Mario's Subcon Dream Comes From Childhood Memories

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - More specifically, the events of Super Mario Bros. 2 was influenced by the events of Yoshi's Island (chronologically).

Remember: The events of Super Mario Bros. 2 (or Super Mario Advance, the superior way to experience it) were all a dream. They did not actually happen. ...Sorry, I guess that spoiled the game's ending, but I'd like to think everyone knew that already.

That isn't a controversial statement—or shouldn't be, if you understand dreams. However, even though the events of the dream are fictitious, they do represent—even in an indirect way—things that actually happened to the person who was dreaming (Mario). For more information, let's ask an expert in the field. He's known as Pewter. He seems to know what he's talking about:

Pewter: Dreams can only be constructed from images and experiences the subject was present for.
Mizuki's Somnium couldn't have contained that figure if she didn't see it in person.
Of course, not everything we see in our dreams looks exactly the same as it did in the real world.
You saw some strange things in Somnium earlier, didn't you, Date?
That event you experienced is obviously not as it happened in reality.
Dreams are a collage of many memories intertwining and blending with each other.
Your skills as a Psyncer allow you to untangle those dreams and solve mysteries no one else can.

What does the state of Mario's dreamy experience in Super Mario Bros. 2 have to say about his past experiences? I believe the memories he's conjured up come from his childhood, or more specifically, his state as a baby or toddler. Now, this can get messy, because Mario has a time machine, and that's how Baby Mario can co-exist with his adult self in the present at times (or sometimes his adult self is in the past). And sometimes he's even employed his baby self as a... doctor? So that causes scenarios where Baby Mario's memories involve things he's seen way into the future, and that affects Mario's dreams in the present (or past relative to today, when he actually had the dream told by Super Mario Bros. 2). In other words, because of his baby self time travelling, Mario as of Super Mario Bros. 2 is able to dream of things that hadn't happened yet in his life because those were past memories encountered by his baby self in the future.

With that caveat out of the way, we'll try to understand Mario's subconscious for the rest of this article.

The Mushroom Kingdom Hyperinflation and its Problem for the Koopa Clan

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - About the devaluation of the gold coin thanks to Princess Peach's monetary mismanagement.

The gold coins in the Mushroom Kingdom are practically useless. As the reigning monarch of the Mushroom Kingdom, Princess Peach is accountable and responsible for this result that damages the living standards and economy of the Mushroom Kingdom. And as trading partners and users of the same gold coin currency, Koopa Kingdom has a vested interest in wanting the currency to be useful.

For almost twenty years now, I've been thinking about the drastic currency fluctuations the gold coin has had, especially in a short period of time. Take a look at this:

According to that exchange rate, 115 Mushroom Kingdom gold coins equal 10 Beanbean Kingdom coins, or 11.5 Mushroom coins to 1 Beanbean coin. That's not inherently bad. But what is bad is the exchange rate a mere few weeks later:

99,999,999,999,999 Mushroom coins converted to a mere 99 Beanbean coins. (That's 99 trillion, 999 billion, 999 million, 999 thousand, 999 coins.) That's an exchange rate of 1,010,101,010,101 Mushroom coins to 1 Beanbean coin. (That's 1 trillion, 10 billion, 101 million, 10 thousand, 101 coins.) That's a percent change of approximately 8,783,487,044,256.52%. Many economists seem to like the definition of “hyperinflation” being a 50% change in a month. It's almost unfathomable how much more reasonable a normal hyperinflation would be compared to what the Mushroom Kingdom goes through.

If Toadsworth IS Dead, Good Riddance to the Anti-Koopa Bigot

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - This is my idea of a Memorial Day article?

When was the last time you thought about Toadsworth? Toadsworth is (or was) Princess Peach's attendant, a very old chap who was first seen flying with Princess Peach (and that awful red-hatted plumber) to Isle Delfino.

Some people out there believe that Toadsworth is “probably dead.” According to Toadsworth, his lifespan decreases every time Princess Peach is kidnapped, so it's quite possible that he actually is dead by now. But I can't confirm that, since I haven't seen his corpse. He really hasn't shown up in any new event in a very long time, though. Not since the Pi'illo Island incident almost a decade ago. I don't miss him. In fact, he probably hates me, though I haven't met him personally. I think he has something against Koopas in general.

Take a look at the following chemistry table excerpt taken from Mario Superstar Baseball. If you're unaware, Mario Superstar Baseball has a chemistry rating of 0 to 100 for each character for every other character. There is some gameplay application; you need 90 or more chemistry to have "good chemistry" (for faster fielding throws if you throw to a buddy, and stronger charged hits when your buddies are standing at the bases) and 15 or lower for "bad chemistry" (if you throw to an enemy, the ball may be mis-thrown; there is no batting consequence). That means chemistry values between 16 and 89 are superfluous, but they exist anyway. chemistry also matters in team formation when determining the number of Team Stars your team begins with, but that only matters in relation to your captain character and how the team members relate to your specific captain; so it's still superfluous for everything else.

The embedded Copy of Chemistry tab excludes Donkey Kong, Diddy Kong, Wario, Waluigi, Monty Mole, Birdo, Pianta, Noki, and Dixie Kong, since they aren't very relevant to Mushroom Kingdom-Koopa Kingdom relations. (Though if you're interested, Toadsworth's chemistry with them are 63, 62, 24, 23, 51, 69, 72, 73, and 61, respectively.) If you want the full table, go here.

Alex Jones Is Wrong About Mario Hallucinating Koopas

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I think it's weird that I just wrote that headline.

Weird stuff starts happening in the culture when things get popular. We're going from a high-production Saturday Night Live skit to... what this article is about. For the past several months, right-wing grifters have been inconsistent (as a block—you should not think that they're producing different thoughts from one another in the same time period) on The Super Mario Bros. Movie. They have gone from bashing the movie as a “woke” and “feminist” Hollywood production due to Princess Peach behaving as a confident “girlboss” after the November trailer (you can tell from my live reactions of that trailer that there were several other things that bothered me—I was more concerned about Donkey Kong) to Mario being “anti-woke” and apparently being something that “infuriates [liberals]”. Uh... somehow this discussion happened on right-wing commentator Steven Crowder's web show, featuring guest star and fascinating character Alex Jones.

Alex Jones just cussed out Super Mario in studio. https://t.co/QfhIcHdvF8 pic.twitter.com/A58l3Ruutm

— Steven Crowder (@scrowder) April 10, 2023

Kamek asked me if that clip was out-of-context. So if you really want to sit through the full context, have fun trying to sit through this, I guess. They talk about Hollywood left-wing propaganda and trashing John Leguizamo boycotting The Super Mario Bros. due to its lack of Hispanics on the cast (well, there's nothing wrong with that bit, since John Leguizamo is an imbecile, and Anya Taylor-Joy, voice actress for Princess Peach, happens to have heritage from Argentina which has affected her early life):

LEGO Super Mario Character Pack Series 6, Wendy O. Koopa in the Creativity Toolbox, and Pom Pom on a Balloon Ride

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - What did they do to my sister?!

We didn't cover it (yet), but there were a number of announcements from LEGO as it relates to LEGO Super Mario matters, including The Mighty Bowser (who was the main subject of our last article on LEGO Super Mario product releases), on MAR10 Day 2023. But before we can discuss those, KoopaTV needs to play catch-up to SEVERAL LEGO Super Mario releases that seemed to have come out around December 25, 2022 or January 1, 2023 that never got a press release in the LEGO Newsroom but seemingly just materialised without much fanfare. We're really quite late on this one, but it's also important not to ignore it because some very important people (one of whom is a KoopaTV staffer... in name only, but still) are represented. But she'll be at the end of the article. Read the whole article for a detailed description of the death and destruction that LEGO Super Mario brings to the environments he visits and their local creatures, including Koopas. It's actually quite astonishing what a consistent menace he is.

Ah, note that I own none of these sets. This is just my impressions as a salty Koopaling based on the sets’ product pages.

Ice Mario Suit and Frozen World Expansion Set

For 25 USD, you can get an ice skating set featuring an Ice Mario suit for LEGO Mario (sold separately), as well as a Cooligan (the sliding penguin with sunglasses, because he's cool) and a Goomba. Goomba is already encased in a block of ice, but Mario is supposed to kick the Cooligan into the ice block, which presumably slays the Cooligan. Rather than let the innocent Goomba breathe fresh air, Mario is then supposed to murder the Goomba as well. It's a pretty basic set with little thrills outside of the Cooligan launching into the Goomba's ice block, but it perfectly encapsulates why Mario is such a monster to civilisation, even going to far-off frozen worlds just to murder innocent creatures.

Lava Wave Ride Expansion Set

After slaughtering the cold folks, Mario decided that it's time to go into an opposite extreme environment. For 35 USD, he can ride on a Lava Lift bordered by two Lava Bubbles and then assault a Fire Brother just because he's there. The Lava Lift is repeatedly described as an “oscillating lava wave”, meaning it swings back and forth. He is meant to have the swing's platform (made of skulls) bash the two Lava Bubbles off their habitat. Apparently, it's difficult to stay on the swing, and to raise the blood pressure of the plumber, falling off the swing means death. It's unclear what the Fire Bro. is supposed to be doing, since he's not managing the swing or riding on it. (Perhaps he is actually supposed to be the guy who stands in front of amusement park rides and makes sure you're not too short or too fat to go on it, and Mario's solution to failing both of those is to kill the safety guard.) The page suggests that Mario should bring a friend, such as LEGO Luigi or LEGO Peach, to kill the Fire Bro. while Mario rides the swing by himself.

The Koopalings’ Formerly Green Shells

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Let's dedicate content to this once and for all. Rant coming!

I have been upset for many years now about what Shigeru Miyamoto has done with my shell colour. Well, me and many of my siblings, the Koopalings. Back when we were officially (as in, Nintendo was willing to say this) King Bowser Koopa's children, most of us had green shells to match his green shell, making it clear what our lineage is. Here are examples of our shell colours back before 2009:

Alright, you may say that the Super Mario Bros. 3 cartoon was all sorts of off-model on a frequent basis, but the shell colours were correct. Here is the only set of good sprites that we got before 2009, in Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga. (Everything else was off-model, Hotel Mario (which... is still off-model), or it was Yoshi's Safari, which doesn't give a good view of everyone's backsides.)

The 3DS remake of Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga changed our designs to fit the post-2009 “consensus.”
But at least sprite comics for many years were based on these correct, on-model colours.
(That's Wendy's only sprite with her shell showing on her sprite sheet.)

And then 2009 happened, New Super Mario Bros. Wii came out, and then Shigeru Miyamoto decided everything about us had to change. That we're merely minions of King Bowser and not his kids, and that his only kid is that rascal Bowser Jr. (And you can read that last “his kid” as either King Bowser or as Shigeru Miyamoto.) With that release, the shell colours changed:

Cool, the Media Believes the Mario Bros. are Plumbers Again

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - But about this Brooklyn thing... and those prices.

Remember a few years back when the FAKE NEWS media was reporting that Mario (and Luigi by extension) were officially no longer plumbers? Yeah, that was a whole heap of falsehoods and absurdities. Now those same media outlets want you to forget they ever said that as they talk about how great this commercial supposedly is:

They're also going crazy over his website, which is still... under construction. I see little need to advertise the business website of this website's greatest enemy. But the testimonials on their site are quite bad, with an average 2.7 star out of 5 star review rating, including that they are “SUBPAR” and that those brothers left a couple's “house an absolute MESS!” And with their “expert white-glove service”, they are quite expensive, just as I said they were years ago.

Nintendo's Six-Month Financial Results Q&A Briefing for Fiscal Year Ending March 2023

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Also known as the Question and Answer session for the Corporate Management Policy Briefing for Fiscal Year Ending March 2023.

Following the financial disclosure and corporate management policy briefing marking the halfway point of Nintendo's fiscal year ending March 2023, they took questions. According to the translated Q&A Summary document, there were seven questions and answers, and parts of it “have been edited or revised to improve readability.” We hope that's not trying to hide anything. (It...wouldn't make sense if it WAS trying to be nefarious!)

Let's go through each of those questions for this article, then! If you want to go right to why this article is categorised as Enlightenment Movement, go to Question 6.

Question 1: With the Switch going on its seventh year next year, what is Nintendo planning next?

First of all, Nintendo president Shuntaro Furukawa is focusing on the immediate holiday season ahead of Nintendo. Once that is successful, the Switch's seventh year will be about continued momentum, and trying to sell one Nintendo Switch console to every member of a household. Nintendo's fundamental strategy won't be different than the current one, but the games will be different (such as The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom—personally, I'm still used to seeing “the sequel to The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild”) and there'll be things like The Super Mario Bros. Movie that will actually be released and not just hyped up.

Question 2: How will you keep boosting Nintendo Switch Online's value so more people subscribe?

Furukawa notes that while some people aren't renewing their Nintendo Switch Online subscription (but he didn't give an actual churn metric), more people are subscribing than are cancelling or falling off. While over 36 million people are involved in Nintendo Switch Online, Furukawa wouldn't note how many are part of Expansion Pack. Furukawa connected the Nintendo Account and Nintendo Switch Online as tools to keep people playing their Nintendo Switch “for many years to come.” (I suppose that means its lifecycle will continue beyond the seventh year, too!)

Mitt “Mario” Romney's Dog is Yoshi, not Bowser

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Also, it's fairly awful that the senator is (kind of) dressed up as THAT PLUMBER.

In an unfortunate (and arguably fitting) turn of events, Senator (and former Republican presidential candidate of 2012) Mitt Romney of Utah sort-of dressed up as “It's a-me, Mario!” for the weekend immediately preceding Halloween, and got some of his grandchildren into it too. There's Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach, Princess Daisy, Toad, and Toadette.

It’s a-me, Mario! Enjoyed dressing up with some of the grandkids this weekend. Happy Halloween 🎃 pic.twitter.com/wVDE5nZT6D

— Mitt Romney (@MittRomney) October 31, 2022

I'm not a fan of Mitt Romney's record as a governor, as a presidential candidate (I supported the anti-Romney slate, going from Herman Cain to Newt Gingrich to Ron Paul... and then he totally choked in the general election against President Barack Hussein Obama), and now as a Senator. But the above photo is perhaps the worst thing he's ever done in his life. Dressing up as Mario as Halloween? And he says he ENJOYED it? (Well, zoom in on his face... it doesn't REALLY look like he's having a good time, but I'll take his word for it.)

This is unconscionable. Even worse, he didn't just do it himself. He brought part of his family into it, steering them into a very bad direction. And if it was his grandkids’ idea to begin with, he should know better than to normalise the Mario Brothers. People are getting upset about posing as the likes of Fuhrer Adolf Hitler, serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, or as any black person for Halloween, but Mario is the absolute worst. A genocidal monster on an unheard of scale. And Mr. Romney wasn't doing it to mock the devious red-hatted plumber with overalls (though Mr. Romney omitted the overalls for the photo... and perhaps for the entire day). He “enjoyed” it, and even said, “It’s a-me, Mario!”, clearly tying his personal reputation to Mario's, becoming one and the same. And he also described the occasion as “Happy” as opposed to somber or anything, for the lives of the millions of Goombas and Koopas murdered by him.

But beyond that, there is an even deeper question that people are asking from the photo above:

Mario Got Smashed in the Face by a Strike Ball

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - He deserves a fate far worse than this, of course.

As part of the promotion for the upcoming Mario Strikers: Battle League for the Nintendo Switch (releasing June 10, 2022), Mario's face got smashed in by a Strike Ball. Apparently the theme is “so much fun it hurts!” I don't think the ball was as hard on him as I'd like it to be, since he still has a face left over.

It's important to note that Mario Strikers: Battle League is marketed as “soccer-like”... but it's not soccer. Still, being close enough to soccer has always made me prefer Mario Superstar Baseball to Super Mario Strikers when they both released on the GameCube in late 2005. Unlike Samus Aran, I'm not a fan of just anything with a ball.

I do specifically like the balls that get jammed into Mario's face, though.

It's unclear why in the commercial that Mario turns against Peach (or vice-versa)—she was resting next to him; clearly she wasn't the one who kicked the Strike Ball into his face. And based on the facial expressions, I think it's clear that Mario is the angry guy, declaring his battle cry of “LET'SA GO!” ...Princess Peach kicked Mario into an electric fence out of self-defence.

You might also wonder about the Mushroom Kingdom Princess being on the same team as King Bowser and Wario. Well, clearly she feels more safe with my father than Mario with fire in his eyes going on a rage-fueled tantrum. King Dad was merely helping protect her. I'll do my part as well in my own way.

But I don't need to buy another game to smash Mario's face in with a soccer ball while Peach is napping!
Besides, I'm not even in Mario Strikers: Battle League... neither are a lot of other characters, I hear.

This isn't supposed to be a “Ludwig doesn't care about Mario Strikers: Battle League and there's nothing you can do about it!” article, but rather a “let's show some pictures of Mario being hurt by a soccer ball because that's in an advertisement” article. He wasn't sure if this should be an Artistic Corner article or an Enlightenment Movement article, but upon examination that Princess Toadstool sided with King Koopa against Mario's berserk rampage, then it became clear that this is yet another example of how Mario is a danger to society.


Ludwig didn't get a chance to hit Mario with a Strike Ball during the Mario Strikers: Battle League First Kick demo.

What Got the Maddest Turtle of All Time so Mad

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Is it a happy World Turtle Day... or a mad World Turtle Day?

Did you see this clip that has hundreds of thousands of views?

some dude posted a vid of a turtle mad at him and i have to agree.

this is the maddest turtle of all-time 🐢😡😡😡😂 pic.twitter.com/U6UTaw9VCO

— Allan Bell (@AllanBell247) April 8, 2022

It portrays a tortoise on Earth slowly walk over to a human for about the first quarter of it. Then the tortoise repeatedly headbutts the human's leather shoe for the rest of the video. Why?

The reason is that the tortoise is protesting and taking initiative against humanity's oppressive boots: shoes used for evil. Attributable directly to the Mario Brothers, stomping on the heads of animals is a top method of death for turtles and several other animals, according to People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA).

MAR10 may be Mario Day, but I'll remember it as the day I became a LEGO

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - No one would read this website if THIS was my author avatar on every article.

Today is MAR10. ...Or Mario Day. Or “National Mario Day” if you're Nintendo of America trying to promote a limited-time sale. It's a bad day for everyone, especially for Koopa Kingdom. That's why KoopaTV has been publishing articles this year that are alternatives to MAR10 Day, such as MAR5 for Mars, MAR7 for Marth, and MAR8 for Marx. (Stay tuned for MAR13 for Marie Day.) And while all of Mars, Marth, and Marx are ruthless killers, none of them compare to how ruthless Mario is. I understand that. You should understand that if you're a long-time KoopaTV reader. But even so...

...I was unprepared for today's joint MAR10 announcement from Nintendo and The LEGO Group. It can be summarised in this picture... although I'll go into more text-based detail for sure:

Lemmy Koopa and I join Larry Koopa as LEGO victims.
Were we targeted by The LEGO Group because all of our names begin with L?

Joe Biden Lifts Weight Restrictions from Bridges; Mario and Wario in bridge collapse "accident"

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Unfortunately, the desired roles were reversed.

According to @POTUS, the Twitter account currently operated by President of the United States Joseph Robinette Biden Jr., it's apparently a bipartisan proposal (well, not just a proposal—it's law now) that “when bridges don't have weight restrictions [...] that's how [America] resolve[s] supply chain problems and gets goods to people quicker and cheaper.”

When we move stuff faster through ports, when bridges don’t have weight restrictions, when there’s less traffic on our roads — that’s how we resolve supply chain problems and get goods to people quicker and cheaper.

The Bipartisan Infrastructure Law is helping make it happen.

— President Biden (@POTUS) January 24, 2022

“Bipartisan” may sound sweet and nice, but what's it matter when both parties involved are idiots not acting in the best interest of their constituents? ...I'm not really sure how this benefits the politicians, either.

Listen, I'm a fan of deregulation and reducing government. Less restrictions usually mean more freedom. I get it. But in this specific circumstance, regulation is actually a good thing. The governments (federal and state/local) have, for decades, established weight restrictions on bridges and has worked with the trucking industry to establish standards. Basically, if you're going to be driving a big (heavy) vehicle going over a bridge, they'd rather your vehicle have several axles and be a longer truck (more space between axles) so the weight is spread across a bigger span than have it all concentrated in a smaller space. Otherwise, the bridge will wear down, crack, and eventually collapse. You might not see a collapse immediately, or even within President Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.'s term, but damage will be done. Alternatively, truckers might ignore the lifting of weight restrictions out of concern for their own safety, and pretend like all is normal and regulated.

However, elsewhere, some bad actors are deliberately taking advantage of frail bridges with their massive weight to cause harm to others. At least, that's our theory. Take a look at this footage captured by a Koopa Kingdom operator:

Everyone Got Sick Already, so Dr. Mario World is Ending

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Sick FROM the Megavitamins.

Remember when I published a special and exclusive KoopaTV investigation into what Dr. Mario hoped to accomplish with Dr. Mario World? Basically, the so-called Viruses are a false flag alien species, and the Megavitamins he's feeding people that have increased in potency despite being medically unnecessary are making people more sick than the disease that the Viruses supposedly pass on. Sort of like what vaccine skeptics think is happening on Earth right now with the Chinese Communist Party Virus, except my article was written before that was allowed to spread on Earth.

To help hook everyone on these Megavitamins with dangerous effects on the body, Dr. Mario has went on a hiring spree to get anybody (even babies) and call them a doctor. Again, there are no requirements on making decisions that would result in a desirable patient outcome. It's just to spread the drugs around the world. They even hired not just myself and Wendy, but over the past couple of years the rest of the Koopalings and even Kamek, despite our obvious intention to sabotage his plans. That's how little thought is going into checking the qualifications of who he's hiring.

I'd rather trust Baby Wario with my health than Morton Koopa Jr.

And then yesterday/today he announced an end-of-service for November 1, 2021. Additionally, currency purchases (diamonds) are no longer allowed with his staff, so he's ending his supply of Megavitamins. But why would this happen?

Two-Player LEGO Mario and LEGO Luigi with a WEIRD Trailer

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - (I wanted to try capitalising something besides LEGO in that headline.)

We knew that the “LEGO Super Mario Adventures with Luigi Starter Course” was “compatible” with the rest of the LEGO Super Mario series, but now we know that there is a two-player functionality (or Bluetooth connectivity) between LEGO Luigi and LEGO Super Mario. Or as the press release says, “any combination of the two figures” meaning two LEGO Luigis or two LEGO Marios.

Here's the promised “WEIRD Trailer” from the headline. Watch it, and I'll try to convince you how it's tied in with Mario corrupting the kids:

LEGO and Nintendo Announce "Adventures with Luigi" Starter Set

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Second fiddle? ...Still a danger.

Fresh off the LEGO Group press release:

LEGO Luigi, coming out August 1, 2021. You can (but shouldn't) pre-order the starter course here for $60. LEGO Luigi will be compatible with the already-existing LEGO Super Mario sets that KoopaTV has written extensively about, but he also comes with a couple new noteworthy aspects. Note that it's “LEGO Super Mario” but “LEGO Luigi”. ...Luigi has been barred from claiming superiority. That extends past the name and to the details of the whole set. Let's take a closer look...

Super Mario Bros. 35's Last World Count Challenge ISN'T a Genocide. Just Hyperinflation

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Though Nintendo is finding other ways to promote Goomba genocide.

After a dual-article intense “NEVER AGAIN” lobbying campaign from KoopaTV (and you)—specifically the article condemning the general genocidal Super Mario Bros. 35 1st World Count Challenge (that disproportionately affected Goombas) and the article condemning the genocidal Super Mario Bros. 35 2nd World Count Challenge (that specifically targeted Goombas), Nintendo's third and final World Count Challenge is...for players to cumulatively collect 350 million Coins to win 350 My Nintendo Platinum Points by March 30, 2:59 Eastern. In other words, the goal isn't murder. It's just inflating the Mushroom Kingdom's currency to general uselessness on a scale far more than the millions of coins that Mario was tasked with creating for New Super Mario Bros. 2.

Quite frankly, the very poor monetary policies of the Mushroom Kingdom government doesn't bother me anywhere near genocide does, given how life is of greater importance than international economics. Yes, it makes it extremely difficult for them to be a viable trading partner, despite their abundance of natural resources.

I was supposed to write a detailed article on the Mushroom Kingdom's inflation woes many years ago and still haven't done so, but this isn't that article. This article is just happy about the lack of widespread incentivised genocide.

Well... that's speaking too soon. Look at this video Nintendo uploaded today:

Four Superior Nintendo Character Day Alternatives to MAR10 Day

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - If KoopaTV is around in March 2022, we'll celebrate these.

I understand that your culture has a common practice of dedicating special days to genocidal evil people—that's why millions of people celebrate April 20 for Adolf Hitler's birthday. (But we won't do that on KoopaTV.) And that's why millions of people are celebrating March 10 in “honour” of Mario. He's done two massive genocides in the span of five weeks (a genocide at the end of January and a genocide at the end of February) at a scale Hitler could only dream of! Yet companies like Nintendo that profit off ethnic cleansing are portraying MAR 10 as something to be widely celebrated, even putting some games on sale for 35% off. (And while Mario Tennis Aces is really fun and has fun tournaments, remember that it also features atrocities like Mario murdering Petey Piranha in a supposedly friendly tennis match.)

The basis of MAR 10 being Mario Day is because, with just a tiny bit of creative reading, you can read MAR10 as MARIO. But why give the Koopa-murdering Mario exclusive glory to that interpretation? Here at KoopaTV, we propose four new celebratory days. ...Since most of them already passed, we'll start acknowledging them in 2022:

NEVER AGAIN... Again. Goomba Genocide in Super Mario Bros. 35 "2nd World Count Challenge"

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The murder goal failed, but that's of little solace to the hundreds of millions of dead Goombas.

We at KoopaTV have taken a hard anti-genocide stance. This shouldn't be a brave, out-of-the-ordinary take, but I guess powerful corporations like Nintendo and hundreds of thousands (or millions) of gamers disagree. Look at this official Nintendo press release headline from last week: Take on Goombas in the Super Mario Bros. 35 World Count Challenge! You may also earn My Nintendo Platinum Points. You should read that as, “Murder Goombas because we'll give you useless virtual currency for doing so!” Which is also the exact behaviour we saw from corporations with other Mario-related things like LEGO Super Mario.

You may remember the 1st World Count Challenge from the end of January 2021. The goal for that was aimed at mass regicide of Lord Bowser, but by KoopaTV's estimates, also resulted in the death of a little over 257 million Goombas. We declared NEVER AGAIN to such senseless genocide... and then Nintendo wanted 350 million MORE Goombas to be slaughtered for no reason just a month later. Literally a hundred times worse than the Holocaust, but in a much shorter period of time.

So... what was the result?

NEVER AGAIN: Mario's Koopa Genocide in Super Mario Bros. 35's "1st World Count Challenge"

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Don't let there be a second one. Or a thirty-fifth one.

The past ten days have been really difficult for us, due to mob activity. No, I'm not talking about the millions of GameStop stock trades. I'm talking about the millions (though we don't know the true count) of murderous, destructive Marios (him and his clones) that appeared as a direct result of Nintendo inciting them to violence:

The first #SuperMarioBros35 World Count Challenge starts soon—running from Jan 18 11pm PT to Jan 25 10:59pm PT!

Team up with players worldwide to defeat 3.5 million Bowsers! If achieved, all participating players defeating at least 1 Bowser get 350 My Nintendo Platinum Points! pic.twitter.com/6dO7yiSSUF

— Nintendo of America (@NintendoAmerica) January 18, 2021

The result of this incitement of insurrection? (And for a worthless currency, in-line with what LEGO Mario has already poisoned the minds of many children with.) A mob unlawfully breached King Koopa's castles, and engaged in violent, deadly, destructive, and seditious acts. These include attempts at regicide, as well as massive genocide:

Here are the results for the 1st World Count Challenge in #SuperMarioBros35!

A total of 5,363,696 Bowsers were defeated!

Congratulations, everyone! All participants who defeated at least one Bowser will receive 350 My Nintendo Platinum Points gifted to their accounts! pic.twitter.com/K6AzrxJqvw

— Nintendo of America (@NintendoAmerica) January 28, 2021

Yes, Nintendo announced a death toll of 5,363,696 Bowsers at the gloves/boots/fire of the Mario mob. In the span of one week.