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Friday, July 11, 2014

Beware Mario The Goomba Groper

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - #YesAllGoombas

There's something in the air... and it feels like fear...
There's something in the night... and it seems like terror...
There's someone in your bed... and it looks like you...

(Picture a bigger bed.)

Life will be simpler now... the only thing missing...
Mario Goomba suit Super Mario 3D World
Will be you.

That disgusting, evil man keeps creating new lows. His latest misdeed? Well, I don't know. He does too many for me to keep up with. But a recent one?

He kills to be you.

You can see him in the act. He kills a Goomba and wears their corpse. Apparently it's hollow in the inside... or...

He stuffs his head inside... and... eats their brains.
And then he does horrible, horrible things to the other Goombas. He can't control himself. Like...

Aaron Morris groper enticing body
...this guy.

Mario rams his head through the Goomba's bottom to get inside the Goomba's head, where he eats their insides. That's disgusting behaviour. It's bad enough he kills Goombas on a large-scale, but then he does disgusting acts to their dead bodies? ...Hey. You out there. You humans. Say there was this human guy. Say he killed another human guy. Then he put his head through the dead guy's ass, somehow creating a large enough opening for that.

As he makes his way up the body, he's just eating organs and stuff until he gets to the brain. He eats that too.

Then he goes and kills other humans while wearing the first victim's body. You would say this guy is a psychopath, would you not? A horrible person. A terrorist. A menace to society. Some might even declare him a Jihadist!

We have to maintain a certain level of respect for the dead. Those who disrespect the deceased are cast out as villains. See: Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!! and how the titular character actually is brought into the world of the game. But even the main antagonist of that game didn't do it because of sexually perverted impulses. Unlike... the subject of this article.

He's not only a genocidal murderer, but he enjoys sticking his head where it doesn't belong.


People... afraid to sleep.

Mario frightens Luigi angry Paper mad
Afraid of family members...

People afraid of themselves.

Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna run?
Where you gonna hide?


Super Mario Bros. the movie Goomba face head
'cause there's no one like you left.

Ludwig started the intellectual movement denouncing the mustachioed murderer, and he's been continuing the campaign against him for over a decade now. Any sign of support his way would be well-appreciated! Consider donating to your local Goomba orphanage or Koopa blog.

Not only does Mario steal the bodies of Goombas, but his CAP stole the body of the Prime Minister of Japan!
When Mario isn't groping Goomba bodies, he's using them as platforming props.
It's about time that SOMEONE takes Mario's head and decapitates it!




  2. Well, Goombas were stupid anyways...

    1. That doesn't mean they deserve this!

    2. Yes they do! I mean, did you see the gif? The Goomba straight-out saw Mario own his partner and claim his head as a mask. And like nothing, he seizes his pursuit against Mario. Natural selection at work if you ask me.

    3. I'd be completely freaked out too.

    4. That's the official claim of the Mushroom Kingdom propaganda machine.


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