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Friday, December 2, 2022

Butch and Cassidy are Emotionally Insecure, Unlike the Rest of Team Rocket

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Self-worth must come from within.

So far, the Nintendo 64 game I've put the most time into with my Nintendo Switch Online + Expansion Pack has been Pokémon Puzzle League, since I've never actually played it before. (First (and probably final) time it's talked about in any capacity on KoopaTV, too.) Yeah, I've played Panel de Pon-style games before. And I know I'm...terrible at them, so it's not the most fun use of my time. Still, the first thing I did was go to the Spa Service to encounter Team Rocket members Jessie, James, and Meowth. Pokémon Puzzle League's window dressing is based on the first two seasons (including the Orange Islands) of the Pokémon anime, so as a fan, I wanted to see it.

It's quite obvious that Nintendo Software Technology was quite affected by the semi-frequent cross-dressing that went on between Jessie and James in the anime, since the lovable criminals cross-dress disproportionately more in the Spa Service levels than they do in the anime. This is an important point for Jessie and James's...relationship and personalities, and how they choose to express themselves and their identities. See this compilation I put together and mentally note it, because it contrasts greatly with another duo (sorry, Meowth, you're not important for this article):

Thursday, December 1, 2022

KoopaTV's November 2022 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Ew, we're in December.

I am not a big fan of the month of December, so before I have to fully commit to thinking about that, let's review November 2022. That's what this newsletter is dedicated to! Except the very last section of it. That one is looking forward.

November was great. Here's some evidence:

Top Five Recommended Experiences of November 2022

Here are my personal top five recommended KoopaTV experiences listed in chronological order, published in November 2022:
  1. HARVESTELLA: From a Farm Sim Fan's Perspective — Witch Princess is finally back to penning articles and wrote about the HARVESTELLA demo from her perspective. She isn't on-board with it.
  2. Team Grass-type in the Pokémon Partner Splatfest — Why KoopaTV was on Team Grass in the recent November Splatfest.
  3. My Panda Cup Online Qualifiers 2022 Experience — Ludwig played in four Panda Cup Online Qualifiers and the regional qualifier finale. How well did he represent KoopaTV in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate?
  4. Farm Sim Mechanics (and Gender) Degraded HARVESTELLA — Ludwig joined in to write KoopaTV's third article with impressions from the HARVESTELLA demo. He was quite critical of its mechanics.
  5. Disgraced Game Developer Yuji Naka Arrested for Suspicions of Insider Trading — Yuji Naka is not only a bad guy, but also dumb, and got arrested for insider trading. Ludwig makes fun of him.

Well... it might be unpopular to talk about the Panda Cup at the moment given recent controversy, but it was still a really good article. Pretty much every other article on KoopaTV is also worth experiencing, even if it didn't make this list! Tough list, too.

Wednesday, November 30, 2022

Nintendo Switch Sports—Now With Golf! (And Sanitary Celebration)

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Golfer Gramps raisin' the rascals right.

As Nintendo promised in the most recent Nintendo Direct, they have added Golf to Nintendo Switch Sports, bringing the sport count to seven. Here's an important trailer/commercial:

There are online and offline modes, including the online-only Survival Golf (where up to eight golfers play at once and those with the most strokes are eliminated). 21 holes from Wii Sports are included, and the press release seems to portray those 21 holes as all of the holes, meaning there are no new holes after 16 years. That seems disappointing. So let's get off-topic from the actual golf and go into the advertisement. Behold the reason I'm writing about this at all:

Tuesday, November 29, 2022

The Super Mario Bros. Movie Direct November 2022 Trailer | KoopaTV's Live Reactions

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'd classify this as yikes.

For whatever reason, people are super-hyped about The Super Mario Bros. Movie, so it's a major event when Nintendo is showing the second-ever trailer of it (embedded below). For the record, I wasn't a big fan of the first-ever trailer.

Join myself, Kamek, and Witch Princess as we share our reactions to this very quick trailer and opening and ending scenes featuring the ever-deranged Shigeru Miyamoto. It's also important to watch this in the context of Shigeru Miyamoto's stated goal of The Super Mario Bros. Movie brainwashing the general population in order to enhance Nintendo's power.

[4:55 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa:
[4:55 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Watch the latest Nintendo Direct presentation to see the world premiere of The Super Mario Bros. Movie’s second trailer! No game information will be included in this Nintendo Direct."

Monday, November 28, 2022

Join the Splatoon 3 Splatsville Showdowns (Dec 2022 and Jan 2023)!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - First NoA-sponsored non-invitational Splatoon 3 competitive event!

As 2022 is ending and 2023 will begin, I'm happy to discuss the newest collaboration between Nintendo of America and eSports platform Battlefy: the Splatoon 3 Splatsville Showdown! It'll happen on December 2–3, 2022 for Event 1, and then there is Event 2 on January 13–14, 2023. It takes place online. The events have the same ruleset and prizes, so you should see there being two events as two opportunities to win. (One Grand Prize per person.)

NintendoVS Splatoon 3 Splatsville Showdown 2022 2023 key art banner December January
Official NintendoVS banners for the two Splatoon 3 Splatsville Showdowns.

What can be won this time? Well, the Grand Prize (given to first and second place) involves a Splatoon 3 Splatsville Showdown Trophy, 10,000 My Nintendo Gold Points, a Splatoon 3 jacket, a Splatoon 3 backpack, a Splatoon 3 pin set, and Splatoon 3 tech decals. The First Prize (AKA third/fourth place) is the same, sans trophy and only 7,500 My Nintendo Gold Points, while Second Prize (AKA fifth/sixth/seventh/eighth place) gets First Prize but 5,000 My Nintendo Gold Points.

But I didn't mention Grand Prize's real gift, which skyrockets the ARV (approximate retail value) for the whole tournament into the tens of thousands of dollars: Each member of the Grand Prize-winning teams get one round-trip airline ticket to Boston, Massachusetts... or two tickets, if the winner is a minor and needs their legal parent or guardian to accompany them. They (and if a minor, their legal parent or guardian) also get three nights lodging in Boston at a nearby hotel.

Friday, November 25, 2022

Masahiro Sakurai's Super Smash Bros. Melee Game Concepts Video Was Disappointing

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Especially when compared to his Super Smash Bros. Game Concepts video.

Even a short-term KoopaTV reader can remember me asking at the start of September (over two months ago) asking if I should write articles about the concepts discussed on Masahiro Sakurai's YouTube channel, Masahiro Sakurai on Creating Games. You said yes. And then I never followed up (even though I've watched every video on his channel, and he's talked about many interesting topics thus far). ...Until now!

My issue was that after that first video about Super Smash Bros. for the Nintendo 64, I had high expectations for the discussion topics that Masahiro Sakurai would bring for Super Smash Bros. Melee. Of course, the Super Smash Bros. video is twice as long as the Super Smash Bros. Melee video, so just by how short the Melee video is, there's bound to be disappointment. It turns out the video wasn't just being very to-the-point, but it omitted a lot of information.

Let me explain why!

Thursday, November 24, 2022

Disgraced Game Developer Yuji Naka Arrested for Suspicions of Insider Trading

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Two other guys, too, but no one cares about them.

One of the best videogame industry stories of the whole year broke while I was out of the office last week! Imagine my shock when I heard that Yuji Naka, director of BALAN WONDERWORLD and leader of a cult of disturbed losers, got arrested for insider trading. ...Actually, my first thought was that it wasn't Yuji Naka but Yuji Horii, creator of the Dragon Quest series. That's because the insider trading related to the mobile game Dragon Quest Tact, and it'd make more sense. (Fortunately, Yuji Horii doesn't appear stupid enough to do that, so Yuji Naka it is.) But even if SQUARE ENIX wants the public to forget that they ever made the massive mistake of hiring Yuji Naka and giving him a chance, it's a fact that Yuji Naka also worked at SQUARE ENIX for years to make BALAN WONDERWORLD an unfortunate and awful reality.

Here's the story, as reported by the media. Back around November 2019, it became known within SQUARE ENIX that they were working on Dragon Quest Tact, a mobile gacha game, to be released July 2020. But SQUARE ENIX would have a partner in this: Aiming Inc., which has a history of developing mobile games operated by other Japanese developers that seem successful enough. This partnership was likely to be a slam-dunk. Both SQUARE ENIX and Aiming are publicly traded companies, so a now-former SQUARE ENIX employee, Taisuke Sazaki, is accused of purchasing about 72,000 shares of Aiming Inc. between December 2019 and February 2020, as did his buddy, Fumiaki Suzuki (who bought 90,000 shares). The game was announced to the public (Aiming's involvement as well) on February 2020, meaning that stock trades made before February 2020 based on predicting the success of Dragon Quest Tact would be insider trading, since only SQUARE ENIX and Aiming would know about it. Yuji Naka, while still employed at SQUARE ENIX during January 2020, allegedly became aware of news going on in his company and also allegedly purchased 10,000 shares of Aiming. Here is an illustration of Aiming's stock price during the relevant time periods:

Wednesday, November 23, 2022

Maybe I Shouldn't Dismiss Fire Emblem Engage So Fast!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Well, the gameplay looks interesting as usual.

The very first thing that Nintendo showcased in their September 2022 Nintendo Direct was Fire Emblem Engage. My live reaction to that was that it features “a weirdo with weird blue and red hair.” (Still true.) But also the (non-compliment) “This looks like something from Xenoblade than Fire Emblem.” I even questioned the game's legitimacy as a mainline Fire Emblem game, asking, “ this a mainline FE or some kind of FE Heroes-esque get-together gimmick?” By the very end of the log, I was asking myself, “I still think the weirdest thing is that Fire Emblem Engage. I might have to go back to being an anti-Fire Emblem person?” And then I haven't made any public statements about Fire Emblem Engage ever since.

That was two months ago. Fire Emblem Engage releases two months from now. There have been several tidbits of information slowly being revealed on Nintendo's social media accounts that I don't care to go into, mainly since I haven't really followed it. I have, however, watched these two recent trailers. The first is based on story, and the second is gameplay:

Tuesday, November 22, 2022

Nintendo eShop Black Friday 2022 Deals (featuring Ace Attorney and Danganronpa)

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Sell me on the sale.

Perhaps I should publish this article on Friday, but if videogame companies are going to be putting games on a Black Friday sale starting on a non-Friday day of the week, why should I wait to tell you about that?

Did you know that the Ace Attorney series is on sale, again, on the 3DS and Switch? Well, there are over 2,500 games on sale on the Nintendo eShop right now, of course Ace Attorney will be involved—just like it was on sale last month, too. I'll especially plug the Ace Attorney Turnabout Collection at 41% off (35 USD), which includes five games, including Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy (three games) and The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles (two games).

But right now I'm looking at another trilogy that is on sale on the Switch for the lowest amount they've ever been. And I think they're on sale starting today (and ending on December 4—same end-date for those Ace Attorney games), because someone I know bought one of these yesterday at full price on the Switch:

Monday, November 21, 2022

Farm Sim Mechanics (and Gender) Degraded HARVESTELLA

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - All I've played of HARVESTELLA is its demo, but at least I finished it!

I'm back, folks. Apparently, y'all were worried about me because, even though articles were getting published to the site (because I wrote and scheduled them!), since I wasn't responding to comments, I must've been ill or something. Well, no. In fact, if you looked at the text blurb next to the comments form, I anticipated my lack of responsiveness during my unannounced vacation, and wrote, “Expect a reply between 1 minute to 24 hours starting November 20, 2022.” For a lot of that time, I thought about HARVESTELLA, the life simulation RPG from SQUARE ENIX.

With a big harvest festival coming up in the United States of America (you people call it Thanksgiving), I decided that I'd write about my experience with HARVESTELLA. Sure, Lheticus Videre and Witch Princess have both shared their HARVESTELLA thoughts already, but I feel inspired to provide my own thoughts. For one, unlike them, I actually finished the demo before writing about it. And for two, I have a very clear point of view on it. This heading should summarise it:

How Farming Mechanics Make HARVESTELLA Worse

HARVESTELLA gives you a whole plot of land and expects you to farm for income and items. As far as I could experience in the demo, farming involves growing crops and will also include raising animals (which provide other kinds of items), which are standard activities in other farm simulation games. How do the farming mechanics fit into the RPG part of HARVESTELLA? What are the gameplay implications? I believe it profoundly affects HARVESTELLA, and for the worse.

Friday, November 18, 2022

Pokémon Scarlet and Violet Released, Featuring Message-Tested Open Borders

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Lemme know how you like it if you're into that.

Despite keeping up with and writing about all of the official updates from Nintendo and The Pokémon Company International with regards to Pokémon Scarlet and Pokémon Violet, I'm still not interested in ever getting it. At this point, now that it's released. I never will be. My opinion is the same as it was from the middle of the year: I don't like open-borders (open world) gameplay, and I especially think it's silly for a JRPG to have that.

It seems like Nintendo thought that lots of other people were also skeptical of the open-borders promise, so they sent a message-testing survey out to their e-mail list back at the end of September 2022. It's all about asking how you feel about large open worlds, and provides certain marketing elevator phrases and asks you if you find them compelling or not. They also really want to know how much of a Pokémon fan you are, presumably so they can filter the responses by non-Pokémon fans and Pokémon fans. Maybe long-time Pokémon fans are more hesitant on open borders versus people who aren't (yet) Pokémon fans. You might lose some and then gain more.

Pokémon Scarlet Violet Nintendo open world game market research survey
Shout-out to Nintendo properly calling Pokémon Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl a remaster.
On the right picture, they gave those three descriptions and asked me to rate them, and then choose my favourite. I picked the one without open world.

Let's get these three options in text form:

Thursday, November 17, 2022

Tomato Adventure — The best game you've never heard of

By CAPTAIN STITCH - Remember those weird tomato spirits in Smash? That’s this game!

Tomatoes! Do you like them? I'm not a fan personally. Tomato Adventure is a Japanese-exclusive RPG for the Game Boy Advance released in 2002 by AlphaDream. It’s been 20 years and counting since its original release so what better way to celebrate that, than to play it in English for the first time ever! In fact the English translation was first attempted by Clyde Mandelin of Mother 3 translation fame, but eventually completed (July 2021) by…some anonymous individual. Thank you anonymous individual!

Seeing as there really aren’t too many reviews on this Tomato Temerit Themed Tirade, I figured I'd let the people of the world know that despite some quirks, this game is worth a playthrough. Its battle system alone is something that begs to be looked at. Instead of pressing A to attack, the player will use a variety of combinations of the A and B buttons and the D-pad, which allow for a varied and intricate battle system that is easy to learn but difficult to master. Unless of course, you regularly abuse save states, but surely nobody does that. Either way, when's the last time you saw a game with a plot centered on Tomatoes?

Wednesday, November 16, 2022

Nintendo's Six-Month Financial Results Q&A Briefing for Fiscal Year Ending March 2023

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Also known as the Question and Answer session for the Corporate Management Policy Briefing for Fiscal Year Ending March 2023.

Following the financial disclosure and corporate management policy briefing marking the halfway point of Nintendo's fiscal year ending March 2023, they took questions. According to the translated Q&A Summary document, there were seven questions and answers, and parts of it “have been edited or revised to improve readability.” We hope that's not trying to hide anything. (It...wouldn't make sense if it WAS trying to be nefarious!)

Let's go through each of those questions for this article, then! If you want to go right to why this article is categorised as Enlightenment Movement, go to Question 6.

Question 1: With the Switch going on its seventh year next year, what is Nintendo planning next?

First of all, Nintendo president Shuntaro Furukawa is focusing on the immediate holiday season ahead of Nintendo. Once that is successful, the Switch's seventh year will be about continued momentum, and trying to sell one Nintendo Switch console to every member of a household. Nintendo's fundamental strategy won't be different than the current one, but the games will be different (such as The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom—personally, I'm still used to seeing “the sequel to The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild”) and there'll be things like The Super Mario Bros. Movie that will actually be released and not just hyped up.

Question 2: How will you keep boosting Nintendo Switch Online's value so more people subscribe?

Furukawa notes that while some people aren't renewing their Nintendo Switch Online subscription (but he didn't give an actual churn metric), more people are subscribing than are cancelling or falling off. While over 36 million people are involved in Nintendo Switch Online, Furukawa wouldn't note how many are part of Expansion Pack. Furukawa connected the Nintendo Account and Nintendo Switch Online as tools to keep people playing their Nintendo Switch “for many years to come.” (I suppose that means its lifecycle will continue beyond the seventh year, too!)

Tuesday, November 15, 2022

Microsoft Embraces Mobile; Embracer Group Soft on Mobile

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Mobile gaming sucks anyway. But I do like that Sudoku...

Two stories with very different outcomes but similar beginnings. One is that Microsoft is trying to acquire Activision Blizzard King for the opportunity to penetrate the mobile market. The other is that the Embracer Group, after acquiring Square Enix Montréal earlier this year and renamed it Onoma, has already disbanded the group and is transferring some of their staff to Eidos and Crystal Dynamics to make console and PC games—Square Enix Montréal was notable for developing mobile games like Hitman Go, Lara Croft Go, and Deus Ex Go. Embracer sees greater growth opportunities there.

How can two big gaming companies that love to acquire things have two very different viewpoints? From the very beginning, Microsoft executive leadership was particularly excited about mobile (the King side of Activision Blizzard King... and presumably not just for King's Diversity Space Tool), due to Microsoft's historically poor presence in the mobile market. As you may know, no one owned a Windows Phone. Phil Spencer definitely wants Xbox Game Pass to be on mobile devices, but getting/porting good games onto mobile devices is quite a challenge. Microsoft sees Activision Blizzard King as much better at that than Microsoft is. Besides King's crap, Call of Duty: Mobile is somehow wildly successful. (While I don't understand how you can play a competitive multiplayer first-person shooter on a smartphone and have it not be a disaster, millions of other people somehow have figured it out or have low standards.)

Monday, November 14, 2022

Nintendo and DeNA Form "Nintendo Systems Co., Ltd." to Make Nintendo Account Worthwhile

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - A joint venture for the Nintendo Account.

At first, Nintendo Co., Ltd. and DeNA Co., Ltd. formed a business alliance in 2015, exchanging capital ownership. DeNA is a Japanese company that, among many other things, has helped developed several Nintendo mobile titles and has also assisted with Nintendo's mobile and network infrastructure, including Nintendo Accounts and the My Nintendo program. In a recent (half a year ago) question and answer session with Nintendo, an analyst or investor asked about the current state of the DeNA partnership, given DeNA's announcement that they'd sell their Nintendo shares. Nintendo president Shuntaro Furukawa responded that the partnership is not only still on-going, but will be strengthened.

It turns out that answer was based on reality, as opposed to vapid corporate empty promises. Nintendo and DeNA have announced a joint venture to be called Nintendo Systems Co. Ltd., as a subsidiary of Nintendo. Per the announcement, “the objective [of this joint venture will be] to strengthen the digitalization of Nintendo's business, the joint venture company will research and develop, as well as create value-added services to further reinforce Nintendo's relationship with consumers.” It's scheduled to begin its existence on April 3, 2023, and Nintendo will own 80% of it while DeNA will have 20%.

It's not clear what will be possible as a result of this joint venture or special subsidiary that was not possible with Nintendo and DeNA's previous business (strategic) alliance, but joint ventures are seen in business as a much closer relationship than an alliance, given that Nintendo and DeNA are now creating a whole new, formal legal entity to enshrine their partnership that didn't exist before. In terms of impact on the output (say, how Nintendo customers will benefit), that's indeterminable at this time.

Pay attention to the objective: it's platform-agnostic. While DeNA has been one of Nintendo's main partners in co-developing mobile games (Niantic is another partner) with titles like Miitomo, Fire Emblem Heroes, and Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp, researching and developing Nintendo Account-related stuff and customer relationship touch points can happen on your console, your mobile device, or many other opportunities. This joint venture isn't doubling down on mobile app development per se.

Friday, November 11, 2022

Gimmighoul, the Tricky Devil, Tricks People Into Thinking It's Pokémon's First Mimic

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I don't like anything about Gimmighoul.

In a reveal quite reminiscent of Meltan's, Professor Willow (from Pokémon GO) and... Mr. Jacq (a Paldean biology teacher; not even a professor) had a recorded call together to discuss the common Gimmighoul (Chest Form) and the very rare and elusive Roaming Form Gimmighoul. It's so elusive it's never been caught before, and the Roaming Form's type, height, weight, and ability are listed as unknown question marks. Here's another video:

What is known about Gimmighoul is its Chest Form, where it hides inside a treasure chest and somehow uses “ghost energy to control its [ambush[ ] target, forcing them [person or Pokémon] to collect coins.” Because Greavard isn't enough of a Ghost-type menace. Its Chest Form is apparently infamous for being mistaken for a treasure chest full of actual valuables, as opposed to a housing for this tricky devil and its coin collection. And I do say tricky devil as a specific reference to the first boss of Dragon Quest XI: Tricky Devil. Check this out:

Thursday, November 10, 2022

September 30, 2022 Nintendo Quarterly Financial Update

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Semiconductors! Depreciation! Europe!

Our parasocial friends over at Nintendo have released two big things in the past couple of days: their 2nd Quarter of Fiscal Year Ending March 2023 (AKA FY23) Financial Results Explanatory Material, and their Corporate Management Policy Briefing for Fiscal Year Ending March 2023 annotated by Nintendo President Shuntaro Furukawa.

Investors don't seem to care that the Switch has now sold 114.33 million units and Switch software has sold 917.59 million units. They are more looking at the revised consolidated earnings forecast of how Nintendo expects to have sold 19 million Switch consoles (down from an expectation of 21 million) between April 1, 2022 and March 31, 2023. Nintendo, while expecting to sell less Switch consoles, still expects to sell 210 million units of software, and they INCREASED their net profit projection from 340 billion yen to 400 billion yen. (So far, they sold 54 million software in the second quarter, and 3.25 million hardware in the second quarter—for a total of 95.41 million software and 6.68 million hardware in the first half of the year.)

They have stressed that the reduction in Switch expectations is due to semiconductors causing supply shortages, not because of noticeable decrease in customer demand. Nintendo also claimed that semiconductor availability is gradually improving. Another common theme was because of the depreciation of the Japanese yen, Nintendo got to claim foreign currency exchange gains, including the value of the hardware they did manage to sell. However, the depreciation of the yen also made activities by Nintendo's overseas subsidiaries more expensive, such as advertising. I'll get to overseas subsidiaries in just a moment! But first, everyone's favourite unreadable chart:

Wednesday, November 9, 2022

My Panda Cup Online Qualifiers 2022 Experience

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And what made it different than the NintendoVS North American Online Opens.

As of Sunday, the full set of Panda Cup (2022) Online Qualifiers are done! This was one part of the larger Panda Cup circuit ran by eSports Panda Global, officially licensed by Nintendo That's not a sponsorship—Nintendo isn't providing the $100,000 prize pool. But they are providing “logistical support, some production support, along with general support for some of the events that have been part of Panda Cup.”

What being a circuit means is that there are a whole bunch of independent (physically held) tournaments for both Super Smash Bros. Melee and Super Smash Bros. Ultimate throughout the latter half of 2022 that allowed winners. Panda also administered a whole set of online-specific qualifiers just for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, which is more inclusive of those that can't make it out to the unevenly distributed locations of the qualifying physical tournaments, or are like me and really shouldn't be showing their face in a human event on Earth. While the independent tournaments have their own entrance fees and prizes (money/trophies/medals) besides the qualifying spot, the online qualifiers are exclusively to qualify for the Panda Cup Finale in December. They're also free.

There were four qualifiers in each region of North America (divided into eight regions) and a final regional qualifier made up of the 32 best-performing people in the four qualifiers. The one winner of that final regional qualifier would be the one who qualifies for the Panda Cup Finale—and no one else. I'll let you know how I did, but first, you might wonder how the qualifiers were overall compared to other Super Smash Bros. Ultimate events I've wrote about in the past.

Tuesday, November 8, 2022

United States of America: Vote in Election Day 2022!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - KoopaTV's endorsements!

Last month, I wrote very in-depth write-ups of two United States Senate debates, the only debate of their kind in that race: Raphael Warnock the Warlock versus Herschel Walker for Georgia Senate, and John Omega Fetterman versus Professor Mehmet Oz for Pennsylvania Senate.

Today, November 8, 2022, you get to vote for those candidates... or an entirely different set of candidates (or questions/ballot initiatives/propositions) if you're in other states. Usually, my perspective on United States elections is supporting whomever the peace/anti-war party/candidates are, on the basis that Koopa Kingdom really doesn't want Earth's nations to interfere in our affairs.

It's a fact that, in 2022, the Democrat Party is the pro-war party. Even the supposedly peaceful progressive faction had to apologise for wanting advocate a policy of peaceful negotiation. Unfortunately, the Republican Party isn't the peace party in 2022, either. Perhaps the... less-war party? They're quite interested in “showing strength” to who they perceive as dictators, whatever that means. Certainly not something I'd want them to do with King Bowser Koopa.

My ideal scenario would be for the Republicans to take control of both the House and the Senate... while Raphael Warnock the Warlock wins in Georgia. That'd require Professor Oz to win in Pennsylvania and for the Republicans to pick up a Senate seat from an incumbent Democrat somewhere else, such as if Adam Laxalt defeats incumbent Catherine Cortez Masto in Nevada. Republicans should be voted on for governor everywhere except maybe in Pennsylvania. I think it's really funny for me to support Raphael Warnock the Warlock and Brian Kemp in Georgia while supporting Prof. Oz and Josh Shapiro in Pennsylvania. Though it's hard to support the latter with a straight face because Josh Shapiro has very few appealing policies. Josh Shapiro also refused to have a debate with Republican Doug Mastriano, which I don't look favourably at. However, you can also read that story as Mastriano refusing to have a debate with Shapiro because he thinks the moderators are biased. Doug Mastriano is a bit of an off-putting nutjob, so I won't judge you for not wanting to vote for him.

Don't vote if you haven't looked into candidates or ballot questions before going to the voting booth, though. Uneducated voters are a scourge on voting, and it's a big reason why we don't do elections in Koopa Kingdom.

Do Republicans actually have plans to tackle problems like crime, inflation, and a looming recession? Most don't, or don't have plans that make sense. That's still better than what the other party brings, though!

For a list of reasons to vote and what politics affects, read KoopaTV's Election Day 2020 article.

Monday, November 7, 2022

Daylight Saving Time is Over in 2022. Why Scientists Hate It (you should too!)

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Normally I don't demand you trust the science, but this is intuitive.

Hey, Americans: How did you wake up this morning? Was it nice to rise with the sunlight instead of in the darkness? Did you feel more refreshed versus a week ago? While a good morning's wake won't replace the value of how you get a good night's sleep, it is the last step before getting up, and it's commonly overlooked.

When the awful Daylight Saving Time first began in 2022, I wrote an article advocating for year-round Standard Time. Immediately after that, the United States Senate passed a bill—without any debate and seemingly by accident—to make Daylight Saving Time year-round and permanent nation-wide.

Fortunately, the House of Representatives hasn't done the same thing, so the bill is stuck in limbo and will expire at the end of the legislative session at the end of the year. People reflexively dislike lobbyists and the thought of lobbyists doing their job, but it's thanks to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine lobbying the House and actually sharing facts on the dangers of Daylight Saving Time and the superiority of Standard Time that America isn't in a worse time right now (or would be next year). Lobbyists aren't inherently bad—though there are some business interests who ARE on the pro-permanent-DST side, and they're much better-funded than scientists. With that written, check out this video from the Save Standard Time advocacy group:

(The video promises it's one of a series, but the rest of the series doesn't seem to have been uploaded yet.)

It turns out when you there is more daylight in the morning hours and when kids get on the school bus and are able to see in front of them, things are better off. The key is that Daylight Saving Time is a government-invented concept to try to time travel and shift the fabric of society away from the natural circadian rhythm of your body in accordance to when the sun actually goes up. The body is affected by that (and can't adapt to it), and the disparity causes a number of health issues.

Once upon a time, in 2019, Europe voted to ditch Daylight Saving Time to go into effect in 2021. That still has not happened. That's because they're working on allegedly more important things, like dealing with war on their continent and Brexit. Perhaps they would have more time to deal with issues if they stopped “springing forward” with Daylight Saving Time. As for the United States, states already can live in Standard Time without federal approval... so more states should do so. Here's some draft legislative language to help make that happen on the state level.

Your life should feel better under Standard Time. Some things will change besides the clock and your sleep, however, including that Splatoon 3's two-hour rotations will also occur on a different hour. Whether you like that or not is a matter of preference, but in terms of the science, there's a clear winner.

Here is KoopaTV's post-DST-ending article in 2021.

Friday, November 4, 2022

Team Grass-type in the Pokémon Partner Splatfest

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Utility and cuteness.

Let's be up-front: I've already written on KoopaTV that of Grass, Fire, and Water-types in the Pokémon series, “I get the impression that Grass is the least popular starter type. I mean, I always kind of knew that, but oh well. Grass has always been my favourite starter type.” I literally have a byline and author avatar called “TURTWIG VON KOOPA”. And I've always thought it's a biased travesty that Squirtle plus Greninja and Charizard plus Incineroar are playable in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate... while Ivysaur is the only Grass type. (Rillaboom when?)

So when Splatoon 3's Splatfest happening next week (with voting opened now) between November 11 and November 13 asks...

Splatoon 3 Splatfest what's your partner Pokémon type team grass fire water
...It's pretty obvious I'd choose Grass-type.

This IS an obvious tie-in to Pokémon Scarlet and Pokémon Violet releasing a week after this Splatfest happens, BUT the prompt isn't limited to just Sprigatito, Fuecoco, or Quaxly. If it was, I think I've also made it clear I'd pick Quaxly. But this is asking holistically. See Shiver's follow-up clarification, because Frye and Big Man didn't seem to get it.

Thursday, November 3, 2022

HARVESTELLA: From a Farm Sim Fan's Perspective

By WITCH PRINCESS - Hey, I'm back.

It's been a while since I wrote on this site. From medical to personal problems, I've just been busy. Ludwig encouraged me to return to try to cheer me up. In the end, I hope everyone here (if you remember me) can forgive my chronic absence from creating content.

I'm here to share my thoughts on the HARVESTELLA farming simulation demo from Square Enix.

If you don't know, I come from Harvest Moon (now Story of Seasons). That's a huge farm simulation series that has a fantasy spinoff known as Rune Factory. Published by Marvelous and localized in America by Xseed Games, there are two titles on the Nintendo Switch: Friends of Mineral Town and Pioneers of Olive Town. The GameCube classic A Wonderful Life will release on the Switch too!

Of course, I'm a huge casual gamer and a huge life/farming sim fan. HARVESTELLA should be perfect for me, right?

Wednesday, November 2, 2022

Mitt “Mario” Romney's Dog is Yoshi, not Bowser

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Also, it's fairly awful that the senator is (kind of) dressed up as THAT PLUMBER.

In an unfortunate (and arguably fitting) turn of events, Senator (and former Republican presidential candidate of 2012) Mitt Romney of Utah sort-of dressed up as “It's a-me, Mario!” for the weekend immediately preceding Halloween, and got some of his grandchildren into it too. There's Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach, Princess Daisy, Toad, and Toadette.

I'm not a fan of Mitt Romney's record as a governor, as a presidential candidate (I supported the anti-Romney slate, going from Herman Cain to Newt Gingrich to Ron Paul... and then he totally choked in the general election against President Barack Hussein Obama), and now as a Senator. But the above photo is perhaps the worst thing he's ever done in his life. Dressing up as Mario as Halloween? And he says he ENJOYED it? (Well, zoom in on his face... it doesn't REALLY look like he's having a good time, but I'll take his word for it.)

This is unconscionable. Even worse, he didn't just do it himself. He brought part of his family into it, steering them into a very bad direction. And if it was his grandkids’ idea to begin with, he should know better than to normalise the Mario Brothers. People are getting upset about posing as the likes of Fuhrer Adolf Hitler, serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, or as any black person for Halloween, but Mario is the absolute worst. A genocidal monster on an unheard of scale. And Mr. Romney wasn't doing it to mock the devious red-hatted plumber with overalls (though Mr. Romney omitted the overalls for the photo... and perhaps for the entire day). He “enjoyed” it, and even said, “It’s a-me, Mario!”, clearly tying his personal reputation to Mario's, becoming one and the same. And he also described the occasion as “Happy” as opposed to somber or anything, for the lives of the millions of Goombas and Koopas murdered by him.

But beyond that, there is an even deeper question that people are asking from the photo above:

Tuesday, November 1, 2022

KoopaTV's October 2022 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - An epic battle to be in the family. What will the holiday round look like?

I think October 2022 was a great month on KoopaTV. A great month for the world. The universe. ...Far from a perfect month, of course. Mario+Rabbids Sparks of Hope came out. That makes me feel angry inside and out, and I purposefully never wrote about it in the month so I can not get an aneurysm. Maybe I should get one of those in November instead.

In terms of KoopaTV's contribution to October, let's see what went on at this website during October 2022:

Top Five Recommended Experiences of October 2022

KoopaTV had strong and engaging content published during October 2022. Here's me trying to narrow that down to just five articles, listed in chronological order (I might have some recency bias in these):
  1. Sukkot-Celebrating Sirfetch'd Secured Four Species — Did you ever associate the Pokémon Sirfetch'd with the Jewish religion? After reading this article, you'll learn something new about Jewish lore and how Sirfetch'd follows it. (Features an illustration by ShinyGirafarig.)
  2. Hellena Taylor Wants You to Boycott Bayonetta 3 Because of her Personal Problem — Hellena Taylor sure was a hot topic in October, and KoopaTV was ahead of the curve on not trusting what she had to say.
  3. Why People Don't Like Fandom Wikis — The Fandom corporation is trying to take over everything (except KoopaTV... so far). This article goes into detail on why that's a bad thing.
  4. HARVESTELLA Demo First Impressions — Long-time commenter and first-time guest author Lheticus Videre wrote his first impressions on the HARVESTELLA demo here! They're nicely written.
  5. Mehmet Oz vs. John Fetterman: October 25, 2022 Debate Write-up — Prof. Oz and Omega Fetterman verbally duke it out in their only debate for the sake of a Pennsylvanian United States Senate seat...and I was shocked at how it went. Very important if you're in Pennsylvania.

Every experience on KoopaTV is worth experiencing. ...Yeah, that's redundant. Every experience on KoopaTV is worth your attention! Not just the five in the list above. I'd give examples, but that's cheating. Two of the articles on the list have an in-month sequel or an in-month prequel that are also important to read.

Monday, October 31, 2022

The Gordo Halloween '22 PSA

By CAPTAIN STITCH - Essential Gordo info for the complete experience.

Halloween is the second most wonderful time of the year. Putting aside the risks of drug-laced candy, it gives our youth a chance to reenact the motions of the heroes (and villains) from yesteryear. Truly, it does bring a tear to one's eye, at the joy the children often have for the most vile and repulsive caricatures. A different tear is brought to the eye of the parents who bear witness to this event. Pirates, Vikings, Demons, and the very worst offenders, video game characters.

Ghost Gordos Kirby and the Forgotten Land
Ghost Gordos,
very spooky, a perfect costume choice.

This Halloween I must implore all of you reading this message to put an end to this annual circus of debauchery the only way I know how. By insisting the next generation dons the appearance of the Gordo this upcoming Halloween. It is the only way to keep the pure and innocent minds of our youth pure and innocent, whilst also enabling them to grow up through the reenactment of moral historical figures. Now some of you may say that what I've just said speaks to a lot of cognitive dissonance, and that Gordos are video game characters as well. To that I say, did you know that the Gordo hasn’t just appeared in the Kirby franchise, but also have cameos in Super Mario Land, Link's Awakening, and multiple Super Smash Bros. games. That’s right, we got a cameo before it was cool for everyone to do it ala Spirits. You may also have qualms about our actual morality but I can assure you the Gordo are patron saints.

Friday, October 28, 2022

Bayonetta 3 Released, and Hellena Taylor's Fourteen Recommended Charities

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - A follow-up. As usual, the mob won't like my take.

Congratulations to character action game aficionados: Bayonetta 3 exclusively for Nintendo Switch has launched, and I see a lot of positivity around the game. Here's the age-restricted launch trailer, followed by a screen capture from it to get around that issue.

Bayonetta 3 colour my world firearms purple gun glasses frames Orange Blossom
If I wore glasses and needed to push them up, I'd use my limbs, not my gun. (I think this one is called Orange Blossom, of the Colour My World set.)

I'm never going to get Bayonetta 3, since I'm not interested in the genre. Instead, I want to follow up with the story about Bayonetta's bitter former voice actress, Hellena Taylor. (Jennifer Hale is the new voice actress in Bayonetta 3—if you listened to the age-restricted launch trailer, Ms. Hale did a decent enough job that no one should be upset.)

As a quick timeline, she initially asked every Bayonetta fan to boycott Bayonetta 3 because she chose not to take the job to voice-act Bayonetta 3 out of an exaggerated sense of self-worth. My first reaction was skepticism of her claims (coupled with disgust at her clingy attack on Jennifer Hale and the weird Biblical condemnation of PlatinumGames and Nintendo), and the fact that even if they were true, boycotting the product still doesn't make sense. But many people who base their life views on hating corporations and supporting “the little guy” or “the struggling artist” leapt to Hellena's cause, without applying any scrutiny to her story, looking over any evidence, or hearing and evaluating the opposite point of view. (This, of course, meant that my skepticism and labelling as Hellena as having petty grievances that she wanted to weaponise through Bayonetta fans was... unpopular.)

Eventually, “journalists” who work at misinformation media outlets claimed they actually saw the details from anonymous PlatinumGames employees of Hellena's proposed contract and negotiations, and according to those, her sob story was filled with lies and lies of omission. Hellena Taylor rejected that she lied, but in the process, confirmed the journalists’ sources were correct, so she really confessed. (She also answered the question that I had e-mailed her on how much she was paid for the first two Bayonetta games, which is far, far less than what she was being offered for Bayonetta 3.)

Lost in this discussion was the line near the end of her first video (which currently has 11.1 million views on Twitter), which, by the way, is way more than the entire Bayonetta series has cumulatively sold in copies. (The subsequent video parts are all between 100,000 and 500,000 views, which is why my initial article published transcripts of all four videos. The people that didn't hear both sides of the story didn't even finish hearing one side of the story before making a judgment!) Anyway, the “I am asking the fans to boycott this game, and instead spend the money that you would have spent on this game, donating it to charity.” line. What charity? Well, nearly two weeks later, and after lots of people doubted that she would actually name any charities, she has named fourteen charities. I'm going to go over all of them and provide my thoughts. Note that I'm not a charity expert. I refer to Charity Navigator ratings when available, but since Hellena is British and Charity Navigator is for American charities (and I haven't been able to find equivalent rating systems for United Kingdom charities), they're often not available.

Thursday, October 27, 2022

The Supposedly Spooky Capcom Halloween Sale of 2022

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It seems the same as any other sale.

Tonight, we're talking about CAPCOM, a company that will put anything on sale for any reason. Check out the latest Nintendo eShop sale:

“Capcom Halloween Sale
10/19 at 9:00 a.m. PT to 11/1 at 11:59 p.m. PT

Capcom is offering a handful of classic titles at a spooky price! Be sure to check out the Capcom Halloween Sale line-up and grab Capcom Fighting Collection, Devil May Cry and more! Up to 67% off for Switch games and 83% off for 3DS games!”
Are those classic titles truly at a spooky price? Well, that 83% off 3DS games means the three Ace Attorney titles on 3DS for $5 each, which has been the standard discount rate for a while now. Plus classic sales like The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles for a mere $25, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy for $15, and the two of those bundled together in Ace Attorney Turnabout Collection for $35. (The only spooky thing here is NOT getting the entire mainline Ace Attorney series plus two spin-offs—for a grand total of eight amazing adventure games that'll collectively last you over 200 hours—for 50 USD.)

Other very familiar discounts include the Resident Evil games at 50% off, Devil May Cry at 50% off (and Devil May Cry 3 Special Edition at 40% off). That's all the same discounts as before. Even Capcom Fighting Collection at 25% off matches the previous sale, as well as 50% off Monster Hunter Stories 2. Monster Hunter Rise + Sunbreak is being sold for $50 instead of $70, which also ties the last sale from last month.

So... are these prices really spooky? (Are these games actually classic?) ...No, that's nonsense. But regardless of the irrelevant seasonal tie-ins (and I believe this is the first time they've made a sale specifically for Halloween), you should look to take advantage of them. Any opportunity you can get for LOWER PRICES in this economy is an opportunity you ought to take time into looking into, even if there's nothing new about these lower prices.

CAPCOM Halloween Sale banner 2022 Nintendo eShop Resident Evil Fighting Collection Ghosts Goblins Devil May Cry
I guess they put some effort into the font for HALLOWEEN SALE.
Even if non-spooky games are also on sale.

These CAPCOM sales are also available in the United Kingdom, though the sales there last until November 16, 2022. Get The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles at 38% off for 20.45 GBP! Or other parts of Europe, still 38% off and sale still ends November 16, just in Euros.

There were two purposes to this article. One, to mock Halloween tie-ins. Two, to promote purchases of the Ace Attorney franchise, even if it's not one that's visually called out as spooky in CAPCOM's banner.

The last CAPCOM-involved sale was in the middle of September to celebrate Tokyo Game Show.
Predictably, Ace Attorney games are also on sale in November 2022.

Wednesday, October 26, 2022

Mehmet Oz vs. John Fetterman: October 25, 2022 Debate Write-up

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Pennsylvanians, are you informed having listened to your candidates directly?

It's a mess, but unfortunately for the United States of America, a very impactful mess. I'm talking about the very high-profile United States Senate race in Pennsylvania between Republican Professor Mehmet “Doctor” Cengiz Oz (formerly of The Dr. Oz Show) and Democrat John “Omega” Karl Fetterman (current Lieutenant Governor of Pennsylvania).

Prof. Oz has been trailing Omega Fetterman the entire time they've had polls, given accusations that he's a quack doctor and is also an opportunist carpetbagger from New Jersey who doesn't know Pennsylvania. (His fellow Republicans in the primary also attacked him for the same reasons, as well as that he's quite moderate for a Republican and changed many of his previously liberal opinions upon running for office.) Omega Fetterman has had an Alpha-level meme game on Twitter against Prof. Oz. Prof. Oz's rebuttal is that Omega Fetterman is a socialist (his middle name ain't Karl for nothin’) who is outside of the Pennsylvania mainstream. Despite having the word “meme” in his name, Prof. Mehmet Oz is also losing the meme game. And then Omega Fetterman got a stroke, and Prof. Oz's campaign pivoted to mocking him for that and questioning whether Omega Fetterman is fit for the United States Senate because he has a (pre-)existing condition that impairs his brain.

It's because of that stroke that Omega Fetterman has only agreed to ONE debate, which is quite a bit late in this election cycle, given that Pennsylvanians could have submitted mail-in ballots already. It's sort of the same idea for why Herschel Walker only agreed to one debate in the Georgia Senate Race—which KoopaTV also covered—because he has his own brain issues. As a result, outlets like Fox News have already panned the debate as “unwatchable” due to Omega Fetterman's performance. But was it really that atrocious? I decided to watch the video-on-demand below and offer my own thoughts in another debate write-up:

Tuesday, October 25, 2022

Greavard the Dangerous Ghost Mutt Pokémon

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Good-bye, life-force.

In a terrifying two videos, The Pokémon Company International once again dedicated time to revealing a new Pokémon found in the Paldea region. Meet Greavard, the Ghost Dog Pokémon. Here you can see it kill (?) a passerby by the end of the video:

For slightly more detail, here's a small trailer featuring Gastly somehow kicking a soccer ball without any legs:

I know this is about Greavard, but what the heck? I just had to make a .gif of this:

Monday, October 24, 2022

HARVESTELLA Demo First Impressions

Lheticus Videre avatarBy LHETICUS VIDERE - This article contains SPOILERS for the HARVESTELLA demo. Do not want, do not read!

Way, way back in the before times of...September 14th (okay so it wasn't THAT long ago but I've started a new job recently and had a lot going on even before that so it feels about two months ago to me), Ludwig wrote a response to one of my comments on this site, saying “Sounds like you should try the HARVESTELLA demo and let us know your thoughts.”

And well, the idea stuck in my head. I'd been toying with the idea of writing a guest article for KoopaTV for years, but never actually going through with it. What with aforementioned (and will continue to be un-elaborated upon) real-life events, I've been increasingly feeling sick of toying with the idea of doing so, so many things, of which writing an article like this was but one of, and never doing them. So, I figured I'd take this chance to cross this one off that list.

Friday, October 21, 2022

Re-Evaluating Nintendo Switch Online + Expansion Pack Given Mario Party and Pokémon Stadium

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I think that's the tipping point.

The last thing I noted in the September 13, 2022 Nintendo Direct was that KoopaTV might have to reconsider our valuation of the Nintendo Switch Online + Expansion Pack. A year ago, when it was first released, I asked the KoopaTV staff if we wanted this (it's an $80 per year subscription, up from $35 a year for the basic membership), and no one said yes. Not even Paper Mario or Zero Wing have swayed us.

But it turns out that a combination of Pilotwings 64 (already out now), the first three Mario Party games, Pokémon Stadium and Pokémon Stadium 2, and GoldenEye 007 is what has tipped the staff over the edge to ask me to go for the Expansion Pack. (Note that all of those aren't happening until sometime in 2023.) It helps that list includes games that we actually want to play online multiplayer with one another. While Mario Party 2 certainly has been re-released before, the likes of Mario Party, Mario Party 3, and both Pokémon Stadium titles have not. ...And GoldenEye 007 has its own history, but... I've never actually played GoldenEye 007 before. And given my dislike of the genre, I don't really have any wish to.

Thursday, October 20, 2022

Why People Don't Like Fandom Wikis

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The problem is the company.

I totally admit it's a genius business model, and it's obviously working: Fandom, a for-profit business, lets fans across a variety of media types (gaming, books, comics, TV, film, etc.) make free wikis with their software, also known as a wiki farm. Fans manage the wikis as a community. Specificity and detail are encouraged with as many pages on as many minute topics as possible in that IP. That gets a LOT of long-tail search keyword results on search engines, and that's why hundreds of millions of people visit wikis on the Fandom network. Fandom does have a staff that sometimes polices wikis (such as preventing duplicates that might divide communities and harm search results) and may have proactive outreach on things like search engine optimisation (SEO)... but for the most part, they just maintain the wiki software, set network-wide policy, and put up advertisements and profit from the work of fans who make content for them.

In an exciting development for the Zelda Wiki, they just regained independence from Fandom after Fandom acquired them a few years ago. The comments on the tweet have universal acclaim:

There exist a group of Nintendo-based wikis that strive to be high-quality while being independent from corporate influences called the Nintendo Independent Wiki Alliance, or NIWA for short. These independent wikis often compete directly with Fandom counterparts and are often superior in quality and user experience, such as the Fire Emblem Wiki versus the Fire Emblem Fandom Wiki. Fire Emblem fans tend to know that the Fandom wiki is worse in quality, but the Fandom wiki is the one that tends to be first in the search results. Other household name Wikis have pretty clearly won their fight versus their Fandom counterparts, including the Super Mario Wiki, SmashWiki, and Bulbapedia.

But let's get specific using the Zelda Wiki as an example, and what may come for some of Fandom's recent and very aggressive acquisitions.

Wednesday, October 19, 2022

FIFA 23 Legacy Edition for Nintendo Switch has the Saddest Launch Article Ever

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm fairly confident there's nothing less compelling than this in press release history.

It is no secret that Electronic Arts (and EA Sports in particular) doesn't like Nintendo. This includes years of these “legacy editions” of their games that don't change things from year to year, including bizarre things like releasing games on the Wii but not on the Wii U... in 2014. However, they eventually did release FIFA on the Nintendo Switch, only to drop the exciting new modes of it with no sign of Alex Hunter.

However, for FIFA 23 Legacy Edition, they actually put together a press release that Nintendo published. I don't believe they did that for the previous games; if they did, it's no longer available on It is the saddest press release for a new game launch I've ever read. Let's go through it together.

Tuesday, October 18, 2022

Hellena Taylor Wants You to Boycott Bayonetta 3 Because of her Personal Problem

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You can do what you want with your money, but it probably shouldn't be because of her.

You may have noticed that Bayonetta sounds different in the upcoming (October 28!) Bayonetta 3 than she did in Bayonetta, Bayonetta 2, and the Super Smash Bros. series. That's because long-time voice actress Hellena Taylor is off the project, and Jennifer Hale is in. Yusuke Miyata, a PlatinumGames director, talked with Game Informer to say that Jennifer Hale is “the new [English] voice of Bayonetta”, and that she is “a good match for the character.” (Atsuko Tanaka remains as Bayonetta's Japanese voice actress.) And he really likes her performance. The Game Informer writer, Marcus Stewart, opined that Hale's voice-acting was “exceptional”.

So... where does that leave Hellena Taylor? Making unhinged video rants (in four parts across eight minutes) on Twitter about how she declined the role due to being given a bad offer by PlatinumGames, and demanding that Bayonetta fans should boycott it.

In case the video ends up, say, disappearing (though I did reupload all four parts put together here), or just so you don't have to watch her and you can concentrate on her words, I've transcribed the text of all four of her videos below. She gets nuttier and less sympathetic as they go on, and it's important to listen or read everything she has to say because according to video views, most people only watched the first video. I'm going to give my own opinion and analysis after the transcripts:


“Hello, my name is Helena Taylor, and I am the voice of Bayonetta, and I would like to explain to you why I didn't voice Bayonetta 3. Bayonetta franchise made an approximated 450 million dollars. That's not including merchandise.
As an actor, I trained for a total of seven and a half years. Three years at the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Art (LAMDA) with voice coach Barbara Berkery, and four and a half years with the legendary Larry Moss in Los Angeles. And what did they think this was worth? What did they offer to pay me? The final offer to do the whole game as a buyout a flat rate was 4,000 U.S. dollars. This is an insult to me. The amount of time that I took to work on my talent and everything that I have given to this game and to the fans. I am asking the fans to boycott this game, and instead spend the money that you would have spent on this game, donating it to charity.
I didn't want the world. I didn't ask for too much. I was just asking for a decent dignified living wage. What they did was legal, but it was immoral.”