You Earthlings confuse me. The alleged leader of your kind, President Barack Hussein Obama, is a complete loser. He also is a complete liar and fraud, as KoopaTV discovered when he sent a reply to our letter to him. We've seen him invite the genocidal public enemies of Koopa Kingdom to the White House and Washington D.C for the purpose of plotting evil. (Alternatively, it was to catch Pokémon.)
But now... just... what is he doing?
|Just "Bowser"? Not, you know, King Bowser?|
I think I got an idea, and it's not anythin' good. We all have to be very careful about this. You ready? Read on.
It's the usual case of America playing both sides in the conflict. If you know anything about history since the United States became a superpower, you'd know that America has been meddling in the affairs of foreign nations while proclaiming it's in America's interests to do so. See the current situation and its backstory in the Middle East for an example. It's a favourite trick. Buy out despots by showering them with foreign aid. ...Then simultaneously fund their enemies.
How does this apply to Koopa Kingdom and King Koopa? Well, isn't that obvious? We already know that Obama and Mario have a not-so-secret alliance. Similar to this:
Obama does have more flexibility after the election, and you human scum voted to have him WIN that election! Now he's going to invade not only in Earth's affairs, but in OUR affairs here too! The Mushroom Kingdom... Koopa Kingdom... Beanbean Kingdom... now we'll all have to involve Earth and the United States in our complex foreign affairs! I doubt the United States will be interested in Sarasaland, though. ...Nevermind, it's packed with oil reserves. They're goin' there first. And Daisy is gonna be a naive idiot and give the United States military the full welcome committee. “HI I'M DAISY!”
But, you know, it's okay if they take that. It's not okay if they go for Koopa Kingdom. We must not allow Barack Hussein Obama to lull Koopa Kingdom into some sort of "Hey, that Obama guy endorsed me! He must be a good guy!" 'cause he's not.
He's only there for two more years, but that doesn't mean he won't have a disciple right after him. And unless the United States elects a president that will have real change (like Rand Paul), whoever the next dude (or woman, and please forbid it being that witch) is shall continue whatever Obama started.
And if you doubt that having the United States as a plumber-friendly presence in Koopa life will be all that bad, observe how Obama has ravaged his own country. He rampaged the life of a private dude like George Zimmerman, and now poor Zimmerman is in hiding. Obama is shameless.
|"If I had a son, he'd look like Morton."|
The Mario Brothers will enjoy all of this, of course. But I don't think even they should trust Obama fully. Once he's done pillaging us, the Mushroom Kingdom is no doubt next. Based on my experience with the Mario Brothers, I can safely say humans are duplicitous bunch of punks. After all, everything Obama does is to exploit some DIVISION. So how about those segregated disenfranchised Goomba Village Goombas I joked about on Martin Luther King Jr. day? Obama will take that seriously and do some punitive measures on the Mushroom Kingdom! It'll be considered a civil rights violation! Oh, the United States has to liberate those poor, oppressed Goombas! That means invade a sovereign nation!
What must Koopa Kingdom do now to stop this doomsday future of having Star World overrun by human scum? We must build a coalition of nations, pre-emptively strike the United States of America, and destroy it. And we must build a fantastic fleet of fighters, anti-air capabilities, and Doomships. After all, Obama loves air strikes.
So while President Barack Hussein Obama is playing the foreign relations game, we'll go straight to the military. Then the humans will know to never cross us ever again! ...And that includes the Mario Brothers! They're all human! They all must perish! They're all in cahoots!
|And if we don't, they'll take our women! Wendy O. Bama!|
Endorse that, Obama!
Ludwig is the High Prince of Koopa Kingdom (and his Miiverse NNID which you should totally Follow is PrinceOfKoopas), but he has no authority to authorize any action he has expressed here. He hopes that no human reads this commentary and sends it to the Americans. Then again, it's not like Obama reads his intelligence briefings anyway. If you would like to help the war effort, give your feedback!
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