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Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Ludwig's Live Reactions to the Mario Kart 8 Direct!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'm a showy anti-hero.

I waited for a bit (like, four hours), but the other KoopaTV contributors didn't sign onto AIM. ...Tsk, it's still April! Don't just oversleep everything! It's Nintendo's Mario Kart 8 Direct! Unannounced and silently uploaded to YouTube! And I'm in it!

...Ow.
Follow along with my thoughts. They really aren't all that special, though. ...Eh, yes they are.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Play Nintendo: NINTENDO AT E3 2014!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Expect coverage from KoopaTV. Just like E3 2013.

This is huge news. Watch, from Nintendo, about their E3 2014 plans:



The video is reminiscent of their 1990s ads against Sony and SEGA, actually. The one with Star Fox 64 being "leaked". Amazing stuff here.

In summary, we have:
  • Nintendo Digital Event at June 10 2014, 12 PM EST
  • Super Smash Bros. 4 Invitational Tournament at Los Angeles
  • Super Smash Bros. 4 "Smash-Fest" at Best Buy
  • Nintendo Treehouse Live @ E3
I'll give brief thoughts on all of these. Right now. Also, Nintendo's E3 site got updated.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Don't Drown Out The Ideas!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Let the battle of ideas be waged on the ideas, not the personalities.

There are a lot of movements going around, trying to capture your attention. As with any complicated organized...thing, there are a lot of side-stories associated with movements. KoopaTV's Nintendo eShop ESRB policy movement? Well, it's... associated with KoopaTV, the site that gives voice to neo-Confederates. Cliven Bundy's ranch being invaded by federal dudes with guns to collect unpaid grazing fees? He's apparently a racist. The "Miiquality" movement that wants gay marriage in Tomodachi Life? Their pro-gay video got flagged and deleted on YouTube by... someone. We don't know who, but it was not KoopaTV!

...Seriously, stop looking at us like we did it. Just because we're against "Miiquality" does not mean that we want to shut down the voices of opposition. That's what left-wing people do. We're different.

Anyway, every side-story or interesting sub-narrative is nice for entertainment, but it should not derail your message. When you let things derail the main idea, bad things happen. We lose great presidential candidates, for example. We don't want that to happen.

Friday, April 25, 2014

KoopaTV's Ad Policy

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Please turn off Adblock.

It's official! KoopaTV is monetized. That does not mean we're sellouts to anyone or anything. We're already corporate slaves... or something. From the very beginning. Nothing will change in that respect!

The point is, is that you now see ads up. These are provided by Google AdSense. KoopaTV has no relationship with any of the companies you see advertising. Unless we do. But if we do, then that has no relationship with why they're there. Unless it does. Then we'll say that here in an update.

KoopaTV wants you to turn off any adblocking software when browsing KoopaTV. You can do so by doing something like this:

I'm not an expert on other browsers but I'm sure you can figure it out!

We don't like intrusive or unappealing, creepy ads either, so if you see any of those, leave a comment here (or e-mail us at ads(at)koopatv.org) with a screenshot of that, or words saying who is providing that ad. We'll ban that advertiser from KoopaTV. Usually we don't like to ban things here, but keeping you safe from abusive ads is very important!

We can force you to disable it on KoopaTV to access it, but we're also not into such authoritarian measures.

Honestly, since these are targeted ads, they can actually be pretty fun to see what Google decides is relevant to the article at hand. We consider it a value-added activity.

For example, this showed up on Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!!, except without the redacting. Also she's wearing a shirt, but redacting things is actually kind of fun. KoopaTV does not endorse this company beyond their sponsorship.

We'll maintain the same great content at KoopaTV either way. And perhaps non-same content that's still great. Gotta innovate, you know? Perhaps making money will aid in that process, and we can offer content with a budget of more than zero! Then we can finally make that call to EA's tolled customer service number...!

Update 9/12/2015: KoopaTV's ads have been removed for some reason.


Thursday, April 24, 2014

Don't Trust The Plumbers In An Easter Egg Roll

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Oh, they'll roll them. Into death.

When Nintendo posted on their Facebook page a couple of days ago that those slimy murderous brothers were participating in the White House's "Easter Egg Roll", I immediately feared the worst. This is still going off that fear, but look at these pictures:

Get those kids away from them!
They're a bad influence with their big bellies.

They're just innocently rolling eggs, right? It's just a game... Or so you would think. The theme for the year is "Hop Into Health, Swing Into Shape". What kind of hopping and swinging do these guys do?

The murderous kind.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

I Want My Miiverse Integration Dammit

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - My undocumented accomplishments are like undocumented workers. They're there, but no one knows about them!

Here's another article of me bitching about getting banned from Miiverse. But don't worry: This one actually has some value to it. Also, apologies for saying "undocumented workers". You know I really mean "illegal immigrants", but parallel phrasing takes precedence over being politically incorrect.

This morning, I beat the final boss of Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze. It was a tough fight. Great music. Awesome ending cutscene. Especially with Dixie Kong doing what she does. I don't want to spoil it for you if you haven't gotten to the end (or don't own it yet). There is a Lost World like I said there would be, though! It's not blatantly Yoshi-themed. I didn't outright say it would be though, I just said it would be feasible. I did say 2014 would be the "Year of Yoshi" which hasn't happened yet. It probably won't happen after the disaster Yoshi's New Island turned out to be, so that's an incorrect prediction by me. Sorry. Rarely happens.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

New Ace Attorney! Shu Takumi's Project Revealed!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The NEW one. Directed by Shu Takumi.

We don't usually piggyback off news announcements because we're always later than other people (well, besides the George Zimmerman in Super Smash Bros. 4 announcement... yesterday), but this is Capcom's Ace Attorney series. It's the darling of KoopaTV. So here we go!

 TAKE THAT!
Oh, right, we have slightly better production values than that.
TAKE THAT!
Mr. Wright! ...Except ancient.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Super Smash Bros. -- George Zimmerman Makes His Stand!

By RAWKHAWK2010 - Heroes always arrive late.

KoopaTV got an exclusive trailer from Sakurai. Words do it no justice (or peace!). 



George Zimmerman will be the second Punch-Out!! character, representing the Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!! part of the franchise. His DLC may have been canceled, but he has been given a second chance to duke it out with the likes of Donkey Kong and Greninja.


Want to fangirl over Zimmerman's Smash Bros. debut with someone who won't threaten to kill you? Then follow RawkHawk2010 on Miiverse! (But not Ludwig because he's banned.)


Zimmerman made his stand here, but he had to sit down eventually. He was canceled from the project.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Letter to Miiverse Event Review

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I wouldn't unban me based on this, but maybe they will.

Yesterday I got banned from Miiverse. I have a Wii U. I could just make an alternate account. But I want to do things the honest way. Part of that includes waiting.

The other part is contacting Nintendo customer service.

I still haven't heard back from Nintendo from my e-mail after this article was published, but hopefully this is more critically considered than that one. Turns out I have a lot more to say than just wanting to be unbanned.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Ludwig Got Banned From Miiverse

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - What am I going to put in my article footers now?!

This has been foreshadowed for a long, long time now. Still, I never wanted this to happen. It's something I've feared for that long time.

Update April 25: To make it clear, PrinceOfKoopas is unbanned from Miiverse on May 1.

To Miiverse Jail! :(

It just so happens that this is the same day that those "infamous Koopalings" are able to be fought in Super Mario Bros. 3's ports on both the 3DS and Wii U. Got notifications on both those today.

Those "infamous Koopalings" are so bad, they need to be banned off Nintendo's social network, Miiverse, too!

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

What do Pac-Man and Hillary Clinton Have In Common?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - A sense of inevitability.

Recently on Miiverse, since Ridley has been slain, people are just obsessing over Pac-Man. Why would anyone want to do this? One of the first things we did when we made KoopaTV was establish how much we're against Pac-Man being in Super Smash Bros. 4, especially if he would be in just because Namco-Bandai is Sakurai's squad of code-monkeys.

The fact is, people assume that Pac-Man will be in because he is Namco's mascot. Pac-Man is not the most qualified Namco character. Just like Hillary Clinton is not the most qualified Democrat Party nominee. She has done nothing in her life but ride along her husband's success. She has no accomplishments, just like Pac-Man has no accomplishments on any Nintendo system.

Hillary Clinton TIME Magazine Pac-Man
Planet Pac-Man.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Today's Taxes Could Be Funding Our Lifestyle

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Still support the welfare state now?

Today is April 15. You know what that means? It's the one year anniversary of the Boston Marathon Bombings. Condolences to all our readers from Massachusetts.

...Nevermind, who the hell from Massachusetts would read KoopaTV?

April 15 is also tax collection day. If you haven't sent the IRS your hard-earned money yet, then they'll probably send their vultures after you. Incidentally, April 21 is Tax Freedom Day.That means, starting January 1, you're working from then to April 21 just to pay your taxes for the year. Everything after that you get to spend on things that you actually need to live on. Like food, rent, Obamacare premiums, and videogames.

What do those taxes go to? Some of them goes to fund welfare programs. It turns out that we at KoopaTV could apply to those and make a living off them. Sure, that'd be fraud, but we could at least get our meals that way.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Gay Life Isn't Tomodachi Life

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Friends? No, you must be gay lovers!

I honestly didn't think I'd be talking about Tomodachi Life again so soon, or ever. Turns out that the militant gay agenda, now satisfied with wrecking Mozilla, is setting its sights on Nintendo. They expect Nintendo to be like EA and to promote homonormativity, instead of maintaining heteronormativity like 95% of America. I made that number up.

Specifically, the gay agenda is in an uproar that Nintendo patched a glitch in Tomodachi Life that prevented the game from continuing (you cannot save the game), with the side-effects of Miis being gay. Apparently, it doesn't matter if your game breaks. Having your male Mii bone another male Mii is a lot more important. The game is not about sexual relationships: It's about friends.

Friday, April 11, 2014

KoopaTV's Campaigns

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Keeping track of what we stand for.

After hundreds of articles, KoopaTV has taken strong stances on a number of things. It can be hard to keep track of them all. Since I haven't made a new Index yet, this is something helpful I can do to let you all know who we are and what we stand for, and to find resources quickly. 

The way the linked articles are set up, they contain very related links to other articles at the bottom or embedded within the article.

...'kay we're done with this article as of June 13, 2015.


Continuing:


Activism Campaigns:


    Marketing Campaigns:


      Intellectual-Based:

      Finished:

    • Obtaining an answer from EA about the Madden Curse movie 



    • Ludwig will keep this list continually updated. Don't worry about that. It's up to you to check it.

      Thursday, April 10, 2014

      KoopaTV's Live Reactions to TOMODACHI LIFE!

      By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Weirdest thing all year.

      Apparently, it's time for yet another Nintendo Direct. I'm Nintendork 13 13, YoshiRider123 is masteryoshirider, and RawkHawk2010 is... RawkHawk2010! We're watching the Tomodachi Life Direct! What is this mysterious game with many Miis? What is going ON?! Join us.


      Wednesday, April 9, 2014

      Smash Direct: Direct Awesomeness

      By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Doubled our knowledge base of the game in 39 minutes.

      I could write a long dissertation detailing my observations of the 39 minutes of Masahiro Sakurai's AMAZING Nintendo Direct for Super Smash Bros. 4, but a lot of those are already covered from our Live Reaction log yesterday. So here's a more-than-short-but-still-not-super-detailed one.

      Tuesday, April 8, 2014

      KoopaTV's SMASH DIRECT Live Reactions

      By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - AND THE REVEALS!

      It has been a while since we've done one of these, so let's make it brief: KoopaTV sometimes does Live Reaction logs whenever there are Nintendo Directs. We do these in AIM in our [Koopa Keep] Blast. I'm Nintendork 13 13, Kamek is Ultralink1000, YoshiRider123 is masteryoshirider, and... returning with us from his leave of absence, RawkHawk2010 is back! 

      And what a thing to come back to, since this was a spectacular and amazing Nintendo Direct hosted by Masahiro Sakurai for Super Smash Bros. 4. True to his form, he's a mischievous little troll.



      Monday, April 7, 2014

      What Nintendo's eShop ESRB Lock-Out Policy Affects

      By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - To help keep up the pressure, I offer you investigative journalism.

      One of the decent things KoopaTV is trying to accomplish is to force persuade Nintendo to make a change to the ESRB lockout of consumers who are under 17 from buying M-rated games. If the consumer has parental permission, they should be able to buy the game because purchases should ultimately be the parents' decision using the ESRB as a guideline. In other words, KoopaTV supports power to the parents. One of the effects the current policy has is lowering the amount of sales Capcom's Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Dual Destinies can achieve. However, one question that people have been wondering since KoopaTV rose the issue is "what other games are affected?"

      To be clear, in retail stores, parents can buy their under-17 kids M-rated games. Parents can currently not do the same thing in the eShop. This makes eShop-exclusive M-rated titles at a competitive disadvantage that exists solely because of Nintendo's NNID system that forces you to submit your birth date. So here's the list I've compiled through the use of the ESRB's search system and the Nintendo eShop search system. If the eShop says "Nintendo 3DS Retail/Download", then it's available via retail and the forced eShop lock can obviously be bypassed that way. So it's only rated M and download-only.

      Friday, April 4, 2014

      Smash 4 Direct Coming To You!

      By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Directly.

      Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe this will be the first time we will see Masahiro Sakurai himself in a Nintendo Direct. That means Hideki Kamiya got one before Sakurai does. Sakurai was previously in this, but that's not a Direct:

      He looks handsome there. Anyway, in his words,
      "I also have another important announcement. On 4/8, at 3 PM PST (8/4 11 PM UK time), we'll be airing a Super Smash Bros. Direct!! There will be all kinds of info about the new Smash Bros. games on this simultaneous global stream that will be delivered "directly" to you, so don't miss it! You'll be able to watch the stream from the official site (www.smashbros.com)."
      Those British have to wait four months for it, but the rest of us have something to look forward to. KoopaTV will of course cover it.

      I don't advise speculating too much. Do expect a new character. Don't expect more than one new character. Of course, a new character trailer will just take 3 minutes, and this Direct will certainly be more than that. Remember: It's DEDICATED to Super Smash Bros. 4. So expect a lot of information. Perhaps footage on actual gameplay? Then Smashboards can analyze the hell out of it. They're already super-hyped.

      Sakurai must recognize Mario Kart 8 as a competitor for Nintendo fans' attention. So with all that new information from yesterday, Sakurai must recover! Even though I'm in Mario Kart 8, my loyalties for attention still rest in Sakurai.

      To this day, I'm still wondering how some people on Miiverse don't know Sakurai's post of the day is a thing. You know, those people who never visit the Smash community. That's one of the main attractions of going on there every day!


      Ludwig is a mainstay on Miiverse, recently celebrating one year of being there. Follow him at NNID PrinceOfKoopas! You won't regret it.

      Thursday, April 3, 2014

      MK8 Flood Of Info: Wendy Abuse And More!

      By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Speaking of floods, no FLUDD in sight. Good.

      You might think to yourself, if you've already seen the smattering of coverage today of Mario Kart 8, "why is Ludwig singling out Wendy O. Koopa?" Well, it's REALLY noticeable, and I'm sensitive to Koopa-abuse.


      She's hit by a Red Shell at :46 by Shy Guy, hit by Peach at 1:38 with the new "Eight" item (which is pretty much the Rosalina twirl gravity thing), and hit by Shy Guy AGAIN at 1:46 by the Eight item AGAIN. There is, of course, a lot more to notice than that: New items, courses, characters, awesome music... But dang, Wendy O. Koopa is not doing well here. And I'm pretty sure I don't show up at all.

      Wednesday, April 2, 2014

      KoopaTV's March Madness

      By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And a day of April.

      Okay. Confession to make: Everything published April 1 was for April Fools. KoopaTV will not become a liberal Sony website. And I will never use the phrase "trigger warning" at the top of any article ever again. Just disregard everything in those two articles, information-wise.

      Now then, March 2014. KoopaTV unexpectedly (well, no, I said we'd be back after a month in February, didn't I?) returned to the world mid-week. Good thing, too: March was our best month yet for views. And perhaps even article quality consistency. Every article on the site is worth reading, and that especially applies to March as we got a wide variety of excellent commentary. I also learned that you people hate polls, which is the complete opposite of myself personally.

      Without further ado, here is my list of the top 5 recommended articles from March I suggest you read, listed chronologically:

      1. Ludwig in February Direct
      2. Mustering Remasters
      3. One Year as a Wii U Owner
      4. Nintendo Redirect: Occupy Nintendo Street!
      5. Fact-Checking: Rick Santorum's "Obamaville" 
      Certain articles were excluded from being picked for being composed of soft-pornography. We won't be doing that again, I hope. Hope April is just as good.


      Tuesday, April 1, 2014

      Nintendo: Finding Brains Where There Are None

      By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - CALLING OUT: The cushy cushy relationship between Republicans and Nintendo.

      TRIGGER WARNING: THIS ARTICLE DEALS WITH THAT WAR CRIMINAL GEORGE WALKER BUSH. This is also AN OPINION. Free speech zone here!

      Back in 2006, those bastards at Nintendo gave WAR CRIMINAL GEORGE WALKER BUSH a Nintendo DS Lite and a copy of Brain Age. In a wink-wink, nudge-nudge moment, they attached a letter as well. (Reproduced below)

      A More Tolerant KoopaTV

      By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Time to move on with the times.

      For 14 or so years, I neglected the fact that we're in the 21st century. That means that my backwards, conservative ways are completely outdated and unsuited for the time period we live in. That's affecting KoopaTV's bottom line to the point where we make no revenue! So that's the top line, actually. Also, no one plays Nintendo games anymore. That's probably impacting things as well.

      Yesterday's article got me thinking about what to do to continually improve the site. If we take a look over to NeoGAF, they're a highly progressive, extremely tolerant gaming website that is one of the biggest on the web. KoopaTV is highly reactionary, and because it's conservative-leaning, intolerant. Therefore, I need to make a change. 

      I hereby renounce KoopaTV's history of bigotry and hatred. Our reputation as a "hate site" shall end today! As a result, we will become more tolerant. How so? Read on...