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Monday, January 21, 2019

Morton Luther King Jr.: MORTON HAVE NIGHTMARE

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - And now, his nightmare will be your nightmares!

More than any other Koopaling besides Ludwig and Wendy (because we're both staff members here), I'm pretty sure that Morton Koopa Jr. is the most talked-about Koopaling on KoopaTV. (If you try to fact-check that and successfully prove I'm wrong, I'll give you 5 Correction Corner points—that's the maximum.) Most of the focus of that talk is rather negative coverage, as I'll allude to in the coming paragraphs.

But did you know that Morton Koopa Jr., aside from being a masterful kart-racer and a feet-on advocate for ending childhood poverty, is also a civil rights activist? It's true. I figured that today, without any provocation, I'd write about that. Not like anything else is going on.

In fact, Morton is famous for his “MORTON HAVE NIGHTMARE” speech that he gave to a large gathering of Goombas, claiming to care about the disparity in treatment of Goombas compared to Koopas within Koopa Kingdom, as well as around the world in other kingdoms with Goombas vs. their dominant population species.

We have some pictures and a partial transcript that go along with that. Sorry, no lyrical music video of Morton this time. Or any video. This is a historical event that no one thought was worth recording, but it is worth sharing. ...Maybe. (It took KoopaTV over five and a half years to share this, though, so maybe not.)

Keep in mind that this stuff is controversial and disturbing. (Viewer discretion advised.) Given Morton's speaking style, the transcript is also a little hard to read. (It was hard to transcribe, too!) There's some analysis at the end from me, just to get things straight.

“MORTON SAY TO MORTON'S FRIENDS TODAY, THAT BECAUSE OF MOMENT'S DIFFICULTIES AND FRUSTRATIONS, MORTON STILL HAVE NIGHTMARE. MORTON'S NIGHTMARE DEEPLY ROOTED IN GOOMBA NIGHTMARE.

MORTON HAVE NIGHTMARE THAT ONE DAY THIS NATION WILL SIT DOWN AND NOT LIVE OUT THE TRUE MEANING OF ITS CREED: “ONE KOOPA UNDERGROUND, REPREHENSIBLE, WITH LIZARDS AND GOOMBAS FOR ALL!”

MORTON HAVE NIGHTMARE
THAT ONE DAY ON DA CRIMSON TOWER, DA SONS OF FORMER MINIONS AND DA SONS OF FORMER MINION OWNERS WON'T BE ABLE TO SIT DOWN TOGETHER AT TABLE OF BROTHERHOOD.

MORTON HAVE NIGHTMARE THAT ONE DAY EVEN DA KOOPAHARI DESERT, SWELTERING WITH DA HEAT OF INJUSTICE AND OPPRESSION, WILL BE TRANSFORMED INTO OASIS OF FREEDOM AND JUSTICE.

MORTON HAVE NIGHTMARE THAT YOUR CHILDREN WILL ONE DAY LIVE IN NATION WHERE THEY WILL BE JUDGED BY DA COLOR OF THEIR SKIN, AND NOT BY CONTENT OF THEIR CHARACTER.

MORTON HAVE NIGHTMARE TODAY.”
Morton's speech is overall very negativity-oriented, filled with double negatives. Perhaps he should've instead said, “MORTON HAVE DREAM!”

That said, did you know that he didn't plan to even say this part of the speech? Morton's MORTON HAVE NIGHTMARE segment was entirely improvised! Yup, and Morton just doesn't do well thinking on his feet. You can tell, since he referenced only places he was a boss of.

It's Koopa Kingdom philosophy that Koopa Kingdom is for Koopas, first and foremost. (Nothing wrong with celebrating the accomplishments of non-Koopa allies, of course.) The Goombas don't have their own kingdom to play in, and Morton sees things like the Goomba King being a mere minion of Lord Bowser as a great injustice.

That said, the reason the speech is controversial is because it obviously goes against the Koopa Kingdom philosophy, specifically in how we run the country. Besides, what about the Mushroom Kingdom?

As for pictures...Well... Morton looked, uh, strange that day. Stranger than usual.

Morton Koopa Jr. Martin Luther King face morph
Morton Koopa Jr. based his look on that fateful day from the image below this one
on one of those face-morphing sites he found.
Morton Koopa Jr. Martin Luther King face morph morphthing
Don't take Morton seriously on any topic.
He thought this looked good.

Yeah, that's more than enough for this article. There's a reason this article started with a content advisory.


Ludwig actually had this article idea for almost a year now, but decided until this random day on the calendar with no implications whatsoever to publish it. Digging out those pictures took some time, especially. If you agree with Morton's gibberish you don't get a truth point. Just saying. Otherwise, feel free to comment about whatever! It's also a sensitive topic about why Morton's scale colour is Goomba-esque and very different from the other Koopalings and Koopas in general, but commenting about that is fine.


Ludwig has already put President Barack Hussein Obama's face on top of Morton's art, but what he did for this article was a lot more involved. 
Feel free to judge Ludwig's morality when he described Morton Koopa Jr. one week ago as having “something seriously wrong” with him.

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