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Friday, August 11, 2017

Where Is Mario & Sonic at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Nowhere to be found. It's possibly Dennis Rodman's fault. Blame Cappy!

When Ubisoft announced the Steep DLC at Ubisoft's E3 2017 (Steep: Road to the Olympics) featuring the PyeongChang Winter Olympics in South Korea, I thought that Nintendo would announce a “Mario & Sonic at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games” the following day. Didn't happen.

Two months after E3 2017 started, there still isn't any news regarding a new game in the Mario & Sonic series. This is significant, because the 2018 in PyeongChang 2018 is February. By comparison, Mario & Sonic at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games was announced in a June 2015 Nintendo Direct for a March 2016 release.

Believe me, this stuff matters. Big time. I know this from very personal experience. Remember the How Team Koopa Escaped Rio series? I sure do. (If you don't, click that hyperlink. It was a very big deal last year.) It was a horrible experience, but following Mario on his conquest of Earth was important. By the end, it turns out that Mario, and evil cap, Cappy, had captured the Prime Minister of Japan, Shinzō Abe. Then they promoted the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games. But what about PyeongChang?

When you think about what's going on in the world, it makes sense that South Korea will try to do everything they can to keep Mario out of their country. (If you're wondering what they have against letting Sonic in, you're on the wrong website. Go start EggmanTV or some crap.) I'll clue you in.

If you've been watching or reading the news at ALL lately, you would know that North Korea seems poised to start World War III by trying to destroy the United States of America, Japan, and South Korea with NUCLEAR WEAPONRY. Things are getting really intense on Earth. In case you have some troubles remembering geopolitical particulars, North Korea and South Korea really hate one another and they're right next to each other. Japan is close to the Korean countries (separated by water), and the United States is involved as a benefactor of South Korea and Japan.

Despite the geopolitical turmoil, South Korea will still hold its PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games in half a year. It will be the first Olympic Games that Mario will not involve himself in in a decade. It's not because Mario is afraid of being caught in a nuclear war. If you read How Team Koopa Escaped Rio and its prologue and epilogue articles, you would know that Rio de Janeiro was a total mess and quite dangerous as well. Unlike Korea, the dangers were actively present — political instability, the Zika virus, random dead body parts everywhere — as opposed to just a possibility.

Mario — be it through his own negligence or active involvement — is partly responsible for this horrendous geopolitical climate right now. Take a look at this photo:

Dennis Rodman Kim Jong-un Cappy Super Mario Odyssey red hat cap captured possessed Mario & Sonic at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games
Dennis Rodman (with a special someone on his head, and it ain't a Make America Great Again hat) with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un.
(Photo credit: RawkHawk2010. Don't ask how HE got into North Korea.)

Dennis Rodman — formerly known for his basketball prowess — is an American that is basically America's de-facto ambassador to North Korea. He is also the only person on Earth to be a mutual friend of North Korea's Kim Jong-un and United States President Donald John Trump. He also happens to be a moron, as well as a victim of Cappy, Mario's evil cap that possesses people and objects.

Dennis Rodman, whether it be because he's dumb or because he is being controlled by Cappy (and Mario), has been amplifying the nuclear threats going on in Earth. Through his off-and-on friendships with both Kim Jong-un and President Donald John Trump, he has been trying to inch the world towards destruction. I don't want to spread FAKE NEWS around, but let's just say that Dennis Rodman is reportedly not a good guest.

Why is Cappy out to create a nuclear war on Earth? ...I don't know yet, but perhaps it has to do with the South Korean eSports scene not having Super Smash Bros. in it. But if you consider that Cappy has control over Prime Minister Shinzō Abe, then that really just leaves South Korea as the last remaining non-compromised country involved.

That makes South Korea smart to ban Mario, or Cappy in any form, from entering the country. You better believe they will strongly enforce that.

If you ask me, the United States of America should also strongly control its own immigration. Mario should be banned from every country in the world! Too bad he's at least going to be set for going to Tokyo 2020...


Ludwig is actually glad that Mario will not be attending any more Olympic games for a while, because he is too scarred from going to Rio de Janeiro to be chasing pesky plumbers across Earth. The last thing that Ludwig wants is a sudden announcement right after this article is published that Mario and Sonic WILL be coming to South Korea one way or another, perhaps in a “Mario & Sonic at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games”. In that case, he will plead with King Bowser Koopa not to go. He will also plead with you to go read last year's hit How Team Koopa Escaped Rio series.


It turns out that Cappy has a SISTER. Could the destruction be multiplied?
Dennis Rodman isn't the only Trump “associate” that has come into contact with these monstrous caps.

2 comments :

  1. All this time I thought that Mario would be the main antagonist in Super Mario Odyssey. It turns out that I was only partially correct. Although he is merely a puppet, Dennis Rodman is another terrifying menace. If he convinces Kim Jong-In to deploy nuclear missles, New Donk City and its inhabitants can be obliterated. King Bowser must stop Mario and Cappy before life as we know it is gone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...Oh, yeah, if they get nuclear weapons over to my world from Earth, we're super-screwed.

      ...That might be why they're doing this, actually.

      Delete

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