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Monday, April 14, 2014

Gay Life Isn't Tomodachi Life

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Friends? No, you must be gay lovers!

I honestly didn't think I'd be talking about Tomodachi Life again so soon, or ever. Turns out that the militant gay agenda, now satisfied with wrecking Mozilla, is setting its sights on Nintendo. They expect Nintendo to be like EA and to promote homonormativity, instead of maintaining heteronormativity like 95% of America. I made that number up.

Specifically, the gay agenda is in an uproar that Nintendo patched a glitch in Tomodachi Life that prevented the game from continuing (you cannot save the game), with the side-effects of Miis being gay. Apparently, it doesn't matter if your game breaks. Having your male Mii bone another male Mii is a lot more important. The game is not about sexual relationships: It's about friends.

This manufactured outrage isn't just at NeoGAF. It's obvious why it would be there: Fascist militant gay movement participants are birds of a feather flocking together with left-wing fascism. They literally want to "give shit" to Nintendo for not allowing same-sex relationships because of "international considerations". No, unfortunately it's over at Miiverse, too. On a side note, what gets you banned over at NeoGAF does not get you banned over at Miiverse, so it's pretty clear who the real totalitarians are.

While I'm not interested in Tomodachi Life myself, people who otherwise were are literally not getting the game because they cannot get male Miis pregnant. They're actually boycotting it. What a petty reason. They want "representation". Should every sexually deviant subgroup on the planet get representation? Or even every group ever? That's a pain in the ass to program, kind of like the pain in the ass that these outraged people want to experience. It gets to the heart of what is in the brains of these people: Homosexuality in real life and homosexuality in games! It doesn't stop, because these people are too insecure to roleplay.

"Well why not give straight people the choice to roleplay as gay people?"

I mean, if you really want, you can do a lot. You can make your female Mii look exactly like a guy. Roleplaying involves imagination on your part. You can make one of your Miis Dixie Kong and be a furry. (Hm...) You can probably simulate the 2011-2012 Republican Presidential Primary. And Mark Block can finally star in a videogame. (All of these come from the bottom of the second link in the first paragraph of this article. Oh what the hell I'll link it again.) You know, maybe I will get this game...

Beefcake Reggie Fils-Aime
“Sorry guys, but Beefcake Reggie is for the women out there. Not you.”

The point is, you can roleplay without sexuality involved. What is the difference between a gay Mii and a straight Mii? Nothing, except one has natural intercourse under the lover-cover. And you'll never get to see that in detail in this game, so that's nothing to get off on.

Are these the same people that want Harvest Moon to have gay marriage and hack it to make that happen? (Why that's a bad idea.) So what if it's 2013 or 2014 now? Family values are timeless. Why do you think society is going down the toilet? It's not videogames or rock'n'roll, but our basic family unit falling apart.

First they came for the sports players, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a sports player.
Then they came for the duck hunters, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a duck hunter.
Then they came for business CEOs, and I did not speak out-- Because I was not a CEO.
Then they came for Nintendo--and there was no one left to speak for Nintendo.
Normal people who happen to be gay don't have a problem with any of this. They don't dedicate their lives to this sort of fringe extremist activism to transform the culture. Having your life begin and end with your sexuality is undermining your own potential as a human being. If you do want to be an activist, here's a list of worthwhile relatively apolitical campaigns you can help with.

Ludwig is regularly ostracized from places because of his political views. However, he's still not banned from Miiverse, so follow him at NNID PrinceOfKoopas. You'll be glad you did.

Ludwig defends the movement just a little bit here. Just a little.
...And then rips on it a lot here. A LOT.
This #Miiquality movement got what it wanted with Fire Emblem Fates.
Nintendo isn't the final step. The final step is YOU.

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