Don't Trust The Plumbers In An Easter Egg Roll

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Oh, they'll roll them. Into death.

When Nintendo posted on their Facebook page a couple of days ago that those slimy murderous brothers were participating in the White House's "Easter Egg Roll", I immediately feared the worst. This is still going off that fear, but look at these pictures:

Get those kids away from them!

They're a bad influence with their big bellies.

They're just innocently rolling eggs, right? It's just a game... Or so you would think. The theme for the year is "Hop Into Health, Swing Into Shape". What kind of hopping and swinging do these guys do?

The murderous kind.

It's unclear whether or not these guys were even invited by the Obamas. They're not mentioned anywhere on the White House's website.

I didn't think the White House lawn would be so... decimated.

Let's assume they're not party-crashers, though. Though that's something Mario is known for.

This happened years ago, though.

The fact is, these guys are public enemies. It fits that they're apparently now best friends with President Obama, joining the list of other Obama confidantes like the Reverend Al Sharpton, the terrorist Bill Ayers, and the Reverend Jeremiah Wright. They exist to destroy. They do not seek to be good models to young children! Coincidentally, these fat men completely undermine Michelle Obama's "Let's Move" program, too. Barack is also into undermining that!

Not that I think what Mrs. Obama is doing is a good thing but come on.

The plumbers have a notorious history of breaking eggs, whether they be Yoshi ones, exotic Koopa variants, or using them as weapons. Easter is about the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Rebirth. Recreation. It's not the time to be destroying things. That's the opposite of rebirth. That's death.

Apparently people think this is Ganondorf. No, it's Thomas Jefferson. One of my favourite presidents.

President Barack Hussein Obama himself wants people to destroy their own eggs. Fertilized, too.

By the way, the premise of this article completely contradicts the one I wrote on April Fool's Day. Good thing, too. That was a strange time.

Known genocidal sadistic murders are invited into the White House lawn for an Easter Egg roll. They wreck eggs. They hop to kill, not for anyone's health. Although their swinging resulted in a fantastic videogame, and also a cartoon theme song.

I guess that's "swinging into shape". A really round shape.

Ludwig is still not a Christian, but he's more than happy to use Christian themes to bash the Mario Brothers.

As an example of that, click here for a horrible Santa!
For more action on White House lawns, look here. Pokémon are spotted!
The plumbers go to Ben's, while Sonic goes to Sonic's.
Mario then shows up to a Hillary Clinton rally. Not as fun as Easter eggs.