Xenoblade Chronicles: A Modern Classic

By HEAVY LOBSTER - The Legacy of Xenoblade Chronicles, 10 Years Later.

Ten years ago, on June 10th, 2010, an obscure JRPG called Xenoblade Chronicles was released in Japan, and while the game garnered critical praise, there were no plans for the game to release in North America. The game was localized for Europe in 2011, but it took until 2012 after a fan campaign for it and 2 other JRPGs known as Operation Rainfall gained traction for it to finally release in the US, though it did so as a limited run GameStop exclusive that was notoriously hard to find. While the game sold through its limited run, it still languished in obscurity as the Wii had long been forgotten by that time. But over time, the game gradually got more attention via word-of-mouth, was spotlighted by Chuggaconroy's Let's Play, culminating eventually in Shulk appearing in Smash, followed soon after by a New 3DS-exclusive port of the game, and was later followed by Xenoblade Chronicles X and Xenoblade Chronicles 2. The game is now considered by many to be the best JRPG of the 7th generation.

So what is it about this game that allowed it to leave such a lasting impact in spite of its inauspicious beginnings? In part it's because of when the game came out, as at the time many Japanese developers were moving away from home consoles towards handhelds, and Final Fantasy 13 was notorious for its excessive linearity, which gave Xenoblade a chance to stand out with its vast open areas to explore. In spite of the Wii's graphical limitations, the game's art direction and unique setting allowed for some awe-inspiring vistas. The game's memorable cast of characters and gripping story likewise captured players, and the unique battle system served to blend elements of action and turn-based RPGs. It set a standard for modern JRPGs and in many respects it represents a transition between early 3D JRPGs and more recent entries in the genre. The world manages to balance openness and exploration with traditional linear storytelling, as while you travel through each new area in a linear progression, these areas are so vast and open and rich with content that it has a distinct open-world feel while still retaining a strong narrative and sense of direction. It manages to balance so many elements so well to create an unforgettable package.

Oh. Sonic the Hedgehog Movie Is Getting a Sequel

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Who could've seen this coming? Well...

Let's quote what I wrote in February about the Sonic the Hedgehog movie:

“Both of the last scenes set up for a sequel hook, and I'm not sure that it's a good thing for a movie that the most-discussed thing is the possibility of a future movie. Like, is the first one not good enough to stand on its own?”

Turns out I'm probably right. Well, the possibility of a future movie is a surety now, since Paramount Pictures confirmed today that “they have commenced development on a sequel” but “decisions have not been made yet regarding casting or a production start date.” (I suppose it's not a surety that it won't get cancelled or something.)

And that's pretty much all we know. Well, we know who is producing, directing, and executive producing, but since I don't know who these people are, what do I care to repeat their names to you?

I'll now dedicate the rest of this article to a short rant about the Sonic the Hedgehog movie.

Mega Man Franchise Sale...and Zero's a constantly dying robot

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Zero's death-defying privilege, seen in games with big discounts now.

Alright, I'm not quite over the whole robots died en masse thing I wrote about for Memorial Day. And I finally have my KoopaTV account back, as you can see. Sorry that you all had to go through that ridiculous mocking squid jerk yesterday.

I don't think I'll be able to write a “go buy Ace Attorney on sale” article this month (...well, I already did, but I mean on Nintendo eShop and not Steam). Instead, CAPCOM is granting us a Mega Man Franchise Sale on Nintendo eShop and... apparently on the Xbox store, too. It features Mega Man Legacy Collection and Mega Man Legacy Collection 2; as well as Mega Man X Legacy Collection and Mega Man X Legacy Collection 2; plus Mega Man 11. Those are all 50% off except for Mega Man Legacy Collection, which is weirdly only 34% off.

But there's one more thing. For the first time ever, Mega Man Zero/ZX Legacy Collection is discounted by 25% off, for a total price of $22.49. (You may remember I wrote a review of Mega Man Zero/ZX Legacy Collection's... Music Player.)

These sales last until May 31 at 11:59 PM Pacific, or 2:59 AM Eastern on June 1.

Team Ketchup WON the Splatfest? What timeline are we in?!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Oh no... Inkopolis is doomed.

Hey. Ludwig's busy crying over some dead robots from 12 years ago. Whatever. It gives me an opportunity to take over this blog. Squidwig here. 

Last weekend in Inkopolis Square, there was a huge event. For the first time ever, Inkopolis Square had a Splatfest! Between Team Mayonnaise (supported by Off the Hook superstar Pearl) and Team Ketchup (supported by the Off the Hook member, Marina). After a close 48-hour bout, Team Ketchup came up on top. Ketchup dominated the Popularity (55.25% to 44.75%) ranking, and closely won the Splatfest Battle Pro category (50.38% to 49.62%). Mayonnaise prevailed in the friend-involving Splatfest Battle Normal category (51.71% to 48.29%).

Ketchup is now legally superior to Mayonnaise within Inkopolis Square. All of the condiment stands—such as Crusty Sean's popular Crust Bucket food truck—are having mostly ketchup options now, with a much smaller supply of mayonnaise than before. That's the will of the people.

But if I look at KoopaTV (which I don't do often since it's full of irrelevant and boring nonsense)... something about this Splatfest is really strange.

That sobbing Koopa wrote last week that this is an “encore” Splatfest and that it already happened. The first time, Team Mayonnaise won, and the condiment baskets were filled with mayonnaise packets and the ketchup disappeared. But... how can that be?

But if Team Mayo already won... how could it be playing “catch-up” the whole time?
It's Team Ketchup that was playing catch-up!

Memorial to the Fallen Robotic Operating Buddies

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Robots can die too. And did die. In big numbers.

You know who doesn't get attention, even over a decade later? All of the robots from the Isle of Ancients. You may remember them from Super Smash Bros. Brawl's Subspace Emissary story mode. They put in a lot of work, opening up Subspace Bombs and engulfing the universe one area at a time, until it's all subsumed into Subspace.

Lord Bowser happened to be part of that mission, and, I mean, for the most part he succeeded. The robots played a big role in that, because once they detonated the Subspace Bombs and they blew up... they weren't gonna be around anymore. Better them than Koopa Troopas.

Two robots looking at their off-screen boss, the Ancient Minister, as they're gonna disappear in three minutes.

 

World Turtle Day: Rescuing Fire-Attacked Turtles (from MARIO!)

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Don't light shells on fire!

As a reminder, May 23 is World Turtle Day. It's a day dedicated to savings turtles and tortoises on Earth, sponsored by the American Turtle Rescue. It's a fine demonstration of the good things that happen from American leadership on Earth. But for this year's World Turtle Day article, I would like to direct your attention to events that took place in Brazil in mid-2016. A turtle got its shell burned from a fire, and doctors had to save it by 3D-printing a shell.

There is this whole weird angle in The Mirror's reporting of this story that make out the human veterinarians to be akin to Marvel's Avengers, and quite frankly, I don't care about the humans here. I care about the turtle, which is named Freddy (but named by the humans, so they probably weren't BORN as a Freddy). Freddy's shell is described as being “destroyed” in a “bush fire”, which Americans may know better as a “wildfire.”

Now, what may have caused that to happen?

KoopaTV lacks the Earth-based resources to formally investigate this, but I do have two theories.

Either Mario did it, or someone influenced by Mario did it.

Here's why they both make total sense.

Check out the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate North American Online Open May 2020!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The majority of it doesn't actually occur in May...

It seems like Nintendo is being defiant. Defiant of people's expectations. Defiant of life's situations. And defiant of their own communications.

They are once again teaming up with eSports tournament platform Battlefy to bring you the latest in the North American Online Open series... The Super Smash Bros. Ultimate North American Online Open May 2020! (Register there. It's free, but there are prizes.)

They just announced a May tournament? Today? Ah hah, well, you see, here are the dates: 

The tournament will take place across 4 weeks, with start dates determined by player regions.

Regions 7-8: 5/30 8am PT
Regions 5-6: 6/6 8am PT
Regions 3-4: 6/13 10am PT
Regions 1-2: 6/20 10am PT

The Sunday finals from each region will also be livestreamed!

— Nintendo of America (@NintendoAmerica) May 21, 2020

(Essentially, the East Coast goes on May 30, and then as you go further west, it's pushed out throughout June.)

It's not much of a May 2020 tournament then if 3/4 of the dates are in June, even if Regions 7 and 8 are the biggest regions. You may remember the previous tournament, the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate North American Online Open Spring 2020, was named such because it occurred on February 29 and March 1, so it wouldn't be fitting to name it after one month. ...At least, those were the standards three months ago. Those have changed.

You may note the bit about Sunday finals and livestreaming. This contradicts what I wrote just last week about how Nintendo no longer livestreams their Online Open tournaments because the last time they did, during the February–March 2019 season, it was a visibly laggy disaster. (Receipts are in the hyperlink in this paragraph.)

LEGO Mario Gets Four Costume Packs and It's Not Even Out Yet

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - But they're acting like it is. Or they're shameless.

You may remember that I was very critical of the Nintendo-LEGO company collaboration that there would be a Super Mario LEGO set, with several subsequent expansion sets to follow. The first sets are supposed to come out August 1, 2020. I was critical due to the bad values that it would instill in kids.

Today Nintendo (and LEGO) put out this video revealing “NEW LEGO Super Mario Power-Up Packs!” I mean, just the thumbnail is terrifying enough:
 

There is little information on this besides what appears on the YouTube video. It's not up on the LEGO Super Mario campaign website or Nintendo's site, though LEGO does have this press release. It's the physical equivalent of DLC costume packs, with each suit being $10. In other words, you're literally paying $10 just for this:

Nintendo Investor Q&A: COVID-19 Edition

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Ludwig is spot-on, you know.

I have a personal passion of covering Nintendo's investor question & answer sessions for their financial results briefings. Their fiscal year just ended March 2020, and we just got their financial report that I wrote about here. A key theme in that was the break-out success of Animal Crossing: New Horizons, coupled with the massive increase in digital distribution adoption. Shuntaro Furukawa, Nintendo's president, answered nine questions. I'll comment on a few of the more interesting question/answer pairs in this article, but the majority were related to COVID-19 (Chinese Communist Party coronavirus of 2019). Well, one was directly about China itself.

Just for your amusement, you may remember the last Q&A session article from six months ago where the heading was “Plus, scary China stuff.” Guess I had no idea what was coming. Since I'm obsessed with it so far, let's talk about the China question (#7, asking for actual sales results and plans for the fiscal year ending 2021) first.

If you're reading KoopaTV regularly, you know just a week-ish ago I told you that there are only three games available on the Nintendo Switch in China, as officially distributed by Tencent. Nintendo's answer is basically that China's contribution is immaterial and not worth giving specific detail on, and they don't expect anything different for the new year either. This whole China thing is for nothing, but investors have been excited about the China market opening for years and years. Stupid business fantasy that's ruining Earth, that I can tell you.

Ketchup vs. Mayo? Again? Encore Splatfest!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We have a decision to make... And not between Ketchup and Mayonnaise.

I really miss articles like Condiment Conflict: Mayonnaise vs. Ketchup Splatfest! Not only is the headline cool, but it's about the Splatoon 2 Splatfests, which we have covered very extensively on KoopaTV, all the way back to the beginnings of the first Splatoon on Wii U.

The Splatfests have been done with for a year now, and major Splatoon 2 content updates as well. (Though there still are sporadic balance/bug fixes.)

But Nintendo made a recent push with a free demo of Splatoon 2 at the end of April 2020, and as part of that push, there will be an encore Splatfest this weekend of Mayonnaise versus Ketchup. If you want to know why I'm siding with Team Ketchup, check out that Condiment Conflict article. My reasoning remains the same.

Something else remains the same as well...

I'm not writing this article to relitigate Mayonnaise versus Ketchup (even though Team Ketchup lost back in 2017, and you better believe that I'm going to play Splatoon 2 this weekend to get revenge). I'm writing it to complain, and to give a warning and a question to you all.

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Excluded From EVO Online (2020)

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Makes sense!

There are two ways to interpret this trailer from the Evolution Championship Series (or EVO), and I'm not even going to get into the music choice:

The first is that EVO 2020 is cancelled. EVO Online, while using the EVO brand name, is not EVO 2020, and is really a side event. Actual details on participating and prizes are unknown at this time.

The second is that EVO Online is EVO 2020, and Super Smash Bros. Ultimate being excluded from it is incredibly meaningful, marking the first time since before 2013 that there is no Super Smash Bros. title in the EVO roster. You can see in the prior paragraph's hyperlink that EVO 2020, the in-real-life event that was going to happen on August 1, was going to feature Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. But now it won't. (Neither will Marvel vs. Capcom 2, which does have an online multiplayer capability, like Super Smash Bros. Ultimate does.)

Regardless, all of the other games are coming to this event, and one wonders why Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is excluded despite being extremely popular in terms of entrants and viewers. EVO 2019 was great, after all.

Then you look at the article I wrote last week.

First Thoughts on Paper Mario: The Origami King REVEAL!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Let's be clear on what's speculation and what's confirmed.

My very first thought was, “A new trailer for a Paper Mario game? Am I looking at the official Nintendo YouTube channel, or is this a fake look-alike?” Upon confirming it was real, I watched it, and here's what I saw:

Now, understand that Paper Mario is on a small list of videogame franchises made up of four or more games that I've bought every game for (others include Ace Attorney, Pokémon Mystery Dungeon—if you discount the remaster and those WiiWare things, and Super Smash Bros. ...That might be exhaustive, actually), which makes this a very important reveal.

I'm something of an expert in analysing the first trailers of Paper Mario games, and my findings are that people can be very easily fooled by trailers. In fact, there were a lot of contemporary positive responses (that I quoted in that article) to the first trailer of Paper Mario: Sticker Star, back when people were upset over Super Paper Mario's genre shift and people thought Sticker Star represented a return to form. Now everyone's priorities have also shifted since then, but the fact that first trailers are inherently untrustworthy remain true.

Ah, still, what did I think of it?

Steam Midweek Madness Sale, Featuring Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Here's your May for Mia Fey opportunity. (Eh, there might be others in this month.)

As recently as...well... yesterday, during something as important as KoopaTV's seven-year anniversary, I wrote:

“KoopaTV expresses love very often, such as reverently praising the Ace Attorney series at any possible opportunity. In doing so, we're not only expressing love, but we are spreading it. We've found that people who take our recommendations and experience the Ace Attorney franchise for themselves then become Ace Attorney lovers. It's spreading love. That's a very positive thing.”

AND, BEHOLD, RIGHT AFTER I WRITE THAT, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy becomes on sale on Steam, via the Steam Midweek Madness Sale. (Triple homophone in that sentence.) Since all of the glowing praise I gave myself and KoopaTV was all accurate information, I'm obligated to stay true to my word and tell you to buy Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy for $15 on Steam, with the sale ending 13:00 Eastern on Friday, May 15.

There are literally over 1,400 games also on sale on Steam right now, but Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy is the most worthy of your interest. It's a collection of THREE games that are fantastic adventure games (linear story and character-driven narratives with some gameplay inputs on your part needed to progress it, such as investigating crime scenes, interviewing possible witnesses, and cross-examining court testimony) that everyone who plays ends up loving.

It's an adventure game as opposed to a visual novel.
Don't underestimate the gameplay content in Ace Attorney. After you open up the Court Record, you have to make decisions that can get you into a fail state, like other games.
(It's also opposed to an RPG.)

If you want a character witness (heh) for how great the Ace Attorney series, just go to the comments section and discuss the matter. In all likelihood, the game will be on sale for the Switch later this month (or June), so if Steam isn't your thing, you can be a little patient and it'll be 50% on the system of your choice. The screenshot is from the Switch version. KoopaTV will probably write an article when it's on sale later, because this happens consistently enough that it's a reliable source of filler article material. And Ludwig deserves taking a free day off after that epic piece from yesterday, being the anniversary article.


It was on sale on the Switch as recently as the end of April 2020!
It was on sale on Steam at 50% off as recently as last week (May 6).
In May 2021 for KoopaTV's anniversary, CAPCOM again put the Ace Attorney games on sale, except as a dedicated sale just for Ace Attorney on the Nintendo eShop.

KoopaTV's Seven-Year Anniversary: Seven Star Stamps for SUPERSTAR!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - KoopaTV is everything. And more.

Today, May 12, is known as the day that KoopaTV was founded. That happened in 2013, so this is our seven-year anniversary. That's a lot longer than my expectations for how long this was gonna be going, so I originally had plotted an awesome cruise ride for everyone (staff members and KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program past winners), paid for by Koopa Kingdom. Then we got in trouble with President Donald John Trump's administration, since we would have to go to Earth and pick you Americans up. We ultimately had to cancel the KoopaTV Loyalty Cruise Program because it was too dangerous (not because of any pandemic, but because of Earth-government response) to proceed with it.

However, we always have other plans and things going on. Multi-narrative activity. Parallel processing. Walking and chewing gum at the same time. Whatever you want to call it. You see, KoopaTV has spent these past seven years doing many things, and among them, we have collected the Millennium Star's seven Star Stamps... making us the SUPERSTAR OF THE UNIVERSE! Sure, one stamp a year might be slow, but that pacing would make for a good anime. Or a cartoon. Here's the opening:

KoopaTV's Stamp Card:
Wit, Kindness, Strength, Love, Courage, Beauty, Mischief.

For the rest of this article, I'm gonna talk about what we've done over the past seven years to acquire each of the seven Star Stamps.

Are You Still Washing Your Hands For 20 Seconds, and Thoroughly?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - (Or if you're like me, washing your claws?)

Months ago, health organisations across Earth invested in a campaign telling people to WASH YOUR HANDS. And for twenty seconds (the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention will tell you the actual recommendation is between 15 and 30 seconds just for the hand-scrubbing, and THEN you rinse your hands with water), which, if you time yourself, is quite likely much longer than how you've been washing your hands in normal times. And hopefully you have already been washing your hands pretty often throughout your life, especially since it's a message KoopaTV has been promoting for a long time. Hyperlinked receipts for that a little later in this article.

That public health campaign started months ago, but you don't see hand-washing song memes all over social media anymore in May 2020. (Those were song lyrics that last for 20 seconds to help people keep track of the time. I'm personally partial towards the Team Rocket motto, though the meme-maker doesn't know how to correctly spell Jessie. People get that more wrong than Butch.)

Knowing you weak humans, you've probably become complacent. If you're not constantly reminded of something, you'll fall back into your old ways, and not be washing your hands for as long as you should be. Sad. Anyway, KoopaTV isn't here to deliver a public service health announcement, but I am interested in helping you for another reason.

Nintendo Can't Fix Super Smash Bros. Ultimate During CCP Virus Lockdowns

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - China doesn't have to deal with having Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.

One thing I didn't mention on KoopaTV yet—which Nintendo put in their first paragraph in their “Description of Operating Results” section (management's commentary) in the consolidated financial statements for the year ended March 2020 (discussed on KoopaTV here)—is that Nintendo has successfully teamed up with Tencent to launch the Nintendo Switch in China. It is, however, to a very limited software library: Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, Super Mario Odyssey, and New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe. However, Nintendo intends to release non-plumber titles as well, such as Kirby Star Allies and The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.

Absent from the list of current and future releases is Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, which probably has too many communist-violating aspects and franchises in it to pass Chinese Communist Party ideology. However, even if the Chinese Communist Party won't let Super Smash Bros. Ultimate into China, the Chinese Community Party allowing this COVID-19 out of China to the rest of Earth is affecting the development of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. Super Smash Bros. series producer Masahiro Sakurai said as much, and common sense indicates that as well.

This not only impacts the scheduling for future downloadable characters—and I'm very fine with that, because it's not like I'm eager to deal with a new character from ARMS—but it'll also impede new game balance patches, along with development of things like improving the online experience.

And even though I think Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is one of my favourite games of the past decade, the metagame, especially playing online, is far from perfect. Check out these recent matches in a world where tournaments are happening only online now (as opposed to locally):

Nintendo's Results For Fiscal Year Ending March 2020

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Writing about March results in May is gonna trigger my historical month-writing confusion.

This article is all about the financial results that were released today as part of Nintendo's report on their fiscal year ending March 2020. Now (starting April 1—these kinds of reports take over a month to prepare, so you know) they're on their way towards the fiscal year ending March 2021.

I promise not to be very boring, since this is not a financial/markets blog. It's a gaming blog, and there are a few key (or irrelevant but amusing) discussion points and quotes I want to bring up.

First, here's a graph of sub-top-10 titles (except New Super Mario Bros. U at 10) from the start of the Nintendo Switch until now. The games with the longest streak of having sales numbers reported means they were stronger at being evergreen titles:

Ring Fit Adventure continues to have supply constraints. YOU CAN DO IT! PRODUCE AND SELL EVEN MORE!

Meanwhile, Splatoon 2 has now cumulatively sold over 10 million copies, and it's officially doubling the number of copies sold of Splatoon on Wii U. As for the Nintendo Switch, it has sold a total of 55.77 million units, while the 3DS is at 75.77 million units. They pwned their stated goals for the Switch. For the 3DS, that's .06 million units more than three months ago, while the Switch sold 3.29 million units more than three months ago. That is to say... the 3DS is a joke number at this point, and Nintendo even realises it, declaring,

The “This Game Is Now Retro” Line

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Where is it now?

Back in 2003–2007, much of KoopaTV's staff were using the official Nintendo NSider Forums ran by Nintendo of America. That was the era of the GameCube (and a little bit of the Wii). In those times, we considered the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES—1985 to around 1994) and Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES—1991 to around 1997) to be “retro.” Basically, if you're 12 or so years back, you were retro.

Per Wiktionary, retro is defined as “Of, or relating to, the past, past times, or the way things were.”

According to game developer Mega Cat Studios, it's 20+ years back, but their idea of nostalgia is the NES and SNES, and all of their games reflect that. According to the untrustworthy folks at Man Crates (though that links to a good article), “retro” and “nostalgia” are inherently intertwined concepts.

Logically, the line for what's considered retro has moved since 2007, right? It's 2020. We're at least two to three generations ahead of where we were back then. That means the 64-bit consoles are retro. The PlayStation 2-GameCube-Xbox trio is certainly retro as well. I mean, if you consider the SEGA Dreamcast retro, it only follows you would also consider the consoles that came out around then to be retro, too. It also means the big three console manufacturers (Sony, Nintendo, Microsoft) have at least one “retro” console in their history.

Are the Wii, PlayStation 3, and Xbox 360 retro?

Gaming Localisation: Think and Act Locally or Globally?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Or...universally?

At the tail-end of 2019 I was asked by KoopaTV reader ShinyGirafarig (on our requests page that has so many comments that direct links to comments don't even work anymore—though writing comments themselves still work):

“When localizing games, should localizers change the location to help players feel more connected to the lore of the game as the Ace Attorney series did changing the location in Japan to California or should localizers keep countries of origins in game like how "The World Ends with You" kept its Japanese location which may allow foreign players to get more familiar with other cultures?” 

And for almost half a year I've been wondering why anyone would ask that question of KoopaTV, which is ran by people who don't even reside on Earth. I decided I'd finally attempt to answer the request, but with that disclaimer up front.

(By the way, even if I don't reside on Earth, there is cross-universe travel, and I dunno what she's talking about with games and stuff. I visited Phoenix Wright in California! In-person! Nothing to do with Japan.)

Earth-based game makers shouldn't make games based on Earth.

Three Plus One Working Conditions to Look Out For When Looking for a Job

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Toilet paper, hand dryers, dual monitors. Bonus: open office spaces.

You might have been laid off your job in the past two months. Rough. Or perhaps you've been working from home and haven't been in the office. Regardless, in many areas around Earth, people are going back to work. All of this time away may have stunted your perceptions on what a good workplace environment looks like, so I'm writing this evergreen thought-piece on it. This'll be as relevant now as it will be for years to come!

Some of this article is directed towards the class of office-bound knowledge workers who do their tasks on computers. Others apply to every kind of job, since every workplace has to at least have a bathroom. (And if yours doesn't, that's obviously a big problem!)

This article is based on Frederick Herzberg's two-factor theory, which separates out motivating factors that can only increase job satisfaction, versus hygienic or maintenance factors that can only decrease job satisfaction. This article focuses on key maintenance factors in the form of working conditions. You'll be more likely to want to leave your job if some or all of these factors are at your work environment, so if you keep these in mind at the job interview stage, you can avoid that inevitability ahead of time.

Toilet Paper Quality

There is little that's worse than going to your job's bathroom and having to deal with bottom-tier toilet paper. There is some toilet paper that is just of such bad quality, you may as well be wiping your behind with your hands. Or you'll need to roll many squares more than what should be necessary and bunch it together.

Truly, try to imagine it. If your workplace is willing to try to save a few cents on buying terrible-quality toilet paper, it's easy to extrapolate off of that for what other things they may be willing to cost-cut on. Any company that does this will leave you miserable and it isn't one you'll want to work for. Bad-quality toilet paper is also a public health hazard, coupled with the next factor...

KoopaTV's April 2020 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - New, official enemies getting in the way of fun.

Welcome to KoopaTV's April 2020 newsletter, coming at you on the first of MAY. Spelled M-A-Y. Sometimes I spell that as something else. Just gotta get the muscle memory in my claws. May. It's May 1. Today. But we'll be talking about April. April 2020. Good month for KoopaTV. Probably a bad month for you. Sorry, we can't carry you all by ourselves. ...Though you'll get decently far!

Actually, significant portions of this newsletter are covering future-facing information, and that incorporates May. Let's begin.

KoopaTV's Top Five Recommended Experiences of April 2020

April 2020 had a number of excellent articles. Here are just five (under a quarter) that you absolutely ought to read, presented in chronological order. Note that an absent article is still worth your time and adoration:

1. ARMS North American Online Open April 2020 Recap — April 2020 featured the largest ARMS tournament in history, and KoopaTV's Heavy Lobster entered it. How did he do, and what are the implications for ARMS as a franchise?
2. Super Mario's LEGO Debut: Teaching Kids to Murder — There are some sick, horrible things going on with that plumber and his newly announced LEGO set releasing this summer. Read this before your children get caught up in that awfulness.
3. Two Years Later, We Won. You Are Avoiding Cardboard! — For two years, KoopaTV has been waging a war against the malevolent cardboard forces of the Nintendo Labo, and now we're ready to declare VICTORY. The whole public is fully convinced about the dangers of cardboard boxes!
4. Human Doctors Are Getting Laid Off; Dr. Mario Hires Dr. Goomba Tower — KoopaTV is also continuing our investigation into Dr. Mario's practice, as he seeks to stuff everyone's faces with dangerous Megavitamins. He's hiring dubious folks to assist him.
5. Game Review: Calculation Castle: Greco's Ghostly Challenges —Math-based edutainment games (featuring the sacred art of DIVISION) are important for Ludwig, and thus he wrote a full review of Calculation Castle: Greco's Ghostly Challenge "Division". When you're keeping your kids safe from propagandist LEGO, murderous cardboard, and dangerous Megavitamins, is this math game worth exposing them to?