is not compatible with offline play.” Yeah, screw that. Last I checked, that's supposed to be a deal-breaker.

Pokémon Masters is like the opposite of Pokémon GO in terms of focus. Masters is all about battling with Pokémon your team already has and there is no evidence of catching new Pokémon. Pokémon GO was all about captures, and only later were trainer battles added. (At least, that's what I've read.) But as far as I can tell, they have a striking similarity: they're both appalling mobile games that dumb down what the franchise is supposed to represent.


Disclaimer: Even if Pokémon Masters was a perfectly wonderful and traditional (or even innovative—both are accepted) Pokémon title, just the fact that it's a smartphone game would cause Ludwig to ostracise and criticise it. Are you a sucker easily taken in by animated trailers playing to nostalgia, or are you smarter than that and know to be cautious of any free-to-play mobile game with in-app purchases? Let KoopaTV know in the comments section.

The Wright Anything Competition; and Ace Attorney Trilogy Steam Sale

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Take that?

Way back, a week after my write-up of my encounter with Phoenix Wright and then CAPCOM at E3 2019 (but not at the same time), CAPCOM launched the Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy “Wright Anything” Competition, henceforce known as the Wright Anything Competition. It's one of the few competitions that people from Quebec can enter. If you submit an original (made specifically for the contest, which invalidates the massive wealth of Ace Attorney content already existing on KoopaTV.org) artwork, cosplay, or video to Twitter with #AATWrightAnything, a “panel of CAPCOM judges” will pick their favourites and get Ace Attorney merchandise. You have until July 5, 2019, 23:59 Pacific Time.

In the morning of June 23, I sent an e-mail to contests@capcom.com, which the contest's official rules state...

“20   Contact. If you have any questions regarding the Competition Rules, you may contact us in writing at contest@capcom.com.”

Here's the e-mail:

KoopaTV's June 2019 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Big seismic tonal shifts.

Let's look, overall, at what happened during June 2019 here on KoopaTV. The first half of the month was us planning this big field trip as a staff to Los Angeles, California, during E3 2019. By the end of the month, we totally shifted focus and now we're covering presidential politics. (...Well, not a total shift of focus... you won't get more of that until the end of July. I think.)

Anyway, observe how that plays out over June 2019 with the top recommended experiences:

The Top 5 Recommended KoopaTV Experiences of June 2019

Behold the chronologically-ordered recommended KoopaTV experiences from the month—though everything on the site is worth reading.

1. Government Regulation of Pay-to-Win and Loot Boxes: Good Idea Or No? — Ludwig reads through and breaks down Senator Josh Hawley's lootbox bill section-by-section, and analyses if it's a good idea or not for the industry... and America.
2. Your Majesty and My Majesty: Unicorns vs. Narwhals Splatfest! — Ludwig ranks the majestic qualities of these two mythical (to him) creatures, the unicorn and the narwhal.
3. Phoenix Wright vs. E3 2019: Drugs, Detainment, and Discounts —What exactly was Ludwig (and the other staffers) doing during E3 2019 if not covering every moment? Read the epic tale of Ludwig's encounter with Phoenix Wright and the gaming companies at E3 2019.
4. You're Invited to the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Online Open June 2019 Tournament! — During E3 Weeks 2019, Nintendo announced a new Super Smash Bros. Ultimate online tournament hosted by Battlefy. Ludwig writes about what participants could expect at this tournament.
5. Gaming Disorder Official in ICD-11. Good! — Contrary to many gamers who don't think things through, and the Entertainment Software Association who knows what they're doing, Ludwig is supportive of gaming addiction being officially recognised.

I suppose I should disclaim that my choice of that tournament article was influenced by Battlefy themselves endorsing it and sending me gifts, which you can see yourself here. ...The actual contents of the article was completely my opinion and uncoordinated with them, though.