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Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Chibi-Robo: Little Hope In His Last Chance?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - There's a tiny chance you'll see Chibi-Robo ever again.

Do you think anything of the Chibi-Robo! series? If you do, then you really need to buy Chibi-Robo! Zip Lash because if you don't you might not see him in his own games ever again, and he'll be stuck making cameos in weird things like Captain Rainbow.

That's according to Nintendo producer Kensuke Tanabe in an interview with Verge. Apparently Tanabe can control Chibi-Robo's fate. It's actually pretty rare that a producer will outright say what people should intuitively know to be true: If the game doesn't sell, you're not going to get any more in the series.

Basically, Tanabe stated, "this might be the last chance for us", putting himself together with Chibi-Robo's future. Of course, if Chibi-Robo's batteries cannot be replaced, Tanabe still has a future at Nintendo. 

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Is The Legend of Zelda an RPG?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Let's also talk about game genres in general.

It has been a classic question for debate for decades: Is Nintendo's The Legend of Zelda series considered a role-playing game (RPG)? I've seen it repeated many times on the Nintendo NSider Forums/its predecessor, Hyrule Town Square (though I'm not going to go to the Wayback Machine to look for an example so believe me here) between 2003 and 2007, and it's still asked occasionally on Miiverse and other places. That said, I think most people have reached the right answer by now. The answer is "no."

If you don't know why, then ask in the comments section because I'm not going into a detailed response into something that everyone else has figured out by now. (But if you want to be contrarian, be bold and unafraid! That's the KoopaTV way.)

I'd rather discuss how stupid game genres are in general. Which is sort of why I've been mocking/ignoring them in KoopaTV's game reviews with functional-sounding, non-standard answers. (Then again, for the most part, I've been reviewing non-standard products.) Nintendo doesn't even use the word "genre" on their site, instead using the broader term "category". But believe me, they used to say "genre" and they never called The Legend of Zelda games RPGs.

Nintendo game genres Super Paper Mario Legend of Zelda Final Fantasy action adventure RPG "Category" listings for:
Super Paper Mario,
Zelda II: The Adventure of Link
, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword,
and Final Fantasy.

...There's something unusual about the above screenshot, though.

Monday, September 28, 2015

Jimmy Kimmel Falling Flat on Watching Gamers Play?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - I think he stood tall, or tall enough anyway.

Some weeks ago, the comedian Jimmy Kimmel (I was almost done with this article thinking it was Jimmy Fallon, and had to go and change all references of Fallon to Kimmel. ...Who the hell is Jimmy Kimmel?) made fun of the new YouTube Gaming feature. It's basically a much-worse Twitch. He had this whole comedy bit over how strange/pointless it is that so-called gamers (really "watchers") would watch other people play videogames and spend a lot of time doing that. And because the mainstream gaming community is incredibly sensitive, he got a ton of hate comments and death threats. So he made a response video, got more of that, and then made another video featuring him and YouTube gaming celebrities.

So there's three videos in this whole scenario, each with millions of views. That's THREE things to respond to! And that's convenient for Rule of Three. So I'll give my thoughts on it all, and if you've been following my KoopaTV columns you probably won't be that surprised at my thoughts. But they're good consumption anyway, and a better use of your time than watching some Let's Player. So let's get started.

Friday, September 25, 2015

Speaker John Boehner Is Gonna Retire!


There are many important videogame-related topics I should be writing about that are relevant now but will be less relevant later. And this news isn't going anywhere. But I don't care because writing this is keeping in line with my New Years Resolution:
"I also resolve to hold the new Republican majority in Congress accountable in the same manner I held the Democrat Party and President Barack Hussein Obama accountable. I campaigned hard to get 'em in, now they better damn be good."
And... um... they aren't good. They haven't been good. They've been complete failures. As Ledge Trump said in his announcement speech, "We have people that are morally corrupt." And most Republicans (and Americans) agree, according to a new Fox News poll:

Fox News poll Republican Congress block Barack Obama agenda feel betrayed
66% of Republican voters think the Republican Congress isn't doing its job, and 60% feel betrayed. I'm in those majorities.

Speaker Boehner has been a huge part of that, as the leader of the House of Representatives. He's been the Speaker since 2011, though it wasn't until 2015 that the Senate caught up with the Republican Party. Basically, he's been capitulating on every issue conservatives care about, by not defunding ObamaCare to giving Obama the debt ceiling increases he wanted. For all the talk about Republican obstructionism, for the issues that really matter, Boehner was fine giving the win to President Barack Hussein Obama.

It's a problem, and while Boehner may be a Republican, he has the worst aspects of one. Just like how a Dry Bones is a Koopa, but not a very lively one.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Is The Wii U "Watchup" News App Worth Your Time?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The so-called Hulu of the News.

Today I received a push notification on my Wii U Gamepad upon turnin' the system on. It was advertising a news service called "Watchup" on the Wii U that's FREE to download off the eShop! Well, hey, I like hearin' the news (so I can commentate on it for this website), and I like my Wii U. These things should fit together.

Courtesy of their press kit.
However, this isn't an exclusive-to-Nintendo kind of thing. This is an entrepreneurial company, Watchup, Inc, that says they're out of Stanford. Their slogan for the Wii U?

"Gamer on the outside but news junkie on the inside? 

Watchup on Wii U is a multitasker’s fantasy come true!

Catch up on today’s news from hundreds of local, national and international sources on your favorite game console. Customize your daily newscast and get more in depth news coverage by reading related articles on the GamePad. Get it from the eShop for free."
Well, at least someone out there is trying to make the Wii U GamePad central to some experience out there. But how well does the app perform and does it satisfy my news junkie-ness? That's the basis of this review.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Pop'n Music and BEMANI Games

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - A request for a very weird videogame series I've only heard of from the requester.

Once upon a time in May, KoopaTV got a request
"Write an article on the Japanese arcade game pop'n music. Give us your insights on the main characters and gameplay, and tell us whether or not you'd like to see it come to the US in its pure form. (It actually did come to the US at one point as a Wii game, but it was TERRIBLE.)" 
Obviously we never did it. Until now. I like to say we eventually will do your requests, so here we are.

So pop'n music (it's supposed to not be capitalised like "amiibo" ain't capitalised, which really bugs me... and it's worse than amiibo since this is the name of a game series and not something attempting to be a generic noun) is this music game that's part of Konami's BEMANI series of games, using primarily licensed music. What's BEMANI? It used to be called Games & Music Division (thanks Wikipedia) in Konami, and then they just made it some nonsensical name to be more creative I dunno. (I didn't read the whole Wikipedia article as to why.)

All of the BEMANI things are trapped in Japan, with the exception of Dance Dance Revolution. So that includes pop'n music, so that's why I've never heard of it and you likely haven't either.

GameFAQs poll of the day Konami franchises sold off to a new publisher
No one really cares about it, I guess.
I voted for the last option, personally.

Uh... According to TVTropes, pop'n music has a high difficulty but it tries to fool you by being cutesy-looking. From what I can tell, this is a screenshot from one of the games:

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Ominous (Latin) Chanting — Overrated?

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Is there such a thing as too much?

What comes to your mind when you think of "epic videogame music"? Truly epic, not "epic" in the sense that it's an overused spammed word. (Looking at you, Jane McGonigal and marketing departments.) The music you like and admire.

A lot of people would bring up themes like Final Fantasy VII's "One-Winged Angel", whether it be its original form or one of its many remixes. The Advent Children version literally has over 7 million views on YouTube on one video, and many millions more across other videos. 

This theme alone is probably why people want that HD remake of Final Fantasy VII and why they cheered Square Enix for bringing it at E3 2015. It's why Sephiroth is part of the "Noble Nine" in the GameFAQs Character Contests.

Why is this theme so impressionable? Could it be because of it playing at a super-critical moment in the game? Is it something about its composition?

...Is it that ominous Latin chanting in the background?

Monday, September 21, 2015

Sleeping vs. Eating: A Problem With Gamer Culture

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - An epidemic of obesity with an epidemic of sleep deprivation.

About two months ago in Europe, there was an epic battle of Eating vs. Sleeping in the Splatoon Splatfest. Same weekend America had Water slides vs. Roller coasters and EVO 2015.

So what would you rather do? Eat things or sleep? Well, Europe overwhelmingly favoured... eating.

Splatoon Europe Splatfest Team Eating Sleeping results Callie Marie
63% favour Eating, 37% Sleeping. That's a landslide.

I don't think this is a Europe-specific thing, but a (gaming) cultural thing that's worldwide. (The Japanese actually get less sleep than Western nations and everyone else.) There is an epidemic of under-sleeping in America and elsewhere, with it being a public health issue as declared by governmental bodies responsible for DEATHS. Meanwhile, eating has the opposite issue: People eat too much, not too little.

Friday, September 18, 2015

Ace Attorney: Anime, New Live-Action, and TGS Live Stream Details on Ace Attorney 6!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The future looks bright for Ace Attorney in the Land of the Rising Sun. So what about everywhere else?

Let's end this week with some scrumptious news: Over in Tokyo Game Show land (a very important place that KoopaTV has not covered in our history, so shame on us) the new Ace Attorney 6 was/is playable (it was being streamed, too, which you can watch a replay of here)! Right, we said that'd happen before, but I sorta forgot about it amidst all of the Republican debate stuff. ...Either way, we failed to raise the funds for Kamek to play it, so no on-the-floor Tokyo Game Show coverage this year either.

Along with opportunities for folks not employed in KoopaTV to play Ace Attorney 6, there is also now a NEW TRAILER for Ace Attorney 6 (not only new, but... the only one)! Here's a subbed version. You should expect an official dubbed version sometime relatively soon out of CAPCOM. But wait... there's ALSO a lot more.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Presidential Candidates Named Trump Flop Everywhere

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - PLUS fourteen other Republican candidates!

So I thought about going over every candidate in detail and my thoughts on them. But you could just watch the debate. I thought about going for substance and making headers for all the issues the Republican candidates talked about last night on CNN from 6 PM to like over 11 PM. But you could just watch the debate. Wondering where you can? Our handy-dandy KoopaTV 2016 Presidential Debates Schedule will help.

Let's give our judgment FIRST and we'll just give some analysis based on that. I'm not separating the lower debate from the higher debate for this, especially since the lower debate only had four people in it.

  • Beauty: Carly Fiorina
  • Cool: Marco Rubio
  • Cute: Lindsey Graham
  • Smart: Rand Paul
  • Tough: Bobby Jindal
Why those folks? Let's delve into that. But first, some statistics of who got to talk:

CNN Republican GOP debate September 16 speaking time chart table graph talking
Speaking time numbers provided by CNN themselves.
At the start of the debate, they said they would try their best to let everyone have equal time.

Just saying, the guys in the lower debate, on average, had more speaking time than the upper debate. The lower debate was less than an hour and a half long, and the upper debate was nearly three hours long. The upper debate got four times the viewers, but the media coverage post-debate helps reduce that disparity like it did with Carly Fiorina last debate.

Now then... 

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

2016 Presidential Debate Schedules and Coverage

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The organised page where you can easily access all of our debate coverage.

KoopaTV wants to make sure you achieve your goals of civic duty that you may have not even been aware of. To this end, we want to give you total coverage of both sides of the 2016 White House race for president of the United States of America. Because this is, of course, totally related to our overall site topic of the videogame industry in ways we won't try to explain right now. 

All times are in Eastern.

KoopaTV 2016 Presidential Debates logo banner Republican Democratic primaries
This banner is terrible.

Republican Party Debates

A general introduction to the Republican Party candidates and our judging process for them can be found here.

Debate Night 1: August 6, 2015 on Fox News at 5 PM and 9 PM

There were two debates, the Bottom 7 and the Top 10.

The Bottom 7 featured Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Bobby Jindal, Carly Fiorina, Lindsey Graham, George Pataki, and Jim Gilmore. You can watch the debate on-demand, in full for free, right here.
  • Beauty: Carly Fiorina
  • Cool: Carly Fiorina
  • Cute: Lindsey Graham
  • Smart: Bobby Jindal
  • Tough: Rick Perry
The Top 10 featured Donald Trump, Jeb Bush, Scott Walker, Mike Huckabee, Ben Carson, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Rand Paul, Chris Christie, and John Kasich. You can watch the debate on-demand, in full for free, right here.
  • Beauty: John Kasich
  • Cool: Marco Rubio
  • Cute: Donald Trump
  • Smart: Ben Carson
  • Tough: Rand Paul

Debate Night 2: September 16, 2015 on CNN at 6/6:15 PM and 8 PM

There were two debates, the Bottom 4 and the Top 11.

The Bottom 4 featured Rick Santorum, Bobby Jindal, Lindsey Graham, and George Pataki. Rick Perry dropped out of the race, and Jim Gilmore wasn't even invited.

The Top 11 featured Donald Trump, Jeb Bush, Scott Walker, Mike Huckabee, Ben Carson, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Rand Paul, Chris Christie, Carly Fiorina, and John Kasich.

Read KoopaTV's thoughts on both debates here.

  • Beauty: Carly Fiorina
  • Cool: Marco Rubio
  • Cute: Lindsey Graham
  • Smart: Rand Paul
  • Tough: Bobby Jindal

You can watch the full Top 11 debate here, and the whole Bottom 4 debate here.

Debate Night 3: October 28, 2015 on CNBC at 6 PM and 8:15 PM

There are again two debates. Scott Walker has dropped out between the second debate and this one.

The first earlier debate will again feature Rick Santorum, Bobby Jindal, Lindsey Graham, and George Pataki. Jim Gilmore again wasn't invited.

The second, later debate features these ten candidates: Donald Trump, Jeb Bush, Mike Huckabee, Ben Carson, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Rand Paul, Chris Christie, Carly Fiorina, and John Kasich.
  • Beauty: Carly Fiorina
  • Cool: Marco Rubio
  • Cute: Lindsey Graham
  • Smart: Bobby Jindal
  • Tough: Ted Cruz

See KoopaTV's coverage here. You can watch the Top 10 debate here, and the Bottom 4 debate here.

Debate Night 4: November 10, 2015 on Fox Business at 7 PM and 9 PM

There will be two debates. This time, there are much more strict rules on who can show up. The lower debate will have four people: Chris Christie, Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum, and Bobby Jindal. Jim Gilmore wasn't invited, and neither have Lindsey Graham and George Pataki.

  • Beauty: Mike Huckabee
  • Cool: Mike Huckabee
  • Cute: Chris Christie
  • Smart: Bobby Jindal
  • Tough: Bobby Jindal

The more important debate therefore only has eight candidates: Donald Trump, Ben Carson, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, Jeb Bush, Carly Fiorina, John Kasich, and Rand Paul.

  • Beauty: Rand Paul
  • Cool: Marco Rubio
  • Cute: John Kasich
  • Smart: Rand Paul
  • Tough: Donald Trump

Read our analysis on both debates in one place right here!

You can watch both debates here.

Debate Night 5: December 15, 2015 on CNN at 6:30 PM & 8:30 PM

Two debates! Bobby Jindal dropped out of the race since last month, but we have some returning guy for the lower debate. We welcome: Lindsey Graham, George Pataki, Mike Huckabee, and Rick Santorum!

Watch these losers debate here.

For the higher debate, we have nine folks. It's everyone from last time, plus one more! Welcoming: Donald Trump, Ben Carson, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, Jeb Bush, Carly Fiorina, John Kasich, Chris Christie, and Rand Paul.

You can watch their debate here.

  • Beauty: Ben Carson
  • Cool: Ted Cruz
  • Cute: Jeb Bush
  • Smart: Rand Paul
  • Tough: Donald Trump
KoopaTV's analysis is here! Read up.

Debate Night 6: January 14, 2016 on Fox Business at 6 PM and 9 PM

There will be two debates. There are very strict rules on who can come in the higher debate this time. Jim Gilmore wasn't invited, while Lindsey Graham and George Pataki dropped out. Rand Paul is boycotting the debate because he wasn't invited to the winners' debate, so he said screw the whole thing.

That leaves seven folks in the primetime debate, and three in the lower one!

Lower has Carly Fiorina, Mike Huckabee, and Rick Santorum.

Better one has Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Ben Carson, Chris Christie, Jeb Bush, and John Kasich.

Read Ludwig's reaction to both debates here!

  • Beauty: Carly Fiorina
  • Cool: Mike Huckabee
  • Cute: John Kasich
  • Smart: Rand Paul
  • Tough: Donald Trump

Debate Night 7: January 28, 2016 on Fox News at 7 PM and 9 PM

Again, two debates. This time, participating in the undercard debate will be Carly Fiorina, Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum... and Jim Gilmore! Remember him from Debate Night 1? He's back!

Invited to the primetime debate is Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Ben Carson, Jeb Bush, Chris Christie, John Kasich, and Rand Paul! Yes, Rand is returning as well. Unfortunately, Donald Trump has proclaimed that HE will now boycott the debate because he dislikes Fox News host Megyn Kelly.

You can watch the debates in a playlist here.

Read KoopaTV's thoughts here!

  • Beauty: Ben Carson
  • Cool: Rand Paul
  • Cute: Jim Gilmore
  • Smart: Rand Paul
  • Tough: Jeb Bush

Debate Night 8: February 6, 2016 on ABC at 8 PM


Rand Paul, Mike Huckabee, and Rick Santorum have dropped out/suspended their campaigns since Debate Night 7. Debate Night 8 on ABC will have Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Ben Carson, Chris Christie, John Kasich, and JEB! Bush.

Jim Gilmore and Carly Fiorina weren't invited.

Watch the entire debate here.

Debate Night 9: February 13, 2016 on CBS at 9 PM

Carly Fiorina, Jim Gilmore, and Chris Christie have all dropped out. This leaves six candidates left, and all six showed up: Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, John Kasich, JEB Bush, Ben Carson, and Marco Rubio.

You can watch the debate here.

Debate Night 10: February 25, 2016 on CNN at 8:30 PM

So JEB! Bush has dropped out. There are only five remaining Republican candidates: Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, John Kasich, Ben Carson, and Marco Rubio. KoopaTV will actually cover this since it's a weekday. This is the debate before SUPER TUESDAY (March 1) where a ton of states vote.

Read KoopaTV's judgment here!

  • Beauty: Ben Carson
  • Cool: Donald Trump
  • Cute: Ben Carson
  • Smart: John Kasich
  • Tough: Donald Trump

Democrat Party Debates

Debate Night 1: October 13, 2015 on CNN at 8:30 PM

This debate featured Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Jim Webb, Martin O'Malley, and Lincoln Chafee. Read KoopaTV's thoughts on the debate here.

  • Beauty: Bernie Sanders
  • Cool: Bernie Sanders
  • Cute: Lincoln Chafee
  • Smart: Jim Webb
  • Tough: Jim Webb

Debate Night 2: November 14, 2015 on CBS at 9 PM

Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and Martin O'Malley will be attending this. Everyone else dropped out. KoopaTV will not publish anything on the day of the debate, or the day after, since it's taking place on a weekend.

You can watch the whole debate here. Read KoopaTV's thoughts here.

  • Beauty: Martin O'Malley
  • Cool: Bernie Sanders
  • Cute: Bernie Sanders
  • Smart: Bernie Sanders
  • Tough: Bernie Sanders

KoopaTV decided that it will no longer write articles on the Democrat Party debates after Debate Night 2.

This page will be updated as future debates happen and we know more about them.

KoopaTV will be covering the debates in a variety of ways throughout the upcoming year and 2016 as well. Stay tuned to this page, which will be a tab on KoopaTV.

Ludwig adds up all of the Super Contest awards for you here.
Your cast of Republican candidates all star in KoopaTV's 2016 videogame, The Wonderful 1237, using the contest stats!
KoopaTV is trying again with 2020 presidential debate coverage, this time without the bad banner.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Tatsumi Kimishima: New Nintendo President

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Ledge Trump lost his bid.

When I published Nintendo presidential candidate Ledge Trump's announcement speech last week, it turns out the turnaround time on the election was...really quick. Now, we have the election results! And the winner is...

...Tatsumi Kimishima! And my question is... who? Well, according to Nintendo, he was a top dog in The Pokémon Company in 2000, was the president of Nintendo of America prior to Reggie from 2002-2006, and was managing and directing a lot of aspects of the company since, including Human Resources. These changes are as of September 16, 2015. Otherwise known as tomorrow, or today in Japan time.

So he's the new president of Nintendo. He's been elected to serve for one year. He doesn't really talk much, but Nintendo Directs will still live on in one way or another. Those may or may not feature him. Well, that's good news, because we haven't had a live reaction log since E3.

As I mentioned in the article when Satoru Iwata died, the representative director positions for Shigeru Miyamoto and Genyo Takeda were temporary. They are now "Creative Fellow" and "Technology Fellow" respectively.

What does THAT mean? Well, according to Nintendo... 

Monday, September 14, 2015

Pick Art: Art vs. Science Splatfest

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Art is more encompassing of our philosophy and of game design.

It so happens that the North American Splatfests have been on-point. The one for this Saturday is "Art vs. Science", and that's a deep thing to discuss. Much better than that garbage Europe has arguing about if your bedroom is messy or tidy.

KoopaTV is firmly on the side of art, in large part because we consider all of our articles to be written art.

Splatoon Splatfest board Art Science
Damn right I joined this team.
But why should you join Team Art? Well, I have a few basic reasons.

  1. Science created the platforms of creative expression — art is that creative expression, and is much more easily appreciable.
  2. Splatoon needed advances in artistic design to exist, but not technological design.
  3. Science is a more potent tool for misleading the public than art is, so art is "less bad".

Friday, September 11, 2015

Unfortunate Anniversaries: Super Mario Maker on September 11

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Stop clinging to anniversaries, everyone.

People put way too much stock into anniversaries. I wrote about this concept last year when I titled our September 11, 2001 dedication as "Never Forget September 11? You Couldn't If You Tried." But it applies equally as much to videogames.

If you're going to say, "Never Forget X", then you need to be thinking about "X" all year, not just one day a year. And certainly not just once every five years, because apparently anniversaries only really matter in yearly increments that are multiples of five.

In Japan, Super Mario Bros. came out September 13, 1985, or a Friday. Incidentally, no one really knows when Super Mario Bros. came out in America, which is really weird. For the 30th anniversary, Nintendo insists that the game celebrating the 30th anniversary, Super Mario Maker, must come out on the same Friday. That Friday now coincides with the anniversary of two devastating terrorist attacks on Americans in the past fourteen years.

Pyro Guy Can't Melt Steel Beams jet fuel Super Mario Maker September 11
Pyro Guy is funnier than anything I could've picked that's actually from Super Mario Maker.

It's weird that there are going to be people reading this who were born after September 11, 2001. They'll never know how the world changed that day.

Anyway, a lot of people find it unfortunate that Nintendo is releasing their big Wii U game for the Fall season on the anniversary of the September 11 attacks. I guess they say that this is no time to have fun — you must be sad and nothing else today or else something is wrong with you. We don't think this is a good philosophy, and it dishonours Satoru Iwata's memory:

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Shigeru Miyamoto is NOT Bowser Jr.'s Mother!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - He's not my mother either. And he has had no involvement with the Royal Koopa Family, ever!

This is a critical public service announcement from the team at KoopaTV, along with its Royal Koopa Family backing. That's right, this message is brought to you by King Dad, King Bowser Koopa himself.

Recently, Nintendo teased that Mr. Shigeru Miyamoto would talk about some myths relating to the universe I live in. Well, good, there are a lot of misconceptions. Unfortunately, since it's Miyamoto, we had to brace ourselves for his usual brand of lies and deceit. Here's the myth they teased:

"Do you know who Bowser Jr.'s mother is?" And then he nodded, meaning "yes". That's the one and only myth they teased ahead of time. Yes, that very sensitive issue. If Miyamoto elaborated, it would be a disaster for the Koopas. And his answer besides "yes"?

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

The Folly of Censorship for Tranquility

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Banned for having a humourous intent.

I wouldn't be a freedom fighter stickin' to my values if I didn't get banned from quite a few places in my time. And hey, it's not really news that some people don't appreciate the kind of person I am. Some places are terrified of truth and levity, so good on you dear reader for sticking around. And if you're just joinin' us, then check out our About and then our feature opportunity for you to win $10 on your Nintendo, Sony, or Microsoft digital download marketplace account.

I like to take my bans from gaming communities and turn them into learning lessons for y'all. Well, this time the ban is from the gaming community literally called the Gaming community on Google+. It's notable because it has over 800,000 members in it. Obviously not all of them are active, but that's a very high user count that dwarfs the number of people that have been affected by some of the things we've written articles about before. Just to put it in perspective, that's multiple times as many people who have originally bought EarthBound and we all know how influential that fandom is.

Here's the post that got me banned. I thought it was pretty clever. You can see it below. It was showing off yesterday's article.

Google+ Gaming community group ban corrupt censorship injustice
"Ban due to making fun of a serious issue."

The serious issue here, of course, is that ban reason. Let's go over why that's so bad and recap what we've learned from my bans so far... about the nature of the enemy.

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Elect Ledge Trump for President 2016!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Keeping our borders secure.

Disclaimer: This article is for entertainment purposes and should not be taken as KoopaTV's official endorsement for the Republican 2016 presidential primaries who Nintendo's next CEO should be. And now, for a speech:

"It's time to make Super Smash Bros. great again. Our system is in serious trouble. We don't have victories anymore, not after Super Smash Bros. Brawl came out. They kill us. The Wii has become the dumping ground for everyone's problems.

When do we beat Microsoft at the ledge? They’re laughing at us, at our stupidity. And now they are edge-hogging. They are not our friend, believe me. But they’re killing us with edge-hogs.

When Ubisoft sends its games, they're not sending their best. They're sending games with lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems to our systems: They're bringing bugs. They're bringing Day 1 DLC. They're bringing girl wood. Some games, I assume, are good.

And we have nothing.

Donald Trump hair on Donkey Kong ledge Super Smash Bros. For Wii U

Monday, September 7, 2015

Corporate America: A Minion's Training Ground

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Corporate America is any minion-to-be's best place to learn the ropes.

Ever wanted to be a minion in an less-than-moral organisation? Last week we looked at the issue of how Big Bads (and good guys, too) should compose their minion forces. However, that discussion may have gone over your head if you're the ordinary reader that's not in the Top 1% of the hierarchy, and you're closer to the bottom of the ladder. That's why we're going to visit the issue of how to be the best minion for your Big Bad boss so you can rise up the ranks. It just so happens that upward mobility is a thing in the working world of villains.

Fire Emblem Path of Radiance Sothe King Ashnard Daein rise up escape the slums base conversation
Daein slum-lord Sothe talking about Mad King Ashnard's policy on upward mobility.
Now, I may not be the best person to talk about this. After all, I'm not a villain! I've never done anything bad in my whole life. I'm the prince of a very noble kingdom, Koopa Kingdom, working hard to ensure the best life for its citizens. I also run this positive propaganda organisation, KoopaTV, with the .org to show for it. That said, a little while ago I was forced by the Decepticon Vortex (also a KoopaTV staff member) to join Team Decepticons in the Splatoon Splatfest. Not wanting to lose (and we utterly destroyed them), I tried to get my friends to also join Team Decepticons in a non-forceful manner.

To my surprise, they were actually EAGER to become villainous foot-soldiers! It's as if they considered being a low-level minion to be really cool as a career decision.

Well, if that's what you really want to do, then I'll give some tips. Here are the top three traits that Big Bads look for in minions:

Friday, September 4, 2015

The Shamefulness of Pokémon Shuffle Mobile

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Nintendo, you've deteriorating here.

I knew it was a bad sign with the announcement of Puzzle & Dragons on 3DS. Nintendo had something suspicious going on, and I quote (myself):
"And that's how they hook you into starting micro-transactions. Yeah, that's right. Nintendo's "mobile strategy" is helping mobile companies sell things and then not actually getting royalties if consumers buy the "free" version. Wonderful strategy, right?" 
You can think of my mutterings as incoherent out-of-context, but consider the way Pokémon Shuffle is set up. Now Nintendo is entering the mobile space with a partnership with DeNA Co., Ltd. But that partnership isn't the only thing Nintendo is doing in mobile — there is an independent effort with... Pokémon Shuffle Mobile! Well, it's not just Nintendo, but also The Pokémon Company International. And TPCi has been doing mobile trash for a while, but this time it's different. This is the first time they take a game on the 3DS and actually port it to mobile. Everything before was original.

Pokémon Shuffle Mobile free download Google Play App Store
Big text: "Free Download Available Now!"
Tiny text I have to make the picture really large so you can see it: "In-game purchases are available."

So... what? Well, there is something absolutely despicable going on here, besides the game enslaving you over its addictive framework no matter where you are. Behold:

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Rawk's Lost Bet: Virtual Console Donkey Kong Games!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - No game of Donkey Kong's got removed from Nintendo's eShop. So Rawk lost our bet... and possibly his life?!

Once upon a time, I wrote an article about the jungle full of Donkey Kong Country and Donkey Kong Land games that flooded the Nintendo eShop. That was actually six months ago. It was significant because this is the series that actually had its games removed without explanation from the Wii's Virtual Console. The Donkey Kong Country series was one of the few games ever to be removed from there, so that drew suspicion as to Nintendo's future with Donkey Kong and if the games could ever be ported again.

One such conspiracy theorist was KoopaTV staffer RawkHawk2010. He has a massive victim complex as a major Donkey Kong fan, and he made a bet with me in that article six months ago that went like this:
"RawkHawk2010 believes that these games will not last six months (September) on the Nintendo eShop and they will be taken down again. I believe they will last longer than that. This article really exists to publish, to the world, this "bet". If Rawk is wrong, then... I'll laugh at him. (Which I guess isn't anything new.) Actually, we've agreed that the loser has to go dance in the streets with ethnic minorities. Anyway, if he's right, then maybe his Donkey Kong fan victim complex has some validity. ...I mean, the franchise's sub-par representation in Super Smash Bros. 4 is definitely true. The series has a lot more music choices than just the jungle themes, Sakurai. ...And only two characters? Hm."
So it's September now. Is Rawk right? Find out past the page break. Or just read the title and/or header of the article. You know what's coming: Rawk dancing in the streets with ethnic minorities on video.

Donkey Kong 64 Cranky lazy good for nothing son quote
I'm reprising my role as Cranky Kong, and Rawk is taking the role of his favourite character.

But it's not all fun and games... besides being lazy, why do you think Rawk isn't the one writing this article? Something's seriously wrong.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

KoopaTV's August 2015 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Aw shucks, it's that time of year where most of my readership disappears and starts school.

Howdy folks! August ended, and now we're entering September. If you know how to read a calendar (whether mounted, from Club Nintendo, or on your computer) you already knew that. So let's use the airwaves responsibly, as Marie the Squid Sister would say.

KoopaTV had a fine and dandy month in August. Nothing really new happened (so we won't have all the cool headings like from last month's newsletter), though we did officially start our coverage of the Republican presidential debates. That'll be a thing every month for a while (or twice a month for some months), so look forward to our awesome Super Contest judging style!

Speaking of judgment, we got 2 things to judge: The results for Round 3 of the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program, and the top 5 recommended articles from the month of August!

According to our judging spreadsheet:
  1. Samantha Lienhard — 53 points
  2. JoystickLad — 47 points
  3. Sam — 11 points 
Round 3 was winner-takes-all, so congratulations to Samantha Lienhard! Hope ya enjoy your $10 eShop code!

So Round 4 started... yesterday, actually. THAT spreadsheet is here. What's the prize? Well... It's... even better than Round 3's!

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Ace Attorney 6 Coming to the West!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And officially announced in the East, too.

We have known that Capcom has been working on Ace Attorney 6 for well over a year now. But it wasn't really formally announced and we didn't have any information on it. That just changed. Well, it's more of a teaser of a teaser, but hey, as the article title states, we NOW know it's going to come outside of Japan. Whatever it is. So basically, it was officially announced and at the same time we know it'll be localised.
Well, we also know some more information. Like this logo.

Ace Attorney 6 Gyakuten Saiban logo new Japanese six
Japan has a tendency of calling these "Gyakuten Saiban #!" while everyone else gets a longer and longer sub-title.

And as we can tell by Wright's hair in there (reflecting his slightly new hairdo) that it's a sequel to Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Dual Destinies. But we can also look at Phoenix Wright as more than a disproportional silhouette with a mouth: