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Thursday, September 3, 2015

Rawk's Lost Bet: Virtual Console Donkey Kong Games!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - No game of Donkey Kong's got removed from Nintendo's eShop. So Rawk lost our bet... and possibly his life?!

Once upon a time, I wrote an article about the jungle full of Donkey Kong Country and Donkey Kong Land games that flooded the Nintendo eShop. That was actually six months ago. It was significant because this is the series that actually had its games removed without explanation from the Wii's Virtual Console. The Donkey Kong Country series was one of the few games ever to be removed from there, so that drew suspicion as to Nintendo's future with Donkey Kong and if the games could ever be ported again.

One such conspiracy theorist was KoopaTV staffer RawkHawk2010. He has a massive victim complex as a major Donkey Kong fan, and he made a bet with me in that article six months ago that went like this:
"RawkHawk2010 believes that these games will not last six months (September) on the Nintendo eShop and they will be taken down again. I believe they will last longer than that. This article really exists to publish, to the world, this "bet". If Rawk is wrong, then... I'll laugh at him. (Which I guess isn't anything new.) Actually, we've agreed that the loser has to go dance in the streets with ethnic minorities. Anyway, if he's right, then maybe his Donkey Kong fan victim complex has some validity. ...I mean, the franchise's sub-par representation in Super Smash Bros. 4 is definitely true. The series has a lot more music choices than just the jungle themes, Sakurai. ...And only two characters? Hm."
So it's September now. Is Rawk right? Find out past the page break. Or just read the title and/or header of the article. You know what's coming: Rawk dancing in the streets with ethnic minorities on video.

Donkey Kong 64 Cranky lazy good for nothing son quote
I'm reprising my role as Cranky Kong, and Rawk is taking the role of his favourite character.

But it's not all fun and games... besides being lazy, why do you think Rawk isn't the one writing this article? Something's seriously wrong.

But first, the proof that I won the bet:

Donkey Kong Country eShop Wii U page listing
All the Donkey Kong Country games up six months ago are still available for purchase.
Donkey Kong Country 3 is rightfully the lowest-ranked.
Since those games came out, DK Jungle Climber came out in July to complement DK King of Swing, already there.

Donkey Kong Paon Wii U eShop games Jungle Climber King of Swing
They don't look very popular though.
Yet there's the biggest release on the Wii U eShop of all that's related to Donkey Kong:

Donkey Kong 64 Wii U eShop page information
Donkey Kong 64's page on the Wii U eShop!
So that came out after we made our bet.

It's very clear that not only has Donkey Kong remained on the Nintendo eShop, but he has actually flourished on it. So Rawk is clearly wrong and lost the bet. Take him away to the gallo-... the streets!


And there you have it. Rawk dancing on the streets with ethnic minorities.

When Rawk gave me the video, he also told me...
"it was such a surreal experience that I decided to stay with the ethnic dancers indefinitely"
And then I never heard from him again. Neither has any other KoopaTV staffer.

Let's note from the video that you see Rawk for the first ten seconds of the twenty-seven second video. The camera starts on him... and then it pans towards the other folks there. Then for the rest of the video, the dude who it's supposed to be about isn't there. And you'd think he would be there since the video is titled "Rawk Dances to Route 216".

But what if... what if he really is in that entire video? What if he actually transformed into one of the people in the last two-thirds of the video? In that case... The RawkHawk2010 we all know and love... is now a different person entirely.

However, what really matters is the content of his character. Is he the same person inside? Well, if Rawk is staying with some dudes he literally met off the street over the folks he's known for over a decade, then... I don't think he's the same person inside anymore.

Would this revolution of Rawk's nature have happened if we never made that bet? It's unclear. Rawk's always been a loose cannon, having loved the Blast Barrels in the Donkey Kong Country franchise. Either way, I blame Splatoon's Team Dance. It's a damn good thing they lost to Team Sing.

But yeah, Rawk has already been out of KoopaTV's staff twice. The first was a dramatic leave of absence that brought KoopaTV down for a whole month, and the second he got placed on unpaid administrative leave for another month. Now it's a third time. Patterns say this'd be another month-long event, but who knows. Either way, one wonders if Rawk's transformation is... permanent. Then maybe if he comes back, he could lead KoopaTV BLK ™.

Ludwig is happy to be winning bets, at least. That said, now there's a big hole in KoopaTV's staffing that needs to be filled, so check out our Jobs page to see how you can get involved! Also, go get yourself one of those Donkey Kong games from the eShop. Need funding for it? No problem! Just win the KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program, which just freshly began Round 4! Win a $10 Nintendo eShop code, or equivalent amounts for the other game consoles!

This isn't the first time Rawk uploaded a video of someone dancing to Route 216. He did the same with Harry Potter here.
This is also not the first time you could see Rawk on video. He interviewed Herman Cain in-person at a Tea Party rally here.
Rawk came back to KoopaTV... only to cause harm.
Rawk finally came back to KoopaTV for presumably pro-KoopaTV purposes.
The Donkey Kong Country games are still on the eShop by 2018, unless your sub-title is Tropical Freeze. 


  1. God, I love KoopaTV.

    1. Thanks, Anonymous!

      ........(Are you trying to hide your love for KoopaTV from your identity...?)

  2. I got lucky and managed to get DKC3 before it was taken off the Wii Shop Channel the first time, I never played it before and wanted to see if I would be on the side of like or dislike for this game. I can see why views are mixed for it. I bought DKC2 long before that. Played the first game on a real cart long before that and also own the GBC port so found no need to get that. Great to have options though. Transferred DKC2 to Wii U in order to make use of the Tropical Freeze sale if you bought a Virtual Console game and transferring also worked for that sale.

    I got 200% on DKCR (Wii version, don't own 3DS version).

    1. I got unlucky and LET'S PLAYED it from the Wii Shop Channel. First time I played DKC3.
      ...It was a horrible experience and an even more horrible LP. Not linking it because I don't want you to watch it. <_<

      First played DKC on the GBC, which was a disaster because it's such a bad port. Then played DKC2 on the GBA remake, which was very, very pleasant. ^.^ And I recommended DKC2 GBA to Rawk many years ago, and it was based on that that he became a big Donkey Kong fan.

      I've maxed out % of Tropical Freeze and also did the same for Returns, though in Returns I did not do the Mirror Mode thing for all the stages. I did do that for Tropical Freeze.

      Dixie Kong <3

    2. I never played DKC3 before either. Lucky in at least I had the chance to see for myself why it is a game with mixed reviews. Sometimes I prefer judging things for myself rather than taking someone's word for it. If I did not, I would never have touched the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon series as that was really hated by tons of "professional" reviewers.

      200% in Returns means doing Mirror Mode as well. Not part of the percentage but I also got all the puzzle pieces. Thankfully speedrunning is not part of the percentage because I like taking things slowly in games as I like to savor the moment in most games and take in scenery and the like.

    3. Okay I didn't max out % in Returns then. But I did get all the collectibles in both games!

      Wait, in neither of your comments did you actually give your opinion on DKC3. All you've said is that OTHER people liked it or hate it.

    4. I have not finished the game. I bought it on VC either on 2012 or a bit before (I remember because I had it before Hurricane Sandy hit and took away my internet connection and landline so I had some way to entertain myself) so that should tell you just how motivated I am to play it. I stopped somewhere with the Snowman boss or the water level that reverses controls, which ever is later. Meanwhile in DKC2 I played through all levels even if I did not max out percentage.

    5. Oh yeah, I maxed out DKC2's percentage.
      AND did Diddy's Dash speed-runs. I dunno how good my scores were but I tried pretty hard at them and put a lotta effort.

      DKC3 could be played somewhat non-linearly if I remember correctly, so I dunno if that's actually far. :p
      ...So I guess we can conclude it's not good for you. :)

    6. Oh wait, I do not think I ever played the K Rool rematch of DKC2. But pretty sure I went through all "normal levels" otherwise including such levels like Animal Antics.

    7. Oh, so you did the Lost World levels, but not the Lost World boss fight?

      Well it's not reaaaally that worth it that I'll ask you to go back and play it. Though it's a bit strange. You never played it? So you never even tried?


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