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Thursday, January 3, 2019

Project Wendy: Wendy's Driving Exam!

By RAWKHAWK2010 - A better "Project Wendy".

In case you haven't heard, a phenomenon occurred after New Year's known as "Project Wendy" where popular Smash YouTubers collaborated to upload all these satirical Wendy O. Koopa Smash videos ("how to play her well", "why she should be nerfed", etc.) at the same time. Project Wendy bombarded many Smash fans' phones with notifications and there were people who even asked KoopaTV if we were responsible.

Obviously no, we didn't...but that doesn't mean these lying YouTubers have to be the ONLY ones with a "Project Wendy"! In fact, I've already gone out of my way to orchestrate one myself! And it's actually entirely real!

So what is it, you ask? Well, Wendy is in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate but she's also right here on the KoopaTV staff, and with a pretty detailed history. There's this whole thing that happened last fall where she got trapped in an elevator and I encouraged her to find different forms of vertical transportation going forward. We didn't really talk about LITERALLY "going forward" though (only up and down), and horizontal transportation is kind of even more important whether she just had a deadly incident involving it or not. So what's efficient, convenient, and fast? Well, trains aren't efficient since they crash all the time (see multiple KoopaTV articles about this). Planes aren't convenient since have fun waiting days for your flight. Meanwhile, cars (with wheels; you'll see why I specified that) are fast and actually pretty pick-up-and-go, but since they're not public transportation, you first kind of have to actually become qualified to drive.

Koopalings Mario Kart 8 karts cars bikes Lemmy Roy Ludwig Larry Morton Iggy Wendy
All seven Koopalings have been behind the wheel, but Wendy's beyond that hunk of junk.

Project Wendy is one of ambition, which is why we're talking about qualifying the damn Junior Clown Car once it puts away the propeller. This is a thing outfitted with cannonballs, hammers, Mechakoopas, and other things which offer a reason for why its wheels have been restricted to intense combat only (meaning not even Mario Kart). If Wendy's going to drive it like an actual car and in casual settings, it's only natural that it would require a separate test.

Without further ado, let Project Wendy begin. First off, learner's permit!

Wendy O. Koopa Big Blue drive driving test exam Koopa Clown Car Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Project Wendy
Start your engines! (You can't see the rest of the road, but it's there...somewhere.)

In the previously-linked article, I also said Wendy should probably stay away from water (despite historically being the water Koopaling), since during her stream we witnessed her drown so many times. Isn't Big Blue the last place she should be taking her driver's test, then? Well, yeah, kind of, but then I remembered an Ice Bro told me climate change was real so I guess it's only a matter of time before everything is underwater anywa-

...Oh wait this article is supposed to be positive. Well, anyway, Wendy's mission upon arriving at Big Blue was to prove to her driving instructor that she had command of her Side B at all. Here's Wendy's driving in motion:

Don't let Galeem destroying her at the end (as well as a few hiccups not captured in motion such as the brief separation of driver and vehicle at one point) distract you from Wendy's very impressive achievement of not once wavering off the Z-axis even when turning around! Very nice. Learner's permit acquired.

Wendy O. Koopa Big Blue drive driving test exam Koopa Clown Car Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Project Wendy turn
Three-point turns? Who needs three-point turns? (Who even needs U-turns?)

Wendy O. Koopa Big Blue drive driving test exam Koopa Clown Car Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Project Wendy Wario
Wario hates almost everybody and even he couldn't help but be impressed. (And he's been Side B-ing a lot longer than Wendy.)

The next and final part of the exam was daunting. To acquire the actual license, Wendy was told she had to go onto online Quickplay and completely end the match using a Clown Kart Dash. This was extremely unconventional in that she was to do this without supervision and simply return with proof. It also completely subverted expectations in that this whole exam was supposed to condition Wendy to driving a violent vehicle in non-violent settings, and then suddenly she's asked to kill someone with it at random.

...Perhaps this thing wasn't extremely well-thought-out. Regardless, she actually did it. See for yourself:

Not only should Wendy feel incredible for this in general, but she just so happened to pull it off A) against someone of the Mario party, and B) while simultaneously colliding with what would have soon brought a floor tumbling down when her own floors had been falling apart for weeks (which was why she couldn't stream the Nintendo Switch yet and why Ludwig told her to use Ōkami's Rejuvenation technique since it fixes broken floors). It's art™ at its absolutest.

So in the end, Wendy got her Clown Car driver's license...and without even having to do that stupid PaRappa the Rapper rap. Project Wendy complete! (A true Project Wendy.)

Wendy O. Koopa Big Blue drive driving test exam Koopa Clown Car Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Project Wendy Wario
And to wrecking crews're welcome for the warning.

The Wendy stream article uses Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS to show Wendy engaging in alternate transportation methods. The Wendy Tron Bonne article is about Super Smash Bros. Ultimate directly. Did Rawk have any choice but to ride this Wendy Smash Bros meme wave? (And yes Rawk really did write this as opposed to Wendy writing it about herself. It's probably the most Koopa-related thing he's ever written.)

Ludwig got his drivers license a long time ago, though his article about it sucked.


  1. Technically, there are times when it is possible to take a flight on the same day you decide to go. In which case the drawback becomes paying twice as much as you usually would for it. Of course, this isn't so if you have your own private air vessel, which...don't the Koopalings all have one of those private airship things? Or at least one to share between them.

    1. Koopalings do own airships, but they're slow as absolute fuck. Go to that Savage Sea court in Mario Tennis Aces and watch in the background as they slowly waft through the air. I think it's because they're solely propeller-powered?

    2. Rawk, I'm going to write an article about your claim (within the near future) because as it is, you have the worst comment of 2019 so far!

  2. Great Article! So glad Wendy got her License! Wish I could say the same for me..


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