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Tuesday, January 12, 2021

Bowser's Furious that Bowser Jr. is Teaming with MARIO!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Also, don't trust trailers.

We know back from September 2020's award-winning Super Mario Bros. 35th Anniversary Direct that there will be a game releasing exactly one month from now called Super Mario 3D World + Bowser's Fury for Nintendo Switch.

We know all about Super Mario 3D World, since it was a best-seller on the Wii U, being the second-most-selling game. (In raw numbers, that's not saying much, but...) Lord Bowser has a great car in that, and Mario snatches bodies of dead Goombas. There's also a LOT of fursuits, since the game has a fixation with cats. However, you don't know anything about Bowser's Fury. (I happen to have experience with it... in my personal life, not as a game mode.) Nintendo put out this trailer today, with an accompanying press release with little information contained:

Let's be clear: Nintendo hasn't given a clear, written definition of Bowser's Fury. Not on the website (“Stay tuned for more details about this action-packed addition to the game!”). Not on the eShop page (“Additional details about what fun things this game has to offer will be revealed soon!”). Not in the press release, though that had many details about other things, like a Cat Mario and Cat Peach amiibo, and that the original adventure will now have online multiplayer. Plus, there will now be a Mario-coloured (blue and red) Nintendo Switch system, which will never be allowed into my castle.

Anything you hear about sandboxes or open worlds or whatever is just speculation. The heavily edited trailer doesn't tell you about the extent or size of Bowser's Fury's content, objectives, levels, or anything. KoopaTV won't make statements of fact based on interpretations of this trailer.

The only things that are clear is that the whole world has gone to the cats, and Bowser Jr. is totally out of place. Throughout that trailer, he's just floating around with minimal animation or situational awareness, hardly reacting to anything. Perhaps it's not even the real Bowser Jr.
Even the likes of Bowser Jr. isn't dumb enough to go from safely flying AROUND the birdie beak-slammers (apparently named Conkdors) to merging to the centre lane for the express purpose of being HIT by them:

Super Mario 3D World Bowser's Fury Bowser Jr. driving Conkdors

As for Lord Bowser, we've seen this already with Black Bowser in Paper Mario: Color Splash. As a reminder, me and the other Koopalings served Black Bowser faithfully. Especially me. Shout-out to Fort Cobalt.

Super Mario 3D World Bowser's Fury gargantuan dark Bowser Demise The Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword
Gargantuan Bowser with his fury is like a MUCH better-looking Demise.

Shame on Bowser Jr. for betraying Koopa Kingdom. The only way this is sensible is if he's lulling that plumber into a false sense of security... make him THINK he's working with him. Then destroy him when he doesn't suspect it. ...That probably won't work when Mario is growing giant and Bowser Jr. is still the same pipsqueak size, though.

I also reject the idea that Master Bowser has lost control due to somehow growing in size, but if that's the case, then it's pretty clear you should support Team Super Star over Team Super Mushroom this weekend. That also demonstrates how lame this whole thing is. Super Mushrooms aren't enough. Mega Mushrooms aren't enough. Now there's this giant Giga Bell stuff. Getting bigger and bigger can't be healthy for your skeleton. Being more and more invincible can't hurt, though.

Feel free to comment on how Ludwig is wrong, or whatever. He already got ratio'd on Twitter about Super Mario 3D World + Bowser's Fury before writing this article, so he's pretty used to it. He thinks he's right.

The biggest impact from Super Mario 3D World + Bowser's Fury won't be the literal big forms of Mario or King Bowser, but it's the human cloning on Earth. Must-read.

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