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Monday, October 12, 2015

Europe, Cats vs. Dogs Splatfest, and American Leadership

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's about time someone outsources something to America.

Let's ignore that Ludwig's official Splatfest endorsement last week ended in a total disaster (I mean, it was close but a loss is a loss) and talk about the next Splatfest... which is coming up this weekend, the 17th.

It's going to be in Europe only. The theme, as the article title states, is... Cats vs. Dogs. In other words, it's a repeat of North America's very first Splatfest that took place July 4th.

Splatoon Splatfest Europe Cats vs. Dogs Team Nintendo Wii U October 17
They're even using the same picture!
Made in America.

I guess, considering how close Cats vs. Dogs was in North America (well, Dogs won in a landslide in popularity), it should be sort of interesting to see the results.

Actually, it's pretty close. According to FEDIAF (which somehow is the acronym for "The European Pet Food Industry Federation"), cats and dogs are pretty much equal in ownership at 24-25% across European households. That said, I guess there are more cats per household than dogs. See the below charts.

FEDIAF pet population European Union Europe dogs cats
No matter how you divide Europe, cats come out on top.
...Poor reptiles. We'll conquer Europe some day. First Europe, then the world!

However, not everyone in Europe has a Wii U...

FEDIAF dog cat pet Europe households ownership
Would like to note that France is a major Wii U constituency, along with a cat one.

Reminder that I played on Team Cats back when the Splatfest first happened, so I would really like Team Cats to get vengeance. Even if it takes Europe to do it.

In my article last week on Monday, I raised the idea about the European guy in charge of the Splatfests being fired for terrible ideas. Well, that might've actually happened if they're reusing assets from North America! (Or he got transferred to the mail room.) Europe delayed its Splatfest a whole week just to still end up with the lazier option? Sounds like something is going on there.

Now, I hope that this won't start a trend of each region using other region assets. I mean, a lot of Japan's themes only make sense in Japan. They're good for Japan, yes, but not for export. A lot of Europe's themes are either just really bad, or there wouldn't be any reason for them having different results in other regions. Basically, America is the world leader here. Which is how things should be. That's why KoopaTV generally writes about America's themes, because they're more interesting and thought-provoking.

Unfortunately, tomorrow (Tuesday) there will be a debate among five United States presidential candidates on CNN starting at 8:30 PM or 9 PM Eastern, depending on what activity you consider to be the start of a debate, that we'll cover in some capacity. Well, that's not the unfortunate part. The unfortunate part is that the leading candidates in that debate believe that America shouldn't be the world leader. They believe that America should follow Europe's lead. One such candidate (Bernie Sanders, to name names) openly admits his platform is adopted from socialist European countries. They don't want America to be exceptional and be the best country in the world by developing its own unique solutions and policies.

But, as we can see from Splatfest themes, America is clearly more talented and creative. If only its prospective leaders recognised this and didn't want to degrade the United States.

United Kingdom distance to Australia compared to United States
Hey, why is Oceania with Europe? Look at the distances!

By the way, the biggest victims in all of this are Australia and New Zealand. Not only are their games very overpriced, but they have to be lumped into Europe's failed shenanigans for Splatfests. Plus, Australia is farther away from the United Kingdom than the United States to the United Kingdom. Think about the lag impact! Too bad Oceania can't be paired with Japan for purposes of latency. Even if they wouldn't understand Japan's themes. Still better than Europe.

Ludwig hopes he doesn't have to play Europe's themes. Or Japan's themes. This article wasn't read by KoopaTV's resident European before publishing, or else it probably wouldn't pass quality assurance. This was supposed to be a Squidwig article but then it got too political and not in-universe. Ludwig writes in British English but is still fine with trashing Europe. Stay tuned to KoopaTV for continued over-saturation of Splatoon-related content compared to other games!

So how did the Democrats do? Well, click here to read KoopaTV's judgment.
Europe has its own original Splatfest ideas later on.


  1. Hey why does that dog get two bones? This is already biased.

    I am worried that people will just go for dogs because of the NA results and wants their snails rather than out of devotion for their favorite pet. But I think most players are better than that as people can get really defensive about their prefered animal of choice.

    Seeing that Cars won desite the popularity disadvanatage to the extreme maybe there will be a chance after all. After all Cars is one letter away from Cats.

    Also my cat really wants revenge:

    1. Your cat looks pissed off at the amiibo!

      (To your point of Cars and Cats being closely spelled, I almost wrote "carts".)

      Hm, good point. I'll share that to Feline Frequency. They're interested in that.

      I feel like Europeans want to differentiate themselves from the Americans (after all, Europe makes fun of America's intelligence and obesity despite the reality saying Europe is pretty much equal in that), so they won't assume that just because America is pro-dog that their fellow Europeans would also be pro-dog.

      ...Also, even though I know I didn't write this article with this in mind, Europe isn't monolithic. They're different from one another a lot. So there's the potential for in-fighting!

    2. What's this about Feline Frequency and what point did I make that you are sending them?

      And cats better win this time or my cat is going to become a Sony fangirl:

    3. They're a parody of Feminist Frequency, except instead of women it's cats.

      The point about the number of bones.

      Nice and comfy PS3 instruction book pillow.

    4. Nice. *bookmarks*.

      And while those of the pugtriarchy will say the cat has a nice jewelry on the collar to even out for the extra bone the dog has, it is a bell and that bell is supposed to make it harder for cats to hunt so it is still an unfair disadvantage on the cat's part.

    5. I never knew why people put bells and other stuff on cat collars.

    6. People are concerned that cats hunt wildlife so the bell will make noise to scare the wildlife away so cats won't sneak on them. But cats are smarter than that and know how to walk even more stealthily so the bell won't ring as they are stalking.

      And my cat killed two mice that came uninvited. Why would I want it to be harder for her?

    7. Good job, smart meows.

      So you support unwanted intruders being killed? :p

      Would dogs not "hunt wildlife" as well?

    8. The mice are vermin in our apartment.

      My friend borrowed the dog that belongs to their parents-in-law and said that the dog managed to kill a mouse too but was a really messy job with guts everywhere. My cat leaves the whole mouse intact.

      The dog will also go after squirrels and probably other wildlife too if given the chance. Just another example of the puptriarchy making humans be biased against felines by claiming cats do things that they do themselves.

    9. Woah, mice ain't vermin. Hasn't Redwall taught you anything?

      So meows are clean assassins while woofs are barbarians?

    10. Plan to tell Feline Frequency about the win? They did tweet about the European Splatfest when it was still upcoming. Now they should know about the win.

    11. Uh, I wasn't planning to.

      ...fine I will.


      Guess it worked well.

  2. Replies
    1. (...)

      (I guess she has nothing to say.)

      Whether it's America or Europe, I'm still rooting for cats.

    2. Since I don't have Splatoon, I didn't have much to say except to throw in my support for cats.

      I considered making a Ghost Trick reference, but I couldn't figure out a good spoiler-free one.

    3. I didn't expect to still be having a large portion of my writings be about Splatoon in October.

      That's gotta say something positive about the world of Splatoon.

    4. Splatoon certainly seems to be popular.

      Some of us still aren't convinced it's for us, though.


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