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Monday, May 25, 2020

Memorial to the Fallen Robotic Operating Buddies

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Robots can die too. And did die. In big numbers.

You know who doesn't get attention, even over a decade later? All of the robots from the Isle of Ancients. You may remember them from Super Smash Bros. Brawl's Subspace Emissary story mode. They put in a lot of work, opening up Subspace Bombs and engulfing the universe one area at a time, until it's all subsumed into Subspace.

Lord Bowser happened to be part of that mission, and, I mean, for the most part he succeeded. The robots played a big role in that, because once they detonated the Subspace Bombs and they blew up... they weren't gonna be around anymore. Better them than Koopa Troopas.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl Subspace Emissary robots opening activate bomb ROB
Two robots looking at their off-screen boss, the Ancient Minister, as they're gonna disappear in three minutes.
 
What eventually ended up happening is that all of the Subspace Bombs that were produced on the Isle of Ancients exploded at once, permanently obliterating both the floating isle and all of the robots on it. The only robot still remaining is the Ancient Minister, also known as the Master Robot, now called R.O.B. (or the Robotic Operating Buddy). The Ancient Minister was the head honcho of the Isle of Ancients, and the boss being the one that has gotten all of the glory and attention (and survival) since 2008 is probably something ordinary people can relate to.

R.O.B. The Last of His Kind Boxing Ring Super Smash Bros. Ultimate subspace emissary
Here I am, talking to R.O.B. about how the rest of his kind got wiped out.
It's a SAD story!

Robots sometimes get a bad reputation with the whole “they're taking our jobs!” refrain from humans. Well, if you humans wanted to be the ones opening up Subspace Bombs, you should have gone on right ahead. There didn't seem to be enough volunteers for that, though. The robots did their job dutifully and without complaining, and now they're not around to talk about it.

Port Town Aero Dive giant R.O.B. statue memorial Snake Super Smash Bros. Ultimate
Fellow veteran Snake visiting a memorial statue to the robot race, along with the Master Robot.

It's a tragic self-sacrifice that I wouldn't say we should necessarily emulate, but we should be more cognisant of these robots’ actions before making wide-ranging anti-robot slurs in discussion. You don't want to normalise that kind of discourse. There are bad robots and good robots, same as with other species.

The Isle of Ancients robots are definitely worth a Memorial Day dedication.


Reminder that KoopaTV just hired a robot, Heavy Lobster, though it looks nothing like the robots you see in this article. Ludwig was going to try to interview the Master Robot, but it didn't give coherent enough quotes for this article. Other KoopaTV staffers wanted Ludwig to memorialise other things that fell due to other reasons, but Ludwig decided to finally do the long-awaited right thing versus being topical and current. This is KoopaTV's 1900th published article.


KoopaTV's 2019 Memorial Day article was to durable product quality. The robots were durable, you know. In normal circumstances.
Some robots are immensely privileged, and don't stay dead.

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