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Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Team Ketchup WON the Splatfest? What timeline are we in?!

Squidwig KoopaTV avatar By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Oh no... Inkopolis is doomed.

Hey. Ludwig's busy crying over some dead robots from 12 years ago. Whatever. It gives me an opportunity to take over this blog. Squidwig here. 

Last weekend in Inkopolis Square, there was a huge event. For the first time ever, Inkopolis Square had a Splatfest! Between Team Mayonnaise (supported by Off the Hook superstar Pearl) and Team Ketchup (supported by the Off the Hook member, Marina). After a close 48-hour bout, Team Ketchup came up on top. Ketchup dominated the Popularity (55.25% to 44.75%) ranking, and closely won the Splatfest Battle Pro category (50.38% to 49.62%). Mayonnaise prevailed in the friend-involving Splatfest Battle Normal category (51.71% to 48.29%).

Ketchup is now legally superior to Mayonnaise within Inkopolis Square. All of the condiment stands—such as Crusty Sean's popular Crust Bucket food truck—are having mostly ketchup options now, with a much smaller supply of mayonnaise than before. That's the will of the people.

But if I look at KoopaTV (which I don't do often since it's full of irrelevant and boring nonsense)... something about this Splatfest is really strange.

That sobbing Koopa wrote last week that this is an “encore” Splatfest and that it already happened. The first time, Team Mayonnaise won, and the condiment baskets were filled with mayonnaise packets and the ketchup disappeared. But... how can that be?


Splatoon 2 Splatfest Team Ketchup wins mayo playing catch-up whole time Marina
But if Team Mayo already won... how could it be playing “catch-up” the whole time?
It's Team Ketchup that was playing catch-up!

Well, the easy explanation is that Ludwig is just writing fake news for his weird propaganda site. But...

There is an article I wrote from 2018, describing the results of a Squid vs. Octopus Splatfest. I was pleased that Team Squid won, and kept Inkopolis Square for the Inklings, because the whole fate of Inkopolis Square was riding on this result. (To Ludwig's discredit, he was foolishly trying to prevent a race war and trying to make sure everyone is equal.) 

I can see anything Ludwig writes as fake news, but if I wrote it...

Well, assuming that Ludwig's accounts for other Splatfests are true, then that means that previously (...or in another timeline?), we've had important laws established in Inkopolis Square such as:
  • Squid > Octopus
  • Teleportation > Time Travel
  • Chaos > Order
Chaos beat Order? And that was the final Splatfest? Does that mean that this Ketchup > Mayonnaise result overthrowing a Mayonnaise > Ketchup previous result is an outcome of chaos permeating the whole timeline? ...And we can't time travel to investigate it?

We lived in a perfectly-settled Inkopolis Square where Inklings maintained dominance over it from the culturally-invading Octarians, and now because that jackass Koopa apparently supported Team Chaos, it's all ruined and everything is starting over and flipping results? 

I guess there is something to be said about Pearl supporting Chaos and Marina supporting Order, though. If the goal was to overturn Squid > Octopus, it's the wrong Off the Hook idol on Chaos vs. Order. Then there might be another reason for why this is going on.

Or maybe there is no reason, and that's just the nature of how chaos works. Trying to find reasons where there are none will get you wet, and that's deadly for Inklings.

I think we need to not have any other Splatfests. They're dangerous, and if the results keep flipping, we're eventually going to go from innocuous things like condiment preference and start entering life-or-death culture things like if the Inklings still get to control our own square. And the result may be different than before.

Too risky.


Squidwig understands that Splatfests are fun and quite alluring, but that's exactly why this article and revelation are needed. It's the fun things that may turn out to be the most dangerous. Squidwig probably won't be able to respond to your comments, since Ludwig will eventually quit sobbing and take his site over again. Squidwig definitely doesn't want Inkopolis Square to turn out like the Isle of Ancients, however.

1 comment :

  1. Another difference was there were Octolings in this Splatfest compared to the first time around meaning someone managed to push the event that caused them to immigrate much earlier.

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