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Thursday, June 1, 2023

KoopaTV's May 2023 Review Newsletter

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - It's the second-to-last one of these newsletters.

Let us dive into headlines and I'll spare you the introductory paragraph.

KoopaTV's End of Content Notice

I hope you haven't missed this notice published on KoopaTV's 10-year anniversary. Unlike most of the other years where we just pat ourselves on the shell, this anniversary article provided valuable information: KoopaTV will stop publishing new content after July 3, 2023 (which will be the June 2023 review newsletter linked at the bottom of this very article once it exists). For reasoning on why, read that article and then come back here.

Top Five Recommended Experiences of May 2023

This was a very tough thing to just pick only FIVE of the MANY amazing KoopaTV articles published in May 2023. Here is my chronologically ordered attempt:
  1. True, the Advance Wars Trilogy's Story isn't Serious — FAKE NEWS Kotaku evaluated Advance Wars 1+2: Re-Boot Camp based on something it wasn't trying to be. In fairness to them (and because it's an issue KoopaTV cares about), we evaluated their evaluation.
  2. KoopaTV's Failed Attempt at Building THE MIGHTY BOWSER — Ludwig and Witch Princess attempted to build the LEGO set The Mighty Bowser in front of the Koopa King himself. As our review reveals, it didn't work out as planned.
  3. The Surprising Similarities Between Sticker Star and Breath of the WildThe Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild was built on the foundation that Paper Mario: Sticker Star created. This article goes into great depth about it.
  4. The Mighty Bowser VERSUS The Bootleg Bowser — This meme-filled article compares the costly but high-quality The Mighty Bowser LEGO set with the cheaper but bootlegged Bowser brick sets you can buy online.
  5. Ash Ketchum Failed His Torterra as a Pokémon Trainer — For KoopaTV's final World Turtle Day article, we discuss that twerp Ash Ketchum and how he was a terrible Pokémon Trainer for his Torkoal, Grotle, and Torterra.

Everything on KoopaTV is worth reading! Even if it's not in this top five (or prior newsletters’ top fives), you ought to still check it out!

Best Three Comments and One Worst Comment of May 2023

Was the user-generated content as good to check out as the staff-created content? Let's see what you all came up with for commentary on our commentary.
  1. “" Do you believe the units in Advance Wars are actual people that are just being killed off ruthlessly?"

    Well, Re-Boot Camp makes them look like toys but the toys may be just figurines on a map for strategists to plan out the next move and there are actual units fighting elsewhere based on the moves of the toys.

    Maybe there is a chance the Rivals mission and the training missions by Rachel to Jake and Jess and Javier's test mission and Grimm and Sensei's test mission are only the toys on a map aspect if Wayforward ever makes a remake for Dual Strike.” — ShinyGirafarig
  2. “I approve of discrediting these 'journalist' losers any opportunity possible since the term has little meaning now because of them.” — C.Mechayoshi
  3. “Ah, I think it's a common misconception you've fallen victim to re: stepping on a LEGO brick. From what I understand, it doesn't actually KILL you, it just hurts so much it makes you WISH you were dead.” — Lheticus Videre
I appreciate the discussion with ShinyGirafarig. According to Jess herself (though she seems to be the only Commanding Officer that cares about this sort of thing, which either means everyone else is a psychopath or Jess is singularly delusional about the reality of her situation—and if they are psychopaths, then the training missions and Rivals may indeed have live ammunition), the troops’ lives are worth saving, which means they're real people fighting.

Jess tank schematics save allied lives Advance Wars Re-Boot Camp victory quote Danger Times Nine
Hm... Save allied lives... that means lives would have to be in danger of being lost.

I wonder if I'll have enough time (or material) in June to trash so-called “journalists” again. I'm grateful that I at least have the opportunity for tomorrow's article (if I indeed stick to my plans) will at least feature another of my absolute favourite article genres. Elsewhere, C.Mechayoshi has remarked that KoopaTV refrains from fake journalism, and I appreciate that sentiment as well.

Speaking of real news, it's good that Lheticus Videre cleared the air on the lethality rates of LEGO brick stepping. While it doesn't seem like it would be fatal, I still wouldn't want to try it, so I'll take his word on it.

Just in time before May 2023 ended, here is the worst comment made:
  1. “Lif” — Anonymous
I don't understand what this comment means, but I do need to update that Koopaling troublemaking poll article before the site shuts down. Lemmy is crushing me by over 300 votes. Maybe in my spare time after KoopaTV is done, I'll rig the poll in my favour. ...King Dad probably doesn't want me using my time in that way, though.

KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program Round 50 Mid-Round Leaderboard

As of publishing, the standings for the LAST EVER KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program round, round 50, is as follows:
  1. ShinyGirafarig — 42 points
  2. Captain Stitch — 40 points
  3. C.Mechayoshi — 15 points
  4. Lheticus Videre — 9 points
If you end up in the TOP FIVE by the end of June 2023, you will get SOMETHING. It's the biggest KoopaTV Loyalty Rewards Program round of all time. ...But the higher your relative placing, the better the prize in terms of value. So you have less than 30 days now to try. I'll be putting in effort. You ought to, too. Check out that link for how to get points.

Corrections Corner; May 2023

ShinyGirafarig caught a mistake just in time for this month's publication. I incorrectly described Humpback Pump Track as a returning game, not a returning stage, in Splatoon 3. I believe I put so much effort into trying to write Humpback Pump Track correctly (I keep writing Jumpback) that I got everything else wrong.

You are running out of time to make your impact on KoopaTV! And KoopaTV is running out of time to leave an impact on you. Thank you for sticking with the site so far.

Last month's April 2023 newsletter is located here.
KoopaTV's final newsletter ever (June 2023) is here.
Last year's May newsletter, May 2022, is over here.

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