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Friday, December 30, 2022

The Correct Choice in the Favourite Taste Sensation Splatfest

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - That tooth in my byline pic is a sweet tooth.

Thanks for the concern from folks in my article earlier this week about testing positive for the CCP Virus, otherwise known as COVID-19. One of the concerns there, among many, was that I might lose my sense of taste. Fortunately, I still have a sense of taste (though it might be weaker than a week ago), and therefore, I am able to participate and commentate on the Splatfest happening next week. (And even if I didn't, I extensively documented my preferences on KoopaTV.)

Splatoon 3 Splatfest what's your favorite taste sensation sweet spicy sour splatcast
My favourite taste sensation between sweet, spicy, or sour? Fairly obvious if you know me.
(Though Shiver doesn't name the teams in the same order as presented.)
The screenshot may write “favorite”, but I'm going to sneak a “u” in there anyway.

In the last Splatfest article—which was basically two months ago because Splatoon 3 had a Big Run break during December—I described how my favourite partner Pokémon type is Grass. (Unfortunately, Team Water won.) Team Grass covers all of the spicy, sweet, and sour options, though I don't think Team Sour is actually directly represented as a Pokémon. (The closest is Alcremie's Lemon Cream form, but she's a Fairy type.) Capsakid and Scovillain (if those names aren't familiar to you, they're native to the Paldea region) are Spicy Pepper Pokémon, while there are many fruity Grass types that are sweeties, like Cherubi, Tropius, and Bounsweet. I'm going to talk more about Pokémon to explain my thought process.

Flavour is an important mechanic in the Pokémon series, and the games have had a fairly consistent flavour profile for the past twenty years. The flavours are Spicy, Sweet, Sour, Dry, and Bitter. Those first three are quite familiar, no? Each Pokémon has a flavour preference based on their Nature, and Natures have a stat preference too. If you're familiar with the Super Contest designations, here it is again:
  • Spicy-loving Pokémon tend to have a higher physical attack stat and exude coolness.
  • Sweet-lovers are faster and are associated with cuteness.
  • Pokémon that can tolerate a sour taste are physically more bulky, and they also are seen as tough.
  • Pokémon that seek dry sensations (like a wine or pomegranate) possess a slightly higher special attack stat, and are seen as beautiful.
  • Lastly, Pokémon that are edgy and love bitter tastes have a higher special defence stat and are seen as smart or clever.
Note that Pokémon Scarlet and Pokémon Violet screwed up by doing away with Dry and replacing it with Salty for their sandwiches. Even Sword and Shield's curries maintained the five flavours.

Anyway, I mentioned in my Team Grass article about Koopy the Turtwig and him being a certified Cuteness Master. That means I fed Koopy lots of sweet-flavoured Poffins:

Pokémon Poffin Case Shining Pearl Brilliant Diamond mild sweet raises cuteness
You see that text at the top, do you not?
Eating sweet food makes you more CUTE!
(Likewise, eating spicy food will make you more cool, and eating sour food makes you more tough.)

I don't know about you, but being cute is a top priority of mine. Koopy benefits, too:

Pokémon Shining Pearl Koopy Turtwig maximum cuteness condition sheen
Sure, Koopy can't accomplish any battling feats as an unevolved Pokémon at level 70,
but that just makes him the CUTEST BABY. Maximum cuteness! ...Minimum everything else. The proper max/min distribution for a mascot.

There is no chance that I'd ever join Team Sour (there is nothing redeemable about that flavour, and Big Man didn't really try to advocate for sour food on its merits because it's a pretty bad choice), but what about Team Spicy? I do enjoy edgy—some say spicy—humour. And ShinyGirafarig made a very solid point that spicy food might help me recover from the Chinese Communist Party Virus better. But so would any hot thing, such as a hot soup. I have some rice noodle spring onion soup that is very mild, but since it's heated in the microwave for three minutes, it's pretty hot and it helps clear nasal congestion. My salsa of choice tends to also be mild. When I sided with Team Salsa over Team Guacamole in an earlier Splatfest, the salsa I presented was a mango-flavoured salsa. Mango happens to be quite sweet. I was munching on a lot of dried fruit during The Game Awards 2022 (including dried mango, which I've also been munching on while sick)—that's all sweet.

I sided with Team Treat over Team Trick in a SplatfestI chose Team Treat TWICE—on the basis that eating sweet, sugary candy is more fun than tricks are. We also shouldn't forget that KoopaTV's yellow-ish colour scheme as of publishing is due to our five-year anniversary devoted to bananas. Bananas are considered a SWEET fruit. That's a powerful dedication. Now, how about more evidence directly from the Splatcast discussion between Shiver, Frye, and Big Man?

Splatoon 3 Splatfest Splatcast Frye sweet is the taste of happy not hurting sensation
Frye's statement about how spicy is associated with pain while sweet is the taste of happy is supposed by prior KoopaTV articles.

You know what makes Samus smile? Round things. And you know where she found those, as depicted in the photos of that article? At the SUPER HAPPY TREE. Full of SWEET-tasting fruit. Frye is right about sweet being the taste of happy. But what about spicy being the taste of hurting? Well, Fort Cobalt had a café in it—and I don't really know about who ran it, since it just showed up one day, but I'm sure that's my minions just taking initiative—and they were selling a Magma Burger there primarily as a weapon. Both so the local Shy Guys could breathe fire and roast Mario (for real HP damage!) or so Mario could eat the burger directly and melt... like a few Shy Guy minions did because they couldn't take the heat. The Magma Burger wasn't actually associated with tasting good, and the café had sweet-tasting drinks for normal refreshments for my minions. I, for one, didn't actually eat a Magma Burger. It's meant for torture. So Frye continues to be correct. I'm not a big fan of food as it is, but if I'm going to eat it, it should be sweet, not scary.

(You'd think Frye would be on Team Spicy due to her name and her siding with Team Fire, but... I'm happy she's correct on this Splatfest so I can side with her again after pre-emptively believing she'd be my favourite of Deep Cut.)

Splatoon 3 Splatfest Splatsville team board favorite taste sensation Team Spicy Sweet Sour icons taglines
Yes, Team Sweet is my choice!

The popularity vote will be Sweet > Spicy > Sour, so then Sweet just needs to win one other category to have an excellent chance at winning the whole Splatfest, especially if Sour and Spicy each win a category. Ludwig eats more treats and sweets than actual meals, and he should really go back to playing Ring Fit Adventure or something to counter-act his unhealthy sugar consumption. Or perhaps he should start recording everything he eats in a journal and count the calories and sugar grams that way. Still, the fact he needs to think about guilting himself with the sweets he eats and drinks means that he's a lover of sweets, and he can't say the same for spices. (With sours not even in the conversation.) But what about you? Also, be sure to come back to KoopaTV in 2023!

Team Sweet won, so the next Splatfest asks your favourite kind of chocolate.
Team White Chocolate won that Splatfest, and the sweetness involved was too much for even Ludwig.


  1. I definitely like spicy food too...but I have a MASSIVE sweet tooth. Like, I have chocolate milk for breakfast almost every day, and other chocolate things almost every chance I get. I definitely see eye-to-eye with you on this one.

    1. Well, almost none of the sweets I like involve chocolate. But sweets are sweets either way.
      (Sometimes, chocolate isn't even sweet... like... it can be BITTER.)

    2. Dark chocolate I can't even stand unless it's paired with something that IS sweet, like raspberry filling or some such thing. And ofc, chocolate isn't the ONLY sweet I like, just the one I tend to partake the most. Like, Reese's is my favorite candy by a mile, that kind of thing.

      But if you don't like chocolate that much, what kind of sweets do you usually go for?

    3. As I've been implying in these articles, fruity stuff.

      Reese's too, of course. Well, I haven't really had the chance to have Reese's lately, but other chocolate-peanut-butter combination knock-offs.

  2. I like sours. I once heard if you eat too many warheads, your tongue will bleed. At first I didn't believe this, but after trying it, I now know it to be true.

    I like sweets and they are delectable but they are a also the biggest proponent of Obesity out of these three! You cannot say the same about spices or sours, because their taste can only be pleasant for so long before people decide to cut back. Team Sour for life! Putting aside the fact I don't own any Splatoon games...

    1. I'm reading this as... "I want to be on the team that made my tongue bleed!"

      The Splatfest asks for your favourite taste sensation, not what taste will end up ruining your long-term health. Unless the thought of you in the long-term affects your taste buds in the short-term, so you don't feel happy when you eat sweets because all you think about is obesity. Personally, even though I know it's unhealthy, that still doesn't impair my enjoyment in the present, so in the present, Team Sweet wins.

    2. You want everyone else's tongues to bleed, too!?

  3. Frye asked the barista to do things to coffee that is not Hawke and Godot approved.

    1. I really don't like that Shiver brought up coffee, because coffee is on Team Bitter, and Team Bitter isn't even participating. She's supposed to be promoting Team Spicy.

    2. My negative association with sweet is the migraines I get triggered from it as well as that time back in high school they ordered sweet chicken for everyone but I struggled to finish it and the high school staff ignored me and did not even respond to me when they forced me to talk for the sake of talking.

    3. What were you trying to say that the staff was ignoring you on?

    4. I just said it is too sweet for me if there is something else. They ordered the same for everyone.

      I was criticized for being too quiet. When I talk I either get criticized or I get ignored. I can't win.

      Also eating sweet things in public (when I want to eat said sweet things) can get people to not shut up about my weight. At least with spicy food no one comments.

    5. I suppose them ignoring you was a response of, "No, there is nothing else."

      I wonder if how Scovillain's nutritional profile compares to other Grass types.


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