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Monday, October 18, 2021

The Last Look at the Pre-Sora Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Online Fighter Usage Stats

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Everything changed tonight... So here's the last data point before then.

Every so often, KoopaTV will publish a look into the online metagame of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate in the form of character usage statistics. It has been a long time since the last edition, being last year's Super Smash Bros. Ultimate October 2020 Fighter Usage Stats... because there hasn't been another Nintendo-sponsored tournament event to take data from. Until last weekend with the NintendoVS US Fall Open 2021 Event 1. Here were the finals of that, if you're interested:

Congratulations to Grand Prize winners Colmar (PAC-MAN of Region 7), Emolord (Samus of Region 6), Middy (PAC-MAN of Region 1), and Toonfink (Inkling of Region 2)!

There will be an Event 2 happening October 29 (click the hyperlink above to learn more about the tournament and how to register—maybe I'll be congratulating YOU in a couple of weeks, but only if you join). You may note that Event 2 is happening after the release of Sora, the very last DLC character added to the game as of tonight. That makes Event 1 basically the last Super Smash Bros. Ultimate online tournament with easy-to-access character usage stats before Sora's release, which means it'll be a historical baseline for how much Sora (and any other balance changes coming with version 13.0.0) will shake up the online metagame and players’ preferences.

Here are the aggregate results across the entire United States. I do believe the tournament was fairly representative of the average online player due to its Nintendo-sponsored push. Searchable text list follows, along with my discussion (and several caveats to the data):

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate NintendoVS US Fall Open 2021 Pre-Sora October Ladder Round Fighter Choice Stats

Friday, October 15, 2021

Ring Fit Adventure Fitness Log Week 48: Fake nods and cream puffs

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm desperately trying to make this worth your read.

Are these still going to be called KoopaTV Fitness Fridays? I suppose. This is no longer about training for the Olympics (the prior one is done and the coming one is being boycotted) but trying to have a general sense of fitness instead of being a sedentary Koopaling. That's a good thing to strive toward even without a specific goal. So I'm playing Ring Fit Adventure for a third time through... this time on the last unlockable mode, FITNESS MASTER (and on difficulty level 30 the whole playthrough). You can see Week 47 for a quick explanation on what Fitness Master is.

This week, we're going through World 48: Fitness Master Lv. 287, which is based off World 25: Extra Fitness Lv. 182. The only dialogue that Ring had to offer when I walked into the world is that we have a lot of Fit Skills that we can potentially use, and I should be mindful of what I'm exercising with. That... gives me very low hopes for how interesting this Fitness Master playthrough will be, since I'm personally motivated by Ring Fit Adventure's world-building and levity. Hopefully I can make it somewhat interesting for you to read this.

Ring Fit Adventure Fitness Master balance Fit Skill regimen dialogue World 48
Did Ring Fit Adventure's designers assume that I never updated my Fit Skills after
TWO entire playthroughs?

One application of what Ring is talking about is that, while you're running through a level, you can change your Fit Skills at any time except once you're in a battle. So if you see that the first group of enemies will have two enemies, which was the case in Nightcloak Pass, you can equip Fit Skills appropriately. When I was fighting Dragaux at the end of World 47, I changed all of my Fit Skills to one-range Fit Skills. To prepare for the two-enemy group, I swapped out an Overhead Press (one-range) for a Front Press (three-range) so I could fight effectively. You can also make and drink smoothies in-between fights during a level, but you can't change clothing. That can only be done from the overworld map.

Just like in World 25, the Treasure Chest above Nightcloak Pass contained a Citrine stone. Unlike World 25, I've been collecting those things for a whole adventure, so I have thirteen in my inventory as opposed to zero. And then I collected another one from an enemy group in Dashalong Tower where I could spam three-range Hinge Poses (not because I like Hinge Pose, but because I want to get its Title) without any cooldown. ...Ugh, they should've done a cooldown of one turn instead of zero.

Thursday, October 14, 2021

Liberal Gaming Forum ResetEra Bought by MOBA Network

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - That's... unfortunate. For them.

Notorious gaming forum ResetEra (the successor to notorious gaming forum NeoGAF, which is technically still around) has been around for four years now. The forum, which proclaims itself to be an independent liberal and progressive (and occasionally leftist) gaming forum, manages to trick videogame journalists into thinking that they're a source of verified information on a somewhat regular basis. As an example of their way of thinking, they think Super Smash Bros. Ultimate director Masahiro Sakurai has a long and on-going racist streak. And while I do believe that Sakurai harbours unwarranted and undeserved hatred of certain other people (such as myself), I don't think that's a reasonable interpretation of things Sakurai has done. But reasonable takes isn't what ResetEra is known for. They ban people who have dissenting views from far left of centre (and how far minimum left you gotta be to stay around is always a moving target), and this is enforced throughout the forum, including what should be normal gaming discussion.

Anyway, they're independent of any company influencing them, though companies apparently aren't independent of being influenced by them. Though they should be. But that's all about to change, since a Swedish company called MOBA Network just acquired ResetEra for 4.55 million in USD. Apparently, ResetEra itself made $700,000 in revenue in the past twelve months, and with a healthy 80% earnings before interest, taxes, depreciation, or amortisation margin... which is quite high. This is based off ads placed on the site, along with users trying to support the forum with lame things like an ads-less version called Era Clear for $40 a year. (Note their FAQ asks what happens to the subscription if you get banned; forums and organisations with normal moderation policies and subscriptions don't have that as a frequently asked question.) They bought that because they always thought ResetEra was on the verge of financial collapse and they wanted to keep their safe space open—but the opposite was true.

Interestingly, ResetEra's owner, an uninvolved nobody named Cerium, seems to be the sole recipient of the payout. ResetEra's heavy-handed moderator force was always on a volunteer basis and never got paid... and still won't. As Cerium explains, the moderators will still be volunteers, and “the tech team [...] will be making their own arrangements” with the new corporate owners if they want to stay along. Allegedly, MOBA Network will not be selling users’ data and their data will continue to be protected. That's of particular interest to the users because in order to join the forum, you need a paid email address instead of a free one, so you'd need something like a work or school email. As a result, ResetEra has quite an interesting amount of personally identifiable information on its userbase!

So who is MOBA Network?

Wednesday, October 13, 2021

Pokémon Shining Pearl and Brilliant Diamond Casualised “Quality of Life” Changes

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The net effect is a frownie face. Plus, a psychological experiment design for anyone to set up.

From what I can gather, today Nintendo branches across Earth have gone on calls with select media outlets (excluding KoopaTV, since there's no Nintendo of Koopa Kingdom office) to preview Pokémon Brilliant Diamond and Pokémon Shining Pearl. Those outlets have all written articles chronicling what they have learned about the anticipated Pokémon games releasing at the end of next month. Note that there wasn't a corresponding The Pokémon Company International news release to go with these previews, though they do clear up some lingering questions from this video published some weeks ago:

I wrote before that I was excited about the “faithfully reproduced” and “carefully preserved” initial marketing, but it seems like there are a number of changes, as implied by their later change to calling the game “revitalised.” For this article, I'll be mostly drawing from the previews provided by GameSpot and Australian outlet Vooks. Their points can be summarised as:

Tuesday, October 12, 2021

Ace Attorney 20th Anniversary Sale!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Now's a good opportunity...

Did you know (and did you care) that October 12, 2001 is the twenty-year anniversary of Gyakuten Saiban on the Game Boy Advance... also known as Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney? That makes the Ace Attorney franchise—KoopaTV's collective favourite—twenty years old now. And while I don't care much about anniversaries, developer CAPCOM is going hard on it. At least... in Japan.

Over in Japan, they have a note from the development team appreciating that there are many supportive fans of the Ace Attorney series, and that CAPCOM will continue to support the series. The page then talks about many events happening, like some kind of art display at whatever a PARCO FACTORY is; art pieces that they're going to be selling; LINE stickers; a franchise game sale; an Ace Attorney event at CAPCOM's cafe; an Ace Attorney prize package you can win with some kind of luck-based event; and an Ace Attorney virtual reality event at a mall where CAPCOM has a presence.

So what happens outside of Japan? Well... one of the above things, and that's the franchise game sale. And to be fair, CAPCOM hasn't had one of those for Ace Attorney in four months, which is really restrained by their standards:

Nintendo eShop Ace Attorney 20th Anniversary Sale Phoenix Wright Apollo Justice Trilogy
“Don’t miss your chance to play various Ace Attorney games for up to 70% off.”

The broadest sale is on the Nintendo eShop (collectively the Nintendo Switch and Nintendo 3DS), with very familiar discounts:

Monday, October 11, 2021

Kotaku Promoting Piracy of Just-Released Metroid Dread—and doubled down on it

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - They're big fans of cyberspace pirates.

If you follow any Nintendo marketing you'd know that on Friday they released both Metroid Dread (the first brand-new 2D Metroid game in almost two decades!) and the Nintendo Switch (OLED model). The latter is something that some journalists seem to despise, since they like to make up stories about other consoles that they'd rather have exist besides that one. Interestingly, mainstream videogame media outlet Kotaku not only apparently isn't one of those outlets, but they've also helped debunk some of those FAKE NEWS stories written by those other outlets. I've had a very negative opinion of Kotaku for many years, but perhaps they're becoming better over the past year or so...?

Which leads back to Metroid Dread and the answer to that question. Nintendo really, really wants you to buy Metroid Dread, unlike some of their other games that they release but then forget to market. Personally, I have more than enough to play already, and Metroid Dread isn't the kind of game I'd like to spend $60 on, especially when I'm used to playing its prequels at significantly lower prices on the Wii (U) Virtual Console. Still, in deciding not to purchase Metroid Dread, that also means I'm deciding not to play Metroid Dread. I'm not entitled to still play the game. That shouldn't be an astounding statement, but I figure I gotta go slow, because Kotaku seems to disagree. Their weekend editor, Zack Zwiezen, wrote and published this atrocious article headlined, Metroid Dread Is Already Running Great On Switch Emulators.

That article informs readers that popular Nintendo Switch emulators (Zwiezen namedrops two of them with instructions on downloading them) can play Metroid Dread. The emulator resources instruct people to look for a Metroid Dread ROM on their own in order to play it on their emulator. The article doesn't instruct people to purchase Metroid Dread, and in fact, advocates for people to steal the game in their opening and ending paragraphs, with quotes like,

Friday, October 8, 2021

Ring Fit Adventure Fitness Log Week 47: Beginning FITNESS MASTER Mode

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Here is what Fitness Master is about.

As I promised last week, this week I'm playing Ring Fit Adventure again after not having done so since July 9th. I do need to get back into it—my endurance is slipping, based on how less proficient I am at performing tasks like vacuum cleaning the castle rooms. I did stop because on July 9, I finished Ring Fit Adventure's Extra Fitness mode and proceeded to go off to the Tokyo 2021 Olympics held later that month.

Ring Fit Adventure Fitness Master ultimate challenge select world
Well, nothing in World 47 is an ultimate challenge.
Perhaps that'll change?
Also the image implies World 47 has Lv. 295 in the name, but it's Lv. 286.

When I turned Ring Fit Adventure back on on Wednesday and went to Adventure, Tipp was happy that I finally came back and said I've unlocked another whole world with even stronger enemies: Fitness Master. There, at World 47: Fitness Master Lv. 286, Dragaux and the Four Masters were inspired by my drive to become even stronger, so they, too, want to become stronger. And then Dragaux wanted to change how things worked and gave me Level 4 versions of every Fit Skill, which then prompted a message saying I've unlocked every Fit Skill in the game.

Ring Fit Adventure Dragaux gives level 4 Fit Skills dialogue
Ring... One could always use whichever Fit Skills in Fit Battles.
Moves just had cooldown so you'd have to vary them, and some Fit Skills were blatantly better than others.
If Fitness Master truly wanted to be difficult, they'd force you to use pre-determined skills for every single level.

The gimmick of Level 4 Fit Skills, and really the entire Fitness Master playthrough, is that all skills now have equivalent stats. All five-range skills have 655 base power; all three-range skills have 745 base power; and all one-range skills have 1000 base power. Perhaps even more importantly, they now all have 0 recharge, meaning you can use the same skill consecutively for an entire match. This means which Fit Skill to use is determined entirely by what the player wants (and Titles to collect—which are based on using a certain Fit Skill for thousands of repetitions on a save file) as opposed to game design... which I'm not sure I like.

Thursday, October 7, 2021

Dragon Quest Composer Koichi Sugiyama Dies of Septic Shock

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - That's upsetting!

World-famous and allegedly planetary crisis-causing Dragon Quest series composer, Koichi Sugiyama, died at 90 years old in Japan of a septic shock on September 30, as announced earlier today by Square Enix. It was apparently kept a secret for a week so the family and close friends could hold a private funeral and farewell ceremony. A company-wide event will happen later on, but Sugiyama's family would like for people to leave them alone, pretty much, and not send them anything, including condolences. So KoopaTV will refrain from that.

I would note, however, that sometime after June 10, 2016 and by June 27, 2016, Sugiyama's website already made him out to be looking dead with this black-and-white photo banner that wasn't there before then, so I think he was prepared for his death years in advance:

Sugiyama Koichi Dragon Quest composer black and white grayscale photo
That September 29, 2001 references something else. I believe it's how long his site's been around.
It's a coincidence he died pretty much exactly 20 years later.

I strongly believe that the only time you should use a greyscale photo in this age of colour photography is if you're dead or eliminated from something... or if you're printing something, such as in a newspaper and don't want to pay for colour ink. And Sugiyama has experience with that (black-and-white printing in a newspaper) in the past, though shame on him for having it be in the FAKE NEWS Washington Post and giving them money at all. (I don't think he was a direct funder of the advertisement, however.)

Anyway, even at 90 years old, he was still living an active lifestyle. He was earning awards (the 2020 Person of Cultural Merit award in Japan), was working on the soundtrack for Dragon Quest XII (and we have no idea how far he got with that before getting a game over), and got what's probably the biggest honour of his life by having his music featured at the Tokyo 2020 Olympics Opening Ceremony—even if FAKE NEWS hit piece writers make that out to be some awful international scandal.

Wednesday, October 6, 2021

Sora was the True Super Smash Fighter Ballot Winner... Let's recap how it was RIGGED

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This isn't a paranoid rambling. It really was rigged.

Yesterday (though it already feels like such a long time ago!) Super Smash Bros. Ultimate director Masahiro Sakurai revealed that Sora is Fighter Pass character 11... and the ultimate winner of the 2015 Smash Bros. Fighter Ballot. That ballot was a highly controversial web form that Nintendo set up for half a year. In that hyperlinked article, I had an interview with a Nintendo employee who assured me that the ballot truly was limited to one vote per person, but they would not reveal their security measures to enforce this. You can find many people admitting they voted in this ballot several times. Did the security measures block those attempts? We can't know for sure.

Sora winner Smash Bros. Fighter Ballot
There's a fair number of problems with this that I've already documented in other KoopaTV articles.
So I'll recap it in this article.

At the end of 2015, Masahiro Sakurai revealed that the “1st Worldwide*” winner of the Smash Bros. Fighter Ballot was Bayonetta. The asterisk then explained, “Among realizable characters.” The fact that Masahiro Sakurai is now revealing that Sora was the real winner means that he was one of those non-realizable characters, most likely due to his difficult rights management situation with Disney. While Sakurai didn't use that term again in his presentation, it's possible that Sora still lost out to a non-realizable character. We won't know.

Nintendo won't publish the results or allow any auditing. However, like pretty much every election process, there is huge potential for fraud and rigging, including processes that Nintendo has administered before. I will personally admit to having voted for myself hundreds of times in their Which Koopaling is the biggest troublemaker? poll, but Lemmy Koopa keeps getting ahead of me. Who keeps voting for Lemmy? Individual one-off fans? Lemmy himself? Someone who knows a secret side to Lemmy that I don't know? But I digress.

Tuesday, October 5, 2021

The Final "Mr. Sakurai Presents" revealing the last DLC character of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate... and KoopaTV Live Reacts!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Spoiler alert: It wasn't Phoenix Wright.

It is finally time for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate character development to close, as mentioned in the September 2021 Nintendo Direct. The Mii costumes and final character revealed in the following presentation, as reacted to by myself and Heavy Lobster, are releasing October 18. That means it won't impact the October 15 Super Smash Bros. NintendoVS US Fall Open 2021, but it will impact the October 29 one. Follow along to see if I'm looking forward to the release or not.

Oh, nevermind, the embedded thumbnail spoils who the reveal is, so... I might as well not try to keep it a secret. Whatever!

[9:55 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa:
[9:55 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well I'll be right back... I'm really thirsty. >.<
[9:56 AM] HeavyLobster: I don't care who it is as long as it isn't a character I really don't want.
[9:59 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Pain avoidance is more important than potential gain, yes.
[9:59 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: SNAP
[9:59 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: IT SNAPPED
[9:59 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: IT'S NOT EVEN 10 AM
[10:00 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Montage of all the characters...
[10:00 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: FINAL PRESENTATION
[10:00 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: KONICHIWA

Monday, October 4, 2021

Tencent's Got ≥25 million Nintendo Switch + Mobile suckers with Pokémon UNITE

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And some third party estimates are way higher. They're stuffing the Pokémon Bank for sure.

When I wrote “Tencent's Got ≥9 million Nintendo Switch suckers with Pokémon UNITE” two and a half weeks ago, I really didn't expect that 9 million to increase so dramatically so quickly. The mobile version wasn't out yet—just the Switch version. But now it is. And now the official count is at over 25 million Pokémon UNITE downloads across all platforms:

Why, why people? There were five million mobile pre-registrations, but it seems like many times more mobile gamers downloaded Pokémon UNITE than just the pre-registrants. And if mobile data firm Sensor Tower is to be believed, the game has been downloaded on mobile over 30 million times, which makes the total at least over 39 million. That also makes it the most popular mobile MOBA launch in the genre's history. Obviously, Tencent's strategy of preying on Pokémon-loving children (outside of China, since they're restricted within China) is working very well. KoopaTV is powerless to stop this, unfortunately. I wish it weren't so.

So what is Tencent doing with that? Well, check out this cosmetic (not pay-to-win) item:

Friday, October 1, 2021

KoopaTV's September 2021 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I thought it was pretty good, but it ended fast...

Welcome to the September 2021 edition of KoopaTV's monthly newsletter series, where we review what happened in the month right after it ends. I'll take you through KoopaTV's content in addition to your involvement, since the audience is important to us!

I think Google forgot they said they'd kill FeedBurner

I think this headline is a running gag by now. Google said they would dismantle FeedBurner, KoopaTV's original email subscription service, on July 2021. They revised that to say it'd disappear mid-August. It's been well over a month since mid-August, so perhaps they just forgot.

In the meantime, KoopaTV has migrated existing email-based subscribers to You yourself can sign up for that to get new KoopaTV articles to your email inbox. That way, you won't miss a thing here. ...And as the next headline shows, you won't WANT to miss a thing here.

...But seriously, I really have no idea when Google will actually cut the FeedBurner plug. There hasn't been any communication. I think I'm able to turn off the FeedBurner for everyone still receiving the emails, but no one has actually asked me to. So I haven't. (And I've been giving ample opportunity, which is why I keep making this section the very first one in the newsletter so it'd show up on the email subscription.)

Top Five Recommended Experiences of September 2021

My gosh, I really outdid myself this month. KoopaTV published some really, really good content in September 2021. (Which is why an email subscription so you don't miss any of that very-worth-reading content is a superb idea.) That makes picking only the best five of 21 options quite difficult (I could have picked a completely different set of five), but here's my attempt (in chronological order of publish date):
  1. Big Brain Academy: Brain vs. Brain Trailer—Structural Racism SOLVED! — After you read this article, you'll have a better understanding of how to respond in conversations about structural racism (besides not responding at all)—because Nintendo solved it with Big Brain Academy: Brain vs. Brain, according to trailer analysis you'll only find on KoopaTV.
  2. Summary of Masahiro Sakurai's Katsuhiro Harada's Bar AppearancesSuper Smash Bros. series director Masahiro Sakurai was invited on Tekken producer Katsuhiro Harada's web series, Harada's Bar, in four episodes. Portrayed as mysterious, KoopaTV summarised almost two hours of content for you.
  3. Latios and Latias aren't INCLUSIVE enough. Meet Latixs — Did you know it's still Eon Heritage Month? Many are celebrating with Latios for males and Latias for women... but what about those who are outside of binary gender classification? In that case, KoopaTV would like to inform you about Latixs!
  4. Super Kirby Clash Online Etiquette Guide — This etiquette guide is an excellent GUEST ARTICLE about doing well in Super Kirby Clash while playing online. It's not only informative, but written in a very entertaining way.
  5. FAKE NEWS Bloomberg Writes FAKE NEWS about a Nintendo Switch 4K that doesn't exist — This was the angriest I got all September, even moreso than a certain story from the week before that was directly about me that I didn't put into this top five but easily could have. It goes against all notions of justice and goodness in the world that noted FAKE NEWS business publication, Bloomberg, continues to publish factually untrue garbage about the Nintendo Switch... and they're still taken seriously by others. (Like, Nintendo's stock fell 5% today because of Bloomberg's FAKE NEWS.)

KoopaTV published significant, quality truth and levity content in September. And all for free! ...Which won't segue into announcing a paid premium KoopaTV offering, but instead to...

Thursday, September 30, 2021

Koopa Kingdom to boycott Beijing 2022 Olympic Games (with no videogame version)

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We haven't heard anything about this and it starts in four months.

Contrary to a Wikipedia vandal that's been allowed to have their erroneous edits on Wikipedia for the whole month of September (until I reverted it), there is no “Olympic Winter Games Beijing 2022 - The Official Video Game.” SEGA has announced no such title. The official Olympic Video Games website still has the Tokyo 2020 videogames. There's no evidence there will be any videogame support for the Beijing 2022 Olympic Games that begins on February 4, 2022.

...That's super soon. I mean, if there would be a videogame, it would've been announced by now. Surely at the Tokyo Game Show, even. But no such announcement took place.

But even if, say, Koopa Kingdom and the Mushroom Kingdom and... Mobius, I guess, were invited to the Olympic Games, I can say that at least Koopa Kingdom wouldn't come. (Which means no “Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games Beijing 2022” or “Mario & Sonic at the Beijing 2022 Olympic Games”...) Number one, we just had them in Japan a couple of months ago and we're exhausted. Also, we didn't win a single medal.

Boycott Beijing 2022 Olympic Winter Games
Behold, one of the laziest excuses for an image on a KoopaTV article in my memory.

Wednesday, September 29, 2021

FAKE NEWS Bloomberg Writes FAKE NEWS about a Nintendo Switch 4K that doesn't exist

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - At least the videogame company is quick to deny the FAKE NEWS.

Deep breath... deep breath... That's what Wii Fit Trainer is trying to teach me right now as I'm attempting to start writing this article... But it's just so incredibly infuriating.

Wii Fit Trainer Deep Breathing Ludwig Von Koopa gasping Super Smash Bros. Ultimate

Quick recap to explain why I'm livid: For every year since 2018, Bloomberg News has been reporting that Nintendo has been working on and will release a “Nintendo Switch Pro” system. Eventually in early 2021, FAKE NEWS Bloomberg said this 4K-enabled Nintendo Switch with an OLED screen would be shown at or before E3 2021... which didn't happen. A lot of other media outlets repeated and expanded on Bloomberg's FAKE NEWS (that article provides a massive, comprehensive list), and the whole thing was a massive indictment on how untrustworthy and unreliable the media is. Eventually, Nintendo announced the Nintendo Switch (OLED model), which was definitely not the console that the FAKE NEWS outlets like Bloomberg were hyping up. As retaliation for being wrong on stories they made up, Bloomberg decided to publish some anti-Nintendo hit pieces. Days later, Nintendo's investor relations published a statement stating FAKE NEWS Bloomberg's hit piece was incorrect.

In a just world, FAKE NEWS Bloomberg—and their Japanese tech “journalist” Takashi Mochizuki—would shut up and bow out quietly. Perhaps even do the universe a favour and quit the profession. Unfortunately, FAKE NEWS Bloomberg/Mochizuki is back at it with an article titled “Developers Are Making Games for a Nintendo 4K Console That Doesn’t Exist”. While the headline is correct that a Nintendo 4K console does not exist, Takashi Mochizuki still cited anonymous sources saying that Nintendo could release a 4K Nintendo Switch as early as late 2022. In other words, they're still at it, citing how 11 developers (the only named one being social gaming developer Zynga, though no statement from a named person was obtained and Zynga has separately denied that they have 4K development kits) have received 4K-enabled Nintendo Switch software development kits.

Rather than waiting a few days, months, or not saying anything, Nintendo immediately (in around four hours) put out this statement:

Tuesday, September 28, 2021

Your Comprehensive Guide to the Super Smash Bros. NintendoVS US Fall Open 2021

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm literally the foremost expert on these things, so I'll answer questions you didn't even know you had.

I am pleased to once again write about Nintendo of America and Battlefy collaborating to bring you a duo of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate tournaments, collectively known as the NintendoVS US Fall Open 2021. They haven't had one of these since October 2020, and these haven't previously been known as an annual series of tournaments. In their heyday, they happened a lot more often. Still, for whatever the reasons there's been a gap, it's here now, so I'm going to write about it as the official* expert on how these Nintendo-sponsored tournaments work.

What is the NintendoVS US Fall Open 2021?

According to the official registration page, “The NintendoVS US Fall Open 2021 tournament features the popular best-of-3 sets and no items during the ladder round. Players in eight regions will have two opportunities to compete over two weekends: October 15 - 16, 2021 and October 29 - 30, 2021. The Four Grand Prize winners from each tournament weekend will be eligible to receive an epic prize package!” I should also note it's free to enter.

NintendoVS US Fall Open 2021 official logo Super Smash Bros. Ultimate
I... I'm not into this colour scheme. Sorry, Nintendo.
The black/purple one from October 2020 was really cool, though.

There is a lot to unpack with that statement, so that's what I'll do in the rest of this article. I'll be answering a lot of questions in detail (the answers to which can also be found in the official rules document), and feel free to ask your own in the comments section.

Monday, September 27, 2021

Rush in Monster Hunter Rise... and both are in the Nintendo eShop Blockbuster Sale

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Lots of games are on sale right now. (And lots of other games...aren't.)

There is a lot of excitement coming for Monster Hunter Rise. CAPCOM's big project got first-dibs at last week's Nintendo Direct with news of an expansion: Monster Hunter Rise: Sunbreak. All things Monster Hunter, including Sunbreak, will be the topic of CAPCOM's Tokyo Game Show 2021 presence. They'll also reveal the (final) Capcom Collab #5 there... which segues into part of what this article is about.

In August, Capcom Collab #3 was revealed to be with Street Fighter, where your hunter would get layered armor to look like Akuma. By hunting down a Rajang in the SF: Ultimate Promotion Exam quest and equipping the sword & shield weaponry, you no longer will be a generic anime swordsman but an intense shoto. Your weapons will hide, apparently, and you'll be punching and kicking and doing Street Fighter things that I'm not super familiar with.

Which is why I'm focusing on September and Capcom Collab #4, which is with Mega Man (specifically Mega Man 11) and Rush the robot dog. Pass The Blue Bomber's Best Bud quest (by hunting down a Zinogre to Fuse Man's theme) and you will obtain layered armor for your Palamute mutt to make it look like Rush.

Friday, September 24, 2021

Masahiro Sakurai's Ludwig Hatred Continues: I'm not Bowser Jr., and he can grab his own ledge!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And neither is Wendy O. Koopa!

I have a well-documented series of articles about Super Smash Bros. series director Masahiro Sakurai's personal hatred of me, Ludwig Von Koopa. From me having the worst end of the stick in the Super Smash Bros. For Wii U reveal out of all the Koopalings, to me having the worst end of the stick in the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate reveal out of all the Koopalings... To Sakurai denying my debut decade and me being the only playable character completely ignored in Spirit Battles at launch. I am the worst-treated Koopaling in this franchise, and I'd say I am in the running for the worst-treated character of any species. Down there with Little Mac.

Last night, Masahiro Sakurai returned to his lows of unwarranted animus towards me with this horrible tweet:

Masahiro Sakurai twitter tweet Bowser Jr. two forms of grabbing
I've archived Sakurai's tweet here, in case he ever does the right thing and deletes this insult.

Obviously, I, Ludwig Von Koopa, am not Bowser Jr. My sister (and nominally fellow KoopaTV staffer) Wendy O. Koopa, is also not Bowser Jr. If Masahiro Sakurai would like to discuss Bowser Jr.'s two forms of grabbing a ledge (one ledge grab with the Clown Car and one ledge grab without the Clown Car after ditching it from using Abandon Ship), he should post an image of... Bowser Jr.

Would it have been so hard to post this image instead?

Bowser Jr. two forms of grabbing ledge hang with without koopa clown car abandon ship
Look! It's Bowser Jr. with two forms of grabbing...
....Featuring (the actual) Bowser Jr. displaying the two forms of grabbing!

Indeed, Bowser Jr. can grab the ledge without transforming into myself or transforming into my sister. He has grown up to the point where he can grab the ledge ALL BY HIMSELF.

Ludwig had lots of other things he WANTED to write about, especially after that Direct, but no, Masahiro Sakurai is making a fool out of himself and insulting Ludwig's personhood. There's only so many times Ludwig can take this unwarranted loathing from Sakurai before he starts a #SackSakurai hashtag.

While Bowser Jr. can grab a ledge by himself, he'd probably cry if his ledge got trumped.

Thursday, September 23, 2021

KoopaTV's LIVE Reactions to the September 23 2021 Nintendo Direct

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Winter 2021 was an obvious con...

Welcome to KoopaTV's reaction log series, this time starring a much-anticipated (aren't they all?) general Nintendo Direct of September. This Direct will supposedly be roughly forty minutes long, with information on Nintendo Switch games releasing this winter. ...I'm fairly certain, before this starts, that there will be games releasing in 2022 featured in this presentation.

Joining me in providing live, unfiltered reaction to the Direct is Heavy Lobster. Kamek makes an appearance... but not as a live reactor.

[5:51 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa:
[5:56 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well, I got my glass of milk ready.
[5:56 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Though it won't last the whole forty minutes... unfortunately.
[5:57 PM] HeavyLobster: I'm here.
[5:59 PM] HeavyLobster: One minute.
[5:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...How
[5:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...Huh, my computer clock is ahead of Discord's?
[5:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: But they should be the same.
[6:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Maybe I need to resyn-... RATING PENDING TO MATURE LET'S GO
[6:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: No intro, just an ominous trailer.
[6:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: With a dragon.
[6:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: CAPCOM Presents
[6:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well, cool that CAPCOM's up first.

Wednesday, September 22, 2021

Super Kirby Clash Online Etiquette Guide

By SKY - Sword Hero mains, this one’s for you!

After reading Ludwig’s Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Battle Arena Etiquette Guide, I had the idea to write up something similar for another Nintendo Switch online game that desperately needed one. Presenting to you an online etiquette guide to Super Kirby Clash. I am a Team Kirby Clash Deluxe veteran hoping to improve the sequel’s online experience by helping new players learn how to cooperate and Git Gud.


So you ran out of Vigor for Story Quests, and you need more experience to level up, therefore you decided to play online to fill in the remaining gap. Whether you’re a first time online player or a skilled veteran, please read this and don’t sabotage your fellow players. Especially if you’re a Sword Hero main.

This guide is intended for random online battles, though a lot of the tips here can help you when playing with friends and even in single player! The inputs for each attack I mention are covered here, based on using both Joy-Cons for one player. The game also allows you to view the controls by pressing -/+ while changing the role on your profile/form a team screen, or while pausing a battle in single player.

Basics/Tips for Beginners

Beginner players with no upgraded gear should stick to Beam Mage. Why? Because Beam Mage can stop time. Which means the timer won’t go down. Saving time is essential to scoring gold and platinum medals, which net you more experience and therefore make leveling up faster and easier.

Tuesday, September 21, 2021

Bloomberg Portrays Awful Chinese Parents Happy the Government Parents Their Kids for Them

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm not even sure this is FAKE NEWS.

We have been covering China constantly on this website. Undue weight, actually—though it's absolutely related to videogames, since it's been about China's heavy restrictions on sub-18 year olds’ ability to play videogames. But in today's article, I get to combine anti-China with... anti-Bloomberg, which I've been calling FAKE NEWS Bloomberg after all of the garbage they've been publishing about the videogame industry (and other things).

Their Quicktakes group published this series of short clips asking various Chinese people in China what they think about China's restrictions on children playing videogames. Any person who believes in Western values should be appalled by it:

Here's the thing: I don't think this is FAKE NEWS on Bloomberg's part—although that's also confirmation bias on my part. I don't think this was selectively put together for an agenda: This is probably the average sort of reaction within China. Whether it's from genuine belief, government propaganda, or fear of being sent to a slave labour camp by the government for saying the wrong thing isn't really of much interest to me: it all leads to the same end result that I doubt would change if the Chinese person happened to be relocated to the United States.

Beijing parents Chinese Communist Party parenting children online gaming policy
Mr. Yi is labelled as a parent, praising the government for being the parent to his children.
So what good does that make him, then?

By the way, I don't consider Bloomberg to be spreading Chinese Communist Party propaganda with their mini report here. (Which might make this article not actually anti-Bloomberg.) This is valuable reporting that people can point to later for just how different the collectivist mindset is. When normal Americans (which excludes people like Tucker Carlson) see this (and they did, because it was “trending” on Twitter), they'll think China is awful, not admirable.

Along with showing utterly useless parents, Bloomberg also had a clip from Tao Ran, who is a former Chinese army man who works in adolescent development in China with an addiction treatment centre that resembles a prison. He kept stating China's new policy is a “last resort”, but he seems REALLY excited about this last resort. He's also excited about how Chinese companies will be using facial recognition technology on devices to check if there's a minor playing their game outside of the 8 to 9 PM Friday through Sunday timeslot. If China's psychological experts are claiming that spying on children is good for their development, clearly China is raising a generation of broken people that will grow up to be... stunted. Well, if that's what America is gonna have to compete with, that should be an easy win for Team Freedom. ...Assuming America (and other members of the team) doesn't go and emulate the commies and authoritarians.

If you were one of those Chinese parents interviewed by Bloomberg and would like to elaborate on your thoughts, feel FREE (a feeling that's foreign to you, but it's a great feeling to have) to do so in the comments section. You are, of course, on a VPN, because KoopaTV is banned within China after publishing too many things against the Chinese Communist Party. And if you're one of the billions of other people not interviewed by Bloomberg, you may also comment as well on your thoughts on what ordinary-looking Chinese people think.

Monday, September 20, 2021

Pokémon Trading Card Game Online → Pokémon "Trading" Card Game Live

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - TCGO to TCGL...and exploring my personal stake in the matter.

For the past decade and a half, The Pokémon Company International (TPCi) has operated Pokémon Trading Card Game Online, henceforth referred to as TCGO. Originally in early 2011, it was in beta as a web-based application. I was one of the very original beta testers, and this was back when Black & White Reshiram and Zekrom were the scariest metagame threats... and before it relaunched out of beta (and into a desktop downloadable offering with tablet support too), I was their beta test case for a permanent account ban. It was very glitchy.

People often ask me why I got banned, and you can imagine me with my sharp wit and polarising personality among... little kids who complained often, especially because they're too underdeveloped to think properly and were very entitled and didn't understand the game was a beta and not in a final state.

Anyway, the trading card game is all of the rage right now, so its online simulator version must be, too? As a result, TPCi today has revealed the successor to TCGO... and announced that TCGO will be sunset in the near future. It's to be called Pokémon Trading Card Game Live, it will be available on desktop and mobile (but not a game console), and here is a very short trailer:

Friday, September 17, 2021

Latios and Latias aren't INCLUSIVE enough. Meet Latixs

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The non-binary Eon Pokémon.

As people are celebrating Eon Heritage Month now in honour of Latias and Latios, the so-called Eon Twins (September happens to be the last time Latios and Latias have been distributed by Event in the West), there's a group of people who feel excluded. Allow me to explain.

You see, Latias and Latios are gendered Legendary Pokémon. Legendary Pokémon with a gender are a mere fraction of all Legendary Pokémon, which themselves are a mere fraction of all Pokémon in general. Usually, they're genderless. Latias is female. Latios is male. But what about people who don't identify as female or male? What Eon do they get? For a while, there was no inclusive answer. But KoopaTV would like to make you aware of... Latixs!

Latixs Latias Latios Eon Enby Pokémon Southern Island non-binary genderless agender Latinx
Meet Latixs. Pronouns: They/them.

Thursday, September 16, 2021

Tencent's Got ≥9 million Nintendo Switch suckers with Pokémon UNITE


This isn't normally the kind of subject matter I'd devote an article to, but something about it makes me particularly upset.

Today, The Pokémon Company International announced that the Switch version (since the mobile versions won't be out for another week) of Tencent-developed Pokémon UNITE has achieved nine million downloads. This is in direct opposition to my article titled, “Pay-to-Win or not, Avoid Pokémon UNITE!” (Of course, far, far less than nine million people read that article. If only KoopaTV was more widely circulated, we could be saving (more) people!)

On top of this, there are already over five million pre-registrations for the mobile versions. Why, people? Why do you want Tencent—and the Chinese Communist Party with its recent history of using data-based surveillance for nefarious purposes—to have access to your information? When the game is free, you're the product. (Well, that and its pay-to-win monetisation scheme.) It's not even a good game. But you can bet that Tencent will be even more aggressive with Pokémon UNITE since they're being barred from their aggressive game monetisation and even basic playing in their mainland, China, and it's a brilliant way to exploit what's really a new demographic for them. You don't want to include yourself in that.

Ludwig plans to write and publish an actually substantive Pokémon article for tomorrow, though it'll still be mocking something. On the note about when the game is free and you're the product, while KoopaTV is free, there's no monetisation scheme at play. This site merely wants to entertain you (and influence your mind). Please feel free to give feedback about that, too!

Here's that substantive Pokémon mockery the next day.
Less than two weeks after the mobile version of Pokémon UNITE is out, it now has over 25 million downloads. SHEESH.

Wednesday, September 15, 2021

"Generic Anime Swordman" in Nintendo Switch Anime-Style Action Games

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Nintendo listed ten “anime-style” games... how many feature generic anime swordsmen?

Over on the GameFAQs board for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate (also known as SmashFAQs), there is a lot of talk about the “generic anime swordsman.” (This is also inclusive of swordswomen such as Lucina, Pyra, and Mythra.) The idea is that the existing roster is flooded with these Japanese sword-wielding characters, and many people's future requests are also in the same archetype. There are actual gameplay implications for having so many disjointed hitboxes to contend with, so it's not a mere question of aesthetic. Apparently, any humanoid (Meta Knight seems exempt, despite literally featuring in an anime where he used a sword) with a sword who was developed from Japan is generic, so don't think too hard on that. (I'll think hard for you in this article.)

At the end of August, Nintendo published a news item that went out on their website and the Nintendo Switch News service: Jump (dramatically) into anime-style action! This listed ten supposedly anime-style, recent-ish Nintendo Switch games that Nintendo felt like promoting. I figured it could be fun researching the games and seeing if they have any generic anime swordsmen.

Note that I only have actual first-claw knowledge of three of the games on the list... and then I have to research all of the other ones. I'm trying to avoid giving you spoilers on any of these.

Tuesday, September 14, 2021

Epic Games vs. Apple Court Decision has Arrived!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I read the whole thing, so here's what happened as I understood it, written in

In the hottest court case associated with the videogame industry filed in 2020 (sorry, Billy Mitchell), Epic Games accused Apple of being a monopolist in the two areas of iOS app distribution and iOS in-app purchasing. Epic Games had long plotted to make a spectacle of Apple's problematic behaviour in a move that got Fortnite removed from Apple's App Store (due to Epic Games breaching their Apple contract [and this breach of the Apple Developer Program License Agreement is noted by the court] by installing a hot fix to bypass Apple's in-app purchases monopoly) and resulted in 20% reduced V-Bucks prices on PC and consoles. That price reduction—and Fortnite not being on the App Store—is still in force even to this day.

The court has ruled on the case. You can read the 185-page ruling here... or you can listen to me talk (or write) about it for you. I recommend you do both, since I find the footnote references to specific testimony to be amusing and you might find it funny too. For example, the bit about Peely the Fortnite banana man dressing up in a tuxedo “to reflect the general solemnity of a federal court proceeding.” And while I considered the in-game racial equality documentary We the People to be a failed Fortnite experiment, Epic stated it was viewed by 1.5 million people and they used that as evidence of Fortnite being more than just a gaming experience. They really believe it's a virtual social space that transcends the definition of a videogame.

Actually, that's a crucial part of it. Epic Games wanted to present Apple as being a monopolist of all app distribution (not just games—since Fortnite isn't just a game, or so Epic Games is trying to lead you to believe). Apple said that the relevant market is all digital videogames (including PCs and consoles), which would give Apple a much smaller role and therefore they're not a monopoly. The court disagreed with both of them, seeing the relevant market as digital mobile gaming transactions. While Apple has the majority market share there (55%), that's not close enough to monopolist market share yet. Epic also tried to convince the court that the Epic Games Store is a general digital store, and not... a games store specifically. In the court's write-up, they saw that claim as “suspect.” Mostly because the user interface and marketing all indicate it's a games store for gamers and gaming. (To say nothing of the name.) Still, Epic wanted to present the Epic Games Store as a full-fledged potential competitor to the Apple App Store, but it was being stifled by Apple's monopolist policies creating a barrier to entry.

Monday, September 13, 2021

Never Forget: Muslims around Earth actually rioted and killed over "Innocence of Muslims"

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - They proved their incompatibility with Western* civilisation.

September 11 isn't just a date associated with 2001. It has meaning past that. Remember September 11, 2012? That was the day that America's consulate in Benghazi, Libya was attacked by terrorists. They murdered Ambassador Chris Stevens and three other Americans, though then-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton questioned what difference it made who those terrorists were and their reasoning for terrorising the complex.

The United States government suggested that it was an offensive video that spontaneously triggered those terrorists to get their rocket-propelled grenades and attack the consulate and murder the Americans. That video is known as Innocence of Muslims, and while connecting it to that Benghazi attack was a lie shamelessly repeated by Susan Rice (then U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations; now Director of the United States Domestic Policy Council) with the misinformation fed to her by the unreliable and untrustworthy American “intelligence community”, it is a fact that Innocence of Muslims did trigger many Muslims in other locations to engage in violent behaviour... resulting in over 50 deaths and many hundreds of injuries.

It's all documented in the Wikipedia article “Reactions to Innocence of Muslims”, an article that is required reading for this KoopaTV article. But on top of that, I also have required listening: Innocence of Muslims is actually still available on YouTube (at least, in the United States—it may be censored in other countries that do not allow free speech—that's a greater point I'll go into more detail about later in this KoopaTV article). You can watch it embedded below. Note that despite it being called “Muhammad Movie Trailer”, this is the whole thing that Muslims worldwide reacted to. There's no “non-trailer” version... and as you'll quickly figure out, that's really a good thing:

Friday, September 10, 2021

Chinese Communist Party to “slow” regulatory approvals of new videogames

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...According to a source and not an official declaration.

Remember how KoopaTV dedicated several articles in August to China, and it all ended with their new policy of three hours of online gaming for people under 18 per week? Well, that's not over. September means there's new opportunities for China to get into the news!

While initial reports erroneously said that China was suspending all new approvals for new videogames altogether for an indefinite amount of time, an update at the South China Morning Post published about six hours later clarified that it's not a total suspension, but just a slow-down. Still indefinite. Now, this is “according to people with knowledge of the matter” so it's not to be taken with 100% certainty (just because it's a story about the world's villains doing something bad doesn't actually make it true—there is a whole, VERY fascinating Wikipedia page about how this sort of sensationalist media coverage regularly happens to North Korea). However, this is the sort of thing that we'll be able to figure out in retrospect even if the Chinese Communist Party won't go out and say it directly.

Chinese gaming companies NetEase and Tencent were reportedly instructed in a private meeting with regulators to enforce the new limits, stop making the games inherently addictive and monetarily exploitative, and to make sure that Western values like “‘worshipping money’ and ‘gay love’” (as the article put it) were not to be in games played by Chinese people.

Thursday, September 9, 2021

LEGO Super Mario 64 ? Block set... seems odd

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm not ready yet to connect this to an evil plot, but... it's odd...

Today—and maybe this got lost in some other news and announcements—Nintendo and The LEGO Group jointly announced yet ANOTHER collaboration: a massive ? Block that opens up to real Super Mario 64 courses. Observe this video:

Coming October 1 of this year (very soon) for an asking price of $170. 2064 pieces. LEGO says it's for 18+ individuals, but the video from Nintendo's channel has it marked as YouTube Kids, so I dunno how that works. I don't think people 13 and under are interested in Super Mario 64 nostalgia, and that's clearly what they're going after, per this line from the trailer: