For 14 or so years, I neglected the fact that we're in the 21st century. That means that my backwards, conservative ways are completely outdated and unsuited for the time period we live in. That's affecting KoopaTV's bottom line to the point where we make no revenue! So that's the top line, actually. Also, no one plays Nintendo games anymore. That's probably impacting things as well.
Yesterday's article got me thinking about what to do to continually improve the site. If we take a look over to NeoGAF, they're a highly progressive, extremely tolerant gaming website that is one of the biggest on the web. KoopaTV is highly reactionary, and because it's conservative-leaning, intolerant. Therefore, I need to make a change.
I hereby renounce KoopaTV's history of bigotry and hatred. Our reputation as a "hate site" shall end today! As a result, we will become more tolerant. How so? Read on...
- Starting tomorrow, delete every intolerant article on the site. I'll go article-by-article and destroy every blight of intolerance!
- Destroy Trayvon Tyson's Punch-Out!!, for it is foul.
- The KoopaTV staff will undergo diversity training courses.
- We'll also include "KoopaTV is committed to creating a diverse environment and is proud to be an equal opportunity employer. All qualified applicants will receive consideration for employment without regard to race, color, religion, gender, gender identity or expression, sexual orientation, national origin, genetics, disability, age, or veteran status." at the bottom of every page.
- Comments will be screened for intolerance to foster diversity.
- Change the style guide to no longer require the mention of the Great President Obama's middle name every time he is referenced.
- Clearly distinguish between opinion-oriented articles and fact-reporting articles.
- KoopaTV's old themes of truth and levity no longer apply. Oppression and privilege are no laughing matter.
Speaking of gigantic stashes of cash, Nintendo is the biggest offender of all. They're a terrible company, and we should take the advice of KoopaTV readers and return our Nintendo products to GameStop. There's a reason why Sony's PlayStation 4 has sold more worldwide than the Wii U despite Nintendo's year-long head-start — Nintendo is undergoing a regime of oppression upon its own fanbase! It would be foolish to keep targeting this niche demographic, so starting tomorrow, the KoopaTV logo will look something like this:
|Made up of Sony's face buttons. ...If you can do a better job with this, then please remake this.|
Here is the bonus article.