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Wednesday, June 26, 2019

KoopaTV's 2020 Presidential Debate Coverage Index

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - One central place containing the articles you probably want to avoid.

I have been getting feedback from this girl named No One, and she's been telling me, “Hey, KoopaTV, all of this gaming coverage recently is great, but where's the United States politics? You've been slacking on that lately. Can we get more coverage on the presidential race? I really value your opinion on this.”

Well, first of all, No One, my name is Ludwig and I run KoopaTV. KoopaTV isn't my name, though it is named after my family name, Koopa. And second of all, sure, I guess it's about time to do our civic duty.

Starting between now and November 2020, KoopaTV will try to give coverage on every official United States presidential debate, including any vice presidential debates. I say try, because we ragequit pretty quickly for the Democrats in 2016 (we didn't even make it to 2016). This time it should be different because of who is running, but... I don't know, if it gets really repetitive, I'll probably stop it.


Anyway, I'm going to set this up with debate list first, and then candidate list second. Yes, this time, I'm going to give a short description about who each of these candidates are (in alphabetical order). A big improvement from me assuming you follow politics and know who everyone is. Heck, I follow U.S. politics, and even I've never heard of some of these Democrats.

The United States Presidential Debates, 2019–2020

Democrat Party Presidential Primary Debates

Democrat Party Presidential Debate 1, June 26–27 2019


Due to the large number of candidates, the Democrat Party is sponsoring two nights of debates, with candidates being randomly chosen for each one. They will be broadcast by NBC.

Night 1 features Bill de Blasio, Tim Ryan, Julián Castro, Cory Booker, Elizabeth Warren, Beto O'Rourke, Amy Klobuchar, Tulsi Gabbard, Jay Inslee, and John Delaney. Read KoopaTV's analysis of the June 26, 2019 Democrat Party Presidential Debate here!

Night 2 features Marianne Williamson, John Hickenlooper, Andrew Yang, Pete Buttigieg, Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, Kamala Harris, Kirsten Gillibrand, Michael Bennet, and Eric Swalwell. Read KoopaTV's analysis of the June 27, 2019 Democrat Party Presidential Debate here!

Democrat Party Presidential Debate 2, July 30–31 2019


Due to the large number of candidates, the Democrat Party is sponsoring two nights of debates, with candidates being randomly chosen for each one. They will be broadcast by CNN.

Night 1's cast is Marianne Williamson, Tim Ryan, Amy Klobuchar, Pete Buttigieg, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Beto O'Rourke, John Hickenlooper, John Delaney, and Steve Bullock. Please read KoopaTV's analysis of the July 30, 2019 Democrat Party Presidential Debate here!

Night 2's cast is Michael Bennet, Kirsten Gillibrand, Julián Castro, Cory Booker, Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Andrew Yang, Tulsi Gabbard, John Inslee, and Bill de Blasio. Please read KoopaTV's analysis of the July 31, 2019 Democrat Party Presidential Debate here!

Democrat Party Presidential Debate 3, September 12 2019


For this debate hosted by ABC, the Democrat Party employed arbitrary criteria to enter it and reduce the field to ten candidates (and one night). This leaves the cast as Joe Biden, Pete Buttigieg, Kamala Harris, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Cory Booker, Beto O'Rourke, Amy Klobuchar, Andrew Yang, and Julián Castro.

See KoopaTV's September 2019 analysis here!
 

Presidential General Election Debates

To be filled in when they exist. By the way, we don't expect any Republican primary debates.

2020 Presidential Candidates Who's-Who

Republican Candidates

Democrat Candidates

  • Michael Bennet — Senator from Colorado. Not really sure what his story is, but he worked for John Hickenlooper before.
  • Joe Biden — Former vice president of the United States under former President Barack Hussein Obama. He's the front-runner. Tried to cure cancer as vice president but somehow didn't get around to it, so he's gonna try to do it as president.
  • Cory Booker — Senator from New Jersey. He was also the mayor of Newark, heroically challenging incumbent and corrupt machine politician Sharpe James, but since then, Cory has become a corrupt incumbent and an overall sanctimonious idiot, notably likening himself to Spartacus while trying to destroy the life of Brett Kavanaugh.
  • Steve Bullock — Governor of Montana. Apparently another moderate Democrat. Comfortable in his own skin.
  • Pete Buttigieg — Boot-edge-edge, mayor of the irrelevant municipality of South Bend, Indiana. Impressed Ludwig by showing up on Fox News and presenting a lot of vague platitudes.
  • Julián Castro — The alt code for á is alt + 0225. He was the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development under President Barack Hussein Obama.
  • John Delaney — Representative from Maryland. The first person to announce he's running for president, back in 2017. His first-mover advantage accomplished nothing since no one knows who this guy is. Ludwig thinks the streaks going through the D in his campaign logo are lanes on a road, and the guy is making a pun off his last name, Delaney. He wants to be seen as a centrist. Likes to grin.
  • Tulsi Gabbard — Representative from Hawaii. As of before the debates begin, Ludwig's favourite Democrat. Her main position is that the United States should stay out of regime-change wars and not invade countries like Iran, North Korea, Russia, and Koopa Kingdom.
  • Kamala Harris — Senator from California. One of the worst people to run for political office in this cycle, and enjoys being inauthentic and misleading people on basic facts like tax refunds. She also wants to have Democrats forget that she was an aggressive Attorney General in California and loved to lock people up.
  • Amy Klobuchar — Senator from Minnesota. She's relatively bipartisan, frequently supporting the worst ideas from both the Democrats and Republicans.
  • Beto O'Rourke — Former representative from Texas. Most notable for losing to Ted Cruz for Senate in 2018, but then decided that losing is a good enough qualification and is now running for president. His real name is Robert Francis O'Rourke.
  • Tim Ryan — Representative from Ohio. Notable for trying to get Nancy Pelosi to not be the Democrats’ Speaker in the House of Representatives. Obviously that didn't work out.
  • Bernie Sanders — Senator from Vermont, and former presidential candidate in 2016. Most notable for writing a guest article on KoopaTV back in 2016 urging Californians to vote for him over Hillary Clinton. He unfortunately lost back then, but since that entire primary was rigged, he's hoping to win this time. Bernie enjoys yelling.
  • Elizabeth Warren — Senator from Massachusetts. An absolute fraud and liar who wants to avoid speaking to any audience that may challenge her radical socialist viewpoints. Really wants to impeach President Donald John Trump so she can avoid debating him. (See above section on general election debates.)
  • Marianne Williamson — An activist who has written some books. Really dislikes AIDS and poverty, and wants to give hundreds of billions of dollars to black people as slavery reparations.
  • Andrew Yang — Entrepreneur who enjoys math. Somehow is figuring out the math required to give $1,000 a month for every American adult for life, provided they opt out of existing welfare programmes. Also is the first presidential candidate to take a stand on KoopaTV's pet issue, Daylight Savings Time.

Ex-Candidates

  1. Eric Swalwell — Representative from California. An uncharismatic jerk whose sole purpose in trying to become president is to end your Second Amendment rights. Dropped out July 8, 2019.
  2. John Hickenlooper — Former governor of Colorado. Has a funny name. He's trying to be a pragmatic progressive. Obviously it didn't work out. Dropped out August 15, 2019. 
  3. Jay Inslee — Current governor of Washington state, where big gaming companies like Nintendo and Microsoft are. ...There's your obligatory gaming connection. Dropped out August 21, 2019. 
  4. Kirsten Gillibrand — Senator from New York. Kirsten Gillibrand is insufferable and enjoys using government power to clumsily solve problems, like limiting opioid prescriptions for acute pain to 7 days. Dropped out August 28, 2019. 
  5. Bill de Blasio — Mayor of New York City. Widely despised within the city. Presumably ran as a joke. Dropped out September 20, 2019.

Alright, did you soak all of that in? Well, neither did I. The next year is either going to be really fun, or really boring, so stick to this page since it's going to be getting constant updates whenever stuff happens. (Or KoopaTV will abandon coverage if it's really boring.)


Writing this article in its first draft, which is just listing that some debates will happen and then listing all of the major declared candidates who qualified for the debates, was exhausting. Ludwig ponders if it'll be more exhausting when it comes time to actually covering the debates themselves. KoopaTV plans to use the Super Contest method of grading the primary debates, but has no intentions of turning them into a videogame that would be the Democrat version of The Wonderful 1237, which was a videogame KoopaTV developed and published in 2016 that you can play for free here that parodied the Republican primaries back in 2015–2016.

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