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Friday, October 17, 2014

So... About ROCKSOAP's Smash 4 Roster Analysis...

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Even our guest posters should be held accountable!

A bit over a year ago, KoopaTV had a 5-part series of guest articles submitted by some dude named RockSoap. We liked them so much we gave him the "Best KoopaTV Guest Poster" award for 2013.

His guest articles were entitled "Smash 4 Character Roster Analysis!" He went through a lot of characters and gave his thoughts on the many Nintendo characters. Including their chances of returning.

Well, since we now know the actual final roster, we can grade our guest poster. (We wish that actually rhymed.) ...Roster spoilers, obviously. 

Rosalina was entirely missed by RockSoap!

Part 1: Peach, Diddy, Yoshi, Wario, Zelda, and Ganondorf

Unsurprisingly, RockSoap knocked the first four of these all out of the park. (Though he didn't know Yoshi would get a posture adjustment, and to this day it's strange that he thought Yoshi was disappearing from public eye.) We call that a "Grand Slam." Things get... more difficult when we look at Zelda and Ganondorf.

RockSoap had no idea that Zelda and Sheik would be differentiated in Super Smash Bros. 4. That's why he used Sheik as a plus for why Zelda should stay.
"but the only difference between Zelda and Peach is that Zelda can use magic. Oh. She can also turn into a ninja."
...So... there goes the ninja part. In his "Final Verdict", he again used Sheik as justification. So I'll give RockSoap only half-credit here.

And then with Ganondorf, RockSoap ended up... wrong.
"An absolute NO, if Sakurai wants to continue take the easy way out. I’d rather not see Ganondorf at all than yet another Captain Ganon."
Well. Too bad. That's what you got. That's what WE got. And I don't really mind thaaaat much. I mean, Ganondorf's Warlock Punch has SUPER ARMOUR now. It's cool. Not that I use him or anything. I don't really care about Ganondorf unless he gets his Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker form.

Score: 4.5/6.

Part 2: Toon Link, Ice Climbers, R.O.B., King Dedede, Meta Knight, and Falco

Speaking of Wind Waker, RockSoap declares that to be his favourite Zelda game. Good, it's the rest of KoopaTV's favourite. The bad news? He thought Toon Link wouldn't come back. And then he said he would buy his DLC.

I'm saying this now: Super Smash Bros. 4 better not have paid character DLC. Or free character DLC either.

Right after that failure in judgment, RockSoap has an amazing future vision.
"In case it wasn’t obvious, they’d be a no. Ice Climbers have had their fun, but it’s time to let the big boys have the stage again."
To RockSoap, the Ice Climbers being removed was "obvious". To the rest of us? It was... very shocking. And chilling, because it meant that the 3DS version held the Wii U back. And that anyone was fair game for being cut.

But just because characters could be fair game doesn't mean that game was played. RockSoap thought R.O.B. would be out. NOPE. And then right after, he said King Dedede would be cut loose. Wrong again.

To my delight, along with RockSoap's, Meta Knight did come back. And RockSoap got that right. He also called that Meta Knight would receive nerfs, or "rebalances". Well, that was pretty easy. But some people thought that because he was broken in one game, he couldn't possibly return in the next.

RockSoap wasn't sure about Falco, but he thought Falco deserved to return, although with a moveset with "originality". Well, he got nerfed from Brawl, but that's not really original.

Of this group of 6, RockSoap got 2 right, bringing his total score to 6.5/12. That's... dreadful. But let's hope he improves from here! For his sake. I personally delight in this.

Part 3: Wolf, Captain Falcon, Pokémon Trainer, Lucario, Jigglypuff, and Marth

RockSoap opens up "short and sweet" with a quick denial to Wolf. CORRECT. (Though Fox gets a Wolf-looking colour, but, y'know.)
"Captain Falcon has got to 100% be in Smash 4, or Nintendo will not be getting any of my money. Not only is he one of the Original 12, but how can you have a Smash Brothers game without a Falcon Punch?"
Nintendo got RockSoap's money. (I hope.)

So for Pokémon Trainer, RockSoap said he wouldn't come back. Which was... two-thirds correct. Squirtle and Ivysaur unfortunately did not return, and the worst of the trio did as his own character. RockSoap gets two-thirds credit here. To my dismay.

RockSoap was GOING to call Lucario off, but GameFreak announced Mega Evolutions during his write-up. That instantly brought Lucario to "yes", as much as RockSoap wishes he wasn't there. And, you know what? RockSoap was absolutely... CORRECT! That said, Lucario's Aura mechanics did change a lot, and RockSoap implied Lucario would pretty much be a copy-paste from Brawl. As for the last Pokémon, RockSoap recognized Jigglypuff would return. Though he thought Fairy moves would be involved. And Marth returned, too.

So RockSoap gets 5.66/6 credit here, bringing his total to 12.16 out of 18!

Part 4: Ike, Ness, Lucas, Mr. Game and Watch, Snake, and Sonic

Let's start off with a quote.
"Can you guess? No way. Marth is a surefire win, but Ike is most definitely not coming back. Chrom (from the recently wildly successful Fire Emblem: Awakening on 3DS) or Lyn (from Fire Emblem on the GBA, who also made an appearance as an assist trophy in Brawl, AND who is also another female) would be a much better choice to back Marth up."
Wrong. Wrong. WRONG. Chrom is a TERRIBLE choice, and good thing Sakurai recognized that. Plus, Ike obviously DID come back. So much for "no way" and "most definitely not coming back." Ike is the Radiant Hero. RockSoap underestimated the man. At his peril. Why do you think we haven't seen him ever again since he wrote this?

RockSoap said Ness would come back. He also said Lucas would not. ...That's what happened.

As for what did not happen, let's look at Mr. Game and Watch. RockSoap said he would not come back and he DID. Meanwhile, Snake did NOT. ...Which he called correctly.

And... last and least, Sonic the Hedgehog.

RockSoap claimed no one would object to him coming back. Well, I object. Sonic is a terrible addition. But he came back anyway. Disgusting. That said, RockSoap wanted Sonic's Final Smash to be "fixed". Didn't happen!

RockSoap got 2 wrong of 6. Which means he got 4 right. That brings his total score to 16.16/24. You think we've covered all the characters? Nope. There's a Part 5. ...He MADE UP characters.

Part 5: Waluigi, Ridley, Palutena, Little Mac, Krystal, Shadow, and Sora

He said these seven top "Most Wanted" lists. Well, Lady Palutena and Little Mac ended up on MY list. But this is about what RockSoap has to say.

RockSoap was spot-on with Waluigi: A firm NO for character, but he should "stay" as an Assist Trophy.

And then he was horribly off-the-mark with Ridley.
"Uh, hell yes. Not only does Metroid need another representative, but Ridley would be a perfect heavy character to replace fucking Dedede with, and the game could always use more villains."
Everything he said there was wrong. And ended up BEING wrong.

RockSoap agreed with me that Lady Palutena and Little Mac should be in. And they DID! Hooray.

RockSoap also advocated Krystal, despite "being a Furry's wet dream". (I want to know why he capitalized "Furry" but whatever.) Krystal was nowhere near Smash 4, being relegated to a trophy. One referencing how she uses ESP in the bed with Fox.

Shadow the Hedgehog, on the other hand, remained not only a trophy, but an Assist Trophy. Exactly what RockSoap said.

Which leaves us with the final character: Sora from Kingdom Hearts. As you might suspect from him BEING on this list, RockSoap strongly advocated for Sora. And, as you might expect... absolutely no Square Enix representation ended up in the game.

So, was this whole section an entirely self-inflicted wound on RockSoap? Well, he got... 4 of 7 correct. Which is lower than his basically 2/3 batting average up to this point, reducing his predicting to 20.16/31.

The lesson? You cannot predict Masahiro Sakurai.

That said, it's still weird how RockSoap knew that Ice Climbers would be out so... precisely.

Despite what it seems like, KoopaTV always appreciates your guest posts! Learn how to submit them here!


  1. "I'm saying this now: Super Smash Bros. 4 better not have paid character DLC. Or free character DLC either."


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