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Wednesday, December 31, 2014

The 2015 Resolutions of KoopaTV's Staff

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We'll check back later if these are met.

Before we get into our own resolutions and check to see if we met the ones from last year, let's see if Masahiro Sakurai met his resolution.

Sakurai resolved to complete Super Smash Bros. For 3DS/Wii U and release them both in 2014.

Did he do it? Yes, and yes, in all regions! A lot of people doubted him, but Sakurai came through and showed them how wrong they all were. Not only did he complete those games, but they were both great. Anticipate seeing them both in this year's KoopaTV Game of THAT Year awards series.

Speaking of Super Smash Bros., last year disgraced ex-staffer YoshiRider123 made it his resolution to play Super Smash Bros. 4. Though we no longer talk to one another, I can confirm that he at least owns Super Smash Bros. For Wii U, or else this self-pitying Miiverse post would not be able to exist.


Ike Marth Robin Chrom Super Smash Bros. For Wii U suppose I'll get my chance another day trophies Fire Emblem
Leave Chrom on the ground, please.

As for RawkHawk2010, although he is on unpaid administrative leave right now, I can safely confirm that he has played Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze.

As for me, I met my resolutions as well. KoopaTV has been promoted much more in 2014 than 2013, if view-counts mean anything. Not only that, but we have opened ourselves up to having AFFILIATES during this year! Own your own site? Better get on that. We'd love to have ya, and you'd love to have us.

Are KoopaTV's articles more in-depth in 2014 than 2013? Well, there's no objective way to measure that. So let's move on. Has my gaming backlog had serious dents made? Yes! ...But in terms of net change, it has only grown bigger. But hey, if we ignore additions made throughout 2014 to that thing and just look at what it was at the end of 2013 and only look at those games, it went down. I still haven't played Fire Emblem Awakening though.

My last resolution for 2014 was to "get to the bottom of the Madden Curse scandal." ...This was the most ambitious of my resolutions. And guess what? ...We did it. We're not gonna get any more bottom than that!

Okay, time for our NEW SET OF RESOLUTIONS:

Starting with YoshiRider123, who is not in our staff but I still want his here for reference. He vows, as head of the shithole known as NSider2, to help it reach its full potential. I'm guessing that means totally ruin it NeoGAF-style.

For RawkHawk2010, he said it was "to be". (As opposed to "not to be", he explains.)

And now for our actual staff members.

Vortexica starts us off horribly with, "My New Years resolution is to continue my earnest tradition of not making New Years resolutions." Well, how am I supposed to keep him accountable?!

Kamek "would like to get my foot in the door for learning Japanese. Like, maybe all of the Hiragana...Become more masterful of my French and Spanish... Aaaaaand lose weight. That's on everyone's list. ...Aaaaaand work out more. Manage time more wisely. And get a new job."

...Um, by "new job", he better not be talking about leaving KoopaTV.

Now, time for yours truly, the High Prince of Koopa Kingdom. I have an internal goal as to the traffic for KoopaTV I want to achieve for 2015 that I think is totally do-able at our growth rate. (Not gonna share it with y'all but I'll let you know if we met it.) My resolution is to give KoopaTV's only unexplored month, February, a spectacular time. I want it to be amazing! On that note, no month-long hiatus ever again. I want to continue our success into 2015. I also resolve to hold the new Republican majority in Congress accountable in the same manner I held the Democrat Party and President Barack Hussein Obama accountable. I campaigned hard to get 'em in, now they better damn be good. I also vow to actually play Fire Emblem Awakening in 2015. In addition, my last KoopaTV-related resolution is to create a satisfactory navigation system. And my last resolution period? Gain weight. Yeah, take that, Kamek!

Update: I thought of another thing I want to get done. I want to stop sleeping so late, so I want to be asleep before 11:30 PM every night.

Cheers, and have a happy 2015.


Ludwig has gotten many more Followers to his Miiverse account since last year, and thinks he can easily surpass 300 Followers by the end of 2015. Why not help that happen sooner by Following him at NNID PrinceOfKoopas? (Unless you already have... then stick around!)


For the 2014 Resolutions, click here.
NSider2 couldn't reach its potential.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

The New About Page

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - One About page for all your needs. Will be ACTUALLY UPDATED.

Time to do two things: One, de-mystify KoopaTV with an About page that will be maintained. And two, combine our perfectly good existing "About KoopaTV" page with our sorely lacking "About Us" page into one, to save some space for those page tabs at the top of the site.

Oh, and three: We're gonna keep a TIMELINE here of KoopaTV! Now you can follow key events without hassle!

Last Update: 9/10/2018

Monday, December 29, 2014

The Ignorance of Sarkeesian Haters

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - If you thought I was out of character before...

There is something amiss in the air...

Let me explain.

Defend Anita Sarkeesian is KoopaTV's holiday gift to you to close out 2014. When in the November 2014 Newsletter I said there "will be a photo finish end to the year" I meant the release of Defend Anita Sarkeesian.

Obviously I want as many people to be exposed to it as possible because I worked hard on it, and I want people to understand that, unlike many other blogs out there, KoopaTV is different because we contribute to the arts. (Among a lot of other reasons.) Not because I'm an Anita Sarkeesian fan, because anyone who has half a brain can figure out that I'm not. Especially even if your first and only exposure to KoopaTV is the Defend Anita Sarkeesian landing page. Why? Because that page states two things:
  1. We didn't come up with the game idea. We don't know who did, but whoever did did it under existential threat.
  2. We theorised that it was Anita Sarkeesian herself because we have several anti-Sarkeesian articles that are literally linked to right there for your reading pleasure. (By the way, we haven't gotten any response from whoever did request it after we released it. No news is good news, right?)
So how totally stupid do you have to be to attack me like I'm some kind of Sarkeesian fanboy? ...Apparently, it's commonplace among so-called "gamers". (Same people who refuse to play a game, of course.)

Anita Sarkeesian should not just be beaten up, but she should be ended.
This guy is in no position to be talking about knowing virtually anything.

Which leads to the title of this article, "The Ignorance of Sarkeesian Haters", because you gotta be really stupid.

More stupid people. Apparently KoopaTV is a SJW organization.

Friday, December 26, 2014

On Christmas, only Nintendo Network remained

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Xbox Live and PlayStation Network succumbed to the reptilian overlords.

This is gonna require you to remember last year, okay? Remember when Nintendo launched Pokémon Bank and it caused the Nintendo Network (their online services, including the eShop and online play) to crash not only on Christmas day, but for several days afterward? It was completely embarrassing, and who knows how many sales were lost as a result of it. (That particular article looked at it through the lens of how much Capcom got screwed for making Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Dual Destinies digital-download-only.)

The cynics (including the usual anti-Nintendo imbeciles on NeoGAF) decried the whole situation as another "Nintendo is still in the 20th century!" "Nintendo's online infrastructure sucks! Get a PlayStation or Xbox One!" or something. Even though back then, those other consoles also had issues on Christmas Day.

Well.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Or, to be seasonal, "HOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

This Christmas, as you may already know, Microsoft's Xbox Live was totally down. Sony's PlayStation Network was totally down. And you know who is claiming responsibility? Lizard Squad. And you know whose online service was not down? Nintendo's. I know that for a fact, since I used it multiple times throughout Christmas Day! Miiverse was a bit slow, but it wasn't inaccessible. And Super Smash Bros. For Wii U was wonderful. Millions of Nintendo fans had access to the wonders of Nintendo's online services while those other guys were left in the cold.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Baby It's Cold Outside — So Read KoopaTV!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I have a good excuse this time for why this is just lyrics.

KoopaTV is in the giving and holiday season. As such, Ludwig has written a KoopaTV Khristmas Karol! ...Sorry, that's too gratuitous. A KoopaTV Christmas Carol!

...You miiight recognize what it's based off of. I hope you would!

The text in black is sung by... uh... Ms. Mowz. And the text in purple is sung by who is playing... um... Broggy. Yeah. Those are the roles. ...See the picture. Since I'm only just one dude, I can't sing both parts, right? ...Right? So you just get lyrics, but hey, you can sing it in your head.

KoopaTV Merry Christmas Baby It's Cold Outside Ms. Mowz Hermie III Broggy
(Hermie III sprite ripped by A.J. Nitro of The Spriters Resource.)

(And for some reason they're singing about KoopaTV too, right after this page-break. And really, why go outside when you got this website inside?)

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Play DEFEND ANITA SARKEESIAN right here!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - KoopaTV's Christmas gift to you is a new game to play, for free, right here!

It has been a while since we released a new game, hasn't it? Here we go: It is called Defend Anita Sarkeesian and it is the spiritual sequel (in revenge fantasy form) to the Beat Up Anita Sarkeesian game released back in July 2012 (not by KoopaTV or anyone affiliated with us). By the way, you can't play Beat Up Anita Sarkeesian anywhere on the Internet right now. There was a file dump of it... that was removed midway through the development of Defend Anita Sarkeesian.

All you need to play this Defend Anita Sarkeesian game is a mouse or some kind of clicking device, and Adobe Flash Player! It's right after the page-break, so please read more.

By the way... the origins of this game are... perplexing. As in, KoopaTV didn't come up with it. We were used as code-monkeys in a similar way to how Namco was used as code-monkeys for Masahiro Sakurai for Super Smash Bros. 4. More on that after the page-break as well. Also after the page-break are some media materials for you to use if you want to cover this game.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

North Korean antics leave Sony out in the cold this Christmas

By VORTEXICA - Also lizards?

KoopaTV recently covered the game Glorious Leader! from Moneyhorse LLC, a Contra clone featuring the eponymous "Glorious Leader" of North Korea, Kim Jong-un. See those articles for more information.

Anyway, the asininity surrounding North Korea and derivative works based thereon continues with news that last month Sony Pictures' computer systems were hacked and a number of unreleased films leaked online in a cyber-attack that took down Sony's computer network for almost a whole week, as well revealing the personal info of thousands of Sony employees.

All this kerfuffle was brought on in retaliation for the then-upcoming Sony Pictures comedy film The Interview, starring James Franco and Seth Rogen as journalists hired by the CIA to assassinate Kim Jong-un. It of course goes without saying that The Interview itself is not known to have been leaked. A shame really. That would've been the icing of irony on the layer cake of hilarity.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Welcome VORTEXICA to KoopaTV's Staff!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We actually succeeded in suckering someone else to join our staff.

KoopaTV would like to give a warm welcome to Vortexica, the newest addition to our staff. Vortexica, also known as Vortex in some circles, is an old friend of Koopa Keep's back from the Nintendo NSider Forums days. He was an especially big fan of my fan-fiction, Events of Star World. But... so was everyone else who was sensible. In other words, we know him well. And soon, you'll know him well, too! ...Or at least a little bit.

What does Vortexica bring to the table? Well, the dude applied and got the "Content Writer" position from our jobs tab, but we'll keep that tab and the position there because we haven't hit our limit for that. Y'all will be able to read the article that impressed the existing staff so much very shortly. (As in... tomorrow.)

His avatar looks like this:
I dunno who this actually is but it sure ain't anyone from my planet.


Vortexica can offer a more... internationally-based perspective on the issues of the day, since he's telecommuting from the other side of the world. He is also not a right-wing extremist (or a right-wing anything) like me, so we can offer more of that "Fair & Balanced" stuff. He might show up in a Live Reaction log near you, or publishing an article.

...Not as much as you'll see me, though. So consider the occasional Vortexica article to be a treat. Unless you end up not liking him. ...But I doubt that!

By the way, I should really consider rewriting the "About Us" page. Maybe before 2015 starts.


Vortexica doesn't have an NNID, so that's sort of weird for an author to a Nintendo-focused website because it means he doesn't have a modern Nintendo system. Whatever, he can put his own crap in his own footers.


Vortexica comes through, and writes a well-thought out article on... NORTH KOREA and "The Interview" movie!
Three and a half years later, Vortexica is declared legally deceased.

Friday, December 19, 2014

Best Buy Country: Ludwig's Mac Quest

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This is a really hard game.

On Tuesday, I wrote about me trying to get the Little Mac amiibo from Best Buy, and at the end I said, "I'll let you know what happens on Friday in regards to the Little Mac amiibo." ...It's Friday! The Best Buy employee — armed with the power of the inventory management system and a long look at the backroom storage — said it's out today! Let's drive down to the Best Buy (in bumper-to-bumper traffic) and pick it up!

This makes the title somewhat relevant. I guess they're making a huge push with Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze this Christmas. Good.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd long story short there is no Little Mac amiibo and the manager said it might be replenished on Tuesday's truck shipment. But this is a commentary website, so I guess I gotta have drawn out comments about it. Sure!

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Glorious Leader! and North Korea Are Kickstarting!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And we learn more about Moneyhorse LLC.

News concerning North Korea and Sony has spiraled out of control in the past two weeks. Thanks to the North Koreans, we know that Sony's executives comprise of hypocritical Obama-funding racists, and thanks to the North Koreans, we know that Sony is also made up of a bunch of irrational cowards since they are canceling "The Interview" movie in theatres.

However, what is interesting to me (not that that's not interesting) is that they have also brought out those shady guys from Moneyhorse LLC and their game, Glorious Leader!, out of the development hell it was hiding in. You may remember the game from when it got media coverage in May 2014. Or you might remember our "interview" we published two weeks ago where I declared:
"It's safe to say that this was either a hoax or a pathetic attempt at publicity."
Which is not necessarily wrong, but they just launched a Kickstarter two days ago. We do not endorse backing it, and here is why.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

You Know What? Pac-Man Still Sucks.

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Look at this article date. Published AFTER Smash 4 came out.

You know when someone does something really unpleasing? You know, like when Facebook changes its layout once a month? (A month? Well, guess that means I missed whatever three new things they've done!) YouTube does that a whole bunch too. But most people eventually suck it up, move on, and accept it (while sticking with the unpleasing institution). "Hey, it didn't kill you. You can roll with the punches!"

YouTube in October 29 of 2012.

This does not apply to Pac-Man's presence in Nintendo's Super Smash Bros. 4. Pac-Man is still, without a doubt, a disaster. He is just as disgusting as he was when first announced IN PRIVATE. Everything he has brought to both Super Smash Bros. For 3DS and Super Smash Bros. For Wii U is just frighteningly bad: More frightening than the Pac-Man ghosts themselves! Before, our insistence he not be in was just from not wanting that entitled Namco pizza in the game because Namco was making it... but... there is more than that now that it's out.

I'll explain everything, don't you worry. With sub-headings, too. That's a level of sophistication you usually don't see from KoopaTV!

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Hunting Down Little Mac and his amiibo wave

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - KoopaTV goes on the road for Wave 2 amiibo.

I really want the Little Mac amiibo, as I have wrote about before. (I have since learned that the proper syntax is no capitalisation on "amiibo".) Little Mac is, in case you forgot, the hero of KoopaTV. So getting his amiibo is important.

Little Mac amiibo's official description and model from Nintendo
Best of all, he doesn't have a pole going up his ass.
One problem: That release date is a little... vague. Some sources online have reported that Wave 2 amiibo, that is, Diddy Kong, Zelda, Luigi, Captain Falcon, Pit, and Little Mac, have been released in America since December 14. Even so, it is midway through December and Nintendo's official site gives no specific release date! What is going on?

KoopaTV takes to the streets.

Monday, December 15, 2014

This Holiday Season, Give an eShop Gift

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The season of giving. And... maybe giveaways?

If you didn't remember it was my birthday on December 13 (that specific date referenced on KoopaTV as late as November 21 and directly talked about December 13, 2013), it is not too late to give me a "Happy belated birthday!" message.

...Really! Take to the comments section and be nice.

I made a nice and witty Miiverse post and everything using the power of Super Smash Bros. For Wii U and its screenshot tool.

Super Smash Bros. For Wii U Bowser Ludwig Von Koopa happy birthday present Blue Shell
“Well, today (12/13/14) is my birthday.
King Dad got me a lame gift, so let's see wot y'all got!
*sigh* I hate gettin' older...”
Except this article is not about my birthday, although it is related.

I'm fortunate enough to know some very wonderful people, including someone who gave me a download code for Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Gates to Infinity. (A $35 value!) If that someone wants to take credit and plug herself for being a horrible person for what amounts to funding a villain, she is more than welcome to also take to the comments section. How did she do that?

As that url implies, she bought the download code off of Nintendo's website, which has been relatively recently updated to allow that. We already wrote about this here.

Friday, December 12, 2014

Madden Curse Movie: CANCELED!?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - 2014 is ending very soon... and we got an answer!

Remember KoopaTV at the very beginning of January 2014? That seems so long ago now, but together we have now reached the end of 2014. Well, back then, I made a resolution:
"get to the bottom of the Madden Curse scandal."
We sent out an e-mail to Angela Souvanarra, the new Electronic Arts PR woman over half a year ago. Apparently, unlike Elizabeth Brett, she still works there!

Let's send another! This time, via direct e-mail, not the EA Press Contact Form. How do I know what EA's e-mail addresses look like? One day, I got an automatic reply from these people showing the format. First initial and then last name. (Click that to see the first "Madden Curse" movie article that started this all.) With this, I can e-mail anyone in the company. As I did with Pat O'Brien, head of EA Entertainment, on October 26, 2014.

Disclosure: I tried e-mailling Angela again with ASouvanarra@ea.com, but it failed. So maybe EA changed their e-mail system, or... she's dead and EA deleted her.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Microsoft and Sony's Racial Obsessions *Updated 12/12/14*

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Some recent developments with these two companies, both dedicated to race. Which one turns out to be the least bad?

I would like to disclose a diversity report with KoopaTV: As of this Monday, KoopaTV's only employees are straight, male, very privileged (positions within royalty, you see), and Koopas.

Apparently, that sort of "diversity report" is a very troubling thing, at least in the eyes of the infamous Jesse Jackson. Who cares what he has to say? Well, apparently Microsoft does.
"Rev. Jesse Jackson, who was given the stage [at Microsoft's annual shareholder meeting] to read remarks asking Microsoft to do a better job hiring minorities. [...] And [Jackson's] Rainbow coalition has been successful at getting many big tech companies to release diversity data, Microsoft included."
Yeah, Jesse Jackson, who has nothing to do with Microsoft, got to show up in their annual shareholder meeting. AND HE GOT TO MAKE A SPEECH. But that's not all...

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Masahiro Sakurai's Day Off

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Should be "days" or "weeks". Maybe "months".

With Super Smash Bros. For 3DS and Super Smash Bros. For Wii U now released in all regions and the Pic Of The Day ended, what will happen with Sora Limited's Masahiro Sakurai? Well, we know he is stuck having to make DLC for those games like the Miiverse stage (which should be cool) and Mewtwo (who I'm not a fan of). And doing those things takes a lot of work, as I've written before.

But after all of that is done, how about Sakurai gets some time off? The guy has literally worked tirelessly for years. Do remember that he started production of Super Smash Bros. 4 immediately after his previous (and very amazing) game, Kid Icarus: Uprising. As in, coming up with design documents was his way of being able to rest. I guess it's a different kind of work than personally play-testing and coding things in and breaking your arms in the process, but it's incredibly taxing work either way as anyone in the industry can tell you.

So Masahiro Sakurai says he wants Super Smash Bros. For Wii U to be the last Super Smash Bros. game he makes. And... I think he should be allowed that request. I love the Super Smash Bros. series, but Sakurai has stated that he hit his limit a long time ago in coming up with features for the series. (That also gives more credence to my statement that Mewtwo will be the only character DLC.) He wants the series to continue on, much like how the Ace Attorney mainline series is able to continue without Shu Takumi, and pretty much unlike how Mega Man is unable to continue without Keiji Inafune. (Mighty No. 9 doesn't count.) I guess Capcom has all kinds.

Masahiro Sakurai should be like Ferris Bueller and get a day off.
I could've had the whole article be a parody of the movie. Maybe I'll do that at a later time.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

TAKE THAT! Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Don't HOLD IT! ...Get it!

Breaking news announcement: Capcom's best franchise, the Ace Attorney series, has a new compilation! Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy is now available exclusively for the Nintendo eShop. It just came out today in the Americas, and is coming out in Europe this Thursday, December 11. Rated T just like the games it is a compilation of. Yup, it is a compilation of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Justice For All, and Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Trials & Tribulations. (Those are the first three games in the series and where the bulk of our Ace Attorney references throughout the site originate.) All for $29.99! The exact same price that the amazing Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Dual Destinies was. Three amazing games that have withstood the test of time (about a decade's worth) for the price of less than one! It is 2947 blocks on your 3DS or 2DS or 3DS XL or New 3DS.

Here is the official launch trailer:

Monday, December 8, 2014

RawkHawk2010 Is... Resigned Or Fired — Who Knows?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You'd think I would. But I don't.

Believe it or not (or maybe you don't care), KoopaTV (former?) staff member RawkHawk2010 submitted his resignation to me last week. ...And then rescinded it later in the week. Well, whatever. Dude is going through some weird stuff lately, like having emotions for the first time. And still being preoccupied over 2013. Part of the KoopaTV staff membership package is that I actually try to care about you and your problems! (Same thing was part of the Koopa Keep membership package back in the Nintendo NSider Forums, actually, back in the days where yours truly was a forum antagonist but would refrain from being a jerk to his own members.)

Rawk originally said that he would still be part of our live reaction logs as a guest and he would still do quality assurance work (including for this article). My guess is that he wanted to enter our KoopaTV giveaway contests in the future which are banned to all KoopaTV staff members. Or that he doesn't like being held accountable.

Well, after the disaster that was Friday night continuing into midnight Saturday, I've decided to put Rawk on unpaid administrative leave for an indefinite amount of time! ...Which is not, uh, firing him. I'm sort of afraid of doing that since the guy currently lives in a state where you can take guns literally anywhere. ...Including workplaces.

Either way, unlike last time something like this happened, we won't take a one-month vacation hiatus.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

KoopaTV Live Reacts: The Game Awards SECOND HALF

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Not even Nintendo could save this disaster.

We are immediately continuing off the first half of The Game Awards and our live reactions to it. We're actually more than halfway through it, because the morons running this thing don't know that half of 3 hours is not 1 hour 45 minutes.

Anyway, you can read our live reactions to more generic shooters and also Nintendo's showing of the new Legend of Zelda game on Wii U.

The Legend of Zelda at The Game Awards jumping off Epona
Featuring levitating Link.
Koji Kondo bad camera video angles views The Game Awards piano
Also featuring Koji Kondo being shown through crappy camera angles.

Friday, December 5, 2014

KoopaTV Live Reacts: The Game Awards FIRST HALF

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Didn't we learn our lesson last year?

The Game Awards is the sequel to last year's VGX. (AKA the worst live reaction log in KoopaTV's history.) For whatever reason, we're watching its sequel despite vowing to not watch this shit ever again.

And you get to read us suffer.

I'm Nintendork 13 13, and RawkHawk2010 is himself. Enjoy us making Ferguson and Garner references while wondering why Nintendo is treated so badly.

Hideo Kojima's glasses.
Wireframe Little Mac plays guitar, so that's cool.
The live reaction log continues where this one ends.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Time Is Up! You Lose!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Timers in games are generally awful.

It seems like it's been a while since I've written a dedicated game design article, so I might be rusty. But we're going to have a discussion here about a big pet peeve of mine that ruins games.

Do you know what's wrong with this picture that does not involve the catsuits?

To answer the question in the caption, today's topic of discussion are those count-down timers. I'll be giving plenty of examples of (beloved by most) Nintendo properties that have this issue, and in that process I hope it'll be clear why these things are a problem.

By the way, that screenshot also has a score counter, which, while it is stupid, it is not "awful" and doesn't ruin games. But we can talk about that in another article if you want. Or if I want.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Taking Down Sarkeesian's Victim Culture Once And For All!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Countering the twisted usage of statistics by the feminists.

Everyone's favourite (...) feminist videogame culture and industry critic Anita Sarkeesian is... at it again! Well, actually, she takes a backseat this time and has her male minions do her bidding.


I actually do recommend watching this. And I do mean watching. My first observation (which will immediately destroy any credibility that people reading this may give me because of how shallow this is) is that Anita Sarkeesian pulls the most ridiculous-looking dudes she could find.

My favourite is the guy at 2:02. You can share your favourite in the comments section.

That mustache is actually worse than any mustache you'd find in the Mushroom Kingdom.
Feminist Frequency was kind enough to provide a full transcript of the video, which is very nice for replying to it. Thank you for the accessibility! (This is why KoopaTV usually provides transcripts for our own videos too when the words are important.)

One very important thing to address before the page break: Feminists love to cite the "half (50%) of all gamers are females" statistic as much as they like to cite the 78% gender-based wage gap statistic. It comes from an Entertainment Software Association (ESA) study. The ESA study includes gamers of all stripes — console gamers like us, but also PC gamers and mobile/smartphone gamers.

So when Anita Sarkeesian tries to manipulate the statistic by saying things like,
"This blindness allows many men, even well meaning men, to remain blissfully unaware of what roughly half of all gamers experience on a fairly regular basis."
You need to realise that she is engaging in the typical (that 78% figure is useless and bogus) liberal twisting of facts. She either does not have a basic understanding of statistics or she is trying to purposefully mislead you to achieve her agenda. Take your pick.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

An Attempted Interview With Moneyhorse and North Korea

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The dudes supporting Kim Jong Un.

I don't want to create an impression that KoopaTV is a site that keeps trying to have interviews and keeps being denied them. I mean, we got a reply from the President of the United States. It shouldn't be that difficult to be able to talk to folks.

Regardless, we tried to interview Moneyhorse LLC like we promised, about their Glorious Leader! project. For those who do not remember, back in May 2014 these guys from a company called Moneyhorse announced they would make a Kim Jong Un-based videogame that is sort of a rip-off of Contra. It got a ton of attention for being a wild idea from a lot of the videogame press, but they all forgot about it a week later. After that, a lot of Chinese people apparently really liked the idea and clinged to it long enough to get it greenlit on Steam.


Bringing this out of article hell for a game in development hell?

Still, with the recent news that the North Koreans have hacked Sony (who seems to be getting hacked a lot recently), this seems like a good time to see how Glorious Leader! has progressed instead of keeping the "interview" in article hell.

...It hasn't progressed.

Monday, December 1, 2014

KoopaTV's November 2014 Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This name scheme might have a flaw in it.

What if... the month in the article title should actually be the present month, and not the month that we cover in the article? After all, people might read that it's for November 2014, and then think, "Well, shucks, I don't want that one! I want to read December's because it's December now!"

Woops. Well, we'll think of something.

In the meantime, hope you're ready, because 2014 is actually ending in a month. Yeah. That was pretty fast, wasn't it? Meanwhile, fellow KoopaTV staff member RawkHawk2010 is telling me on AIM that he is still "reflecting" on... 2013. THAT was a long time ago. (KoopaTV has been around for a long time, then!)

He better think of something good, or he is getting a Detective Gumshoe-esque salary cut. In the meantime, though, KoopaTV has had, yet again, our best month on record in terms of viewership. Not only because of the articles actually published this month, but people love our older content too. Hoorah. So here are the top five recommended articles (non-Reaction Log) for this (last) month! ...In chronological order.

  1. Why All The Excitement Over A Remake?
  2. eShop Preloading and Website Code Buying
  3. Enjoy Smash On Wii U — While Ferguson GETS Smashed!
  4. Amazon Delivered Smash For Wii U Early
  5. KoopaTV's Exhaustive Thoughts On #GamerGate
As usual, every article on the site is worth reading.

We promise that this will be a photo finish end to the year. (Unlike last year. ...Nah, that's not fair, we had amazing content in December 2013.)

By the way, check out some of the important KoopaTV-category articles up recently (and longer). You can request an article, submit a guest post to wrote your own, go the next level and join our staff, or become an affiliate website. And of course, you're free to comment on any article on the site, new or old! We'll see it.

Hope you'll see us through to 2015!


KoopaTV thrives when you help share KoopaTV's message and gospel. Please share KoopaTV's articles to your friends and enemies whenever it is convenient to you.


For last month's article about October, click here.
For next month's article about December, click here.
For last year on November 2013, click here.
November 2015's article is really cool.

Friday, November 28, 2014

KoopaTV's Exhaustive Thoughts On #GamerGate

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - One article dedicated to #GamerGate. No more than that.

Though it may not look like it, KoopaTV has tried to follow the #GamerGate drama from our private AOL Instant Messenger Blast chat. That hasn't translated to KoopaTV articles. Until now. But only now, because there is a reason why we have not covered #GamerGate even though it should be up our alley. After all, KoopaTV cares about videogame journalism! And we definitely care about biases, social justice warriors, and basically everything #GamerGate encompasses. So... what is wrong with us?

To those who have no idea what #GamerGate, here is the Wikipedia article. (It has its own Wikipedia article!) Uh, BASICALLY it's a movement by people who call themselves gamers to put into question journalistic integrity within the videogame industry, because journalists don't have a sense of ethics. ...And for some reason there is a lot of talk about sexism and women involved. It's why we subtly inserted that line about journalistic integrity in our Affiliates and Recommended Sources page. It was timely! And according to #GamerGate advocates, this article is timely too because #GamerGate has staying power. You know, like the Tea Party. ...Except the comparisons end there. Unless you're against #GamerGate.

I challenged these clueless folk if they knew what the Tea Party was even about. No response.

Fortunately, I got a lot more comparisons to make. If we're taking the above picture's representation of #GamerGate as the truth (since, in terms of its representation of the Tea Party, it's a total falsehood) then the movement is closer to Occupy Wall Street. Like Nintendo Redirect was. Boy, that was a fun article.

But for this article, we have things against #GamerGate here at KoopaTV that makes us incompatible with 'em. And of course, we are also incompatible with #GamerGate's opponents. By no means is KoopaTV taking a wimpy centrist "we don't like either party" stance! I'll tell you why throughout this article.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

What KoopaTV's Staff Is Thankful For In 2014 *Updated 11/29/2014*

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Thank you for accepting what we give.

Today is Thanksgiving. What does that mean? It means you probably will be spending a lot of time with your family today, doing great American traditions such as eating turkey and mashed potatoes.

Mash Potato Samurai, credit to ice-the-hedgehog on deviantART.
(And to you non-Americans, well, I'm sure you can appreciate being thankful. As Herman Cain said, this is like the one American holiday where we're not celebrating something war or death-related.)

It also means we don't expect you to have some heavy reading (just heavy eating) today, so we'll just take this moment to tell you what we're thankful for this year. I'll start.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

KoopaTV Is Hiring!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Want to be part of our staff? Look for job openings below!

Do you want to join a hip organisation that is making waves across the Internet? Do you want to be part of a company culture where you set your own hours, can wear whatever you want, and basically have unrestricted speech? Do you want the opportunity to talk, play, and write about videogames or anything else all day? If you're okay with not being paid anything (but the résumé [we will even be your references/recommendations], learning, and fun potential are limitless), then KoopaTV is the place for you! And don't worry, we can train you.

Benefits also include being in the KoopaTV Nintendo Switch Online Family Group, which saves you money for the online subscription; as well as membership in our exclusive Discord group.

Any positions that KoopaTV has open will be listed below, with all of their details. If you would like to apply for any of these, send an e-mail to jobs(at)koopatv(dot)org expressing your interest and why you would be right for the job (include a résumé and references if you got 'em). If you comment below, we'll see it, but it's best to talk about these things in privacy.

We'll have an e-mail-based interview and may ask you to submit some work.

All positions start right away and hires are decided upon an on-going basis.

We do not accept members with ties to the modern KKK, neo-Nazi groups, ISIS, the Taliban, or al Qaeda. We are no longer accepting applicants from Europe.

Last updated: 8/19/2018

Taking the "Digital Graphics Producer" description's advice. (This caption won't make sense if the job is taken.)

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

KoopaTV Is Now On Ello!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The ad-free invite-only social network.

The world is burning down (or just Ferguson, Missouri, which I wrote about on Friday) but KoopaTV will continue to make progress and spread our message of telling the truth, giving you the facts, and leaving you with a smile at the end. (Or in total outrage. But then you want to keep coming back for more!)

To help do that, we have teamed up with Ello, which bills itself as "A simple, beautiful, & ad-free social network." For an objective explanation, consult Ello's Wikipedia article. We've been looking into other social networking sites since Facebook took us down. Tumblr is one of them, and though that's been up and continually updated for two months now, we have gotten nothing out of it.

I'm confident that our Ello social media account (click here to visit it!) will be as good or better than our Tumblr one! After all, we can't get any worse than that! Ello is pretty much the anti-Facebook, so if Facebook is evil, then Ello should be alright. As usual for KoopaTV's social media tactics, we write slightly different and catering messages for each of our social media platforms, so it's worth lookin' at everything for maximum value. (There are probably diminishing marginal returns though.)

KoopaTV's profile on Ello, the ad-free social network
Here is what it looks like.

I mentioned that Ello is invitation-only. This means that KoopaTV has Ello invitations we can give to you.

If you want one, then, you know, we can work that out if you comment your e-mail address.


The task for handling all of these social media platforms might be too daunting for Ludwig. This footer is foreshadowing something. For social media where Ludwig DOESN'T plug KoopaTV all the time, Follow him on Miiverse at NNID PrinceOfKoopas!


The Knowing When We Update article has been updated accordingly, and the link to KoopaTV's Ello will now be in the bottom left corner of KoopaTV.
Ludwig's foreshadowing is complete, and he wants to hire a Social Media Manager.
KoopaTV continues to expand alternative social media platforms, this time with GAB, which is the anti-Twitter.
KoopaTV has ended its Ello account since Ello deemed KoopaTV a spammer.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Amazon Delivered Smash For Wii U Early

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - A whole week early. So I got impressions, too.

I spent my Sunday morning on my Wii U, going through Miiverse and talking to people on private messages and such. (Apparently, that's how I got to 1,000 hours so far.) All of a sudden, a package from Amazon is delivered at my door. "Well, that's strange." I thought. "What could it be?" As I wrote about on Friday, I wasn't expecting anything from Amazon for another week. I tempered my expectations and expected something like food or clothes or a wrong package.

Upon opening it... it was... the Super Smash Bros. For Wii U bundle featuring a GameCube controller and the adapter! (I thought, looking at the package, that the box was too small to fit all of that. I guess since Ridley isn't a playable character, it could fit.) According to eyewitness accounts, I could not help but smile very wide. Happy early birthday, Ludwig! So Amazon now deserves to be bolded like other videogame outlets.

Let me make something very clear: This was supposed to come November 28-December 1. It came November 23. We did not pay for shipping. Amazon did this out of the kindness of their heart, or because they want me to give them word-of-mouth support. And you know, I'm very happy to throw bad companies under the bus, but when companies do good things they should be rewarded with praise. And not just good things — surpassing expectations! ...By a lot! And by absolutely no means am I an Amazon shill, unlike some lovely people I know. They had no reason to do this. Hell, they can't really afford to do this if you look at their financial statements. But... I am going to conclude that unlike some companies and presidents, Amazon is in support of KoopaTV! So we highly recommend them for your own future game purchases.

With the amazingness of Amazon out of the way, since I have Super Smash Bros. For Wii U and played it for the rest of that Sunday, let me give some impressions.

Bowser Jr. Kirby cannonball in Super Smash Bros. For Wii U
First impression is that I look great.