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Thursday, October 30, 2014

Monitor Your Munchies

BY LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Eating while gaming and other issues of hygiene.

Let's take the time to talk about gaming hygiene issues in this column. I'll admit, I'm guilty of some hygienic misdeeds. ...Not going to say which ones, though.

But some hygienic issues in general include not brushing your teeth, not washing your hands often, forgetting to take showers, not using deodorant, and eating while playing videogames. We'll deal with that last one (and the second), although I hear convention goers have a particularly hard time with the third and fourth of those.

Let's be frank: Eating while playing videogames can be disgusting. If you're using utensils, then it's fine. ...But if you're not, then you are dooming your hardware.

From Know Your Meme, it's... Dorito Pope Geoff Keighley!
Encouraging bad hygiene for gamers everywhere while making fun of gamers.

Please do not eat anything that will leave a residue on your fingers while playing videogames. And please do not ask to borrow anything I own while you're doing so. It is gross. I like to keep my hardware in good quality. You should too. ...But wait, you might notice something... hypocritical.

I've been known on my YouTube channel to eat grapes or raisins while playing games. You can even see a bowl of grapes in my Super Smash Bros. For 3DS unboxing video. When I do this, I keep a damp napkin or towel nearby to wipe my fingers and my controller with. It's good idea to have that even when you're not eating something, or to just get up and wash your hands. Not only should you be taking breaks when you play videogames anyway, but your hands or fingers can get sweaty from all the action they're doing. And when that happens, your grip is reduced, your control goes down, and your controller is gross. Happens all the time when I'm playing Super Smash Bros. For 3DS, and also noticeably my keyboard when I'm trying to play A Koopa's Revenge 2.

Fortunately, most gamers have manners and respect both themselves and their hardware when playing. And yet, from personal experience, I've been to my fair share of gaming-related meet-ups and parties with people. These have chips, Skittles (no iced tea), and pizza. Pizza and gaming? Don't do it. Pizza is cheesy. Pizza is greasy. It's popular, yes. Everyone loves pizza! ...Don't do it. Eat pizza first, wash your hands, and then play. Do not combine the two. Playing in a social setting creates peer pressure to be disgusting. You must be vigilant! Especially if it's not "Bring Your Own Controller" and you gotta share or pass controllers. Grease, germs, and smut.

According to a 2004 study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, conventional wisdom that people eat worse foods for you during television watching is true. Even more so if the food is prominent in the media that you're watching. You can safely replace television with videogames. So not only are you more likely to eat pizza while playing Nintendo's Mario Party 3 with your pals, but you're more likely to eat pizza when playing the "Eatsa Pizza" minigame.

If you eat pizza like they do, then you're only promoting the stereotype of gamers as unclean losers.

Not just any food, of course. But junk.
"Furthermore, snacks were consumed more frequently during television viewing than were any of the meals, and children may have more autonomy or choice in their snacks than in their meals."
You don't really eat more food, but your distribution and type of food does tend to change.

If you really don't believe this is a problem, then look at this picture:

The insides of a Nintendo GameCube controller, with hair.
This is the inside of my GameCube controller after 11 years.

I don't know what that even is or how it got there, but my GameCube controller was dirty on both the outside and inside. It actually affected the performance of my controller. So please, take my cry seriously: Be hygienic! If it can happen to me, it can happen to you!


That GameCube controller is still Ludwig's favourite controller ever, although he is getting a new one with Super Smash Bros. For Wii U. Nintendo's recent controllers were designed to make your fingerprints and smudges show up all over the place, so be sure to clean them. If you have any experience with eating while playing, or disgusting controllers in general, feel free to share!


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Gamers love to eat things. A lot more than sleeping. It's better to sleep with your controller than eat it, or eat with it.
If you have to choose between eating pizza and eating hamburgers, pick the pizza.
Some things you should eat with your hands, but many others you should use eating utensils. Learn table manners here.

4 comments :

  1. I completely agree. My sister's 3DS is so...... so sticky and gross! :P I'm scared to touch it. My friend's brother's 3DS is also like that...... I don't understand why they don't we listen to me and not eat (it's usually pizza, the irony) stuff when they're playing, but no one listens to me, can't wait until their A button breaks or they can't use their circle pad anymore. I'm just going to laugh, and say "I told you so"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...Yeah, my L and R buttons are broken now.

      I don't think that's because the 3DS is dirty! ...I think it's more that it's poorly-manufactured.

      Sticky and gross is the worst. :p

      Delete
  2. I don't usually eat while playing video games, unless I'm having lunch, in which case I'm probably using a fork. ...or eating a sandwich, which I guess could be a problem. XD

    Now, my iPad suffers from this sort of behavior, as I use it while I eat breakfast. Buttered toast + touchscreen = smudges everywhere. XD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've played 3DS in public cafeterias.

      ...While using the 3DS Stand that came with Uprising. I don't want my 3DS subjected to all the germs and who-knows-what that's sitting on the table!

      Delete

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