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Friday, December 27, 2019

Ring Fit Adventure Fitness Log Week 7: The Christmas Tree Forest Runner

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - (Note: This has nothing to do with Christmas other than happening during the week of Christmas.)

It turns out that this week's KoopaTV Fitness Friday is very expansive. I played FIVE days worth of Ring Fit Adventure, all to finish World 6, as well as the entire World 7. (That means Week 8 will begin with World 8, resulting in parity between the week and the world numbers.)

That means this fitness log includes TWO Dragaux boss fights, plus many town requests, minigames, a miniboss, character development, and a lot more. Plus, a lot of suggestive material regarding one of the Four Masters, Allegra. Enjoy.

The first item on our Sunday agenda—after increasing the difficulty level from 25 to 26—is to help people and do all the requests we can from The Shrouded Land's town. Something about holiday spirit. That includes the Housekeeper woman from the end of Week 6's log who needs monsters swept from Six Park and the Temple of Balance, in return for drinks. This includes the instant level-up, Dragon Drink (with a Dragaux label?), as well as the Attack Drink and Defense Drink, which permanently boost your Attack and Defense stats by 1, respectively. No harm in using the stat boosters right away, but the instant level-up, I don't know... You need marginally more experience per level up the more you get, so isn't it better to save this?

Ring Fit Adventure Dragon Drink level up Dragaux
What fruit even is that?
And in which world does Dragaux have his own bottling company? Can I visit?

The game finally makes a reference to oral health (which I was writing about in Week 6's fitness log) by having a stinky grandpa request Green Tea, which supposedly helps bad breath. Last request is getting an 80% Great! ratio at the Battle Gym, which is trivial with easy Fit Skills. The game wants me to take a cooldown break for the day, but I say... nay! DRAGAUX TIME. (Actually I do need to use the bathroom...)

Dragaux Stadium 6 features big staircases with spiny logs rolling down them that you must hover over, or get crushed by them. (Which doesn't damage your hearts... but decreases your money? I guess Dragaux is celebrating Chanukkah, too?) Ring says that Dragaux is his friend, to which Dragaux laughs at Ring and says that Ring isn't a friend because he locked him up in the chest before the start of the game. And so the battle starts, with Dragaux bringing in a Yellow Scuttlebell and Blue Scuttlebell as exercise toys. Ring specifically suggests defeating those first. (And they do pack a punch... 2 and a half hearts.) After using wide-range attacks to defeat them, Dragaux yelled that he's STRESSED, jumped back, and threw wooden crates containing hearts at us. When will he learn that isn't effective?

We beat Dragaux since he didn't have any other tricks, and he claimed that he used up so much power subjugating the Four Masters that he was too weak to fight us. He flew off to World 7, and the Four Masters told us not to follow him there. So... for now, let's not. A request opened up still in World 6, as Hubby and Honey are relieved that “everyone is back to normal” and not obeying Lord Dragaux. (Lame.)  The request? Break every robot in the Smack Back (Novice) Game Gym. Alright...AND GET A PEACH SMOOTHIE. Alright! Unfortunately, “break every robot” is a synonym for “get a perfect score.” That's... difficult. Fortunately, you can pause and reset the minigame from the beginning at any point, but... This is hard. And you can't just spam waggle, either. You gotta have correct timing. And the proper FORCE. It's basically a motion control Rhythm Heaven game, since the robots throw the frisbees at you to the music. I guess.

EVENTUALLY (after 8 in-game minutes and almost 350 Upper Body Twists) I did it—an S-rank perfect score of 7,600 points (or 38 robots). Bright side: Every time you reset, the game still keeps track of how many times you did an Upper Body Twist, and you get experience points for every time. Next request? Don't have a horrible score in Squattery Wheel (70 points—my max is 68) and do it in 40 seconds. UGH. Fortunately, on my first try I got... 71! Hey! That's good...enough! Let's end the day.

World 7: The Forest Runner. Presumably, we're off to obtain a Christmas Eve Christmas tree from the woods. In Town 5/General Store 5, there is a clueless Info Broker telling us about a woman named Dashley, but he's never heard of Allegra. (Why would he bring up Dashley when we ask about Allegra, hm?) He demands 100 coins. Screw him. I'm not paying that.

There's a Gluting Gallery (Novice), which you may remember as the Overhead Side Bend minigame with horrible Ring-Con placement detection. Somehow, I (or the controller's detection) totally screwed up, and still got the minimum B-Rank required to get the Ring Raise Combo—a blue (leg) Fit Skill with a whopping 155 base power that's single-target. This game is definitely power-creeping. It's almost twice as good as the Thigh Press.

On the other side of the Town is the dreaded Fitness Gym, now offering the Glutes Set. Get a B-rank or higher and get 200 coins! (Presumably so players have money to pay off the Info Broker.) Ugh... Alright, let's try this. Hope it's not as horrible as the Leg Set, which tortured me for over a week. It consists of...
  1. Hip Lift (x20) — a confounding motion where you're on your back, your head is on the floor (not looking at the TV), and your Ring-Con is squeezed between your thighs. Lift your hip/lower back off the floor and squeeze the Ring-Con, and then lower your hips/lower back to the floor. Sometimes it doesn't know your hips are on the floor.
  2. Wide Squats (x20) — these are familiar. By the way, you COULD do pretty well if you rest your elbows on your hips, but... you're not supposed to.
  3. Ring Raise Combo (x50) — I suppose it's better to see what it is here for the first time than battle? You start the Ring-Con in front of you, raise it above your head (held long-way instead of vertically), lower it back in front of you while bending your knees, raise it above your head again... and then lower it... sort of bounce it while bending your knees, and then raise it above your head. Or as Ring says, “One, two; one, two; one, one, two!” (One being the Ring-Con in front with knees bent, and two being above you.) 
  4. Chair Pose (x10) — This was the first Yoga pose we had. Squat so it feels like you're going to sit on a chair, and move your arms in an up-down/forward motion. 
I got an A-rank; 94 point average. The reason it's not higher is because of the Hip Lift. Anyway, I got the money, which gives me access to a treasure chest with 3 Carrots, 3 Onions, and the return of the Core Crushing (Novice) Game Gym is offering a Carrot Soup Recipe. Inconveniently, Carrot Soup requires 4 Carrots and 3 Onions to make. (It doubles your battle experience.)

Welp, I did everything I can besides give the Info Broker 100 coins. I have no choice. The Info Broker gives us access to Swing Gate (and tells us we need to reach a place called Trotter's Grove), telling us that Dashley runs with a blue-haired woman. Allegra? Anyway, Swing Gate features a huge swing, which you must repeatedly Squat to get moving. Fun stuff.

Ring Fit Adventure Swing Gate milk grapes
Picking up my favourite foods, being milk and grapes!

The next stage (Starting-Block Bridge) I equipped my skill tree-unlocked Overhead Squat... and I never wanna do that again. I'm pooped. We're done. That bridge's gimmick is that there's a LOT of distance to cover, and a lot of treadmills throughout. Totally unlike the whole World 6, which was a big series of minibosses. Among other ingredients I collected from Starting-Block Bridge (blueberries, prunes, pumpkin) we got our first bottle of... Soy Milk, which has a resell price of 4 coins. Regular, real Milk has a resell price of 5 coins. The hard labour of cows is worth more than a soybean impersonation!

It's Tuesday, Christmas Eve morning, and I stop by the now-accessible Battle Gym of World 7, S-rank it, and get the PUMPKIN SOUP recipe. Unlike the Yeti Soup from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, this is what you use Soy Milk for. Rather than recover health, it doubles your money. Now for Trotter's Grove, where my stated mission is to “Follow Dashley!” Milk Pudding (made from real milk) seems like a good drink to have for this, since it eases jogging. While I didn't encounter Dashley in the course, I did encounter TWO running Treasure Chests. They aren't full traditional RPG Mimics in the sense that you don't fight them after catching up to them. You just open them as normal, and in this case, it gave me recipes for Raisin Milk and... Prune-based drinks. Ew. (They happen to have effects regarding your Leg skills.)

Dashley, while appearing to be a beauty of the forest, is actually a... senior citizen, who runs because running has magical anti-aging properties.

Some Requests opened up before we inevitably have to confront Allegra. One involves giving Hubby some Carrot Soup (which he called a Smoothie that gives him memories of his old girlfriend, Cupcake) which gave me two Emeralds. The other is from the Info Broker, asking me to return to Trotter's Grove and dispatch all the monsters there. While the running Treasure Chests are back (giving low sums of money for being caught), the available monster fights are different, and the background is in nighttime. I unlocked the Hinge Pose for reaching level 53, and it has the same stats as Warrior Pose III, but the detection is so wonky it's unusable. I still managed to clear the course, and the Info Broker gave me 400 coins (did he sucker three other people from their money too?), and access to an overworld Treasure Chest with a Skill Drink (gives one skill point for the skill tree) and access to the Squat Goals (Novice) minigame, which the Info Broker claimed he wanted to S-rank. Getting a B-rank or better gets me Mustard Skeleton shorts, so, sure. It turns out Mustard Skeleton lacks a set bonus (and I'd lack the top and shoes for one anyway) but it's significantly of better stats than the Shadow Aurora I'm wearing now, even with its +10 attack set bonus. I went shopping for some new clothes that help me run faster, since it's about time I switched outfits.

There's a bunch more requests that opened up (including get 3000 points in Core Crushing in 30 seconds, which is very barely doable; get an 85% Great! ratio in the Battle Gym, which is extremely doable), and I'm tasked with raiding World 7's Beaut Camp and fighting Allegra. It never ends... but for the day, I'm done.

Ring Fit Adventure aerobic activity tip brisk walking jogging swimming bicycling basketball soccer
Ring Fit Adventure recommended these aerobic activities to me. While brisk walking is fine, I guess...
I'm not good at swimming, compared to Wendy O. Koopa or... anyone else. (I can't swim, period.)
Bicyclists are the worst people.
Soccer is for socialists. And according to a KoopaTV guest poster, black people own basketball. Not sure if it's welcoming.

Wednesday (Christmas) I ate too much Chinese food (large-size gluten-free chicken-fried rice) and couldn't move. Wouldn't want to vomit that out, so I didn't play Ring Fit Adventure. It's a Jewish tradition! (And delicious.)

One of the Requests (Thursday now) is to go back to the Fitness Gym and get an average score of 90 points in that, too. I can't do the Hip Lift successfully, since the game literally believes that I'm starting it before I can even squeeze the Ring-Con or raise my hips. Then obviously I get a bad score. What I ended up doing, accidentally after the Ring-Con flew from my legs, is just sit on the floor, manspread my legs out, and bend the leg with the Leg Strap. Then extend the leg to complete the motion. I got 100 points each time. I wasn't even holding the Ring-Con and just left it on the floor. Sad. Overall, I passed with an average of 95 points, and got a Peach Yogurt—which restores double the amount of hearts as a Peach Smoothie after you fall in battle. The last request is go back to the bridge and collect “monster tears” which mask the effects of aging in old women, apparently. Crying monsters... Well, I went through the course and didn't see anyone actually cry. In fact, I thought it was a random drop and I didn't get it, until after we came back to the world map and Ring was like, OH HEY THERE'S THIS MONSTER TEAR ON THE GROUND. Alright. I'm done for the day. I'll have to do the boss fights on Friday.

Alright, Thursday was sort of a lost day in that all it was was a paragraph doing two requests, so Friday is where World 7 all ends. At the Beaut Camp, I'm not fighting monsters. It's Allegra herself!

Ring Fit Adventure Allegra world 7 boss fight Beaut Camp best in the world dat ass legs
...Yes ma'am. Please go ahead.

I started the match by drinking a Prune Smoothie (changes all skills to the Leg type, and increases their attack power—perfect to fight Allegra) and then start with my most powerful skill: The 175 power Leg Raise (which is an Abs type skill normally), which is actually an exercise I kind of naturally do. I managed to do exactly 1500 points of damage to her with just one Leg Raise, which is like, 1/3 of her health. She stepped on me which only did 1.5 hearts of damage (or 1/4 of my health). I did some Ring Raise Combos (1388 damage) which got her to under half health, to which she said she would make me KNEEL to her LEGS. Yes, please. ...Erm... That prompted a SUPER ATTACK I had to defend by squatting, and by basically going really low, you can kick her kicks away and do damage to her on her own attack! She tried a triple kick after that, but she was pretty much done.

Ring Fit Adventure Allegra super attack squat block leg blue foot energy
I need to squat a LOT lower and a lot more bendier than I was doing in this screenshot to not get met with a giant stomping.
...Though... I kind of want to experience what that would feel like...

Onto Dragaux Stadium! Which features several of those running Treasure Chests... except you gotta run through (or knee lift) stairs and swamps to reach them. Dragaux himself expresses concerns that we chased Allegra all throughout the forest and won't leave a girl alone, and summons himself, a Green Matta Ray+, and a Green Megaphauna+.

Ring Fit Adventure Dragaux Stadium 7 chasing Allegra around arms out stretch
More accurately, we've been chasing Dashley around, who has apparently trained Allegra in running.

The latter is a new enemy, and while the Matta Ray heals Dragaux, the Megaphauna buffs him with “alerts” that increase his defence. Dragaux still gets taken down to half his health bar even with healing and defence buffs, and then he does his dumb boulder throwing AGAIN, which results in healing all of my health with the hearts contained inside. Sigh.

We beat Dragaux, and Ring starts talking about how him and Dragaux go way back, wanting to promote peace and health in the world. He's talking nonsense about desires vs. dreams... And World 8 opens up, as does another request in our current World 7.

Ring Fit Adventure desire versus dream
Desire: “Someone or something wished for.”
Dream: “A hope or wish.”
...Yeah, Ring is just making up definitions in an attempt to sound poetic or thoughtful. I hate that.

Unfortunately, it's to have a perfect score in Gluting Gallery (Novice), the minigame with the horrible controller detection. Ugggh. Actually, you can get a sub-perfect score, as long as you collect all the tokens. That means you can get hit by the bombs, too. So I did what any enterprising Koopaling would do: I cheated by holding the Ring-Con directly in front of me and tilting it with wrist movements, rather than holding it above my head and tilting my whole body. All the Ring-Con is supposed to care about is its orientation, not anything about my body. That's hard to control when it's above my head and I don't really know how I'm holding it up there since I can't see it, but when it's in front of me, it's a lot easier. In fact, I got a perfect score of 9500 points and an S-rank! (And experience points for my nonexistent Overhead Side Bends.)

Bad work ethic? Absolutely. Should you chastise me in the comments? I'd argue not.

Ring Fit Adventure Exercise Log Week 7
Ring Fit Adventure only lets you fit four days in one screenshot, so here's me editing in five days.
I could have done a better job and not have my cursor over the day I'm putting in, so there's only one highlighted spot.

Ludwig now knows that he has the stamina to chase a woman across a whole forest-covered countryside, which is extremely valuable and possibly applicable knowledge, both for his day job of kidnapping princesses as well as his own hopes of obtaining a relationship.

Check out what's going on with Abdonis in a world of rain in Week 8, World 8.
What is Allegra like in this world when she isn't under the dark influence? Find out in World 30!


  1. As a show of solidarity, I'd like to state that for Christmas this year, I asked for and received a gym membership, and currently I am indeed going. I plan to stick to calorie burning exercises and the like though, not looking to build muscle.

    1. Well, have fun with that New Years resolution.

      Ring Fit Adventure is a lot more motivating than stuff at the gym. I've tried the gym thing before!

    2. I believe you, but if I had asked for it for Christmas instead, I probably wouldn't have gotten it. In fact, I didn't get ANY games this year. D:

    3. $80 one-time purchase is less than a gym membership subscription... right?


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