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Thursday, August 29, 2019

Class President Bowser Versus Recess

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Why Lord Bowser is noble for wishing to cancel recess.

For those who go to school, you're either already back in school, or you will be early next week. If KoopaTV's political banter scares you away (having a tab called “2020 Presidential Debate Index” may intimidate politically disinclined children... and adults, for that matter), I wonder what you think of student governance. After all, your fellow students may run for class president.

If you're cynical, you probably think of those class-presidential aspirations as nothing more than a joke. Well, that's... roughly how we treat the presidential aspirations of the whole United States of America.

There is, however, one candidate for class president that is not doing it for the jokes. In fact, he's very serious, and very capable, and has a plan that benefits... himself, at least.

I'm talking about King Bowser Koopa for class president. If you click that link, you're forced to engage in a riddle just to be aware of his platform. Clearly, Lord Bowser's candidacy is for the more intellectual of the students.

Play Nintendo Bowser for class president back to school cancel recess
For the purposes of proceeding with this article, the secret message reads, “So he can cancel recess!”

Among other obvious questions, my number one question is why does the top of the page state “Bowser’s running for class president, but it’s not because he wants to help anyone…except for himself!”? Assuming that statement is true, how would cancelling recess help Lord Bowser?

I asked the producer of the Play Nintendo site, and she responded with...

...Well, she didn't respond with anything and she ignored me. [Post-article update: We got a very pleasant response post-article.] There's a reason this article isn't in the Interviews category. Alas, I had to deduce the reason for myself. I believe I've found it.

Recess is time spent during the school day to perform recreational activities. You don't really get a choice in it, actually. You HAVE to have recess. They won't let you stay in the classroom. You're forced to go with the other kids outside. Maybe it's snowing outside so you can't go... either way, the teacher is no longer teaching for the duration of recess. It's not good stuff.

Lord Bowser's proposal is to cut recess from the schedule and replace it with... nothing. School can end that much earlier in the day. You can choose to use that time however you want. You can play and do recess activities. You can study. Do homework. Or, if you're Lord Bowser, return home and tend to your family that much sooner. School does take a long time—having the flexibility afforded by cancelling recess makes time management that much easier.

The whole Koopa family is going through additional educational opportunities (well, not me) thanks to Koopa Kingdom's intellectual revolution brought on by KoopaTV. As another example of that, here's Roy Koopa bragging about it:

Paper Mario Color Splash Roy Koopa knowledge is power night school boss fight
With recess cancelled, Bowser may come home and help Roy prepare for his night school classes before those start, rather than be too late.
Roy's night school never had recess to begin with, which helps prevent it from going through midnight.
(If you look at anti-intellectual Mario's face, he's clearly not pleased at the idea of improving Koopa literacy. Bad man!)

I disagree when Play Nintendo states that Master Bowser is only helping himself. Cancelling recess can help everyone, depending on how responsible and resourceful they are. Rather than being forced by the school to do recess, you can control your own destiny without losing a minute of educational value.

Vote King Bowser Koopa for class president!


Ludwig had no idea when he founded KoopaTV that he would eventually write an anti-recess article. Since Roy mentioned irony, this article is incredibly ironic given what Ludwig did during high school, but he's not going to talk about that in the comments section even if you ask him to elaborate. Instead, he'd prefer for you to comment about the things discussed in this article that aren't in this footer, like your thoughts on recess, and if you have any alternative theories on Bowser's motivation for running on a cancel-recess class president platform.

11 comments :

  1. Depending on kind of student, recess can be the worst time of day in school. It can be the time of the day teachers look away while the bullied get wrecked.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I remember the time in elementary school (...am I dating myself?) this kid was showing off some bootleg-looking Pokémon merchandise during recess and I said that wasn't something GAME FREAK approved of, and they went to the recess monitor (I don't know if schools still have these, but they had several very ugly people whose job it was to monitor recess interactions... it was never clear to me what exactly they did when it wasn't recess) and said that I bullied them by calling the kid a freak. I said GAME FREAK is the developer of the Pokémon games and they didn't believe me and I got a stern warning.

      Delete
    2. See a President Bowser cancelling recess might be a good thing after all.

      Delete
    3. I think elementary schoolers and whomever else has recess can stand to learn how to have post-classes extracurricular activities as opposed to middle-of-the-day ones.

      Besides, kids already get a break during the school day. It's called lunch. And that's emulating adult life, too. Ain't the point of school to prepare kids for that?

      Delete
  2. "he's not going to talk about that in the comments section even if you ask him to elaborate"

    Saying things like that just makes people more curious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, but you'll have to internalise that curiosity.

      FOREVER.

      Delete
  3. That...isn't a terrible idea, actually. I was the type who hated playing outside, I'd stay inside during recess whenever I'd get the chance, which wasn't often. The only high point was the swings.

    (And yes. The pun is COMPLETELY intended!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...Ha.

      I guess here's a good place to clarify a detail: Class-presidential candidate Bowser's cancel-recess platform does not extend to gym class. Physical education is still quite valuable, and treasuring that is a reason why Koopas dominate sports.

      Delete
    2. Gym class may have sucked, but it still sucked LESS than recess for me because even though I was forced to exert myself way more than I ever wanted to (I especially sucked at running the mile) at least I was given stuff to do instead of just turned loose to fend for myself.

      Delete
    3. It's physical education! There's a purpose!

      Delete

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