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Monday, September 25, 2017

What Do We Know About Super Mario Odyssey's Tiara?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Plus an inquiry into Mario's beach attire, or lack thereof.

There is a lot to unpack regarding the Super Mario Odyssey portion of the recent Nintendo Direct. It was seven and a half minutes long, after all. An action-packed seven and a half minutes at that. Let's embed it and get to what I think in a more in-depth manner than our live reaction log coverage:

First of all, Mario capturing Yoshiaki Koizumi is still terrifying.

Second, I want to dive deeper into Tiara. We didn't know about Tiara. Cappy, yes. Tiara? No.

Tiara is Cappy's sister that King Bowser did a very good job of taking. I don't know if he got Tiara separately from Princess Peach (since Tiara is to Peach as Cappy is to Mario) or if they came as a pair, but regardless, Tiara can now be found on newly uncovered wedding posters:

Super Mario Odyssey Tiara Bowser Peach royal wedding poster
Compare to the wedding posters from eight months ago, which only had two sets of eyes on them instead of three.

We don't know anything else about Tiara. We know that her and Cappy are from the city of Bonneton located in the Cap Kingdom, and that is full of terrifying caps just like Cappy. Is Cappy's capturing ability exclusive to him, or do all Cap Kingdom residents have that ability? It's an important question, because certainly not all humans have Mario's abilities. If they did, the universe would be in graver peril than it currently is.

That said, the actions of just one cap are enough to threaten the entire planet Earth, so a whole race of these monstrosities wouldn't end well. King Bowser is doing well to round them up for their extermination. ...And if that ISN'T his end goal, then, hey, it'll be mine.

Super Mario Odyssey Wedding Bowser holding Tiara captured kidnapped hand
Is it just me, or is Tiara not securely abducted?

The fact that these crazy caps have little hat-shaped ships that can fly around all over the world so they can seamlessly commit acts of terror is very concerning. (I TOLD you guys that flight can be used for evil!) Still, there isn't much we can do about that right now, so let's move on to the biggest headline-grabber from the entire Nintendo Direct. (...And this is why you shouldn't read a lot of other websites.)

All of the attention after the Direct was around Mario not having a shirt on while running around the beach. That isn't something that I am going to visually reproduce here (for your protection), but I'll ask this question that has been on my mind for weeks:

In Super Mario Odyssey, when Mario happens to just pass through the Seaside Kingdom, he takes all of his clothes off (besides trunks and his hat) and runs around. In Super Mario Sunshine when Mario was on a dedicated tropical paradise beach vacation that was planned in advance, he spent his entire stay at Isle Delfino in normal attire, with the exception of having a short-sleeved shirt. He's got a shirt. He's got overalls. He's got pants. He still has gloves (a wise choice, due to how gross the isle became because of Mario's goopy pollution).

Why would Mario be in work clothes during a vacation, but have no clothes when he's supposed to be doing the “work” of crashing a wedding party? That's what I want to know.

But instead everyone at these other websites and social media are apparently worried about some tattoo they think Mario has on his shoulder. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, then good. It's immaterial.) Come on, people. Get your priorities straight. ...They also think that Mario's skin is handsome or something, which is gross.

Ludwig needed to actually write and publish this article within the month of September, or else the header would make no sense, though he could easily just change it. This doesn't qualify as an Enlightenment Movement article since it asks more questions than there are answers, so there isn't really a narrative being pushed. Mario's fashion choices isn't evidence of his evilness, after all. However, there is evidence of something else: Ludwig believes the attention towards Mario's uncovered upper body to be evidence of society's total depravity.

Well, assuming that others in the Cap Kingdom have similar capturing abilities to Cappy, then this explains everything about this mysterious media figure...
There is a lot we don't know about these caps, so hopefully buying Super Mario Odyssey sheds light on it.
Cappy is naturally attracted to royal weddings.


  1. The real question is why does Mario need a vacation when he hardly does any work in the first place. When was the last time he fixed any pipes in the Mushroom Kingdom anyway?

    1. ...Pretty recently. We did just publish an article on this this month.

      It's probably going to be in our top 5 articles for the September newsletter, since Enlightenment Movement articles tend to get there.


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