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Wednesday, January 20, 2021

Joe Biden: Inauguration Day

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - A new chapter in history indeed.

I should've published this hours ago, but it's just so boring and blah that I really have to push myself to get it out. But I ate some fiber in-between the live inauguration and... tonight, so here we are. Uh... this is a live reaction log with just myself, by the way.

Get used to hearing “President Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.” from now on. He follows the KoopaTV tradition of President Barack Hussein Obama and President Donald John Trump for getting the full name treatment.

[11:23 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa:
[11:23 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Amy Klobuchar is talking for some reason.
[11:23 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I'll pay attention when someone with "president" in their imminent-future job title talks.
[11:32 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're doing some sorta prayer thing.
[11:36 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're doing a Color Guard thing, the Pledge of Allegiance, and the National Anthem.
Reminder that the United States has a bottom-tier National Anthem.
[11:37 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Anthems are one of the few things the Soviet Union pwned America on, and if the new Administration really is going to bring communism to America as right-wing commentators proclaim, then hopefully they get a better anthem too.
[11:37 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: wtf Lady Gaga is singing the national anthem.
[11:37 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Muting this.
[11:40 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The Pledge person is doing the Pledge AND American Sign Language at the same time.
[11:41 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Amy Klobuchar is really excited about Kamala Harris's race and sex.
[11:42 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: So much for content of character instead of colour of skin.
Inauguration 2021 Kamala Harris Sonia Sotomayor Mike Pence mask vice president oath of office
Don't let Kamala Harris distract you from Mike Pence at the top left.

[11:44 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Jennifer Lopez is now going to sing some awful American song, so mute.
[11:45 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The South was justified in wanting to secede from the Union, since when they did, they came up with much better anthems than this. Dunno why anyone would wanna be associated with these songs.
[11:48 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: One very underrated aspect of the Trump presidency was that he didn't have all of these annoying celebrities around.
[11:48 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Justice John Roberts administering presidential oath to President Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.
[11:49 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Baby crying.
[11:49 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Joe Biden doesn't even have eyes.
Joe Biden Inauguration Day 2021 Oath of Office small eyes squinting
Can Joe Biden see where he is or what's in front of him?

[11:50 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: There's Mitch McConnell wearing a mask behind him.
[11:50 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (Joe Biden isn't wearing a mask.)
[11:52 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: A woman was creepily touching Joe Biden's shoulders from behind, much like how he's known to do that to other people.
[11:53 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Joe Biden talking now.
[11:53 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He shout-outs Vice President Pence as being present, but doesn't mention the 45th president.
[11:55 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Joe Biden talking about how America has good people.
[11:56 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (What, like neo-Nazis?)
[11:57 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well, he identifies white supremacy as a challenge to defeat. His predecessor did that too in the same speech where he said there were good people, but the media edited that out.
President Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. Inauguration speech address January 2021 United States of America hair
Joe Biden's hair is flowing in the wind.

[11:58 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Joe Biden speaking predictable platitudes about uniting Americans together.
[11:59 AM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He says that "unity can seem like a foolish fantasy these days" but history has been a struggle between racism and the American ideal.
[12:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He claims "our better angels have always prevailed", but if that's the case, have they actually won if the fight continues?
[12:01 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He says we need to fight the racists, but also says we need to unify everyone. Does that include unifying with the racists?
[12:01 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "We have never ever ever ever failed in America!" There's Joe Biden, still thinking the Iraq War was a good idea.
[12:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Joe Biden babbling about lies and manufactured information and truth.
[12:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: This is SO gonna be a coronavirus super-spreader.
Inauguration Day Joe Biden speech Mitch McConnell wearing mask
Did you know that masks won't fully immunise you from getting the Chinese Communist Party Virus?

[12:07 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Joe Biden wants liberals and conservatives to open their souls and stop fighting.
[12:07 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He STILL says there's a dark winter.
[12:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Joe Biden's message to those beyond America's borders (like Koopa Kingdom):
[12:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: America will lead the world again, repair alliances, and engage with the world.
[12:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Probably means America will start new wars in the next four years.
[12:10 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Joe Biden says to say a silent prayer for the 400,000 Americans who died from coronavirus. That's still less than the amount of Americans he said would be dead by the end of 2020:
[12:12 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Joe Biden quoting a song called "American Anthem". America could've had a president quoting songs from Pokémon movies in another timeline.
[12:12 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: That's infinitely more interesting.
[12:13 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Life can be a challenge, life can seem impossible — but it's never easy when there's so much on the line. But you and I can make a difference. There's a mission just for you and me. Just look inside — and you will find... just what you can do."
[12:14 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (Joe Biden didn't say that, but Herman Cain did.)
[12:14 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Joe Biden's done.
[12:15 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Garth Brooks going to sing Amazing Grace, which is yet another obnoxious American song.
[12:15 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Muting this, though the log should probably be over since Joe Biden's done.
[12:16 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Gotta be used to writing President Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. now.
[12:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're doing a bunch of prayer stuff.
[12:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Alright, whatever.

It's now starting to dawn on the KoopaTV staff that Kamala Harris is Vice President of the United States, and really close to being the President. That is extremely problematic. In the meantime, however, KoopaTV was created while President Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. was Vice President, so things should be relatively okay. For now.

Click here for the Donald Trump version of this from 2017.


  1. Koopa don't tell someone it's boring then expect them to read it. Marketing my boy, marketing!

    1. If you want enjoyable content, go read Tuesday's article. >_>

      I actually had a lot of FUN with that one.

      This one is just for... posterity.

  2. I agree that this wasn't the most exciting thing to watch. I only watched it because I had to for government class. Literally the only time I cared about what he said was when he mentioned the struggle between ideals and reality, and only because I, being the nerd I am, immediately thought of the Legendary Pokemon Reshiram and Zekrom (truth and ideals). I give you permission to make fun of me for that.

    1. If I was actually actively paying attention during it, I would've likely made a similar connection.

  3. Boring? How could the second coming of Jesus Christ be boring? Biden is here to undo the evils of trump and sniff-Save the children. And if you don't believe that now, you'll believe it when they drill it into your head throughout the next four years. But who am I kidding, it really doesn't matter whos president anyway.

    1. I didn't find the first coming of Jesus Christ to be exciting, either!

      They'll drill it in while they take your guns. :x

    2. ...I'll assume that's not directed towards me. <.<


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