EA's Chance To Defend Their FIFA 15 Actions

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - What is wrong with this company?

KoopaTV is not a fair and balanced website. We strive hard to achieve the integrity of Fox News Channel, but we're just not there yet.

Still, in the spirit of getting both sides of the story, we reached out to Electronic Arts about their continuous snub of Nintendo.

The GayStation 4?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - If it was up to me, it'd be called the PayStation 4.

In today's news, the crisis at America's borders is reaching an all-time peak in drama; John Kerry is laughed at by Israel; and radical Islamists are persecuting every Christian in Iraq to try and drive them out of the country.

So this article will use valuable space and time to talk about the GayStation 4.

Is that a Luvdisc with no eye? Oh the inhumanity...

Some Swedish retailer called Webhallen is auctioning off this PS4 skin to benefit some cause. Normally I wouldn't care. And this is a normal situation.

It's being auctioned here, if you want it. It's currently being bid at over $2,500, though. Maybe Sony should start selling these things for a thousand dollars.

Are We Too Harsh On Miyamoto?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We're not harsh enough.

Last night we were talking about the Paper Mario series in our [Koopa Keep] AIM Blast. Incidentally, today's Super Smash Bros. 4 pictures of the day:

Sakurai has announced a Paper Mario stage... based off of Paper Mario: Sticker Star.

There is another picture right below that one, too.

Well, what do you know! They took some inspiration from Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door!

Seriously. That timing is kind of surreal. It's not like we talked about this every day you know!

So our discussion was of course on one of KoopaTV's hated figures, Shigeru Miyamoto. Well, before that, I was talking about how when Super Paper Mario came out, it pretty much broke the community of Nintendo fans in half. Since, you know, everyone back then played the Mario games for the RPGs.

So we had this platformer-RPG hybrid that was clearly so different than Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door. And boy, did it cause controversy. Flame wars and such! The community took sides, and there was a lot to talk about. Did the gameplay compare at all? Should Super Paper Mario have really come out on the GameCube like it was supposed to? Were the Pixls a worthy replacement for Mario's partners? How awesome did it feel to play the adventure as King Dad? (About the same awesomeness as playing as him in Super Smash Bros. 4?)

My First Impression of Mario Kart 8 *Updated 8/1/2014*

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Or at least my first impression of playing it.

You should know from the contest KoopaTV is holding, which is still going on and you're encouraged to enter it, that I bought Mario Kart 8.

Well yesterday (Sunday) I finally got the chance to actually play it. Yes, I've been busy! It's not my first time seeing it in person, but... Now it's time to try to like the game.

I immediately got the Koopa Troopa and King Bowser Koopa stamps, since those are the Koopas you start with.

King Bowser Is The Champion Of Smash 3DS!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You've earned it, King Dad.

There was just the first ever Super Smash Bros. For 3DS tournament at the San Diego Comic Con. The most notable thing about it?

King Dad is amazing.

The Grand Finals was a Bowser vs. Bowser match on Battlefield. Here is the link to the 2nd set of it.

The two players that made it into the Grand Finals both four-stocked their opponents before the grand finals match. Elite opponents like Sheik and Toon Link that would have destroyed Bowser in any other Super Smash Bros. game. But not here.

Here, Bowser reigns supreme.

No items. Bowser only. Battlefield.

From the Bowser vs. Bowser Grand Finals.

Rockstar's Intellectual Property Theft

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - No honour among thieves.

This happened back in October, but we didn't write anything on it because we didn't find it worth talking about we wanted to see how it would end. Well, we still don't know and I have nothing else to write about!

Some rapper named Daz Dillinger sued Rockstar back in October 2013 because they used his music in Grand Theft Auto V without paying him. The same Grand Theft Auto V that won that VGX soundtrack of the year award in 2013. (Which is the same VGX that KoopaTV live-reacted to in one of the worst logs we've ever published.) But that's enough of a paragraph of hyperlinks, let's see a video or something. Relevant part is around 3:20 but the whole thing is amusing if you like watching stoned people do interviews.

Terrorists Playing Online Games

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Be a responsible citizen and report to authorities!

There are a lot of terrorist threats out there right now. Like Hamas, vowing to destroy Israel and all the Jews.

But what if you're an American (which is likely) and you're just sitting here wondering how this affects you? Well, what if you're just playing videogames... and they are safehousing and recuiting domestic terrorists? We already know that's happening, according to the NSA.

Note I said domestic. That means they'll strike in America. Or they're just your run-of-the-mill criminal psychopath, but terrorist sounds like a much meaner threat to get your attention, doesn't it?

KoopaTV's Contact Info

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Comments sections aren't enough for you.

Upon examing many websites, I've come to a conclusion: Good websites have clearly designated "About Us" and "Contact Us" sections.

This Contact Info will no longer be updated as of July 2023, since KoopaTV itself is no longer producing new content.

Due to an uptick of e-mail spam, the e-mail addresses listed below will now not be direct. Humans can still figure it out.

KoopaTV Guest-Posting Contest! Win Prizes!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Ended August 22 at night!

Ludwig finally bought Mario Kart 8. He has a choice to make: What download code from Club Nintendo does he want? Well... The thing is...

Expires August 31, so we got the time to run this.

He is going to leave that up to you! For your benefit! That's right, KoopaTV is holding its first-ever giveaway contest! The possible prizes (as in, you choose from these)?

• A download code for New Super Mario Bros. U, Pikmin 3, The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker HD, or Wii Party U (all Wii U games).
• A download code for F-Zero X (on the Wii Shop Channel, also accessible via Wii U).
• A download code for Electroplankton Rec-Rec (redeemable at the 3DS eShop).
• A $10 Nintendo eShop card (redeemable on Wii U and/or 3DS).
• A KoopaTV staff position. (AIM download required.)
• A Kinect Sports Rivals Xbox One. (Just kidding.)

So... What exactly do you need to do to win these prizes? Well, contest details are below, so read just a bit more! But as the article title indicates, this is a guest-posting contest. What is guest-posting? Well, if you look at the handy "Posting Guest Posts" tab up top, you might get an answer to that. But I'll repeat myself below.

And what happens if you don't know how to write coherent articles? Well, you can still win! Details below as well.

Atari's Pridefest

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - They have nothing to be proud of.

Hey, remember Atari? Well, if you were too young to remember Manuel Noriega from yesterday, you're definitely too young to remember Atari. Well, in their present state, they're a washed up gaming company from forty years ago who had their own line of systems and games like Centipede, Asteroids, and E.T.. They caused that whole videogame crash thing in 1983.

Well, for whatever reason, Atari is still around in some form. The way they got from then to now is a bit complicated, but they are still here. Now they're publishing mobile games and rereleasing those old properties. Well, shallow arcade experiences does seem to fit the whole shallow mobile gaming scene.

However, Atari is finally making new IPs again. So their new project and first original idea in a long time is...

This shit.

According to Atari's press release, it's a gay pride parade simulator. Well... um... I guess that is an original idea, and not just by their standards, but by the industry as a whole. Although, I will say, just because an idea is original doesn't mean it's... good. Let's read on more about this idea, though.

A Washed Up Dictator Wants His Fair Share

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Will he get it?

Manuel Noriega: Dictator of Panama from 1983 to 1989. You know, when you're a dictator, you get a lot of perks. You get used to all the power. Well, six years isn't a heckuva lot. For example, even though it seems like President Barack Hussein Obama has been in office forever, he's been around for less than that.

Well, the dude has been reduced to suing Activision for money. He's serving two basically consecutive twenty-year prison sentences for being a jerk in Panama. And for shipping tons of cocaine to America.

I feel like I've seen this photo somewhere. ...Oh, don't mind me.

I guess drugs are getting really expensive in jail that he has to hire a law firm ("Girardi & Keese") to extort a bunch of money. Let's see what his complaint is.

Subsidies and Tax Credits

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The videogame industry loves their tax breaks...

Disclaimer: What you're about to read is not going to be an ideology specific to the videogame industry, but my broader ideological perspective on the issue of the government granting subsidies and tax credits to businesses/industries.

With that out of the way, it's no secret that our beloved videogame industries receives a ton of benefits from governments. The discussion among the general populace about that started with this David Kocieniewski  New York Times article (I'm snickering) from 2011, and then with the whole Curt Schillings 38 Studios debacle. (For some reason, I haven't talked about said debacle yet on KoopaTV. I'm sure there's a reason I'm not taking such low-hanging fruit...?)

That David whatshisface article uses Electronic Arts as the go-to example of how the videogame industry hires lobbyists to negotiate for tax credits and subsidies on their bottom lines. For those who don't know, lobbying is one of the best uses of corporate money from a return-on-investment perspective.

Chrom Has Been FIRED From KoopaTV!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The Crest of Flame and the Meaning of Truth.

We have an announcement to make. First, watch this trailer if you have not already:

Now then. We would like to announce that KoopaTV staff member YoshiRider123 has been fired. YoshiRider123 is otherwise known as "Chrom" on the once-popular-but-now-dying Nintendo forum, NSider2, the fan-made sequel to Nintendo of America's official Nintendo NSider Forums. We cannot accept such a pathetic (based on the trailer) guy like that on our staff.

Look at him. Just pitiful.

So it turns out that KoopaTV and Sakurai had our trailers mixed up. You see, we've been planning to fire Chrom for a while now. Literally.

The fire from Captain Falcon's fist was our method of execution. It was either that, or Ike's new blue flames.

And Sakurai, all along, was planning to announce George Zimmerman in Super Smash Bros. 4. Something happened to that. I guess they were switched at the last minute. Some say Monolith Soft broke into Namco and did that. Others think something else. That's not the point here.

Zimmerman: A Free Man For A Year

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - But is he really free?

It has been one year since George Zimmerman could rest from the most traumatic period of his life: Being put on trial for a murder of a teenager with the entire nation watching you. With the help of his Ace Attorneys, he managed to secure the just "Not Guilty" verdict.

Although if it were up to Judge Debra Nelson, it would be a guilty verdict.

Such a thing happens every day across the United States of America. So why are we singularly obsessed over this one trial? Well, as we've written many times before ("Zimmerman" has now been name-dropped in 32 KoopaTV articles, and has been the primary subject of... [one, two, three, four, five, six being what was linked in the opening paragraph] seven articles, including this one), not every person on trial in America has a huge media frenzy on them. Not every trial polarizes America, and not every trial has such a wild cast of amusing characters. Most trials are actually pretty boring.

Not this one.

We at KoopaTV watched the trial as it was being live-streamed by various media outlets. It included hilarious moments like the following compiled by KoopaTV contributor Rawk:

Beware Mario The Goomba Groper

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - #YesAllGoombas

There's something in the air... and it feels like fear...
There's something in the night... and it seems like terror...
There's someone in your bed... and it looks like you...

(Picture a bigger bed.)

Life will be simpler now... the only thing missing...

Will be you.

Mighty Numbers For Voice-Acting

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Also, I just realized that when Mighty No. 9 asked for $900,000 originally, it was a pun.

One day, I'm going to have a bigger, general discussion article on voice-acting in videogames.

Until then, Comcept, famous for being the developers of Mighty No. 9, the Mega Man-inspired sidescroller coming out on every system in 2015 — and we happened to have discussed it here, is asking for another $100,000 in a new Kickstarter funding campaign. The stretch goal (by the way, there aren't any real goals, just stretch ones) is $100,000 for English voice-acting. That's the only goal we know of so far.

Oh, but apparently as of like two days ago that's now $200,000 for English and Japanese voice-acting. So if this isn't funded, I guess all the characters are just gonna be mute!

Replaced the image with a permanent one. Just over $9,000!

The Folly of Miiverse War

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Their goal isn't success.

Tomorrow, there will be a conflict on Miiverse. Heard of it? ...No? That might be part of the problem. When your best form of communication are trailers like these, you might have an issue:

(I don't recommend you watch that, by the way.) When you're declaring war or trying to do any sort of movement against something, you want to have a goal. You need a win condition. You need a retreat condition, and you need strategy and tactics. You need a purpose. The organizers, if you can call them that, of the Miiverse "war" do not understand these basic principles. I do. So I'll try to do some last-minute advising. Probably a bit worse of a commitment than the military advisers President Barack Hussein Obama is sending over to Iraq, but whatever. 

Speaking of Iraq, President George W. Bush didn't understand how to execute a war, either. His father also didn't, despite the spectacular glory we had in Desert Storm. So don't feel bad Miiverse guys! You're just as bad as the warmonger presidents we've had since Vietnam, who were also terrible!

Nintendo Rocking EVO 2014!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Daddy finally stopped smashing me into things and instead is playing Smash with me.

For this year's EVO 2014 tournament (that's the really big fighting game tournament every year) take a look at the sponsors list. You see a bunch of dudes. You also see Nintendo's logo. What does this mean? Well, Nintendo is sponsoring EVO 2014.

One of twenty.

"Big deal." You might say. Then consider that Nintendo has never sponsored a competitive videogame tournament they've never hosted before. You got the Video Game Championships for the Pokémon series (those just happened), and some competitive stuff in the early days when we had the Nintendo World Championships. No relation to the store. That's the competition famous for having those super-rare cartridges. That's pretty much it.

Vocal Performance of The Shell-Spangled Banner!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - By popular request.

Since people actually wanted me to sing The Shell-Spangled Banner from last week's article instead of it just staying written and never referenced again like I originally intended, I... did their request. Since we actually fulfill requests, you know. And have a whole section to the site dedicated to submitting them.

Behold:

The Shell-Spangled Banner

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Celebrating our independence.

It is about time that KoopaTV get some sort of theme song. And... today, that still won't happen. 'cause we're not going to use this in the future.

According to Iggy and Lemmy Koopa, the Koopa Kingdom pledge of allegiance is as follows:

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United Lands of Dinosaur World.
And to the repulsiveness for which he stands,
One Koopa underground, reprehensible,
With lizards and Goombas for all!"

But since today just happens to be July 4, we should recite the KoopaTV version of the Star-Spangled Banner, shouldn't we? Well, here we go.

The Shell-Spangled Banner itself.

Defamation and Infringement

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Just one more way that the Zimmerman trial is like an Ace Attorney case...

George Zimmerman. He's undoubtedly a hero. He's also undoubtedly not a racist. So why would NBC edit clips of his 911 call to police to distort his character?

The answer: To defame him and make a sensationalist story about race. So Zimmerman sued NBC. His lawsuit was thrown out by Judge Debra Nelson... the very same judge that presided over his criminal case when he killed Trayvon Martin.

Hey, you should try this out. It's also our only file footage of Judge Nelson.

Lindsay Lohan Sues Rockstar!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The rock star she always wished she was?

It is a time of lawsuits lately. The one we'll focus on today is the newly-confirmed lawsuit of Lindsay Lohan vs. Rockstar, the guys behind Grand Theft Auto V. I don't know much about pop-culture: I thought it was spelled "Lindsey". That's how Lindsey Graham's name is spelled. Anyway, take a look at this:

Thanks BBC!

Apparently Ms. Lohan and a "Lacey Jonas" character have a strong resemblance. Really strong. So strong, that Ms. Lohan is suing for creating a character based off her without permission.

KoopaTV's June Jamboree

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Second June! See? That's the sub-title. Not the title.

Header there is a reference to last month's article which is linked at the bottom of this one. SO ANYWAY, KoopaTV is continuing its second year STRONG. We broke last month's all-time viewership record. No wonder, right? You could say it's the new "normal", but you got to work for it. Saying it's the "new normal" means you take it for granted. We don't do that here, just like we don't accept our high unemployment under the Obama Administration as the new normal.

You can probably credit our viewership success to our unprecedented partnership E3 2014 coverage. We had 36 articles in June 2014, a 33% increase from our previous most-articles-in-a-month record from June 2013 (which was also E3 converage). You can credit Nintendo's Treehouse Live idea for that. No matter how you slice it, we're here to stay. We're here to tell the truth and make you laugh!

Speaking of which, here are my top five recommended non-reaction-log articles from June 2014. Everything on KoopaTV is worth reading, of course. Especially those reaction logs. Listed in chronological order:

1. Nintendo Is NOT Like Uganda!
2. Ludwig's Smash-Fest @ Best Buy Experience 2014
3. Herman Cain's Burning Answer
4. Axe-Arm Largo
5. /v/ Vs. NeoGAF: Chaos Vs. Order

That third one there is particularly significant, because it may be the most important thing we've ever done.

Since I don't actually have Mario Kart 8 yet, that contest idea hasn't happened. I still have a month to get it though, and give away that code! But I do have some other codes to give away if that doesn't happen...

By the way, due to certain circumstances, you'll see KoopaTV articles published in the evenings for a long while. Hope you're okay with that.


Stay tuned to KoopaTV for all the latest in videogame commentary with an attitude. Share us to your best friends... or worst enemies! And anyone in-between.

For last month's retrospection, click here.
You want to see next month's? We got you covered.
For next year's version of this, click here.
For last year's retrospection, click here.
That contest has opened. Look here for details.