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Thursday, May 23, 2019

Troubled Turtle Tilts 'n' Tumbles into South Carolina Windshield

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I had to give up my alliteration by the end of that headline, but I won't give up my World Turtle Day advocacy!

An innocent turtle was minding its own business on U.S. Highway 501 in the American state of South Carolina. It was near Lake Busbee, a shallow lake recently rescued from a pollutant coal plant. Decent place for a turtle to hang out.

That is, until a very dangerous and careless human truck driver collided into the poor turtle, sending the turtle flying into the car windshield operated by Mr. John Gardner, another human. The turtle instantly died. Typical evil cars.

But all the human-operated Associated Press had to offer were heartless puns like “shell shock.”

Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Stop Begging For Pokémon Sword and Shield News

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Unless you enjoyed the pre-release spoiling of Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon.

Around this time three years ago, The Pokémon Company International (TPCI) decided it would be a great idea to begin their pre-release hype for Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon. After the E3 2016 showcase, they basically slow-walked all of the new Alolan Pokémon and features every other week (sometimes more often than that) for the whole summer, and then up to the November release. By November's release, we basically knew everything about the game and there weren't any surprises left for the in-game experience.

KoopaTV covered it all, on the philosophy that it's not a real spoiler if it's part of the game publisher's own marketing. They want us to know this stuff. It's purposeful knowledge going into the game purchase and pre-release value. As opposed to spoilers, which are involuntary and not part of the marketing department's carefully-crafted knowledge drop schedules. The summer of 2016 will forever be known as the summer where KoopaTV subsisted on commentating on official Pokémon Sun, Pokémon Moon, and Paper Mario: Color Splash announcements and videos. Sometimes there was also commentary about the 2016 presidential election, but that was pretty much the website. I consider it a not-so-great time in our history, but maybe you enjoyed it. More power to you if you did.

And if you did enjoy it, you're probably one of those people begging for a repeat performance, this time with Pokémon Sword and Pokémon Shield instead.

Why? Why would you want that?

Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Phil Spencer and Games as a Unifying Force

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Some reactionaries are upset that Microsoft wants Xbox to be safe.

Yesterday, Microsoft published an op-ed in Xbox head Phil Spencer's name, entitled “Video games: A unifying force for the world”. The post outlines Microsoft's commitment to “building a safe and inclusive gaming space for everyone”. I don't really know what the impetus of the post is—Microsoft updated their Code of Conduct over a year ago and it was no big deal (contrary to reactionary hysteria). I guess I can't judge ‘em, since KoopaTV is untimely all the time.

Perhaps it was spurred by the ESA's recently released 2019 Essential Facts survey, since Microsoft indirectly cites their high-level (and misleading, especially given that Xbox doesn't have casual smartphone-player demographics) conclusions about gender and game playing. Maybe Phil Spencer got really excited about how Microsoft collaborated with the Special Olympics, especially when he wrote that, in terms of games, disabled people stand on equal footing with non-disabled people. (Sincerest good luck to the disabled in trying to play complicated games.)

The op-ed boils down to these three action items:
  1. The Xbox Safety team will moderate the Xbox ecosystem, per the code of conduct/community standards
  2. Club community managers and parents will be able to curate member/children experiences
  3. Microsoft will share safety, security, and privacy best practices with other game industry companies
None of that is objectionable and it's really standard stuff. But some people are certainly taking it the wrong way...

Monday, May 20, 2019

Democrats on Fox News Town Halls: Buttigieg vs. Warren

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - False narrative from a fraud.

A KoopaTV exclusive: what I did on Sunday, and my thoughts on those activities:
  1. Woke up in time to watch the 10 AM live news broadcast anchored by Off the Hook for the Splatoon 2 Time Travel vs. Teleportation Splatfest results. Very pleased that Team Teleportation won 0–3. Proceeded to gloat to everyone
    • Teleportation had 58.66% of the popularity vote, no doubt because of KoopaTV's lobbying for it. Supposedly, Nintendo fans are supposed to be accustomed to being time travelers, so KoopaTV's arguments must have shifted quite a big percentage change!
  2. Watched the Super Smash Bros. Melee top 8 for Get On My Level 2019 (GOML 2019), a premier Super Smash Bros. tournament taking place in Canada
    • Axe had an amazing run with his Pikachu up-airs. Very hype
    • Hungrybox hasn't been the same since the crab incident
  3. Watched three Fox News Channel specials
    1. Democrat 2020 presidential candidate (and mayor of South Bend, Indiana) Pete Buttigieg's town hall, hosted by Fox News host Chris Wallace
      • I still don't know what his specific policies are; a lot of it was vague platitudes or Buttigieg recognising something is a problem but not quite identifying a solution for it yet
      • At least he said that Democrats shouldn't shy away from suggesting how to pay for their proposals, though his suggestions seem economically dangerous
      • At least I can see him as more than the “vote for me because I'm gay” meme. There's a bit more depth than that
    2. Alice Johnson's story and prison reform in the United States under President Donald John Trump
      • What are the chances of people having their prison sentences addressed in a fair and equitable way without having a mega-celebrity like Kim Kardashian have a personal meeting with the President of the United States about one specific person?
      • Does the FIRST STEP Act take measures to standardise this process? If not, is anyone working on taking a second step? It's not reform if it's a one-off
    3. Interview with President Donald John Trump with The Next Revolution's Steve Hilton 
      • If President Donald John Trump is willing to call out the “military-industrial complex” and express his dismay at the foreign policy establishment's desire to have perpetual pointless overseas warfare, why did he appoint John Bolton (Iraq War mastermind) as his National Security Advisor to begin with? 

Then I slept. When I woke up, I figured I'd write about the Pete Buttigieg town hall—specifically his willingness to do the event—and contrast that with another Democrat 2020 presidential candidate, Elizabeth Warren, and her utter refusal to ever appear on Fox News.

As well as Elizabeth Warren's refusal to provide any statement to KoopaTV.

Friday, May 17, 2019

Why There Are Nintendo Switch Game Vouchers

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I'll leave it to your personal finances and judgment to decide if you should buy the vouchers, but I'll tell you why they exist.

Buried at the end of Wednesday's Super Mario Maker 2 Direct was a tangentially-related announcement: the creation and availability of the Nintendo Switch Game Vouchers. 

Nintendo Switch Game Vouchers are a time-limited offer (ending July 31st of this year) where you can buy up to eight in pairs of two for $100 for one pair. These can be redeemed for a variety of Nintendo-published Switch titles both present and future.

Nintendo Switch Game Vouchers
Unfortunately, these aren't physical tickets.
They're digital vouchers for digital games.

Everything here is digital. That's the point. See, you need an ongoing subscription to Nintendo Switch Online (or hitch a ride on KoopaTV's staff and join our Family Group, which has rapidly dwindling open seats remaining) in order to be able to buy the Vouchers—AND you gotta still be a Nintendo Switch Online member when you redeem the Voucher. Vouchers have a life of one year, by the way.

Funny how all of that works put together...

Thursday, May 16, 2019

Ace Attorney Isn't an RPG, but You Can Buy It at 50–70% off for CAPCOM Publisher Sale 2019!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Cannibalisation isn't a problem at all, apparently. Neither is advertising an accurate genre.

Are you perhaps concerned about CAPCOM's pricing tactics for their Nintendo platform presence? Do you think prices are too high for ports? Well, I'm concerned about their pricing tactics because at times, they're too low and don't make any sense. I'm citing the CAPCOM Publisher Sale happening from today to next week.

Capcom Publisher Sale Nintendo Switch News May 2019
Save up to 50% on select games during the Capcom Publisher Sale!
(It's over 50% for titles on the 3DS and Wii U.)

As it applies to the Ace Attorney series, the discounts are the same set from the October 2018 Ace Attorney Franchise Sale, which is where the discounts have been over the past year in general. 70% off Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Dual Destinies ($9 from $30), 60% off Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Spirit of Justice ($12 from $30), 50% off Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney ($10 from $20) and 60% off Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy for Nintendo 3DS ($12 from $30). It's this last one I want to freak out about.

CAPCOM Publisher Sale May 2019 Nintendo Switch 3DS Wii U discounts deals Mega Man Ace Attorney
These Ace Attorney games, Ōkami HD, Mega Man titles, and many more are on sale!
Hey, Monster Hunter Generations Ultimate is at a huge 50% ($30) off!

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

KoopaTV's Live Reactions to the Super Mario Maker 2 Direct!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Let's see what they really want to get out of the way before E3 2019.

Bit of a preamble so you know my mindset before going into watching this Direct: I don't really like the first Super Mario Maker because I don't like the physics of 2D Mario games. My enthusiasm for Super Mario Maker 2 for the Nintendo Switch is similarly non-existent. But I know a lot of you reading this may think otherwise, and I get that there's a pretty good chance that people who read a website with “Koopa” in the name actually like these games and love the opportunity to make your own levels.

I'm on the look-out for any Koopalings making an appearance in Super Mario Maker 2, but I also figure that if I get in, I'm going to be miscoloured in the Super Mario Bros. 3 and Super Mario World level flavours. I don't like that.

If you don't like my negative preamble, then fortunately for you the other attendees on this live reaction log (Rawk, Witch Princess, Kamek, non-staffer friend Ryu) are much more enthusiastic about it than I am, so here's the embed... and keep scrolling for the reaction log!

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Super Silly Superpower Splatfest: Time Travel vs. Teleportation!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I already have a large body of work on KoopaTV about the horrors of time travel, so...

I really just want to defer to my many already-published time-related articles for this question posed by Splatoon 2 for the Splatfest taking place this Saturday, May 18:

Splatoon 2 Splatfest superpower time travel vs teleportation
“What superpower would you rather have? Time travel or teleportation?”

If you put the word “superpower” into KoopaTV's search bar, you'll get a pretty similar Splatoon 2 Splatfest from 2017 that asked “Which superpower would you choose? The power of flight? Or the power of invisibility?”

If you put the phrase “time travel” into KoopaTV's search bar, you'll get a Splatoon Splatfest from 2016 that asked, “Where would you go [between the Past and the Future] if you could travel through time?”

I'm not saying Nintendo is running out of ideas, but, you know. Eh, it's better than asking about pulp in orange juice.

Anyway, I'll go ahead and first say why time travel is a terrible idea, and then briefly give the virtues of teleportation. However, just the fact that time travel is so bad should be enough for anyone to just anti-vote it, no matter what its opponent actually is.

Sunday, May 12, 2019

KoopaTV's Crabby Six-Year Anniversary

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - “Crabby KoopaTV” is redundant, which will be explained in detail in this article.

Welcome to KoopaTV! Despite the doubters and haters, today (May 12) we have turned six years old! In fact, we opened on Sunday, May 12, 2013. Now it's Sunday, May 12, 2019.

I'll be up-front about this article rather than keeping it at the end in the footer: Every year, we celebrate our anniversary in a fun, unique way. We're bad at coming up with ideas well in advance for this, partly stemming from my natural hatred of anniversaries.

RawkHawk2010 wanted me to write about crabs for the sole purpose of plugging his viral Hungrybox crab video made from Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. It's one of the most popular videos of all time in the Shared Content section online, with OVER NINE THOUSAND Yeahs! More about it at the end of the article. Obviously, that wouldn't make sense as an anniversary article all by itself, so I'm going to do what I always do on KoopaTV: go into incredible detail about the topic (crabs and Koopas) and convince you that this was well-planned from the very beginning!

Friday, May 10, 2019

Millennial Males Only Demographic Where Majority Play Non-Casual Console Games

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Guess that's KoopaTV's target demographic.

Everyone's favourite videogame lobby group, the Entertainment Software Association (ESA), released their newest demographic report on the United States game industry: 2019 Essential Facts About the Computer and Video Game Industry. (It's available for free!) To clarify, the essential facts are dated for the year 2019. There aren't 2019 essential facts in it. It's only 20 pages long, after all, and most of the information is presented in infographic-style pictures.

As the ESA has been doing for many years, their number one priority is to spin their demographic data to try and break the stereotype that gamers are mostly young males. Their number two priority is to demonstrate that parents know what their kids are doing when they play and that they have the kids under control. And their number three priority appears to be showing that gamers are well-adjusted individuals and not just locked in their room staring at a monitor all day and night.

So their top-line executive summary figures are that there's a 54–46% male–female split, 90% of parents pay attention to their kids’ play, and gamers are slightly more likely than the average American to have a creative hobby, such as writing.

But then you dig into the details of those numbers and it's clear that they continue to have a much broader definition of gamer than what the general people associate with being a gamer... and the stereotype is still true if you exclude casual smartphone play.

Thursday, May 9, 2019

Nintendo's E3 2019 Plans; featuring warp pipes

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - ...(They're not literally warp pipes. I think.)

We now fully know Nintendo's plans for E3 2019 (the Electronic Entertainment Expo—gaming's biggest annual trade show—taking place in the year 2019), and if you assumed that it'd be similar to Nintendo's plans for E3 2018, then you'd be correct. With all of the stuff I could write about tonight, I chose this topic, if only to remind people that E3 2019 is in a month from now.

June 8, 2019, around 2 PM Eastern to 5 PM Eastern: The Splatoon 2 World Championship, featuring America, Japan, Europe, and Oceania once again splatting it out.
June 8 2018, whenever the Splatoon 2 tournament ends (around 5 PM?): The Super Smash Bros. Ultimate World Championship 2019 3v3, which features the North American Southeast team that won the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate North America Open 2019, along with Japan, Europe, and Oceania teams.
June 11 2019, 12 PM Eastern: Nintendo's pre-recorded E3 2019 Nintendo Direct, which will focus entirely on software releasing in 2019.
June 11–13 2019, for hours on end: Nintendo Treehouse: Live, featuring Nintendo employees playing games on the show floor while sometimes having guests with them, like the game's developers. 

Last year had tournaments for those same games (the format of the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate tournament is quite different, though), a pre-recorded Direct, and Nintendo Treehouse Live.

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

Shuntaro Furukawa Is Avoiding Answering Nintendo Investors

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Why even take questions if you won't answer them?

A lot of the time, I write about investor question & answer sessions that follow Nintendo's quarterly financial disclosures just for laughs. They rarely contain useful information, but historically, investors ask bizarre questions and there's entertainment value in that.

This time, in the Q&A going over the whole year ending March 2019 (we wrote about the annual financial disclosure here), the investors asked largely relevant questions to Nintendo global president Shuntaro Furukawa. He gave evasive non-answers, much like his predecessors.

A lot of people wanted to know about China. There is a huge opportunity there to make a lot of money and get a lot of Chinese in China playing Nintendo stuff beyond the lame iQue (with Furukawa deemed as not “a great success.”), but Nintendo refused to provide any kind of details, be it timing, products, strategy, or what. They implied they don't know these things because they're still talking with Tencent, but I think even if they did know they wouldn't say.

Any questions asking for specifics beyond the limited information in the annual financial report were rebuffed with circular logic or saying “we plan to release more games people want to play without saying what those are.” They must have some kind of institutional executive-level coaching at Nintendo that's been there across presidents, giving everyone the same instructions. It's beyond frustrating as someone invested in Nintendo. Unlike a lot of, say, American companies that actually have their executives prepare for investor Q&A in advance and give details and thoughtful answers, Nintendo doesn't seem to value investor relations.

There was one particularly interesting question, however. Question 21, which asked,

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

Brief Battles, An Ass Game

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Their marketing. Not mine.

So I ask fellow KoopaTV staffer Rawk what I should write about today, and he said he doesn't know what happened today in news. As if KoopaTV can only publish about what happened on just that very day. I can go on and on about timeless game development philosophies and very thinly-veiled uncompensated Ace Attorney advertisements.

But then Rawk remembered this weird indie game called Brief Battles from Australian developer Juicy Cupcake that released today and he told me to write about it. It's an underwear-based 2.5D arena party fighter where you collect underpants to gain powers. I'll try to let this launch trailer explain it:

This is the kind of indie game that I wouldn't buy unless I was drunk. Which I happen to be right now as of writing. Very uncharacteristic, but life circumstances lead me to this. Anyway, fortunately, I can't go make a drunken $15 purchase tonight because...

Monday, May 6, 2019

Devil May Cry Coming to Nintendo Switch This Summer

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Summer blockbuster? (This WAS around when Blockbuster existed...!)

Back in the very early 2000s, Devil May Cry from CAPCOM was the reason you just had to buy a PlayStation 2. The game, directed by now-Platinum Games head Hideki Kamiya, revolutionised the action game genre with stylish, aerial combo-based combat. In fact, CAPCOM calls the genre “stylish action.” You played as Dante, a half-human/half-demon badass who is one of the most popular characters in gaming history.

And now you can play as Dante again, or for the first time, in his original game... for a Nintendo console! It's Devil May Cry for Nintendo Switch, releasing this year in summer as a digital download (download-only in the United States and Japan, and the rest of the world).

Devil May Cry Nintendo Switch coming this summer digital download only official website CAPCOM
From the Devil May Cry website. Japanese version says the same thing.

Along with being on a Nintendo platform for the first time ever, it's also the first time Devil May Cry has been on a reputable, dedicated portable gaming system. (Screw you, Devil May Cry 4 refrain.) This joins an ever-growing ensemble of once non-Nintendo all-star games finally making their way to Switch, such as Final Fantasy VII. And like those Final Fantasy games, they're coming in some kind of high-definition format that doesn't look as great as a modern game would look, but I don't think that's any kind of deal-breaker, especially on Nintendo Switch.

Devil May Cry Nintendo Switch release screenshots gameplay Dante Trish
The game looks like this on the Switch, according to the Devil May Cry site.

It looks very similar to the Devil May Cry HD Collection that was brought to PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 in 2012, and then again in 2018 to PlayStation 4 and Xbox One (and Steam). Except with one game and not three. The Devil May Cry HD Collection is $30 for 1–3, so hopefully just the first Devil May Cry by itself isn't the same price, or somehow higher.

If you're wondering if it still holds up to modern standards and then you look at review scores of the HD Collection and are concerned they're low, just know that Devil May Cry 2 is not well-received for critics. Its presence brings the score of the whole compilation lower. Reviewers also don't like the same thing being re-released over and over without new additions, but we know CAPCOM loves doing that.

This has nothing to do with Hideki Kamiya wanting to remake Devil May Cry, so if you ever think CAPCOM will allow him to do that in the future, perhaps you want to wait for that. I... don't think that'll happen, at least not within the next decade. For now, you may want to take advantage of this opportunity this summer, especially if you're waiting for Bayonetta 3 and are interested in that franchise's stylistic precursor.

Are you interested in Devil May Cry for the Switch? Do you have an impulse to write “Devil Mary Cry” for some reason like Ludwig? Or are you one of those people that just want to turn this into a story about Super Smash Bros. downloadable content speculation? Because that's a low-grade comment, which you're allowed to make in KoopaTV's free and open comments section, but it'll probably get you a poor point amount in the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program. High points through the program can get you the eShop money you'll need to buy Devil May Cry and its digital-only existence!

Friday, May 3, 2019

Oculus & Nintendo Switch Online Apps: Android 5.0 and Up

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Screwing backwards compatibility and on-console services!

Earlier in April, Nintendo released Version 3.0.0 of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate and put Smash World, a new sub-section of their Nintendo Switch Online smartphone app, into operation. Smash World allows users to watch videos and download stages and Miis that other users have shared. Previously, the Nintendo Switch Online app only existed for random voice chat no one used, and Splatnet 2.0 for Splatoon 2. Splatnet 2.0 notably gave players a lot of fun statistics on their past matches (and Salmon Run shifts) and Splatfests, as well as having a store that synced up to Splatoon 2 that allowed you to buy gear with alternative abilities than what they'd sell in Inkopolis Square.

Those features are exclusive to the app on the non-Nintendo-hardware smartphone, as opposed to being available for smartphone-less users who only own a Nintendo Switch.

Before the April update, the Nintendo Switch Online app was available for Android 4.4.2-version users. Now it requires 5.0 and up. Even if you never step a single cyber-foot into the new Smash World section, the whole rest of the previously-compatible app is now unavailable.

Nintendo Switch Online Android app update available error code 2817-0600
An update is required to use this app.
Where does one even look for Error Code: 2817-0600?
Is that a Nintendo-provided error or a Google-provided error?

It's even worse elsewhere. If you're interested in a virtual reality experience that isn't associated with ruining the world, maybe you're looking at Oculus's Oculus Quest. The Oculus Quest is a virtual reality headset that has all of its processing power in the headset, so you don't need a giant wire connecting you to a computer. It releases May 21, but reviews are already coming in, as well as the help documentation.

Thursday, May 2, 2019

Sonic's Getting Redesigned for the Sonic The Hedgehog 2019 Movie

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Because of widespread negative reception.

Only two days ago, I wrote about the Sonic The Hedgehog movie's official trailer, made in collaboration with Paramount Pictures and SEGA. Unfortunately, basically everything I wrote in that article is now obsolete with today's news.

You know, I can word the headline in very different ways depending on whatever bias I might have. I could say, “Loud, Angry Internet Mob Forces Paramount Pictures and SEGA to Redesign Sonic in Awful Movie” or “The Free Market Has Spoken: Sonic Getting Redesigned Before Movie Releases”.

Here's how the source for this story, the director Jeff Fowler, put it: 

Understand this: Sonic The Hedgehog (the movie) is supposed to release on November 8, 2019. If they have to go back and redo the graphics for the whole full-length film, plus all of the marketing material, do you think the movie is going to have the same release date as before? Probably not, no matter how many hashtags you put in about fixing it fast.

Though I suppose if it's already done and they're purposefully not releasing it until the holidays, that's another situation altogether.

In my previous article, I acknowledged that I never saw Sonic's design because he was simply way too fast in the trailer, so I didn't know what everyone was talking about. However, in writing this story, I was finally able to see just what got everyone's attention. And quite frankly, I'd rather keep the design the way it is. This is kinda handsome (warning: the design everyone complained about incoming):

Wednesday, May 1, 2019

KoopaTV's April 2019 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - A long month with a story arc. I'd say that's pretty good. More to come!

When KoopaTV historians look back at KoopaTV's April 2019, I would think the stand-out thing they would be fixated on is one franchise: Ace Attorney. You might as well have called this past month “Ace Attorney April.” For a solid three weeks, every article mentioned Ace Attorney in either passing or as the primary topic, and you'll see why in the following section about the top articles of the month.

And despite the way the Ace Attorney volume of content ultimately had to end due to real life news, I don't regret any of my editorial focus on it. I'd do it again.

Let's start the newsletter's review:

The Top 5 Recommended KoopaTV Experiences of April 2019

Part of me wants to fill the top five with just the articles focused on Ace Attorney, but there were more than five of those, so I might as well diversify this anyway. Besides, the site and April 2019 is still great if you're not an Ace Attorney fan, though I have no idea why you're not.

  1. TAKE THAT! Phoenix Wright Revealed For Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Fighter Pass DLC!Ace Attorney April started on the first day of the month with the very exciting news about Phoenix Wright being announced as the second Challenger in the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Fighter Pass. I dissect his trailer, among other celebratory activity.
  2. Spring Fest Splatfest: Hare vs. Tortoise: The Rematch! Who Wins? — Also in April, Splatoon 2 asks who would win in a rematch: The hare, or the tortoise? Looking at games, politics, and religion, along with common sense, KoopaTV chose Team Tortoise. (Hare ultimately won the Splatfest.)
  3. FAKE NEWS on Nintendo Directs... and Stage Builder? — KoopaTV addressed the rash of bad journalism that went into the idea that there'd be a Nintendo Direct on April 10, 2019. Plus, journalists don't know the difference between a leak and a confirmation.
  4. The Nintendo Labo VR Kit In Comatose Cappy Capturing Cahoots — With the Nintendo Labo VR Kit's release, Ludwig explores the connection and alliance between the Labo and Cappy in great detail.
  5. Genius Prosecutor Reveals Crooked Attorney — Phoenix Wright's legal career (and Super Smash Bros. Ultimate presence) comes to a grinding halt as he's disbarred for presenting forged evidence in court. 

There's a lot of fantastic content that you should read—you should read EVERYTHING on the site, even if that'll take you a long time—that didn't make this top five list. Speaks to the quality. Now for your contributions:

Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Gotta Go Fast... away from that Sonic The Hedgehog 2019 film

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It all happens so fast that it'll be over before we know it.

I really don't want to even embed this supposedly awful movie trailer (or fantastic trailer accurately representing a supposedly awful movie) onto my pristine and wonderful website. Unfortunately, it's “trending” and my staff thinks I gotta write about this today (or the opportunity will have long passed), so here is the trailer for Sonic The Hedgehog, coming to theatres you should (quickly) run away from this November:

Hopefully Paramount Pictures has their YouTube account deleted so you can't actually see it. Wait, I'm also being told by my staff that I need to upload some still screenshots from this trailer. Hopefully our image server is broken, because here we go:

Monday, April 29, 2019

The Connection Between Free Speech, Violence, and Echo Chambers

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Gotta get this off my mind, and I figured it'd make for good article material.

There was another tragedy the previous weekend. At least two, actually. One was a Saturday shooting at a Poway, California Chabad Jewish synagogue. The other was a Sunday shooting “near” a Baptist Church in Baltimore, Maryland during a cookout. As someone who attends a Chabad and has hosted a cookout, both of these are painful reminders of how dangerous the world is right now. Great empathy.

Of course, one has to ponder how society got to the point where this is a regular thing.

I've read the Poway shooter's manifesto. A lot of it is gibberish and awful reading material, so I won't hyperlink away from KoopaTV (fantastic reading material) to that garbage writing. I'm also not hyperlinking to it because he hopes people who read it will emulate him, and we don't want that. The guy very clearly hates Jewish people, spends a lot of time on the /pol/ imageboard (presumably 8chan's version), and is apparently inspired by a non-me Ludwig. (Some Beethoven dude.) He also dislikes President Donald John Trump. Scary stuff.

I just wanted to express the correlation between these heinous acts of violence and the relatively recent anti-free speech movement occurring both on and off the Internet. My fundamental thesis is that having more free and open discussions will reduce people's ideology-based murders. It won't go down to zero—some people are just bad people or thoughtless thugs—but I have a philosophy that only works if the majority of people are good or at least lawful neutral.

Friday, April 26, 2019

Scrambling to Find Meaning With Persona 5 Scramble

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Was Joker in for this?

For some time now after Joker from Persona 5 was announced as a Super Smash Bros. Ultimate playable fighter, there's been murmurs of a “Persona 5 S” that many assumed meant “Persona 5 Switch”. Then Joker was released, and Atlus, the Persona franchise's owner, was promising an announcement on “Persona 5 S” at the same time Nintendo would give their annual financial report. Makes perfect sense that a Persona 5 port would be announced for Nintendo Switch.

Instead, the S stands for Scramble, and the game is Persona 5 Scramble, a Warriors-style (an action genre where your character mashes combos against waves of enemies...the whole game. You may remember it from Hyrule Warriors and Fire Emblem Warriors) game developed by Koei Tecmo for PlayStation 4 and Nintendo Switch. Here's the trailer (in Japanese):

A spin-off based on Persona 5 isn't a port of Persona 5, and it's leading many—including myself—to wonder why Joker was selected as a playable character in the first place. The mainline Persona series doesn't have a Nintendo presence. They're not trying to give it a Persona presence.

That doesn't mean that'll permanently be the case.

Thursday, April 25, 2019

Nintendo's Results For Fiscal Year Ending March 2019

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Dreary outlook. But hey, the dividend went up. I'll take that.

Well, Nintendo's stock fell over four-and-a-half percent today due to conservative guidance, and them failing to meet their hardware plans. Between April 1 2018 and March 31 2019, they sold 16.95 million Nintendo Switch systems and 118.55 million software titles. I'll remind you their goal was 20 million systems and 100 million games, so they crushed the latter goal. No one's taking about that though. Just the hardware bit.

Investors are also upset there's no immediate announcement about a Nintendo Switch hardware revision, which has been discussed in the media as a basically-guaranteed rumour, though I haven't mentioned it on KoopaTV because I don't like giving credibility to rumours like that which can affect a stock price. And, of course, caution is on my side today.

Here's some updated sales figures Nintendo provided of the “bottom tier” of the top 10 (or former top 10):

Nintendo Switch software sales data Kirby Star Allies Mario Tennis Aces Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze
Note: The Nintendo Labo Variety Kit has sold 1.09 million units, but the Nintendo Labo figure on the chart is for
all kits combined when Nintendo disclosed that a long time ago.
Also, for three years now, Ludwig has thought that March is 30 days long.

Pretty clear that ARMS is still ahead of the entire Nintendo Labo franchise, though Nintendo isn't going to give any specific numbers on either of those anymore.

They also aren't providing an explanation for something very strange in their financial data I picked up on.

Wednesday, April 24, 2019

Nintendo Labo... SMASH Kit?! Oh no!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Cardboard does have spirits. And they're dangerous.

Any hour now, Nintendo is going to publish their report covering their financial results between April 1, 2018 and March 30, 2019. Then they'll start a new fiscal year. That's always a big deal in terms of news and interesting analysis, and you can bet it'll be the topic of a KoopaTV article in the very near future. But not tonight. Tonight, there's some bad news to report.

The Nintendo Labo has invaded Super Smash Bros. Ultimate in a way more pervasive than a mere Mii costume. There is an entire Spirits event dedicated to four new Spirits added to the game post-release that are “exclusive” to this event. Added...for free, because no one would ever pay DLC money for these.

Nintendo Labo Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Spirit event kit Toy-Con Robot Car VR Goggles Professor Riggs Plaise Lerna
There are four Spirits, and each gets six dedicated hours. Every. Day.

The event lasts for five days, while normal Spirit events only last three.

The sneaky Toy-Con Robot is present, as is the stealthy Toy-Con Car (the worst of the vehicle kit), and the recent and really evil Toy-Con VR Goggles.

I have no idea who Professor Riggs, Professor Plaise, or Professor Lerna are. I think they each have full names that are some kind of pun. Regardless, I wasn't aware that the “Nintendo Labo series” has characters in it, or that it has more original characters than Paper Mario: Sticker Star.

The presence of original characters doesn't make me like the Labo more or anything. These professors are just the latest example of how academia operates against the interests of the average person.

Personally, I'd prefer four free Spirit Battles featuring Rawk Hawk, Maya Fey, Franziska von Karma, and Godot. I even wrote out how each of those would work!

Ludwig hopes that the Labo ceases to infect Super Smash Bros. Ultimate and that maybe this whole thing is a joke. Boycotting the event won't do any good, since there was already a cardboard box Spirit. That's just matching the already-established Trojan tactics of the Labo.

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Look Forward to These Tokyo 2020 Olympics Videogames (Paralympics, too!)

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Analysis from your KoopaTV Olympics experts.

When it came to answering where Mario & Sonic were at for the 2018 PyeongChang Olympic Games, KoopaTV was the top result on search engines for a long time and got thousands and thousands of hits. I believe that makes us the authoritative source on the Olympic Games videogames, coupled with our very comprehensive before-and-after coverage of the 2016 Rio Olympic Games.

The future of those games seemed in great doubt when the Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games franchise was removed from the Nintendo eShop before the PyeongChang games

While they're still missing from the eShop, we now know what's happening for the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games:
  1. Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games Tokyo 2020 by SEGA and Nintendo
  2. Olympic Games Tokyo 2020 - The Official Video Game by SEGA
  3. The Pegasus Dream Tour by JP Games, Inc

One of those is clearly unlike the others, so let's go through one-by-one and I'll let you know what I think.

Monday, April 22, 2019

Fake Dossier→No Collusion→Impeach Anyway; Dark Age of the Law?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Institutional breakdown.

The biggest FAKE NEWS of the decade is the fabrication that President Donald John Trump “colluded” with “the Russians” to pull off a miracle and ascend to the presidency of the United States. This was repeated as a matter of fact by Democrat politicians and the media, as well as bitter intelligence officials.

One of the corroborating factors for this lie was the “Steele dossier”, which was an unverified document paid for by candidate Donald Trump's main opponent, the Hillary Clinton campaign. It claimed, among other things, that the Russians had compromising and embarrassing information on candidate Donald Trump, and because of this, they are able to control all of his policy decisions or else they'd release this information. This dossier was submitted by the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) as the basis for why the government needed a Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) secret court warrant to spy on Trump campaign member and American citizen Carter Page, who was mentioned in the dossier. (Spying on American citizens is a big deal.)

The Mueller Report, by Special Counsel Robert Mueller, has just been released and ultimately couldn't establish a case for coordination/collusion between the Trump campaign and the Russian government... which makes even the New York Times wonder how this fake-filled Steele dossier got so much power to be used as the primary evidence in a spy warrant.

Thanks to the dossier, as well as a series of coincidental contacts between Trump campaign members and people from Russia, this investigation started in 2016... and has now ended in 2019, with the conclusion that no collusion happened. How do Democrats respond? Well, let's ask Democrat presidential nominee and KoopaTV-ignoring jerk, Elizabeth Warren:

Friday, April 19, 2019

Genius Prosecutor Reveals Crooked Attorney

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Ace Attorney stands to lose his reputation and media placements.

(LOS ANGELES, California) Mere hours ago at the Los Angeles District courthouse, Courtroom No. 7, there was a stunning outcome in the trial of Zak Gramarye (40), a member of the famous magician group Troupe Gramarye. Mr. Gramarye had been accused of murdering the sickly head of the Troupe, Magnifi Gramarye (67), in order to have the rights of his magic.

After noon local time, Zak Gramarye's defence attorney, Phoenix Wright (~26), had presented a critical piece of evidence implicating Zak's fellow troupe member, Valant Gramarye (37), for the murder—a missing page from Magnifi's diary. Upon presenting the evidence, the prosecutor in the case, young 17-year old fresh-out-of-law-school Klavier Gavin, asked for the trial to move to closed doors away from public viewing.

When the trial reconvened, the Judge was ready to call a verdict, but Zak Gramarye vanished from the courthouse and is still on the loose. Thus, no verdict was declared.

KoopaTV has exclusive insight into what transpired in that private setting. We won't reveal our methods and sources, but we will reveal the result and fallout.

Thursday, April 18, 2019

Mysterious Prosecutor Godot; Now A Spirit Battle!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Blacker than a moonless night, hotter and more bitter than Hell itself...

Yesterday's release of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate's Version 3.0 shows how seriously that development team is integrating downloadable content (DLC) into the game, with the first Challenger Pack being Joker and his Persona series. One of the things they've done is add several new Persona Spirits to the game, with a special DLC Spirit Board where you can do battles with these Spirits any time you want. (If you don't have the DLC you can still buy them from the Vault's store.)

At KoopaTV, we've been looking ahead to Challenger Pack 2 since the beginning of the month, since it features Phoenix Wright and our beloved Ace Attorney franchise. We've already done two Spirit Battles with Ace Attorney characters and now this is our third.

I'll be creating a Spirit Battle concept featuring the mysterious prosecutor Godot, the new and controversial prosecutor of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Trials & Tribulations.

Warning: This article may be a touch spoiler-y for Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Trials & Tribulations, as well as for... the Bayonetta games? (But if you clicked the link in the preceding paragraph, that also kind of spoiled the former game, too.)

Spirit Details

Ace Attorney series
Spirit Type, Ability
Water Weakness
Three slots

Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Version 3.0 of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Released!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Featuring Joker, stage builder, video editing, and mobile app stupidity.

Tonight, the much-anticipated-since-February 2019 update to Super Smash Bros. Ultimate for the Nintendo Switch, Version 3.0, is released!

While it's not a Nintendo Direct, Nintendo released a 15-minute video last night about what's in Version 3.0 that might as well be a Direct. It has three million views right now, so you probably have seen it already, but I'll embed it anyway and talk about my thoughts:

The video spends most of the time to Joker being Challenger Pack 1, which you may remember from his trailer at The Game Awards 2018.

I'm going to gloss over Joker in this article and in my Super Smash Bros. Ultimate play in general. I never heard of this Ren Amamiya guy (Joker's real name) until the GameFAQs Character Battle X contest ran months before The Game Awards. I voted for Claire against him without even giving an explanation. She won. That's it.

The video goes in great detail about Joker, his Phantom Thieves friends, and his Persona, Arsene. None of them impress me and they're all annoying. His victory screen is cool I guess. I still don't know anything about Persona as a series and I don't really want to. None of the games except for a spin-off sub-series are on a Nintendo console anyway. Screw it. Plus...

Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Reggie Retires, Makes @Reggie Twitter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Post-retirement suggestions and possibilities included.

As far as I can tell, now-former President of Nintendo of America Reggie Fils-Aime (notably spelling his own name without an accent mark) is a masochist. He had a fantastic time working at Nintendo for over a decade with his only social media presence being an underused LinkedIn account.

Yesterday he retired, and that same day he makes a Twitter account (handle @Reggie—which must have existed beforehand but I guess he negotiated with Twitter to have it transferred to him) in order to start “enjoying” his retirement.

Pro-tip: Twitter—and much of social media in general—sucks. If it weren't for KoopaTV, I wouldn't have a Twitter account. (Follow @TheREALKoopaTV) It's a cesspool of negativity and/or virtue-signaling, and “viral” content. (Usually stolen from original content creators like me.) There's nothing to enjoy and no happiness to be found. Reggie is looking forward to misery and I hope he quits Twitter soon.

In the one day Reggie's Twitter has existed, it's following a similar path to another Twitter account that started making activity after its owner departed ways with their high-profile job...

Monday, April 15, 2019

Kamala "Komala" Harris and Tax Refund Stupidity

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Someone this stupid or misleading is the leading Democrat candidate for president? Gross.

Inexplicably to me, former California attorney general and current California senator Kamala Harris is one of the leaders in the Democratic presidential nominating contest for 2020. She's a disingenuous liar and completely unfit for office—but unlike the current guy in presidential office, she doesn't have good policy positions to make up for those faults.

Since today is Tax Day (April 15), here's a taxes-related example. All of the Democrats absolutely hate President Donald John Trump's signature tax reform legislation, the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017. Their lying narrative has been that it's somehow been a “tax scam” and actually resulted in an increase in your taxes. Eventually, lies are met with questions about proof, and so Kamala Harris's proof point is about the size of the tax refund you may or may not have gotten from the Internal Revenue Service:

Kamala Harris tweet average tax refund down
Live link to the tweet is here.

“The average tax refund is down about $170 compared to last year. Let's call the President's tax cut what it is: a middle-class tax hike to line the pockets of already wealthy corporations and the 1%.”
The scam here isn't in the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017, but in the Democrats portrayal of how “tax refunds” work. Let me explain it to you, and then characterise Kamala Harris. (Scroll down to... well, you'll know where to, if you just want the Kamala Harris part.)

Friday, April 12, 2019

The Nintendo Labo VR Kit In Comatose Cappy Capturing Cahoots

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Virtual Reality for kids is bad news.

Today, a horrible new evil was let out into Earth, coming to stores near you. I'm writing about the Nintendo Labo VR Kit, also known as Toy-Con 4. That's VR for Virtual Reality, a technology most known in the gaming world for giving people headaches after experiencing it.

But why do you get headaches? Forget whatever science tells you. I'm going to tell you the real reason, and how the Labo amplifies that. Having your kids near any kind of Labo is a bad idea for any mother (or father), but that's especially true for the Virtual Reality kit.

I've been writing from the beginning of my anti-Labo advocacy a year ago about a Labo-Cappy alliance, but I never went into much detail about how those two anti-Koopa forces complement one another. I'm finally going to cover that as well.

Enough teasing. Time to start with what exactly is in a Labo VR Kit. It actually comes in several flavours that are varying combinations of the Nintendo Switch software, and Toy-Cons of VR Goggles, a Blaster, a Camera, an Elephant, a Bird, and a Wind Pedal. That's summarised in picture form below:

Thursday, April 11, 2019

Franziska von Karma: The Spirit Battle

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Franziska wants revenge and she wants to prove her perfection as a Spirit.

We at KoopaTV are excited to bring you the second in our weekly series of Ace Attorney-inspired Spirit Battle concepts. We're doing these because of Phoenix Wright being confirmed as the second Challenger Pack in the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Fighter Pass.

Today we showcase Franziska von Karma, daughter of legendary prosecutor Manfred von Karma, and a prosecuting prodigy that passed the bar exam at only 13 years young. She previously got overlooked by CAPCOM when it came to getting in Marvel vs. Capcom Infinite. Along with being a prosecutor throughout the Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy (now purchasable on all major consoles and PC), she's been making a name for herself in Interpol.

Now she's really angry after Galeem took her Spirit.

Spirit Details

Franziska von Karma
Ace Attorney series
Spirit Type, Ability
Weapon Attack ↑

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

FAKE NEWS on Nintendo Directs... and Stage Builder?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Time for yet another lesson on how to not do journalism.

I personally dislike writing about rumours and fake information on KoopaTV. It goes against this site's “truth and levity” mantra. However, I'm happy to trash what some people may consider my competition, and I enjoy taking irresponsible media outlets to task. Today we have two topics, one more egregious than the other, but both relating to recent Nintendo-related “leaks.”

Nintendo Direct and FAKE NEWS Journalism

There is this mediocre website out there called Gaming INTEL that self-proclaims to be “an independent video gaming news website founded in 2016.” They focus in having “a wide range of inside sources including data miners, allowing us to publish exclusive leaks and rumours about unannounced game details.” and promise “the most accurate information with the deepest insight into the gaming industry.”

Put another way, they're just another FAKE NEWS website with mediocre material appealing to the lowest common denominator of Fortnite, Call of Duty, and Apex Legends fans. For whatever reason, some Nintendo fans browsing this crappy website saw an article about a “LEAK” from an “inside source” (pluralised as “sources” in the headline) with a track record of being “correct on several occasions in the past” that there would be a Nintendo Direct occurring tomorrow, April 11. As of publishing the night of April 10, Nintendo hasn't announced a Direct, and they typically announce them the day before at the latest. It's safe to say this inside source, or multiple sources, or whatever, is just a pile of FAKE NEWS.

Tuesday, April 9, 2019

No Need To HOLD IT In: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy Released On All Consoles!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Plus, the pro-tip that I'll follow that CAPCOM doesn't want you to hear!

If you've been paying attention to KoopaTV since the start of April, you'll notice Ace Attorney references everywhere. We've always been an Ace Attorney fan site masquerading as a Super Mario one.

Phoenix Wright, the star of the amazing Ace Attorney series, being announced as a character for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate was one thing. If it was just that, that would warrant the whole month just being Ace Attorney references.

But today is the release date of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy on four modern platforms! The Nintendo Switch, Xbox One, PlayStation 4, and Steam. Awesome!

Surely that means that the CAPCOM Store is featuring the game. It ignored the Ace Attorney series at launch, but now that there's a new game, surely Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy is in the New Releases section...

...Nope. Not there. You can buy the Steam version off Brands → Other Brands. Just not as a New Release.

Anyway, check out the launch trailer, and then my pro-tip. The trailer actually does things differently than all of the other Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy launch trailers over the years, like pairing the Fey member and detectives in one artwork shot: 

Monday, April 8, 2019

Spring Fest Splatfest: Hare vs. Tortoise: The Rematch! Who Wins?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Why slow and steady wins the race.

Preceding the finals of the Super Smash Bros. North America Open 2019 at PAX East, where Phoenix Wright was announced as an upcoming downloadable character, was the Splatoon 2-equivalent tournament, which also got a developer announcement.

Along with a new game update in Version 4.6.0 was the announcement of a new worldwide Splatfest, deemed the Spring Fest. They really are disrespecting the Southern Hemisphere in their “worldwide” Splatfest, where it's actually Autumn at this time. (Shout-out to our Oceania readers.)

Anyway, the Spring Fest is taking place from April 19 to April 21, coinciding with the hare-happy holiday of Easter. Biased? Well, as I'll write later in this article, there's a tortoise-friendly holiday at the same time.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. The Spring Fest's theme this time is...

Splatoon 2 Splatfest Spring Fest Hare vs. Tortoise Off the Hook Pearl Marina question history repeats itself
“Who would win if the tortoise and the hare had a rematch?”

This references the Aesop Fable where an overconfident hare and a mild-mannered tortoise have a race. The hare almost gets to the end and then takes a nap right before the finish line. The tortoise then completes the race while the hare is asleep, and proceeds to win. The lesson is either one about the hare's overconfidence being its downfall/snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, or how slow-and-steady wins the race/it's a marathon, not a sprint.

The question is not asking which of the hare or the tortoise you like more. And it's obviously not asking who would win the first time—the tortoise did. But it's asking what would happen in a rematch. Would the hare learn its lesson and not fall asleep right before? After all, the tortoise only won entirely because of the hare's stupidity/low-stamina (depending on your interpretation) not because it was a hard-worker or anything of the sort.

Then again, this is KoopaTV. In terms of animals, we have a pretty obvious bias. I'll examine this hare vs. tortoise situation in multiple, increasingly-controversial applications, and then give you my overall conclusion at the end.