Search KoopaTV!

Translate

E-mail Subscription

Wednesday, July 31, 2019

July 31 2019 Democrat Presidential Primary Debate 2, Night 2 ANALYSIS!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm just surprised that July has 31 days.

Welcome to KoopaTV's coverage of the second 2020 Democrat presidential primary debate... night two! Unlike night one (and night two) of the first debate, we'll try to have our analysis published on the very same night, made possible by the 8 PM Eastern starting time. (As opposed to the 9 PM Eastern starting time.) That still only gives me about twelve minutes maximum per candidate to publish the article in the same day, so let's introduce tonight's heavy hitters: Michael Bennett, Kirsten Gillibrand, Julián Castro, Cory Booker, Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Andrew Yang, Tulsi Gabbard, John Inslee, and Bill de Blasio.

(If you need an explanation about these debates or who the candidates are, check out the page-level pinned 2020 Presidential Debate Coverage Index.)

This debate and night one hosted yesterday is hosted by FAKE NEWS CNN. Here is their ruleset:
  • The candidates will be aware, via colour-coded lights, how much time they have left
  • Other candidates want to be attacked so they get 30 seconds of speaking time. They have to be attacked, not just merely name-dropped
  • Candidates who consistently interrupt will get less attention from the moderators/“time reduced”
  • The viewers will see the questions asked on the bottom of the screen, so we can remember what the question is when the candidate pivots to another topic
  • No one-word-answer questions like the first debate
We'll see if CNN follows it, because they didn't exactly follow the point about no interruptions. Here's NPR's talking times:

NPR Politics July 2019 Democrat presidential primary debate talking times Joe Biden Kamala Harris Andrew Yang Tulsi Gabbard
That's almost triple the amount of time that Andrew Yang got from his first debate!


I'm still going one-by-one for each of these candidates for this debate given their lack of name recognition.

Michael Bennet


My first draft of this had Bennet's name spelled with two 't's, so I clearly don't respect the man. For him to have a successful debate, he needed to have me remember anything about him immediately after the debate.

I don't remember anything. All I remember from him before in debate 1 is that I didn't remember anything about him. I don't remember anything about him from this debate, either. He's here as filler. Get him out of the race.


Kirsten Gillibrand


Kirsten Gillibrand is really annoying, and talks like a fast-talking Millennial who says “um, um, um...” a lot. Except she's 52 years old. And then she's talking about being a white woman of privilege, and people's whiteness prevents them from being shot for having M&Ms. (I think she was trying to reference Skittles.)

Then again, Shell and Protect are White Magic spells in Final Fantasy.

Julián Castro


You have no idea how much I want this guy to go away because of how much of a pain remembering how to make an accented á is.

He also wants to reward illegal immigrants for invading the country with citizenship, and believes that decriminalising illegal immigration isn't open borders, and calling it such is a “Republican talking point.”

Cory Booker


Cory Booker is a total clown. He basically said that Democrats shouldn't even have debates because President Donald John Trump, “the enemy”, benefits from Democrats fighting one another.

Alright, Booker. You don't have to be here at all. And you should really not be there after saying shithole on live television. He also believes an illegal with no skills who will just be in America as a welfare leech should be treated exactly the same as a highly-skilled doctor trying to enter the country. Why are the Democrats so against meritocracy?

Joe Biden


It's the front-runner himself, and KoopaTV declared him the winner of debate 1 night 2. But did that carry over?

Joe Biden said a lot of things that bother a lot of today's Democrats. It's a very controversial statement when he said that people who cross the border illegally committed a crime and should be able to be deported.

Sometimes it's difficult to tell if Joe Biden has his own ideas, or he's just running on a, “Hey, remember Obama? I'll do that.” 

However, Biden clearly did research on his opponents. He brought up the Kamala Harris is a corrupt cop history... but rather ineffectively. He brought up Cory Booker's lame Newark mayorship, but failed to get his point across. I guess the best thing you could say for Joe Biden is that he avoided any fatal blows.

We give Joe Biden the Cute award for his whole debate performance being summarised by his closing statement (starting at 1:05 in):



“If you agree with me, go to Joe...3...0...3...3...0... and help me in this fight. Thank you very much. [looks down in shame]”

Kamala Harris


Kamala took Warren's place in this debate—at the same podium spot—as the vile hag who is a total danger to the country.

Unique to Kamala, however, is that she always look like she's about to break into a stream of tears whenever she speaks. She must've learned it from fellow Democrat senator Fake Tears Chuck Schumer. And anything that disagrees with her is a Republican talking point. If you disagree with Kamala Harris, YOU'RE A REPUBLICAN!

She also believes she can break the time rules because of her self-declaration that her words are important. She's really the only candidate who makes it a point to break the rules. That'll probably extend to how she'll behave as president. She already has experience as an Ace Attorney-esque corrupt prosecutor. During the debate, she declared that President Donald John Trump should get prosecuted for the contents of the Mueller Report, saying that “I've seen people go to prison for far less!”

Yeah, and YOU were the one who sent them there, Kamala.

Andrew Yang


Andrew Yang was a huge disappointment in the first debate. This time, he did better. Much better.

Unlike some other candidates, Andrew Yang doesn't attack people or industries or use negative language when framing things like Medicare-for-All, calling it very positive for American small businesses and it would cause a flourishing of American entrepreneurship. And that immigrants are being scapegoated for taking jobs in America, when it's really automation. He found a way to tie his Universal Basic Income into every answer! That's smarts, so we award him the Smart award.

He had the best closing statement out of everyone, which I think was pretty Cool as he described how policy is more important than clothing. I even transcribed it.

“You know what the talking heads couldn't stop talking about after the last debate? It's not the fact that I'm somehow number four on this stage in national polling. It was the fact that I wasn't wearing a tie. Instead of talking about automation in our future, including the fact that we automated away four million manufacturing jobs, hundreds of thousands right here in Michigan, we're up here with makeup on our faces and our rehearsed attack lines playing roles in this reality TV show. It's one reason why we elected a reality TV star as our president. We need to be laser focused on solving the real challenges of today, like the fact that the most common jobs in America may not exist in a decade, or that most Americans cannot pay their bills. My flagship proposal, the Freedom Dividend, would put $1,000 a month into the hands of every American adult. Be a game-changer for millions of American families. If you care more about your family and your kids than my neckwear, enter your zip code at yang2020.com and see what $1,000 a month would mean to your community. I have done the math it's not left it's not right it's forward and that is how we're going to beat Donald Trump in 2020.”

Tulsi Gabbard


It's considered too early in the process for KoopaTV to officially give an endorsement, but I'm just going to leave Tulsi Gabbard's donation link here since she forgot to plug her website in her closing statement. All candidates need 130,000 unique donors of any size (including $1) by the end of August to qualify for the next round of debates. She, and the entire United States of America, would greatly appreciate it if you helped her reach that threshold! Because I sure won't keep watching these debates without people to root for.

Tulsi Gabbard doesn't believe that college tuition shouldn't be free for illegal immigrants, which is nice.


Tulsi Gabbard beautiful white suit jacket Democrat presidential primary debate CNN July 2019
I'll now mention that Tulsi Gabbard obviously deserves to win the Beauty award.


But Tulsi Gabbard wasn't nice when she justifiably attacked Kamala Harris for being a corrupt prosecutor, locking up prisoners for cheap labour and keeping evidence away from freeing innocent death row prisoners. Kamala Harris then claimed that she was “proud” of that work. I hate Kamala. You should too, and good for Tulsi for bringing Kamala's corrupt record up.


Tulsi brought up the Hawaii nuclear missile scare from last year in her closing argument... stating that there is no nuclear shelter. It's all a lie. Scary. But true. So stop trying to get into wars, because no one wins. I like to think that Tulsi deserves the Tough award for her apocalyptic closing statement, and her obliteration of corrupt Kamala Harris. Big promotion from crushing Tim Ryan last month.

John Inlsee


Imagine if John Inslee got to debate with the other two candidates named John that were around from last night. What a wonderful combination of chaos! Fortunately, he has no chance, and no message.

He does have glasses, however, which makes him the equivalent of 2015 Rick Perry. Except he put on glasses after one debate, instead of one entire presidential election season.

Bill de Blasio


Bill de Blasio is the biggest test of the effects of CNN's “don't interrupt people or you'll lose time to speak” rule. He didn't interrupt people this time... but all he did was directly go after Joe Biden (harder than the moderators), which just gave Joe Biden a lot of time. (See above NPR Politics breakdown. That wasn't moderator favouritism, but Bill de Blasio.) Joe Biden even acknowledged it, thanking de Blasio for giving him so much “affection.”

Otherwise, his plan is to “tax the HELL out of the wealthy” just for the power rush.


Rankings


To summarise, here are the Super Contest winners for each category for this second debate, part two:
  • Beauty: Tulsi Gabbard
  • Cool: Andrew Yang
  • Cute: Joe Biden
  • Smart: Andrew Yang
  • Tough: Tulsi Gabbard

KoopaTV still has gaming-related things he should be writing about, but this is an important subject so games can be on hold for a bit. ...That's just the kind of site KoopaTV is. Who were your favourite candidates from the debate? Do you agree with KoopaTV's awards?


See here for June 2019's debate night 1.
See here for June 2019's debate night 2.
Debate #3 in September 2019 only has one night.

3 comments :

  1. “[Ludwig talks about Yang’s UBI policy tying back to his answers.] ...That's smarts, so we award him the Smart award.”
    Not like this comment, where Ludwig uses the plural form of ‘smart’ to create something grammatically incorrect.

    I want to say that I agree with his stance on most of his policies, largely because he actively looks for a middle ground between left- and right-leaning ideals. He framed himself as a one-trick pony in this debate largely with him solely speaking on his Freedom Dividend plan, but his website has much more information on what other policies he has.

    Even more, he actually got the idea of speaking about how the debates are framed as a reality TV show from Reddit, and effectively incorporated it into a solid closing statement (it was one of the top questions in an AMA), showing that he actually is listening to his supporters. I was shocked when he actually called out the format of how these debates go, and needless to say, he’s my favorite candidate. I hope the DNC doesn’t give him the shaft.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I talked way too much about Yang.

      When Joe Biden screwed up his website address, it was the hardest I’ve laughed in weeks. Then I read your quotation and never noticed he looked down in shame, which made it even better.

      Delete
    2. HOLD IT!
      https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/smarts
      I used the informal word properly.

      Yang should've mentioned that he has many other policies on his site instead of being a one-trick-pony, but being a one-trick-pony has its own advantages. Herman Cain had that 8 years ago with the 9-9-9 plan and he eventually rose to the top of the Republican polls!

      Yeah, Rawk showed me the Reddit thing after-the-fact, which puts me in an awkward position of having given Yang a Cool award for crowdsourcing his closing statement. Sure, I'll accept that.

      I'm STILL laughing out loud with Joe Biden's 30330.

      Delete

We embrace your comments. No identification required, but if you don't comment as Anonymous, then you will be entered into the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program and may win prizes if you keep up activity!
Expect a reply between 1 minute to 24 hours. We advise you to receive an e-mail notification for when we do reply.
Also, see our Disclaimers.

Spamming is bad, so don't spam. Spam includes random advertisements and obviously being a robot. Our vendor may subject you to CAPTCHAs if you are not using a Google account. We're not happy about that, either.