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Friday, February 3, 2023

Favourite Chocolate Splatfest: Milk Fans and Chocolate Lovers Alike Choose Milk Chocolate

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - KoopaTV's staff is Team Milk Chocolate.

It feels like just a month ago that we were discussing Splatoon 3 Splatfests and flavour profiles... and that's because that's the case. And here we are again with a Splatfest happening next week. You can pick your team right now. What is your favourite chocolate? Dark chocolate, milk chocolate, or white chocolate?

Splatoon 3 Splatfest favorite chocolate dark milk white Team Sweet
KoopaTV supported Team Sweet, and Team Sweet under Frye's leadership won over Team Spicy and Team Sour.
...But, yes, it does appear this Splatfest exists because Team Sweet won. Some other foods might be up for debate if another team won.

Clearly, KoopaTV can't support Team Sweet one month and then vote for Team Dark Chocolate the next. Dark Chocolate is not sweet. It can be so bitter that it might override your senses and poison your brain. Here's some evidence of that danger:

Splatoon 3 Splatfest Frye Shiver dark chocolate poisoned your brain how chocolate works
Shiver is trying to reference that dark chocolate has antioxidants,
but she is also employing twisted, arrogant hyper-moralist logic.
Bad advocate for dark chocolate.

Meanwhile, Frye's point is that milk chocolate is a good balance of what makes chocolate delectable to many people. I've asked KoopaTV's resident chocolate expert, Witch Princess (whose catchphrase she says whenever within vicinity of chocolate is “I love chocolate.”), about milk chocolate's versatility as an ingredient. She stated you can eat milk chocolate on its own, but you can also use it in cakes, pies, ice cream, pudding, and then she drifted off into a daydream fantasy. What I find most relevant is that the chocolate used in Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, which I have described as a top-tier treat and my favourite use of chocolate by far, is made of MILK chocolate.

Splatoon 3 Splatfest milk chocolate perfect blend best qualities Frye
Frye is on a good streak with me, between her having the best interview and her having actually correct logic here.

It is also very difficult for me to vote against the option with the word “milk” in it. I asked Witch Princess that, since chocolate milk comes from chocolate cows, but chocolate milk has a somewhat bitter and unappealing (for me) taste, how is milk chocolate made? She said that while chocolate milk comes from chocolate cows, milk chocolate comes from milk chocolate cows. That's what explains the flavour difference. I just don't really know what a milk chocolate cow looks like, so I obtained (more accurately, was gifted) several packages of chocolate to try to investigate. One of those packages is Ghirardelli chocolate.

Ludwig Von Koopa Plushwig plushie Ghirardelli milk chocolate caramel intense dark 60% cacao Nintendo Switch Pro Controller yellow red wrappers
One last chocolate taste test before choosing my team in the Splatoon 3 plaza...

It's clear to me that milk chocolate tastes superior than dark chocolate, though I still don't know what the milk chocolate cow that'd produce it would look like compared to a chocolate cow. Clearly, I must spend even moore time around cows.

Ludwig Von Koopa Plushwig plushie nibbles noms Ghirardelli milk chocolate caramel square over a napkin instead of 60% cacao dark chocolate with Nintendo Switch Pro Controller in the background
I much prefer nomming on the milk chocolate square! (And it has caramel, too.)
Remember, eat your chocolate with a napkin, and don't touch your game controllers again until you've washed your claws (or hands) of the chocolate residue.

By the way, not included in any of those packages of chocolate was white chocolate. White chocolate, according to Witch Princess, has no chance of winning the Splatfest because “No one likes white chocolate except Big Man.” And that white chocolate is not actually chocolate, so it really has no place here. (White chocolate also does not come from cows.) Now, writing as someone who isn't a fan of chocolate, I'm still not going to vote for the non-chocolate option in this Splatfest. How can I vote a non-chocolate option in a question asking about my favourite chocolate? KoopaTV stands for intellectual honesty, and Big Man and Team White Chocolate stand opposed to that. Since none of my five packages of chocolate bothered to include white chocolate, the chocolate manufacturers must agree with me. When was the last time YOU casually saw white chocolate at a store and picked it up? It doesn't seem to be used as an ingredient in much of anything, unlike milk chocolate. Milk chocolate has no downsides and only positives. It's the clear choice.

Splatoon 3 Splatfest favorite chocolate prefer milk chocolate plaza choose team board
Team Milk Chocolate is the KoopaTV preference!

Is Team Milk Chocolate YOUR preference? It should be. If you disagree, try to construct your argument in the comments section below. If you want to learn more information about Ludwig's five chocolate packages, he was in a situation where he got to choose between high-quality chocolate and expensive-looking bottled alcoholic beverages, and since Ludwig doesn't drink alcohol, he went for the chocolate and left the alcohol for other people.

Team White Chocolate won this Splatfest, and many Inklings and Octolings are outraged. Plus, Ludwig tries some white chocolate and took a picture, so click to see that.
The next Splatfest asked which cryptid is real. It's a bad question.


  1. I mean...I like white chocolate. I couldn't really choose between it and milk. It's definitely rarer to see than milk chocolate, so I don't have it as often but I do enjoy the occasional Cookies and Cream Hersey bar or white chocolate Reese's product.

    1. I don't have enough (recent) white chocolate experience to decide to commit to its team.

    2. I mean, I'd never commit to its team. I never said I liked white chocolate OVER actual chocolate, just that I like it. Like, I think it's unfairly persecuted against for not technically being chocolate, but I'd never say that it's BETTER than milk chocolate.

    3. Witch Princess told me "[White chocolate is] not chocolate" and that it is "fairly persecuted." ...So yeah.

  2. Replies
    1. Solid. Like a bar of chocolate. ...Not like liquid milk.


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