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Monday, January 4, 2021

Would You Rather Go Big, or Be Invincible? Super Mushroom vs. Super Star Splatfest!

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - Off the Hook are a bunch of Mario fans? I knew the Squid Sisters were better.

As it was foreshadowed four months ago, there is a new Splatfest in Splatoon 2, and this one is highly relevant to the world that I live in. Much more so than the world YOU live in. (Unless you're part of KoopaTV's Koopa Kingdom audience.) It's a 48-hour Splatfest happening from January 15 to January 17:

Splatoon 2 Pearl Team Super Mushroom big or Marina Team Super Star invincible
Would you rather go big and have Super Mushroom power?
Or would you rather have Super Star power and be invincible?


Quite frankly, the Off the Hook banter from Pearl and Marina is worthless in terms of helping you come to a decision. All they do is point out that Pearl is short and therefore wants to be bigger, while nothing about the benefits of invincibility are pronounced. It's more that Marina likes the sparkle aesthetic, and how Off the Hook are musical stars (of the famous celebrity type) of culture.

Interestingly, Marina says, “Hold up, though, Pearl. Wasn't the Splatocalypse the FINAL Splatfest?” (What does that mean for the Splatfest encores that happened and changed the result?) To which Pearl says, “It was, but... It's Mario! We gotta throw a party!” (Quick reminder that no Inkling did anything for that plumber at any previous point in time, including the 30th anniversary. The closest was Heroes vs. Villains, but that sure wasn't for or about him, he wasn't mentioned by name, and it misattributed his role in the destiny of the universe.)

Since Pearl and Marina didn't bother with providing actual reasons behind their decisions, I'll tell you my team choice, and why:


As both a representative of Koopa Kingdom, as well as someone who has a sense of basic logic, I am strongly in favour of Team Super Star.

Stars are for everyone. Mushrooms are grown in the Mushroom Kingdom. Since they refuse to have normal trade relations with us, we don't see much in terms of Super Mushrooms. I personally don't trust the safety of their food supply. That's one reason that royal Koopas eat diets of drumsticks (...mine aren't made from Moo Moos, but I don't know about King Dad's food ingredients) for health restoration and muscle growth, and not Mushrooms. Super Mushrooms in particular aren't effective for us. Our bodies just won't entertain being a superpredator.

But, as I said, Super Stars aren't limited to one kingdom or a particular race. Check out this amazing Koopa Troopa using a Super Star to pwn that plumber:




Wasn't that beautiful? Great Koopas, like Lord Bowser, have benefited from Star power in other ways, such as being blessed by the Star Rod for that same Super Star invincibility.

Paper Mario jumps on Star Rod Bowser invincible Prologue sparkly
Even that plumber is powerless against Super Star power.


Meanwhile, what benefits does being big give? While there are literally no downsides to being invincible, being big prevents you from being able to fit through small passages (like caves and air vents), unless you try to uncomfortably crawl or slide along the floor while ducking.

But if you're just naturally smaller sized, and you don't ingest inappropriate power-ups, you can just... traverse through those areas normally. It's useful.

If you ever do need to reach higher places, you can get a (step)ladder. Otherwise, using your big size to break bricks and stomp skulls is just destructive and has no place in polite society. Invincibility can be used for all sorts of life-saving applications, like running into burning buildings and rescuing trapped kitties or crippled Koopas. Plus, if you do get into a fight, you won't be able to lose that fight. Unlike Team Super Mushroom.


Splatoon 2 Splatfest Super Mushroom Star Do it for Mario Marina
Both Pearl AND Marina are shameless Mario fans.
Gross.


It's no contest. Join Team Super Star.


Which Splatfest team will you be joining? Team Super Mushroom or Team Super Star? ...And why? Based on the data he's seen, Team Super Star is far more popular. As it should be. Don't try to be a hipster and pick the unpopular side just because it's unpopular. You need a real reason! The Off the Hook banter also associates hit song Jump Up, Super Star with Team Super Star, and that's another terrific reason to affiliate with that team.


The last Splatfest article was for the repeat of Trick vs. Treat. (Same result as the first time.)
Team Super Star lost, so if you were a hipster, you prevailed.

15 comments :

  1. Sorry, but I gotta go with Team Mushroom on this one. Not only does a Super Star wear off, the claim of invincibility is also dishonest, since there's things like pits and lava and being crushed by walls (I think, my memory of this 3rd example might be fuzzy) that it doesn't protect from.

    Meanwhile, the humble Mushroom may only make you bigger and let you take a hit, but it always keeps on going until you do take a hit. It's the honest working-class alternative candidate to the Super Star's dissembling, elitist bourgeoisie!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How do you explain this:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McEZ5ifAn-Y

      I'm very familiar with the Pipe Maze, since I was the Koopaling in charge of that. Not only does being super-sized inhibit one's ability to actually traverse through the level, which wastes Super Star time, but, of course, you won't be able to tank through it with Mushrooms. Only with multiple Super Stars.

      Delete
    2. (It's actually SUCH a good point maybe I should've put it in my original article.)

      Delete
    3. I mean, of course there's certain situations in which a Super Star is more useful than a Mushroom. There's also situations where a Mushroom is more useful than a Super Star. Like say, underwater levels. With a Super Star you can fight against enemies temporarily, but if you have a Mushroom all you need is to find 1 more power-up and you can fight back all day long.

      Besides, I'm not coming at this from a purely utilitarian perspective anyway. It's still the pretentious elitist Star vs. the quite literally as well as figuratively down-to-earth Mushroom.

      Delete
    4. Your elitism vs. commoners perspective ignores that only a SPECIAL class of people, in one specific kingdom, benefit from accessing superpowers.

      As the article said,

      "Stars are for everyone."
      "But, as I said, Super Stars aren't limited to one kingdom or a particular race."

      Delete
  2. Overall yes I agree with the choice of ‘star’ but the temporary nature is irksome to me. It also encourages rushing which can lead to doom via other hazards as another commentator brought out. Mushrooms only have the time limit of how long it takes to get a hit.

    Yes some games make being big a bad thing or cumbersome (SMB:Lost Levels) but that’s a rarer case and mushrooms have at least their more common nature on their side. Stars by contrast are one per level if that. (Except in the levels that do have multiple starmen if you are quick enough to the next block.) So yes.. this made me think. The benefits of the star cannot be ignored in the end so it has my vote, just barely.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't believe “stars are more rare” is a valid argument, because the question is specifically, “Would you rather go big and have Super Mushroom power?
      Or would you rather have Super Star power and be invincible?”

      That means, "in any situation, which would you rather be able to pull out of your pocket?" That's proposing an ideal world, not the world as it is where Super Stars are much more rare. In that case, the answer should always be Super Star.

      Delete
    2. Wait, did they actually use those exact words? The "would you rather" thing? Because I absolutely hadn't been approaching this from a real-life perspective--being from Earth and not your kingdom or the Mushroom Kingdom and all, I was thinking entirely in terms of the video games.

      Delete
    3. Uh... I mean, it's the first image in the article. And it's transcribed in the caption!

      Delete
    4. Um, I mean ^^; I still figured that they weren't being LITERAL about it. X_X

      Delete
    5. We evaluate the questions as they're worded.

      Delete
  3. This really was not a fair fight between the power ups and it was too bad they had to base it off the first game's power ups. If they would be able to base it on the third game then Fire Flower vs Raccoon Leaf would at least have some semblance of a fair fight.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fire Flower vs. Raccoon Leaf would be a lot more interesting.

      Delete
  4. I'm sorry-and-also-not, but I'm going with mushroom. not only are they the most iconic and the first thing you get, they last as long as you don't get hit. super stars, while more useful, are on a time limit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Picking Mushroom for nostalgia isn't a very good reason.

      If I run out of my Super Star... I'll just pop in another!

      Delete

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