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Friday, September 29, 2017

Alex Hunter Returns Today... Unless You Play Nintendo Switch

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Electronic Arts lost my buy.

It has been a long time since the FIFA series from Electronic Arts has made it to a Nintendo console — about three years, and it was on the Wii for some reason but not the Wii U.

Finally, football (soccer) fans can enjoy the action on a Nintendo platform, and not a moment too soon: The FIFA series is actually getting very interesting with its story content, and Alex Hunter's presence in The Journey in FIFA 17 and now The Journey: Hunter Returns is making FIFA 18 the game to get for September. I can't wait to buy it and go on The Journey with Alex Hunter!

...Wait, what? The Nintendo Switch version won't have The Journey story mode in it, but every other platform will?

FIFA 18 The Journey Alex Hunter Returns pissed mad angry face

WHAT THE HELL?! Well, forget it, then! No Alex Hunter, no purchase! Why would anyone get a version of FIFA 18 that is missing the only part that makes the game worth purchasing? The only thing preventing EA from dropping to dead last in E3 2017?

Thursday, September 28, 2017

Hau Should Be Sacrificed to Necrozma

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Alternatively, feed Hau to Guzzlord, if that's coming back.

I realised I haven't referenced Hau, otherwise known as YOUR FRIEND HAU from Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon, since his prominent appearance in the Pokémon Sun & Moon Special Demo Version article back in October 2016.

Since then, Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon were released, and the horror named Hau has made millions of playthroughs of the game worse off.

Meanwhile, Pokémon Ultra Sun and Pokémon Ultra Moon will be taking place in some kind of alternate universe. It turns out that in this alternate universe, Hau is already confirmed to exist, and as a friend.

Pokémon Ultra Sun Moon Hau Lillie switch facial expressions friends not smiling
Hau and Lillie apparently switched expressions between Pokémon Sun/Moon and Pokémon Ultra Sun/Ultra Moon.
Does this mean the game will focus all on Hau this time? Either way, he's still a shitty rival who wants you to win instead of himself.
However, given that Hau now has a different demeanor if official art is to be believed (see above) and the in-game dialogue we know he gives isn't to be believed, then Hau may have a completely different fate than the pathetic Malasada-munching moron he was in Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon. If you want to consider what would work best with the ominous, dark clouds backdrop of the Alola region for Pokémon Ultra Sun and Pokémon Ultra Moon, I propose that Necrozma be directly involved with what will be Hau's irreversible demise.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

You SHOULD Kneel To Our Flag! Long Live Koopa Kingdom!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - America doesn't get it because you guys lack a KING.

Instead of important issues like healthcare and taxes, everyone wants to talk about American football. All I know about football is that the New England Patriots are assholes, the Atlanta Falcons are choke-artists, and Electronic Arts confirmed exclusively to KoopaTV that they canceled their planned Madden Curse movie.

Slightly more interesting than talking about the sport is that, all of a sudden (at least, to people who don't pay attention to this), the National Football League is at the centre of a culture war. I'm not really sure what it's actually about (neither do the combatants), but it is apparent that whatever the motivations for participating in the war, one side is expressing its displeasure with the United States by kneeling to the flag during the national anthem before the game starts. If I were a football player, I'd quit the sport if I had to listen to the Star-Spangled Banner every time I did my job. It's an awful song, and not even the Koopa Kingdom version of it (nor me singing the Koopa Kingdom version of it), the Shell-Spangled Banner, is enough to make it bearable. There's a reason we don't ever reference the Shell-Spangled Banner on this site.

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Don't Keep All Your Eggs in a STEM Basket

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Art, civics, and English are critically important.

While the Entertainment Software Association (the ESA), the videogame industry's lobbying group in North America, is applauding President Donald John Trump's decision to have the Department of Education invest in a STEM initiative... I'm nervous about that prospect. This is a reversal from the Administration's proposed budget to cut Career and Technical Education State Grants by $166 million. (See Section C. Career, Technical, and Adult Education)

The President is instructing the Department of Education to spend $200 million every year in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math) initiatives to promote knowledge and career development among people, for the purpose of having more Americans in higher-paying jobs. The purpose of education, after all, is to prepare people for the future, and the future is digital.

Tech companies, of course, want to lobby for limitless federal dollars to be spent training their future workforce. Those tech companies include Microsoft, so you can bet your tax dollars that videogame companies will see benefit out of this. Those tech companies are ponying up some of their own cash, however (probably due to the president's negotiation ability), numbering in the collective hundreds of millions.

Unlike the rest of the gaming industry, however, I'm opposed to throwing more money at STEM education — and not just because I think the Department of Education is unconstitutional to begin with.

Monday, September 25, 2017

What Do We Know About Super Mario Odyssey's Tiara?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Plus an inquiry into Mario's beach attire, or lack thereof.

There is a lot to unpack regarding the Super Mario Odyssey portion of the recent Nintendo Direct. It was seven and a half minutes long, after all. An action-packed seven and a half minutes at that. Let's embed it and get to what I think in a more in-depth manner than our live reaction log coverage:

First of all, Mario capturing Yoshiaki Koizumi is still terrifying.

Second, I want to dive deeper into Tiara. We didn't know about Tiara. Cappy, yes. Tiara? No.

Tiara is Cappy's sister that King Bowser did a very good job of taking. I don't know if he got Tiara separately from Princess Peach (since Tiara is to Peach as Cappy is to Mario) or if they came as a pair, but regardless, Tiara can now be found on newly uncovered wedding posters:

Friday, September 22, 2017

KoopaTV's Autumn Equinox Concert

By RAWKHAWK2010 - Eclipses are so last month.

"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns." (Oh hey, I'm already a bird. And I Fall all the time because I can't actually fly. ...So I guess I'm off to a good start, huh?)

The Autumnal Equinox is the envoy of Autumn and is also when day and night are are of approximately equal duration all over the planet. You know what it also also is? It's when KoopaTV's favorite dancers take the opportune opportunity to bust a groove for all y'all.

Let the Autumn Equinox Concert commence!:

Thursday, September 21, 2017

The True Spirit of Justice — Not On Mobile!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Spirit of Justice going to mobile makes a certain Nintendo announcement even more FAKE NEWS.

Today, CAPCOM released Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney — Spirit of Justice on Apple and Google's mobile store platforms. Spirit of Justice enjoyed a slightly over one-year exclusivity period on the Nintendo 3DS, where I'm pretty sure it did well.

I've covered all of the other times an Ace Attorney game has been ported to mobile systems (see below the footer for those articles — there are a lot of them now!) while KoopaTV has been established (so not Ace Attorney Trilogy on mobile). I don't really want to focus on how upset I am about this announcement or how much I dislike mobile gaming. Instead, I want to connect this article to the one I wrote last week about the September 13 Nintendo Direct and how Nintendo's claims about the ported Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney were FAKE NEWS.

But, first, some details on these mobile versions are in order just so we can have some baseline on their badness. Interestingly, they differ between iOS and Android.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Wrapping Up Wonderful Wednesdays

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Looking back at promoting The Wonderful 1237...

Exactly seven months ago to the nearest Wednesday, we started our Wonderful Wednesday series discussing Pocket Card Jockey as inspirational background to KoopaTV's biggest videogame ever, The Wonderful 1237.

Play The Wonderful 1237 right on KoopaTV on Flash-enabled web browsers!

We describe The Wonderful 1237 as a satirical simulation strategy game where you play as a Republican primary candidate, making decisions about how to ultimately win 1237 delegates so you can become the Republican Party's presidential nominee. In your way are the 17 Republican presidential candidates in the 2015–2016 season! Each character in the game has their own statistics (Beauty, Cool, Cute, Smart, and Tough — the same as the Pokémon Super Contests) that develop as the primary season went on, and you can choose whether to develop your own stats or target an opponent's.
PLUS, once a candidate drops out of the race, you can win the delegates they accumulated via each candidate's unique endorsement minigame! Covering those minigames made up the bulk of our Wonderful Wednesday coverage.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Marvel vs. Capcom vs. Franziska's Lash

By RAWKHAWK2010 - Let's focus on the fools.

On a day known as #InternationalWomensDay, in response to a hashtag known as #IfWomenRuledTheWorld, I once tweeted that I'd be perfectly fine with a woman owner so long as she was akin to Lady Palutena's beauty and not some misshapen unsightly beast. Elements of danger such as the Power of Caging were considered a significant risk that came with the territory of being owned, but recently I played through the original Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney trilogy and was introduced to what the word "danger" truly means.

Franziska von Karma sprite animation gif finger wag wagging
Franziska "Danger" von Karma?
...Or Franziska von "Danger" Karma?
(She'll decide when she's good and ready.)

Monday, September 18, 2017

Restocked and Much-Stocked Classic Editions; Nintendo Arcades?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Nintendo to have an actual physical supply of classic products people want, while infinitely supplying really old products no one wants.

In spite of my opinions, the Nintendo Entertainment System: NES Classic Edition (or NES: NES) sold a lot upon release, making it a very difficult-to-buy collector's item. Then they discontinued it, because it was always meant to be limited. Now they have announced the existence of the Super Nintendo Entertainment System: SNES Classic Edition (or SNES: SNES), and people are worried it will be as limited as the NES: NES — a problem, because there are justifiable entertainment-related reasons to buy one of these.

Nintendo is actually going to try to avoid a situation where they are not getting as much revenue as they otherwise could by... having a much larger inventory of SNES: SNES to sell. PLUS, they will be putting the NES: NES back in stock come 2018.

Amazing, right? (Let's just hope this doesn't take away from much-needed Nintendo Switch production, though since the price is falling rather precipitously for those, that means either the Switch's supply is healthier than a few months ago, or the demand is falling...)

It's fun how happy people can be that they have the opportunity to flood Nintendo with cash. But, you know what isn't amazing, and I don't think will get Nintendo much cash?

Friday, September 15, 2017

Not Even Apollo Justice, Ace Attorney, Can Defend This FAKE NEWS

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - With CNN reporters like Spark Brushel on the beat, you can't trust the press.

With only seven seconds of footage, Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney (3DS edition) got the least amount of air time of any game during Wednesday's Nintendo Direct. We still don't know anything new about it since CAPCOM announced the port a month ago. It was a useless seven seconds.

Even though there was only seven seconds of content, they were wrong about two things:
  1. Apollo Justice is NOT everyone's favourite lawyer. He's not even most people's.
  2. Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney does not explore Apollo's origins or backstory. You'll need to play Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney — Spirit of Justice for that.
Since seven seconds of bad information was not enough, here is what Nintendo published in a press release for their Nintendo Direct:
“Two New Games, Two Beloved Series: The next game in the Ace Attorney series, Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney, launches in November. The action-packed Fire Emblem Warriors game launches Oct. 20 for New Nintendo 3DS systems only.”
Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney is not a new game. It is over nine years old. It is not the “next” game in the Ace Attorney series. The last new worldwide release of an Ace Attorney game was last year's excellent Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney — Spirit of Justice. Before that was Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney — Dual Destinies. (In-between was Professor Layton vs. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, but not... canonically.)

Before that was Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney, and that was a long, long time before KoopaTV started. It's not the next game in the series. It's not even the previous one. It's the previous game to the previous game's previous game. That's going real far back. Shame on Nintendo for putting this information in a press release. You know what I call that?



Spark Brushel CNN Fake News Apollo Justice Ace Attorney Donald Trump journalism objection meme
The crusader against the fake news organisation CNN (“Credible Nintendo News” — “Corrupt Nintendo News” if you ask me) and CNN reporter Spark Brushel...
...President Donald John Trump!

Ludwig wanted to continue KoopaTV's meme war against CNN, and this is the result. He's astonished in general that Nintendo would make such a bold claim about Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney being a new game. Of course it isn't.

This is far from the first time that Nintendo's marketing communications outfit has put out demonstrably false information to promote a 3DS game.
Believe it or not, this article doesn't even cover all of the FAKE NEWS in the seven second soundbite and tiny blurb. There's even MORE, as revealed next week.
Fake news isn't enough: Nintendo actively wants to censor the game's existence.
CAPCOM gives true news about the game's release date and its actual events.
CAPCOM might have used FAKE NEWS to promote the game on launch, but there is no way to fact-check it.
Don't trust Nintendo to write accurate press releases about their own products, either.
The CNN meme war finally comes to 2018, with a clear example of FAKE NEWS actually done by CNN.
Young sneezing Phoenix Wright is also a part of CNN, spreading fake news and sneezes.

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Kirby Battle Royale: Copy Ability Poll!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We're surprisingly all agreement that we want this ONLINE MULTIPLAYER KIRBY GAME.

With Nintendo making many announcements in yesterday's Nintendo Direct (read our live reactions to it!), we have a lot of things to write about. While Kirby Battle Royale is likely not the most important thing to come from yesterday, it is one of the most surprising. It's also tied to a time-sensitive event, so might as well talk about it sooner rather than later.

Kirby Battle Royale is yet more Kirby gaming content to continue Kirby's 25th Anniversary, which is a concerted effort to make me feel guilty for only listening to the Kirby franchise's awesome soundtracks without actually playing the games. It's a four-player game where you have Kirby fight other Kirby players, and perhaps some CPUs. Unlike Kirby Fighters Deluxe, it is in 3D. And unlike Team Kirby Clash Deluxe (and every other Kirby game currently in existence), it is ACTUALLY AN ONLINE MULTIPLAYER GAME!

Kirby Battle Royale online and local wireless multiplayer Nintendo 2DS 3DS
It's not only local wireless multiplayer, but ONLINE multiplayer! For real!
The official Nintendo website description says you actually need an INTERNET CONNECTION to play online!

We still don't know much about the game, but this was enough to get the four KoopaTV staffers logging yesterday's Direct to express purchasing interest in it. Super Mario Odyssey was the only other game to do that.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

KoopaTV's September 13, 2017 Nintendo Direct Live Reactions!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Featuring some fangirl service...

Welcome everyone to the KoopaTV live reaction log to Nintendo's Nintendo Direct: September 13, 2017 edition. This one is long and full of a lot of information. You can watch it along with us here:

Who is “us”? I'm proud to tell you we have a pretty full staff here to live react. There's myself, Rawk, Kamek, AND Vortexica. You thought most of those guys were dead, didn't you? Also, because I can and it was requested, I replaced their weird AIM screen names with their KoopaTV staffer names. Now you can actually follow it. Yay!

...It seems like today was the first time the four of us had a sustained conversation together in a long time, so it seems some members have some things to share...

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Should The Number Nine Be Nixed?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We discuss the results of skipping 9 and embracing 9.

One of Earth's worst corporations, Apple, had a big conference today that I didn't watch. They announced the iPhone 8, along with the iPhone X (otherwise known as the iPhone 10, or Ten — click that only if you need proof, 'cause that Apple video is INCREDIBLY PRETENTIOUS and unbearable). Two devices at the same time — the iPhone 8 will be released this month, while the iPhone X will be releasing November, 2017. The X is the more expensive one, starting at $999, while the 8 is also expensive, starting at $699.
All of those 9s in the pricetag make me wonder: There clearly is no opportunity for an iPhone 9, is there? Microsoft did the exact same thing in skipping from Windows 8 to Windows 10.

What the hell is with this nine-skipping? Is this COLLUSION? Am I missing something? Well, I'll try to investigate, but I'm more interested in if the number nine deserves to be skipped. Since this is a gaming site, I'll focus my thoughts around games.

Monday, September 11, 2017

Will Developers Maintain Nintendo Switch Pro Controller Support?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's how I want to play. Make sure the Pro Controller is compatible!

One of the biggest selling points of the Nintendo Switch is the ability to play the games when you want, where you want, and how you want. Here's how Nintendo words their marketing message on their site:
Nintendo Switch is designed to go wherever you do, transforming from home console to portable system in a snap. So you get more time to play the games you love, however you like.” 
I think I've just about reached the point where I have played 100 hours of Nintendo Switch gaming, with about half of it with The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild and the other half of Splatoon 2. The Nintendo Switch won't tell you EXACTLY since there is no true replacement for all of the functionality of the Activity Log, but... it's sort of close.

Almost all of those 100 hours, besides that brief period of time where I played the ARMS Global Testpunch with the Joy-Con (and it played terribly with the Joy-Con as well as my preferred controller), have been with the Nintendo Switch Pro Controller on the TV mode. Everything else (especially that plastic piece of shit Joy-Con Grip) doesn't feel all that right.

Nintendo Switch home page features online service games family fun accessories
I guess I should take comfort that the Pro Controller is the face of Online service (not that we know much about it yet).

Friday, September 8, 2017

Hurricane Irma: CRISIS in Florida! Rawk Engulfed?!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - He was warned not to go, but noooooo.

Spoiler alert: This is another one of those “a KoopaTV staffer might be dead/dying” articles that we get on a disturbingly regular basis. (See the footer of this article for a list of all the ones I can remember.)

Have you noticed that KoopaTV staff member RawkHawk2010 has been a lot more prolific lately? He published three articles in the span of one calendar week at the end of August. (Read his takes on that solar eclipse, turtles in Dragon Ball, and Mario + Rabbids: Kingdom Battle that ended up being a top five recommended article in August) ...There's also a lot of stuff from him that are sitting as drafts.

As a reward (and to get him out of the way so I can take control of my own site's publishing schedule), we sent Rawk on a leisurely vacation to Florida! I mean, after all of that stress dealing with natural disasters with our KoopaTV office in Sierra Leone, a vacation in the tropical paradise of Florida is just the incentive a KoopaTV staffer should want!

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Miiverse Downloading Your Post History FAQ!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We interview a Nintendo customer service rep so you know what to expect.

As you already heard if you actively use Nintendo's Miiverse service, or read KoopaTV, Miiverse will be ending this November. It's a very sad thing for us, as we've discussed. There is, however, one upside: Nintendo is allowing you to download your post history. You can make a download request and read more about it here, assuming you are logged into Miiverse. (It's a shame that link will break in two months.)

Some important information from that:
  • You will be able to have all of your posts (text, images) and Screenshot Album images downloaded to a .zip file sent to your e-mail address associated with your Nintendo Account
    • Comments in your posts, in other people's posts, and private Wii U messages are not included
    • Your Nintendo Account and Nintendo Network ID need to be linked to one another, which you should have done anyway
    • If you violate the Miiverse Code of Conduct after requesting your post history, the admins may choose to punish you by not giving you the download. 
  • You have until now and when Miiverse ends to submit the request.

Nintendo has provided a Miiverse Service Discontinuation FAQ here. However, not all questions were answered in that. So, we went ahead and asked Nintendo more details about the downloadable post history feature.

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

The Wonderful 1237: Voice-Acting and Sound Effects Video!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Nearly 15 minutes (!) of delicious voice-acting and sound effects. Mostly voice-acting.

After being teased for over eight months, KoopaTV is now ready to publish all of the voice-acting that went into The Wonderful 1237! It is the most amount of voice-acting that has went into any of KoopaTV's videogames to date, and probably for all time in the future as well.

Here, listen to it:

Want to know what I find interesting? Even though the game has 15 minutes of voice-acting (and a 15 second song at the end), the game is still not fully voice-acted. Capture the Confederate Flag was fully voice-acted and only got to 9 minutes. The Wonderful 1237 has almost fully voice-acted minigames (which, if you're interested in learning more about, click this article which also includes strategy guides/demos for all of the 17 minigames in The Wonderful 1237), but its cutscene/dialogue scenes in-between rounds are text-based.

Imagine how long this would be if it WAS fully voice-acted. ...Well, it would break the file limit of the game, since it's already 50 MB large.

You wouldn't know how much text is in the game unless you played it (play The Wonderful 1237 here!) and went through every round of the game. There's lots of character development too in that.

One other aside: I voice-acted everything in the game. I even voice-acted Roxy instead of Roxy voice-acting herself. You can call that whatever you want — quality assurance, consistency, being a control freak, or Roxy not having the time, equipment, or flexibility to submit voice recordings. I like to think I did a good job, though.

The entire The Wonderful 1237 is more than just a good job — it won KoopaTV's Best PC Game of 2016! That's actually well-deserved, too. This article falls under the Wonderful Wednesday series, which will be concluding with one more article after this one looking back at all of the marketing KoopaTV has done for The Wonderful 1237. You should play it on your Flash-enabled device, especially while it's still a special tab on KoopaTV's navigation. Plus, writing a review or filming a Let's Play of The Wonderful 1237 can win you absolutely massive points for the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program, where you can win money-equivalents in the form of gift cards!

The previous record-holder for the most voice-acting and sound effects in one of KoopaTV's games was Capture the Confederate Flag at 9 minutes.

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Mario: Once a Plumber, Always a Plumber

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - One cannot just stop being a plumber, regardless of the opinion of a licensing body or corporation.

Do a search of the word plumber on KoopaTV, and you will get over a hundred results. I haven't checked, but I'm pretty sure just about all of them are referencing Koopa Kingdom's sworn enemy, Mario Mario, and his occupation.

However, Kotaku (a FAKE NEWS organisation) reports that Nintendo's Japanese website states that Mario is no longer a plumber. Given Kotaku's unreliability, and the fact that it's difficult for us to confirm this for ourselves due to the language barrier (if you know Japanese, please comment in the comments section... and then check out this job opening KoopaTV has had for years), we have no faith that this is true. It could, in fact, be interpreted to read that Mario laments the old days when he was regularly doing plumbing.

But even if Mario is saying he is no longer a plumber, that doesn't change the fact that he is, in fact, still a plumber. Many of King Koopa's (and thus mine by... inheritance) insults depend on it, including the perennial “pesky plumbers,” “faucet freaks,” and “plumb scum.”

Monday, September 4, 2017

Ludwig Still Hates ARMS After Actually Playing It

ByLUDWIG VON KOOPA - You think I should play games as a prerequisite to trashing them? FINE. I DID.

A bit over a week ago was another round of the ARMS Global Testpunch, this time a post-release version to try to muscle in support for Nintendo's newest franchise. You may recall the first one was announced and conducted prior to E3 2017. Then they had the ARMS Open Invitational Tournament at E3 2017 and it was a totally rigged and boring ordeal. ARMS was then released to the world and it apparently has sold over a million copies! ...And yet I don't see anyone (besides Japan for EVO 2018) talking about it. All I hear is that everyone has moved to Splatoon 2, which, hey, is fine by me.

Obviously, the managers who are in charge of ARMS over at Nintendo didn't want ARMS to just die an ignoble death, so why not hold another free Testpunch session and get that support? I figured, hey, why not actually play ARMS? It looks boring to watch, but maybe, just maybe, it's fun to play.

I picked Master Mummy (since he has the best theme music) and was on my way.

Friday, September 1, 2017

KoopaTV's August 2017 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Very busy month!

August 2017 was incredibly busy. There have been non-stop events happening both on KoopaTV and your planet Earth, which sometimes have been reflected on this site for topicality and sometimes haven't been. It's hard to keep up, honestly, so some things slip through the cracks. If your sense of priority differs from ours, you can always leave a comment on our Requests page!

I want to open by saying that, during August 2017, we have officially been longer than we were (You go from May 12, 2013 to July 3–4, 2015... we're past the point in day count where the site had existed pre-domain change.)

Not only was the month busy, but it was jam-packed with very high quality content that keeps you wanting to come back for more. (That IS what it's doing, right?) So I'd like to show you...

Top Five Recommended Articles of August 2017

If you could just read five articles from the month — a big mistake on your part, since they're all worth reading — here they are, in chronological order: