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Thursday, September 10, 2015

Shigeru Miyamoto is NOT Bowser Jr.'s Mother!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - He's not my mother either. And he has had no involvement with the Royal Koopa Family, ever!

This is a critical public service announcement from the team at KoopaTV, along with its Royal Koopa Family backing. That's right, this message is brought to you by King Dad, King Bowser Koopa himself.

Recently, Nintendo teased that Mr. Shigeru Miyamoto would talk about some myths relating to the universe I live in. Well, good, there are a lot of misconceptions. Unfortunately, since it's Miyamoto, we had to brace ourselves for his usual brand of lies and deceit. Here's the myth they teased:



"Do you know who Bowser Jr.'s mother is?" And then he nodded, meaning "yes". That's the one and only myth they teased ahead of time. Yes, that very sensitive issue. If Miyamoto elaborated, it would be a disaster for the Koopas. And his answer besides "yes"?

Shigeru Miyamoto Bowser Jr.'s mother Jr. Super Mario Bros. myths
He points his finger to himself... suggesting, "It is I!"

...Yes, Shigeru Miyamoto claimed that he is the mother of Bowser Jr. This is so clearly absurd that it doesn't even deserve a rebuttal. Miyamoto cannot bear children! He is a man! He may be trying to fool you, dear reader, with his quirky hand-motions and his head movements, but I am on to his every move!

Let it be clear: Shigeru Miyamoto is not Bowser Jr.'s mother, and King Dad has NEVER had ANY cordial relationships with Shigeru Miyamoto. He is as much of an enemy to Koopa Kingdom as that red-hatted menace is. In fact, they've never met face-to-face. He has no idea what goes on in our family.

This is not the first time Shigeru Miyamoto has made statements about the Royal Koopa Family. Previously he has stated,
"Our current story is that the seven Koopalings are not Bowser's children. Bowser's only child is Bowser Jr., and we don't know who the mother is."
Is it any wonder that we call Shigeru Miyamoto totally senile and a total liar? First he says that "we" don't know who the mother is. (Who the hell is "we"?) Now he's saying not only does he know who the mother is, but the mother is himself.

Even Furio Tigre could figure out that this is a blatant contradiction. The correct way to take anything Shigeru Miyamoto says is to immediately discredit and disregard it. The man does not know what he's talking about. Who the hell does he think he is prying into private family members? We don't make proclamations about HIS damn family!

And with regards to my own relationship with King Bowser, I am of his flesh. I am his son. The rest of the Koopalings are also King Dad's sons, except Wendy, who is King Dad's daughter. What the hell is Shigeru Miyamoto doing claiming "Our current story"? What, in some future story he might change his mind and believe that we are his children? That's not how birth works, Miyamoto. Either you're someone's child or they're not, and it stays that way forever. Miyamoto is terrifying anyone who appeared on the Maury TV show and was told by the paternity test they are not the father. Hey, whoops, according to Miyamoto those tests are wrong and you really are the father! Get back over here and pay your hundreds of thousands of dollars in child support you got away from!

Nintendo Miiverse Amy drawing Bowser Jr. mother you're not my mommy
Amy, you should go back on vacation.

Already, Miyamoto's catastrophic slander is making its way around the world. Now people are going to be making totally false statements about King Dad. This is worse than the John Oliver show suggesting that King Dad and Donkey Kong are in a homosexual relationship!

I say, enough is enough. Shigeru Miyamoto is officially joining KoopaTV's "Sources To Stay Away From" list, which is filled with folks who peddle misinformation and lies. From here on out, we will never trust a single thing Miyamoto ever says, and if he's the only source on information then it won't be considered fit to publish because we only want to deal with the TRUTH on KoopaTV. And we like our truths verifiable.

...And no, the Royal Koopa Family will not disclose our family secrets to you and tell you the circumstances of our birth. After all, the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. We have good reasons for keeping our secrets, and quite frankly, it's none of your business. We don't demand to know your circumstances, so please grant my family the same privacy we grant yours.


Prince Ludwig Von Koopa is the son of King Bowser Koopa, and one of the royal members of the Royal Koopa Family. He reigns over Koopa Kingdom, and also owns KoopaTV. KoopaTV is the official propaganda website and mouthpiece for the Royal Koopa Family. Don't trust any other website claiming that, because you can only find the official-ness at KoopaTV. Please share this article to everyone you know to counter the viral lies of Shigeru Miyamoto.


Bowser is a fantastic father, protecting Bowser Jr. from bad guys on the Internet, like Shigeru Miyamoto.

10 comments :

  1. I was wondering how you would react to this. Now I know.

    ReplyDelete
  2. How do we know miyamoto is a man? What if he's been decieving us?

    it's pretty silly for him to claim to be the mother, but maybe it's a joke?? Either that, or nintendo doesn't care about logic or backstories and wants to change information at will. Remember claudia? Nobody does.
    with the koopaling announcement earlier, I toom that as being adopted. It explains the genetic diversity of traits.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He's a well-known misogynist. I guess that doesn't exclude him from being a man, but, I mean, he allegedly has his own human children with his human wife. I don't doubt for a minute that Miyamoto would cheat on his spouse, though. Sort of a strange thing for him to joke about. And he didn't joke about any of the other myths, so this one allegedly struck a personal chord with him.

      I'm not adopted, I assure you. <_<;

      Klawdia is well-remembered within segments of the Koopa fanbase that love taking made-up information as fact.

      Delete
  3. I surely think that Princess Peach has something to do with Shigeru Miyamoto lying about being the mother of Bowser Jr. so he can't officially take The Mushroom Kingdom; I know for a fact that Princess Peach is working with him and hiding the truth... If he is the mother, why not we give him a test to see if so!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't even know what a maternity test looks like.

      I feel like those usually aren't done for obvious reasons.

      If you know for a fact, then do inform us. We want to shine lights on the truth.

      Delete
    2. I can't believe I'm actually joining this conversation...
      ...I can't believe I was researching DNA tests because of Bowser Jr...
      ...but here I go. xD

      Maternity tests are rarely done since it's much easier to know who the mother is, since she gives birth to the child. However, maternity tests are sometimes necessary (trying to prove who an adopted child's biological parent is, if there's fear of a mix-up at the hospital, things like that).

      The most common form of testing is to take DNA samples of cells from the inner cheek lining, called a buccal swab. This is done for both paternity and maternity tests.

      Delete
    3. KoopaTV: Where the unbelievable is what happens.

      Thanks for the value-added information, Samantha!

      Delete
  4. Wow.....That's...that's really interesting...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just assume anything Miyamoto says is wrong.

      Delete

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