By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - About the devaluation of the gold coin thanks to Princess Peach's monetary mismanagement.
The gold coins in the Mushroom Kingdom are practically useless. As the reigning monarch of the Mushroom Kingdom, Princess Peach is accountable and responsible for this result that damages the living standards and economy of the Mushroom Kingdom. And as trading partners and users of the same gold coin currency, Koopa Kingdom has a vested interest in wanting the currency to be useful.
For almost twenty years now, I've been thinking about the drastic currency fluctuations the gold coin has had, especially in a short period of time. Take a look at this:
According to that exchange rate, 115 Mushroom Kingdom gold coins equal 10 Beanbean Kingdom coins, or 11.5 Mushroom coins to 1 Beanbean coin. That's not inherently bad. But what is bad is the exchange rate a mere few weeks later:
99,999,999,999,999 Mushroom coins converted to a mere 99 Beanbean coins. (That's 99 trillion, 999 billion, 999 million, 999 thousand, 999 coins.) That's an exchange rate of 1,010,101,010,101 Mushroom coins to 1 Beanbean coin. (That's 1 trillion, 10 billion, 101 million, 10 thousand, 101 coins.) That's a percent change of approximately 8,783,487,044,256.52%. Many economists seem to like the definition of “hyperinflation” being a 50% change in a month. It's almost unfathomable how much more reasonable a normal hyperinflation would be compared to what the Mushroom Kingdom goes through.
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| Princess Peach waving the Mario Bros. off after asking them to collect and add 1,000,000 gold coins to the money supply. They start their collection by jumping off the roof and flying to the sky to collect some floating coins. |
Inflation happens when the money supply outstrips the amount of goods and services that can support that money supply. (The supply of money is far more than the demand for money, thus reducing the value of the money.) In other words, there's too much money circulating for too few items to spend it on, so the value of an individual piece of currency becomes less worthwhile. Unfortunately, Princess Peach does not understand this basic concept of economics. She demands a greater supply of coins (found or pillaged by Mario and Luigi) to redistribute to her subjects, who tend to be lazy Toads that don't produce anything outside of ordering the construction of new sports stadiums or golf courses. This makes the problem worse. Toad's Factory used to exist, but their productivity sucks after allowing kart racers to make a mess inside. Princess Peach would rather entertain people with parades and spectacles than actually increase gross domestic product.
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| That red-hatted plumber was robbing the Koopa Kingdom treasury of our gold coins (shared currency with the Mushroom Kingdom) since he was a baby! |
Fortunately for the Mushroom Kingdom, they aren't the only nation that uses the gold coin. Koopa Kingdom's gold coin is the same currency. That's why when Mario or Luigi raid our Koopas and take our money, that can be used for Mushroom Kingdom spending. Unlike Toads, Koopas are hardworking and industrious, producing an actual amount of goods and services. Without us, inflation would be even worse. You can see businesses like Morton Construction (which benefits a lot from Princess Peach's spending priorities), Bowser Oil, and Boomerang Bros. International Airlines; much harder-working and important businesses than 1-Up Mushroom Car Insurance Group. Not to mention creative businesses too, like my own Ludwig Painting.
To illustrate, let's look at the price of Mushrooms, for example. A very staple part of one's diet in the Mushroom Kingdom and its capital, Toad Town. The efficacy of these has changed as time has moved on in the Mushroom Kingdom and the value of one coin has become worthless.
| Game | Location | Price | Quality (HP restored) | HP per Coin |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time | Toad Town (past) | 10 coins | 20 HP | 2 HP per coin |
| Paper Mario | Toad Town | 5 coins | 5 HP | 1 HP per coin |
| Paper Mario: The Origami King | Toad Town | 100 coins | 50 HP | 0.5 HP per coin |
You can see a trend of how over time, Mushrooms are getting less bang for their coinage buck. Store owners can try to hide this by changing the number or size of Mushrooms they sell, but on a per unit basis, your old coin is not getting as far as it used to. That's inflation right there. That's a problem when people have to eat and be nourished.
Combatting inflation is also why Koopa Bank, which is run by, you guessed it, Koopas, heavily encourages people to deposit money into the bank. Unlike many other banks, Koopa Bank doesn't tend to loan out the money with fractional reserve banking but just keeps it in a vault for no one to touch, so the Koopa Bank takes money out of the money supply that coin users would use to express their demand with. It's a deflationary measure the Koopas do to try to temper a hyper-inflationary currency.
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| Even though we are in the same monetary union as one another, Princess Peach refuses to consult with King Bowser on issues! We've tried diplomacy! |
You might wonder why Koopa Kingdom doesn't have its own autonomous gold coin currency. We've been using gold coins since before I was born, and tradition is hard to let go of. It also enables much more efficient and easier trade with other nations. It's SUPPOSED to encourage peace. It's just when a certain one of those nations is ran by a bumbling bimbo and ruins the currency for everyone in the monetary union, it's hard for the rest of us. Can you blame King Dad for trying to knock some sense into Princess Peach and taking control over the Mushroom Kingdom's economy? It's for the best of Koopa Kingdom and everyone (including her Toad subjects, who deserve better) who uses gold coins. Princess Peach causing such unwarranted increase in the money supply through her delirious mismanagement of the Mushroom Kingdom is tantamount to an attack on Koopa Kingdom's economy. We're just retaliating in self-defence.
Maybe it'd be better if we had a central bank across the monetary union? Or if we didn't use a currency that can be manipulated to almost infinite amounts. But it's gold! Not paper! We shouldn't be having this problem, and yet, here we are. We gotta make the best of the situation we're in. If Koopa Kingdom were the leading force behind the gold coin, I can tell you that it'd be much easier to import goods from the Beanbean Kingdom. We want to drink Chuckola Cola!
You might think that the Koopa Kingdom and Mushroom Kingdom can export their goods to other places much easier with a currency experiencing hyperinflation, but Koopa Kingdom actually would prefer to import things, especially since other land masses in other countries / empires tend to have much more arable land than Koopa Kingdom does. Comment below if you've lived through hyperinflation before, or if you'd be willing to help spread this article around. Especially to Princess Peach, who really needs a basic lesson in macro-economics so she can stop making terrible decisions.
So Koopas like you also eat mushrooms?
ReplyDeleteSheesh now that I think about it, toads are not only tasking Mario to kill a ton of goombas just for fun, they are also selling their corpses for inflated prices. Sheesh that's dark
DeleteSometimes we eat Mushrooms. It's not a staple part of our diet, but it's possible to consume and with curative effects.
DeleteAs for your point about Goombas, he also snatches Goomba bodies sometimes for perverted reasons.