Oh, Forget Halloween.

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm not gonna try to scare you this year...

I never was a big Halloween guy. If I were to just walk around humans not wearing any costume, I'll end up terrifying you weak people.

King Dad terrifying this French couple. ...Then again, they're French.

I don't have any ulterior motive for saying, "Don't bother with Halloween." KoopaTV won't have anything new coming out October 31 this year since it's a weekend, so I don't really care about the traffic loss (though keep traffic of a different kind in mind). The KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program is having a gap day on Halloween anyway so we can calculate the scores and determine the winner. I'm sayin', I'm doing this out of the goodness of my heart!

...Ahahahah! Ahem. So 'cause I ain't big on Halloween, you shouldn't be either. And here's why!

Miitomo and My Nintendo: Kimishima's October Briefing

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The mobile madness begins.

After hearing fourteen people trying to become president talk for over three-four hours, maybe we should sit and listen to what the actual president sounds like. And I don't mean President Barack Hussein Obama, because whenever we listen to him it's pretty awful.

Nah, I mean Nintendo's new president Tatsumi Kimishima. Now, we haven't heard anything from him since he became president. He's not memorable at all and hasn't done any public-facing things.

KoopaTV's staff can't remember the new Nintendo president's name by memory. They should've picked Ledge Trump. http://www.koopatv.org/2015/09/elect-ledge-trump-for-president-2016.html

— KoopaTV (@TheREALKoopaTV) October 13, 2015

Well, now he's had the "Corporate Management Policy Briefing". You can read the transcript here. We've written about this one time when Satoru Iwata did it, but since he's now no longer in that position (what an understatement), it's Kimishima's turn. And there is some relevant news. And with news, comes our ANALYSIS. Let's go!

Judging CNBC at the CNBC Republican Presidential Debate

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The big story is that the media sucks. But that's not really news.

What I wanted to do for the third Republican debate was what we did for the first debate night: Have an article for the lower debate, and an article for the later one. Well, there's nothing more noteworthy that happened tonight than the destruction of CNBC's reputation. As Donald Trump just stated on Hannity, "it was very beautiful to watch." Basically, every candidate pulled a Newt Gingrich 2012 and made their answers about trashing how stupid the moderator questions were. And they were.
 

Just for reference, that was Newt Gingrich four years ago. Now imagine that times ten because basically every Republican trashed CNBC's idiocy. What happened was that CNBC constantly asked stupid questions when the Republicans were trying to talk substantively. Remember the Democrat debate first night? All CNN did then was ask easy soft-ball questions that let the Democrats talk about their absurd policies. 

CNBC did anything they tried to avoid substantive issues that people cared about. Like asking about Fantasy Football regulation. All CNBC did was start questions with, "Here's a problem. What government program would you do to fix the problem?" Well obviously the standard Republican answer is "The government is incompetent so why would you trust them?" And that pretty much encompassed every answer. It's true, but it got repetitive. 

Sony's PewDiePie Birthday Tribute...?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Ugh... Screw (So)ny, Bye.

How can anyone still claim that Sony is acting in the best way for gamers at this point?

Sony has had a series of missteps/intentional anti-gamer activity since they launched the PlayStation 4. From their insultingly-stupid E3 2014 "outreach" featuring a live-stream of their E3 conference in movie theatres across America and Canada (but only barely in Canada), to their foreclosures of PlayStation Home that put gamers in homeless shelters across America, to their positive name-drop of accursed anti-truth-and-levity hate group NeoGAF at their E3 2014 conference (which I guess all those people saw on the silver-screen and then subsequently vomited their popcorn) to their very, very clear embrace of the free-to-play gaming style as the future of the Sony gaming brand.

Oh, and their whole bit about their pretenses regarding the Shenmue III Kickstarter during E3 2015. That should get gamers riled up. Basically, they just outright lied about Shenmue III's circumstances to millions of people watching so people would donate to that Kickstarter.

WELL, NOW FOR THEIR WORST THING OF ALL.

Source.
Would like to also mention that a controller inside a cake is unsanitary.

 

But it's not just one-sided promotion. It's even worse.

Pirates Versus Ninjas — Splatfest Edition

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Ludwig's personal endorsement. With a ton of exclusive screenshots.

This week's Splatoon Splatfest theme is Pirates vs. Ninjas!

That's a very age-old question that's been debated by people on the Internet (and I think even pre-Internet). And at least among gamers, ninjas are by far more popular. Probably 'cause of Japanese origins. But, there's a new Splatfest rule: Score is now Popularity % + Wins * 6, instead of + Wins * 4. This means that the outnumbered (but perhaps more skilled) pirates may still come out on top.

So. Which team do I support? Well, I don't feel particularly strongly either way, and this isn't a question about the values of KoopaTV. Therefore, this is just my personal thought... but I'm going to go with...
 

(Round 1) Ludwig's Best. Game. Ever 2015 Votes

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - 128 games throughout time.

GameFAQs hasn't had a contest battle in the polls since mid-2013, where Ludwig covered his votes in every round. He's going to do the same thing this year.

Two years ago, it was three-way character battles. The villain (Draven, from League of Legends, supported by a Reddit invasion) won. Well, now it's one-on-one videogame vs. videogame. Straight-up. 128 games. The voting starts November 5, 2015, with multiple votes per day. So it should move briskly.

Want to know who I plan to be voting for? Here's the bracket with my votes in bold. Feel free to vote alongside me or vote against me. Lots of discussion points here! Remember, this isn't who I think will win, but who I'll vote for.
 

Who the Hell Wants to Use Amiibo in Mario Tennis: Ultra Smash?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You can write only to one game...

Remember Mario Tennis: Ultra Smash from E3 2015? We didn't, either. It was incredibly uninspiring and no one asked for it. Well, it turns out it hasn't been canceled yet, and it's actually coming out November 20! Developed by Camelot. Did you know that since the (pretty mediocre) Golden Sun: Dark Dawn in 2010, Camelot has only made Mario Tennis Open on 3DS and Mario Golf: World Tour on 3DS? So pretty much more mediocre sports games. Camelot just ain't like it used to be, and hasn't been part of the conversation since the GameCube days when they produced things like this:
 

It's not really that Mario Power Tennis was the best game ever or anything, but you can see that the game was dripping with personality. And it's not just cutscenes, but the actual gameplay mechanics too. Compare in-game Waluigi from Mario Power Tennis to the recently-revealed in-game Waluigi in Mario Tennis: Ultra Smash in this new Nintendo trailer. 

Niggas Dominate: Part 1

By SAM - Thanks a lot white people…

Why do I say thank you? Well, let me show you a nice little quote from my nigga Chris Rock:

“Black people dominate sports in the United States. 90% of the final four. We own this shit. Basketball, baseball, football, golf, tennis, and as soon as they make a heated hockey rink we'll take that shit too.” 

Well guess what white folks, it's all thanks to your whipping of my ancestors. Yeah, that's right, you dumbasses pretty much bred us to be the best race athletically that there is today! Since you killed off all the weak niggas during slavery, we got to be some of the biggest, most athletically enhanced people on this Earth. Even back home in Africa, niggas who have never come to America at all are still dominating simply because of our fucking great genes.

Content warning from the editor: If it wasn't obvious already, this article isn't appropriate for young children or any sane person, for that matter. We published it anyway because we love our fans even if they write nonsense. If you enjoy this content for some reason, comment because the author of this at one point wanted to join KoopaTV. Anyway, try to enjoy the rest of the article!

Fatal Frame on Wii U's Digital Only Debacle (Updated 10/22/2015)

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Circumstances of a guaranteed disaster more horrific than the game contents.

Now, I don't know anything about the Fatal Frame franchise, but according to my source (Wikipedia, if you must know), it's a series also known as Project Zero in Europe and it's a horror game from Koei Tecmo and published by Nintendo as of recently. You use the "Camera Obscura" to scare ghosts with photographs, including the titular "Fatal Frame" which I assume is really painful. I wouldn't want my ethereal picture taken either, but I guess it's better than being sucked up by a vacuum.

The latest game (number five) is Fatal Frame: Maiden of Black Water. It's coming out in North America/Europe/Oceania this October (between this week and Halloween) but in a limited release, because I guess this series is super-niche and sells horribly. It was announced back in the April 1st Nintendo Direct, if you remember its one line of coverage. But it's been out in Japan since last year.

Freaky diehard fans had this whole "Operation Rainfall" and "Operation Zero" (latter is Fatal Frame specific) campaign to get it localised. One of these freaks actually guest-posted on KoopaTV to drum up support and won a prize for it in our pre-Loyalty Program days. Shows that we value writing ability over if we agree with you.

I guess they did end up succeeding, in... some capacity. Check out Nintendo of America's trailer below. Also, warning: This is "extremely spoopy" and rated M. I'll meet you after the page-break.
 

The Strange Isolationism of The Pokémon Company

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Or maybe I should call it "non-interventionism"...

It really is strange if you think about it. The Pokémon Company (International) is owned by Nintendo yet it's as if they are some very difficult third-party to Nintendo. I don't claim to know what the hell is going on over there, but many things about The Pokémon Company's relationship with the rest of the Nintendo cast is strange. Again, very difficult to work with and very independent-acting. The latest example is that every Super Smash Bros. series amiibo is compatible with Yoshi's Woolly World except the ones from the Pokémon franchise.

Yoshi's amiibo for Pikachu, Greninja, Charizard, Jigglypuff, Mewtwo, Lucario...

Why is it so hard to get their okay? According to TPCi, they're actively trying to expand their licensing successes among their thousands of licensed things. Their whole organisation essentially serves two functions: License things, and market things. If anyone gets in the way of that message, they get sued.

Yoshi's Woolly World's Snuggly Release

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - With The Legend of Zelda: Tri Force Heroes next week.

Finally, Yoshi's Woolly World is out in North America today, October 16 2015. It's already been out in Europe and Japan for a while but we'll pretend it wasn't.

So you're seeing this title screen for the first time!

Of course, you'll need to do more than pressing A to start. You'll need to buy the game. When will I buy it? I dunno. Sometime soon, because I need Moo Moo Yoshi in my life really soon:

That abusive cow-hating plumber better not hurt Moo Moo Yoshi! Good thing he's not in this game, I think.

And I'll get it physically, because you can't digitally download the accompanying adorable Yarn Yoshi amiibo! (Note to Ace Attorney fans: Ace Attorney will get physical retail shelf space and therefore physical game copies if CAPCOM ever gets a Phoenix Wright amiibo to happen.) So I'm not sure when I'll go to the store, because one of those amiibo is MEGA YARN YOSHI which will be available November 15, as that hyperlink tells you.

GameStop: Putting Families First; No Work on Thanksgiving

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Doing things differently than the competitors.

Family values. It's what I like and write about a bit. Having family values helps make people moral. And organisations that help promote family values are to be held above those who do not, because they are doing society a priceless service in a culture that is going down the drain to demonise family values at every opportunity.

So even though KoopaTV has spoken poorly-to-strangely of GameStop in the past, we're going to applaud them here for continuing their family-friendly policy of... closing their stores on Thanksgiving. Even though that can only reduce their sales revenue. They title their press release as,

"GameStop Takes a Stand! Closes Stores on Thanksgiving Day to Allow Customers and Associates to Enjoy the Holiday with Family and Friends"

They're taking a stand! We like that kind of bold attitude, so I'll only bold GameStop's name in this article, unlike their just-as-boldable-under-KoopaTV-style-guide competitors that will be OPEN during Thanksgiving Day. Which is Thursday, November 26 in 2015. (Unless you're in Canada, then it was Monday, October 12. Yup, past-tense. You just missed it.)

This picture probably violates GameStop's brand guidelines.

SAG-AFTRA Voice-Acting Nagging Strikes

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Union-busting, please?

Recently, the SAG-AFTRA, or Screen Actors Guild-American Federation of Television and Radio Artists, voted pretty unanimously to allow the videogame voice actor part of its massive and dangerous union to go on strike for petty reasons. If you don't know, this is the union that has their whole timeline talking about its flirtation with communist ideology. (And don't think for a moment that they haven't stopped flirting.)

Why do I bring that up? Because the union exists to create all of these ridiculous restrictions on companies looking for voice actors. I mean, look at all the restrictions placed on companies in their FAQ and their other documents. But also the restrictions on the people who end up unionised that they can't just negotiate their own contract. The thousands of people in the union have to submit to the leadership's one-size-fits-all contracting. The union apparently has such strength that the majority of prestigious gaming companies are signatories to the union's agreements.

And signatories are obligated to seek unionised work first and are restricted in hiring non-unionised work.

"SIEG AFTRA!"

But that's basic Union 101. So what were the demands behind the strike authorisation and what are their implications? Well, obviously they couldn't reach agreements with the gaming companies.

KoopaTV Judges the CNN Democrat October 13 Debate!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - We'll be Fair & Balanced even if the media ain't.

Tonight is (or was) the first Democratic Party presidential debate for their primary to become the leader of the United States for the 2016 election! We judged the Republicans twice already, and now it's time for the Democrats to have their first time.

The Democrats have five candidates on the stage: Evil Witch Hillary Clinton (which we've written many, many things about — all negative), Vermont senator Bernie Sanders, former governors of Rhode Island and Maryland Lincoln Chafee and Martin O'Malley, and former Virginia senator Jim Webb. From what I can tell, Jim Webb might be the best one of the bunch, but no one has heard of him. I guess we'll find out after the debate happens if the non-Hillary and non-Sanders folks stand out at all.

We'll judge each candidate seperately and then give them awards based on our Pokémon-inspired Super Contest style award system! That means the candidates will be rated on Beauty, Cute, Cool, Tough, and Smart.

One thing to note is the blatant media bias on the part of CNN. The Republican debate night from CNN existed to make the candidates attack and tear apart one another. But according to the Washington Examiner, debate moderator Anderson Cooper (who has no relation to or affiliation with the Koopa clan) has no plans to get the candidates to tear up one another, citing that these are "serious people."

Basically, the Democrats are "serious people" and get to talk about issues, while the Republicans are a clown show that get to talk about Donald Trump's hair. Well, that's sure media bias. Jerks.

Anyway, this preamble pre-page-break was all written before the debate began. From now on, it's all post-debate. (Or during it if I find the time during commercials.) I'll list the candidates in order of how they took their podiums. (Left-to-right.)

Europe, Cats vs. Dogs Splatfest, and American Leadership

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's about time someone outsources something to America.

Let's ignore that Ludwig's official Splatfest endorsement last week ended in a total disaster (I mean, it was close but a loss is a loss) and talk about the next Splatfest... which is coming up this weekend, the 17th.

It's going to be in Europe only. The theme, as the article title states, is... Cats vs. Dogs. In other words, it's a repeat of North America's very first Splatfest that took place July 4th.

They're even using the same picture!
Made in America.

I guess, considering how close Cats vs. Dogs was in North America (well, Dogs won in a landslide in popularity), it should be sort of interesting to see the results.

Actually, it's pretty close. According to FEDIAF (which somehow is the acronym for "The European Pet Food Industry Federation"), cats and dogs are pretty much equal in ownership at 24-25% across European households. That said, I guess there are more cats per household than dogs. See the below charts.

Don't Like Smurfing? Abolish Gun-Free Zones!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Consistent logic taken to its conclusion.

To be clear, this article's definition of "smurfing" is along the lines of, "An experienced/established player going on another, new account to be match-made with newbies."

This happens in online games that match-make you based on ranking. Apparently it came from the real-time strategy community like twenty years ago. Now it's everywhere, be it fighting games, shooters, still real-time strategies...

This doesn't happen in environments where there is no ranking system, like Super Smash Bros. Brawl's online. Of course, that has its own downsides of total anonymity which sort of prevents any social aspect. And I suppose in an online world where communities and reputation are a thing (and reputation will exist by virtue of people populating a community, because things like reputation exist outside of the game by people's interactions within it), you can still have folks do "smurfing" by making alternate accounts to try to get a clean slate.

So here's the core principle of why this is a problem: You have high-ranked players who are very dangerous in person-to-person play. Games, and everything else for that matter that relies on a user base for success, maintain survival by having new players. New players are pretty much defenceless against high-ranked people, so they're systematically ranked against other low-ranked people where it's two equally-unskilled weaklings going at it. That's fair. Meanwhile, high-ranked people battle other high-ranked people.

If high-ranked people are pretending to be newbies and then stream-rolling/splat-rolling the newbies, then the newbie is just going to get the hell out of there. That's not a friendly gaming environment and it's not fair. It disrupts the two equally-unskilled balance.

And that's exactly the issue with gun-free zones. 

Out-of-Place In-Game DLC Advertisements

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Very transparent grabs at your money that come off as odd.

Ever play a recent videogame that has downloadable content (DLC) and just feel like it's...really pushing you to buy it? Something seems really different about the part of the game where the DLC store or content lies, like you're in another realm and it breaks your suspension of disbelief. And in some games, like Fire Emblem: Awakening, it really IS just a warp to another realm just sitting in plain sight.

Um... not really. Perhaps the YoshiRider123 that used to be our friend swapped places with this jerk robot Chrom guy through the Outrealm Gate?

 
We generally don't like this corporate money-snatching intrusion into our in-game world, but that doesn't necessarily mean we want it in our menus. After all, that can go horribly, horribly wrong just as much, if not worse. Let's discuss.

Customer Service Week: Good, Bad, and Ugly Stories

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Pleasing you shouldn't be a key differentiator, but it is.

A very long time ago, excellent customer service was the standard. You called up a company's hotline and a real English-speaking person would address your inquiry and serve your needs. You don't get that in many places anymore. When Nintendo changed from having their gameplay helpline to what they have now, you can see that as a sign of different times.

October 5-9 is Customer Service Week, which is apparently recognised internationally. And we sincerely hope that our customer service at KoopaTV has been as good as a free-to-access website can be. We've addressed all of your comments, concerns, questions, and requests. We continually service y'all with hard-hitting commentaries that get both your brain and your gut burstin'. (In a good way. I think.)

But as I alluded to in the opening paragraph, not every organisation can be as good as we are. And some don't even try. 

Bicyclists are the Worst People

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's an angry rant.

If you asked me who the worst group of people out there were, I wouldn't answer the Jihadists, the race-baiters, or the feminists, though I do hate 'em (well, I only dislike the feminists). I would answer the bicyclists. Why? They're the ones who interrupt our daily way of life while integrating themselves into it, are incredibly pretentious, are a danger to society, and Shigeru Miyamoto is one of them.

We can see that ISIS, Al Sharpton, or Anita Sarkeesian are all crazy people or organisations. That's apparent to the average person, and one of the big challenges of their groups is trying to make themselves look normal. They can't convince the public based off the strength of their ideologies, so they try to force them on with the strength of thug-rule.

But the bicyclists? They've already won.

Ludwig's Decision: Koopa Clown CAR vs. Doomship PLANE!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Koopas on a plane...

The weekend that just ended revealed the next North American Splatfest theme for Splatoon: Cars vs. Planes! Meanwhile, the European one is still unknown, which leaves me wondering if Nintendo actually took random Internet people's advice and fired the guy who came up with the European themes.

The basis of the Splatfest is this question: Which way would you like to travel? Land vehicles you drive, or air vehicles you're a passenger to?

Koopa Kingdom has officially endorsed both sides of the aisle in the past, and it's hard not to. After all, you need both for a fulfilling time traveling, and you certainly need both for an army.

King Dad's Bowser-mobile returns to try to drive me to a given conclusion.

While an awesome car may be one way to get around, you can get an even higher concentration of style per kilometre with an awesome airship. (Which is considered a plane for the purpose of this article.)

Ludwig taking flight with his own ideas, though...

 

A KoopaTV Staff Photo-Op!

By VORTEXICA - Enjoy this commemorative photo!

It's been a shaky year for KoopaTV in terms of staff stability, as the graph I made on the about page shows. Yet we soldier on!

Incidentally, two weeks from now happens to be National Boss's Day for the purpose of promoting harmony in the workplace, particularly between employer (read: Ludwig) and employees. So in case we have something better to report on the 16th, I thought I'd bring it up now while we have nothing else on.

...And what better way to foster a healthy working environment than to round everyone up for a company photograph? It's time for another one of those quarterly meetings in our Sierra Leone office! Say 'KoopaTV'!

Simply scrumptious.

Posing around the KoopaTV mug, under the triband colours of Sierra Leone. That's how we roll here at KoopaTV.

By the way, you can purchase the mug from the store for the low, low price of just $30! Wow, what incredible value! Ludwig also seems to think it's the next best thing to a Koopa Clown Car. Wendy, our newest member, doesn't look too pleased at being dragged away from the behind-the-scenes work she normally does. And of course, there's yours truly acting all casual with Kamek perched on my arm.

The elephant in the room (or not in the room, as it were) is perhaps the absence of Rawk, since this was taken after he left. Ludwig mentioned yesterday that he hopes Rawk returns to KoopaTV soon, and that goes for the rest of the staff. I miss him too, we all do...


Despite recent losses, KoopaTV retains four dedicated staff — the same number as when it launched in 2013 — who will continue to bring you Fair and Balanced coverage of the topics of the day. On behalf of that staff, Vortexica hopes you all have a pleasant weekend! See you on Monday!


You can join KoopaTV's staff and take part in our no-expenses-paid organisation meetings in Sierra Leone by applying for a staff position!
What KoopaTV had something better to report on? Uh...
Looks like Rawk DID come back! In 2016.
This staff photo has evolved into a full-on photo comic video series! Watch episode 1 of KoopaTV Adventures here!

KoopaTV's September 2015 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The start of the anti-summer brings some bad news. And some decent consistencies.

Even though school is reportedly ruining everyone's browsing lives (and I will write an article sometime in the future about how that's a myth), KoopaTV's September was pretty much the same as its August, in terms of viewing activity. And in terms of reader interaction, it was a lot better than August, at least according to a count of point distribution in the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program, our on-going contest to give our best/most loyal reader (or "player") a PRIZE. Round 4's (September-October) prize is your choice of $10 in Nintendo, Sony, or Microsoft digital storefront spending money. 

Let's look at our standings for the Loyalty Rewards Program. Remember, we're only halfway through Round 4, but our performers definitely weren't optimal for the amount of points you can get in a half of a round. You can swoop in and get some sweet code!

1. ShinyGirafarig — 44 points
2. Samantha Lienhard — 38 points
3. Marmar Omgcheez — 7 points

Based on the previous time we had a two-month round (Round 3), folks at the top can get very... complacent in the second half of the round. Be weary of that, folks.

Before we get to the top five recommended articles from September 2015, we have important news regarding one of KoopaTV's previous articles that is also directly related to KoopaTV's flagship videogame, Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!! (playable here on your browser for free).

KoopaTV has a strategy guide covering the five bosses in the game. The guide for the fourth boss has mysteriously disappeared, and we're investigating why. This has caused a gap in our stellar record of having an article every day. That said, KoopaTV does have the article backed up, so we can just republish it. We'd rather figure out why it was taken down, first.

There is no (Boss 4) Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!! Strategy Guide!

...By the way, reminder: All of our +1s disappeared when we switched domain names. So if you want to help us out, +1 a bunch of KoopaTV stuff on your Google account.

Okay, top five recommended article time! Here is a list of five of the KoopaTV articles from September 2015 that you really have to read if you just lived in a cave (or schoolhouse detention) for the past month. In chronological order.

1. Corporate America: A Minion's Training Ground
2. Elect Ledge Trump for President 2016!
3. Shigeru Miyamoto is NOT Bowser Jr.'s Mother!
4. Ace Attorney: Anime, New Live-Action, and TGS Live Stream Details on Ace Attorney 6!
5. Sleeping vs. Eating: A Problem With Gamer Culture

I asked the other staff members to provide me what their list of five would be, and the one I would give is almost totally different than their lists. That speaks to the quality of articles from September. So that's a real treat to y'all.
 
Also, just to cheat as the "sixth" article that you have to read... We have a staff shake-up, with RawkHawk2010 leaving KoopaTV's staff a third time. His absences before have been about a month-long each, so he should be coming back. Really soon. I hope. I miss him.

With him gone, our staff shortage is all the more apparent. Please consider joining KoopaTV's staff for one of the many possible positions we have! If you got any talent or even no talent, we have something for you to do to help our cause of spreading Truth and Levity in the videogame industry!

No talent? That's right, we just posted a new job position, the "Data Entry Minion"! The name for that is inspired from the first in our list of top five recommended articles, so really go read that one. You don't need any skills besides being able to copy-paste things, really.

...So that disqualifies mobile-only people. We'll keep discriminating against y'all.


Even if KoopaTV discriminates against you, you should still help promote KoopaTV. Maybe if you buy some KoopaTV merchandise, the proceeds can go to accommodating your awful Internet-browsing devices? But if you can't do that, then sharing KoopaTV around is totally free! Share to your friends! Your enemies! Random people! And you can get points in the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program for referring people, don't forget.


KoopaTV's staff met for our quarterly meeting and took a photo of it. That's gotta mean good things.
See last month's newsletter for... whatever we mentioned last month.
Next month's article has headers again. That's gotta be worth looking at.
Last year's September newsletter has us inching closer to our modern name scheme for these articles.
Next year's September newsletter in 2016 has less information than this one, but that's not bad, is it?