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Wednesday, January 27, 2021

Why I Don't Drink Alcoholic Beverages

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - You don't have to live like me, but here's why I live like me.

I often receive a lot of unhappy, negative-toned comments when I tell people that I choose not to drink alcoholic beverages. It's not a hit at parties. Society is ingrained, like the fermented grains used to produce alcohol, into believing something is wrong with you if you're not a drinker. Big Alcohol has been all too happy to turn the word “drink” into having a meaning exclusive to consuming an alcoholic beverage. (“Hey, do you drink?”) Governments putting arbitrary restrictions on when one is allowed to drink alcohol has turned it into an exciting rite of passage... and a lifelong habit thereafter. Prohibition was an enormous mistake, but this is a worldwide issue, and has been a problem happening long before the modern era. (Annoyingly enough, voting, which is also gatekept by age, is something you have to drag people out to do.)

Personally, my main reasons for not wanting to drink alcoholic beverages is that I like to maintain control over my own body, it's not healthy to do so, and I think they taste very inferior to non-alcoholic beverages. I'll address those reasons (in reverse order) in this article:

Non-Alcoholic Beverages are Superior in Taste

I drank a lot of milk at the Moomoo Milk Bar for my most recent birthday. That helped me get through it. Milk is delicious, and very mootritious. As for non-dairy, I'd rather have a soft drink like root beer than to have... beer-beer. I'd rather have grape juice than wine. The tastes of the alcoholic drinks are different varieties of icky and gross. What's the point of drinking that? Is it the “adult” thing to do? What's so grown-up about subjecting yourself to bad taste? Good taste is readily available. And cheaper.

Health and Alcohol

Drinking a lot of alcohol, be it in one sitting or as a lifestyle, can lead to all sorts of health issues in nearly every part of your body. That ranges from slowing down your brain, to screwing up your heart and its ability to pump blood, to bad problems in your liver. The National Cancer Institute flags alcohol consumption as a carcinogen. They also cite a study stating that even if you've quit drinking alcoholic beverages for years, your risks for various cancers remain higher than if you never were drinking to begin with. That's a permanent body-altering effect.

Self-Control vs. Being Drunk

Last year, there were a lot of terrible (in a decency sense, not a quality sense) stories that were hitting many parts of the videogame community around the conduct of players and how they treated others. In many instances, the perpetrators of the unacceptable behaviour gave some response around the lines of “That wasn't the real me. I had a lot to drink that night!” They may also claim not to remember anything happening the night before when it's the day after. Remember: Just because you're not acting like yourself, that doesn't nullify whatever real harm may occur as a result of your drinking.

Fire Emblem Path of Radiance Shinon drunk vomit barf base conversation
Shinon wasn't fine.

Of course, it was their decision to be drinking—and that much to get drunk—to begin with. There are apparently many millions of people who are taught to “drink responsibly” but for one reason or another, don't in very critical situations. Sometimes they go and try to operate heavy machinery or drive cars... to bad results. Other times, they can't be with other people without doing something illegal... or someone else is able to take advantage of their inebriated state. You may be falsely accused—or gaslit—of committing an unconscionable action, and you wouldn't be able to defend yourself, because you were drunk.

Personally, I know if I'm drunk—and it only takes a glass of wine to get me tipsy (which makes Passover difficult if grape juice isn't used)—I'm quickly passed out and asleep. Who knows what might happen to me while I'm unconscious. It's best not to get into that situation to begin with.

I also don't think friends who pressure you to get drunk are good friends. If they're your friends, they should appreciate you sober, and have a good time with you drinking soft drinks together. No sense in worsening your quality of life and putting a bad taste in your mouth (literally and figuratively) just to fish for a drug-induced personality change when you and people around you should already be appreciating the personality you got.

Ludwig wrote this article for the birthday of someone who recently became of age to legally drink alcoholic beverages, and she's already turned out to be a drunkard, and at inappropriate times. She's probably too wasted to actually read through this. ...She also actually has Ludwig blocked on everywhere (a poor decision likely caused by brain damage from too much alcohol consumption), so...oof. She won't read this, but maybe you can benefit.

The person Ludwig wrote this article for was previously described as a background patron of KoopaTV back in 2019 when he wrote about Booyah!-ing in Splatoon 2 for her.
Some workplaces actually serve alcohol in the office. You shouldn't drink it. Might not want to work at those places, either.


  1. Oh my GOSH. Seriously, yeah! Alcoholic drinks just plain taste BAD! Especially vodka--when I got talked into trying it, or even a drink with the stuff IN it, it tasted like liquid pain. And wine tastes like liquid nasty.

    I can tolerate light beer for social purposes if I'm in a situation where I really NEED to, but this thing people might say (I don't know for sure irl, I've mostly read it in Discworld books) where "(insert place here)'s beer is piss"? That's just what beer tastes like--watered down URINE. How do we as a species even perpetuate this industry?!

    1. I could understand why people would make irresponsible decisions if it was at least enjoyable and satisfying. But this is just masochism.

  2. During my pregnancy with THE BABY 1 someone got suspicious of me being pregnant because I was not drinking wine. Instead of asking me directly she asked my mother in private. Not cool and caused a chain reaction that led to me not talking to a person not involved at the start for years. And the person who asked my mother does not even know. I would have gladly answered "yes" if asked directly though but asking my mother is cowardly.

    I take not drinking alcohol during pregnancy and nursing very seriously. In all other circumstances, I could tolerate vodka since I habituate to bad tasting drinks very quickly.

    1. So the implication is that you're such a heavy wine drinker, that other people find it noticeably suspicious when you're not drinking? <_<;

      Drinking vodka isn't much different than drinking poison. Both happen to be thoughtfully taste-coded to indicate that they're bad for ya.

    2. Barely drink alcohol to begin with. Just someone extremely nosey who wanted to speculate about my pregnancy status and grasped at any hints she can find.

    3. This nosey person actually sounds really dedicated and skilled that she could correctly discern the difference between "barely drink" and "not drinking".

      It sucks for you that she was a weasel about it, but I admire the sleuthing.

  3. I enjoy the small sip of wine at church, but any more than that is too much. Given how expensive it can be, I'm glad I don't have much of an affinity for it. The same goes for vaping, but that's just plain nasty.

    1. I've never tried vaping—and have turned down several free offers/requests/"try it"s—but to my knowledge it's a bit better than many alternative recreational addictions. So I'll still glare at The Game Awards for sponsoring the anti-vape campaign every year.

  4. I don't plan to drink when I'm old enough. Between health risks and the lack of self-control that comes with being drunk, there are just too many chances that I'm not willing to take.

    Major respect to you for not doing something just because it's the "adult" thing to do. I also appreciate how you see that "friends" who try to pressure you into doing something uncomfortable aren't really friends at all. Not everyone can see that, though I don't understand why. Either way, I think it's pretty cool that you not only have these opinions, but are confident enough to put it out there for everyone to see. Someone would have to be pretty dumb not to at least respect that kind of confidence, if not outright admire it.

    1. Thanks for the words of encouragement! I think it's good for folks to be able to see this and know that it's okay to abstain from alcoholic drinks, and there's at least some others who are like that too. They aren't alone.

      I am quite confident in my view of the world on this topic! I wonder if the dedicated alcoholic people are as confident in their view, and if they could write a mini-essay defending it. Assuming they're able to be coherent enough to, uh, write to begin with.

  5. I get my living from manufacturing wine and I agree with this article.

  6. i do not drink. i have never had a sip of alcohol, unlike you. HARAAM


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