By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - A two-for-one special!
For some time, Microsoft has been talking about a summer games showcase for the Xbox that would happen even if they didn't come to E3 2023. (And, of course, no one came to E3 2023 because it doesn't exist.)
Well, they're here now.
And we (well, just me) are here too to live react to what happened during that showcase. Added to the end is basically 45 minutes or so of just Starfield content, which I reacted to as well.
[12:58 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpjGFMygYtk
This is the link to the so-called "Audio Description" livestream, which I assume is Microsoft's way to say "this will have captions on the screen".
[12:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: uhhhhh
[12:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: THERE IS A PERSON READING, LIKE, ALT TEXT
[12:59 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: THAT'S NOT CAPTIONS
[1:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGtYn7DCIYo
[1:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: OKAY
[1:01 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: THE MAIN STREAM HAS A CC BUTTON IN 43 LANGUAGES
[1:01 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: So that's the one I want. (But now I'm really curious about the audio description stream experience.)
[1:02 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Dave was gonna make a sandwich. (And you only know his name is Dave because of the caption saying so.)
[1:02 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Dave is farming new fruits and vegetables; good for him.
[1:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The protagonist isn't Dave, it's a midget woman(?) that has a manly looking face.
[1:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Oh, it's Fable.
[1:04 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: She's eating a hamburger and tosses it carelessly.
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| Hamburgers or sandwiches will become a reoccurring theme in this presentation. |
[1:04 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I don't like her.
[1:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Like, I'm not convinced it's not a transgender.
[1:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Anyway, there is a new trailer with a big guy named Shaking Bones playing the guitar. This trailer has a really low frame rate?
[1:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: YouTube insists its stream is 60 fps and fine.
[1:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "South of Midnight" featuring coming to your house and not staying long. I dunno.
[1:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: That's wot the song says. But you can play it day one on Xbox Game Pass.
[1:07 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I really wish this was E3, like, old-school E3 with the business presentations and Phil Spencer in front of a live audience. I actually want to hear him talk about the Xbox business and strategy and numbers, especially in light of the turbulent regulatory climate.
[1:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: There's a Star Wars thing going on screen but I can't say I especially care about it.
[1:08 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: There is a man named Jalen offering a woman a way out and getting freedom. She doesn't seem too happy about accepting help from this (or possibly any) man. Suck it up.
[1:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Star Wars: Outlaws" yeah she'll definitely need help. "Coming 2024" with more shown in tomorrow's Ubisoft event. I guess I gotta watch to that.
[1:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Sarah Bond, Head of Xbox Creator Showcase.
[1:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: She describes Starfield as one of the "most important" RPGs ever created. (What???)
[1:10 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well, maybe she'll describe the Xbox business like I've wanted.
[1:10 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: But she's complimenting the creative teams. Unfortunately, she said she made the show for the Xbox fanbase (as opposed to, say, Xbox-adjacent business-interested people).
[1:11 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Thunder Lotus presents... something with a female singer vocalising.
[1:12 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "33-player co-op" sucks for my 34th friend.
[1:12 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...or 33rd friend, if I want to actually play it.
[1:12 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "33 Immortals" coming 2024. I guess we don't have a "2023 release" theme in this showcase.
[1:13 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: New game featuring a first-person shooty heist of a bank. ...and more than just one bank.
[1:14 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Payday 3 coming September 21 [presumably of 2023].
[1:15 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "World Premiere" of an Atlus title that is Persona, which doesn't seem "world premiere" to me given that we know this already.
[1:16 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Persona 3 Reload is coming out "early 2024" and wasn't a world premiere.
[1:16 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: No matter how much Atlus wished it was.
[1:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I dunno wot I'm watching now but there are skeleton dudes and freaky bears and a logo that says "Avowed" "coming 2024" that I can play day one on Xbox Game Pass.
[1:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Oh, it's RARE.
[1:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And it's SEA OF THIEVES.
[1:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: STILL.
[1:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The Legend of Monkey Island collaboration with Sea of Thieves.
[1:20 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Play a new original story for free" on July 20; finally it's this year.
[1:20 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Guybrush Threepwood will be in it!
[1:20 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: YOO MICROSOFT FLIGHT SIMULATOR
[1:20 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Aerial firefighting" WHOA
[1:20 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: HELICOPTER RESCUE
[1:21 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: HELICOPTER CARGO TRANSPORT out at an oil rig somewhere in the sea.
[1:21 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: AIR AMBULANCE (in Portugal)
[1:21 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: MOUNTAIN RESCUE (is this really different than air ambulance?)
[1:21 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: AERIAL CONSTRUCTION INDUSTRIAL CARGO TRANSPORT
[1:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: REMOTE CARGO OPS, VIP CHARTER SERVICE, AIR RACING this is hype.
[1:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Eek Scientific Research with a plane facing a tornado.
[1:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: HOT AIR BALLOON
[1:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "The sky is calling"
[1:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Microsoft Flight Simulator 2024"
[1:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well, it'll probably be the best thing shown all of today.
[1:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: OH THERE'S MORE.
[1:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: PLANE PORN
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| The Dune ornithopter is part of Microsoft Flight Simulator 2024 as well. |
[1:23 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Dune crossover.
[1:24 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Senua's Saga Hellblade II...actress talking to us. Definitely can't compete with Microsoft Flight Simulator.
[1:26 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Whatever is going on here is creepy and whispery and freaky and I'm not about it.
[1:26 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Someone is whispering "I don't like it I'm scared" SAME
[1:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: THIS IS STILL GOING
[1:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Okay I think it's finally ending (and it comes out in 2024 and you can play it day 1 on Xbox Game Pass. No thank you)
[1:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: New trailer, with a man groaning on a beach. This has gotta be Yaku-... like a dragon.
[1:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...oh he's naked.
[1:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I'm not taking a screenshot of that.
[1:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Plane porn yes, but human porn? Disgusting.
[1:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: A [WOMAN SCREAMS] upon seeing a streaker.
[1:30 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He finally realises he's naked.
[1:30 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Like a Dragon Infinite Wealth" early 2024.
[1:30 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Bethesda Presents".... uh... that 15 million people have played Fallout 76.
[1:31 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well, it's a song, which is better than demonic whispers in a cave.
[1:31 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "There's a million ways to make the wasteland your waste home." I like that.
[1:32 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: There's some kinda "Atlantic City" expansion coming to Fallout 76.
[1:32 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: YO CAPCOM LOGO
[1:32 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: THIS ISN'T ACE ATTORNEY though.
[1:32 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I mean, not unless they reaaaally changed what the game is supposed to be.
[1:33 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Maybe it's Great Ace Attorney 3 given the swords and Japanese stuff.
[1:33 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...okay probably not.
[1:33 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Not with those freaky tongue monsters.
[1:34 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (They gave up on lawyer debates to resolve their problems and went right to sword slashing)
"Path of the Goddess" play it day one on Xbox Game Pass sometime in 2024.
[1:34 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And now a trailer about... Chevrolet and Cadillac of General Motors?
[1:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Is this a sponsored ad within my sponsored showcase of ads?
[1:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Oh, it's Forza Motorsport. Car porn segment.
[1:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Far worse than the superior Microsoft Flight Simulator.
[1:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: There's a guy showing off cars, but, like, they're in real life.
[1:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: [RAP MUSIC PLAYING] yeah there's nothing I like about this.
[1:37 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Cars over, back to Bethesda.
[1:38 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: There's a book and angry dragon things and secrets.
[1:39 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And saving Tamriel, because it's The Elder Scrolls Online expansion coming next week.
[1:39 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: BLIZZARD ENTERTAINMENT is this our reference to the acquisition?
[1:41 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I'm not gonna pretend to be excited or paying attention about Overwatch 2.
[1:41 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: But I probably should've used the time to refill my milk glass.
[1:41 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Huh? MORE Persona?
[1:42 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: But cuter and cel-shadier.
[1:42 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And chibier.
[1:42 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Persona 5 Tactica" coming out this year (November 17 2023).
[1:43 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Back to Bethesda.
[1:43 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They said "field of stars" so it's Starfield. Gonna refill my milk now brb
[1:45 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Back. Maybe this would be a good time to check out the audio description stream.
[1:46 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Yes, it's a series of someone reading alt text of a moving video.
[1:46 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're doing a better job reacting to this than I am.
[1:47 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "the blob-like blue creature hops up onto his shoulder"
[1:47 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: It even reads the text that gameplay footage isn't final.
[1:48 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The thing is moving faster than they can narrate what goes on.
[1:48 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "He pets the blue blog-like creature."
[1:48 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Title: Jusant"
[1:48 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: *blob-like
[1:48 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Not blog-like.
[1:48 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ...
[1:48 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: If you wanna pet a blog creature pet me. :(
[1:49 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: B-But don't mess up my hair. >.<
[1:49 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Still Wakes the Deep" coming 2024, something about an ocean.
[1:50 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (I'm going back to the main stream because I want to hear the audio of the trailers)
[1:50 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: COWS
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| Aren't they so cute? But this girl isn't even glancing at the cows. She's just going forward. |
[1:50 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And rail-grinding with a woman slicing stuff.
[1:50 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Dungeons of Hinterberg" coming 2024.
[1:51 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: ew Keanu Reeves in Cyberpunk 2077: Phantom Liberty
[1:51 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I don't care about him I care about those cows.
[1:52 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He ran away from the screen like a Keanu Dweebs.
[1:52 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Some character has a bomb in her head and she needs to run to "Dogtown" to not die.
[1:53 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The black guy says, "Treason ain't ever black and white."
[1:54 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Sounds like he's trying to make an alibi and blaming the Asians.
[1:54 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: #StopAsianAmericanHate
[1:54 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Or is it #EndAsianAmericanHate?
[1:54 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Anyway, this is coming out in two weeks.
[1:55 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Whoops, it's apparently #StopAsianHate
[1:55 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Not localised to just America.
[1:56 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: There's a game about city building coming out October 24. Skylines II? Cities? I dunno.
[1:56 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Another Atlus trailer.
[1:57 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Why didn't they put all of the Atlus stuff together? How'd they decide the order of these? Why is it all narrated in Japanese despite the game clearly being localised?
[1:58 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Metaphor Re Fantazio" wot
[1:58 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: That's a much goofier title than wot SQUARE ENIX usually makes.
[2:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Towerborne" "coming 2024" I dunno let's ignore that happened.
[2:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Seems steampunky.
[2:00 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: That's why it keeps saying "steam" on the signs.
[2:01 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Unfortunately, there is "one rebellious little gear to ruin everything."
[2:02 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The trailer is narrated by the queen of the Steampunk place wanting to destroy this rebel who can apparently manipulate time by changing the past and controlling the future. Unclear why this rebel would like to do this.
[2:02 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "CLOCKWORK REVOLUTION" also coming out in Steam, "Coming in Due Time" which is even worse than "2024".
[2:02 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Phil Spencer thanks us all for joining him.
[2:03 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Phil Spencer says everything is coming out in 2024, but this year you can look forward to Forza Motorsport and Starfield this holiday season.
[2:04 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "All gamers are welcome here at Xbox."
[2:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Phil Spencer says Microsoft has increased the supply of Xbox Series X, and that Xbox Series S will have more storage.
[2:05 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Now with 1 TB SSD"
[2:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: $350 in "carbon black" coming September 1
Yeah, that should cover a couple of unoptimised western-published AAA games.
[2:06 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And now I'm told to enjoy the "Starfield Direct", a deepdive into Starfield that I'll pretend to pay attention to.
[2:07 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Todd Howard appears to thank the fans.
[2:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: He says you can visit moons and it's not just a background.
[2:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "An all-new animation system" you can play in third-person OR in first-person if you don't want to see the animations?
[2:09 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Todd Howard is narrating this gameplay featuring a laser shattering a rock.
[2:10 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And shooting "Spacer Punks" in an abandoned area for no apparent reason.
[2:11 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The fun is picking up all of the items into your inventory and looking at their models. "We just obsess over the details in food. We obsess over food."
[2:11 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "NASApunk"
[2:12 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: With cool and stylistic stuff that also functional.
[2:13 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Some planets are "barren but resource heavy" while some planets have actual things going on with missions.
[2:14 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're going to "New Atlantis", a main hub city ("the biggest city [Bethesda] has ever made") to give the game a good impression.
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| I hope they don't make Walter into a “surprise” plot twist villain. I've noticed that games don't treat wealthy businessmen well. This guy finances your whole operation. |
[2:14 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Full of characters going through their day-to-day lives, which is presumably unlike most of the other planets in this game.
[2:17 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: There's some politics going on, with the "United Colonies" and then a "Freestar Collective" that is more wild and uncivilised and despite all of the sci-fi going on, they're cowboys.
[2:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They showcase some kind of neon club as an immoral location.
[2:18 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And then there are much more uncivilised and wild places in the outskirts of the galaxy.
[2:19 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They've created "diverse characters" as NPCs, which you could make yourself.
[2:20 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: You aren't just changing your character's looks, but also backgrounds and skills.
[2:21 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And traits with advantages and disadvantages.
[2:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: So you can tell YOUR story.
[2:22 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: One of the traits gets you a fanboy that stalks you and is annoying, but you can use him as a meatshield.
[2:23 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I do admit there is potential for a lot of amusement.
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| One great thing about roleplaying games like Starfield is that they let you do things you couldn't possibly do in real life! |
[2:25 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They want realistic planet design.
[2:26 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: So it's not science-fiction? :x
[2:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're talking about ship customisation, which is very detailed like character customisation. I yawned for the first time today.
[2:28 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: So I guess character customisation isn't what I'm into.
[2:29 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Someone has made a spider-shaped ship. :(
[2:30 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: You can ship people on your ship.
[2:30 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (As in, romance.)
[2:30 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (...that's my line, not Bethesda's.)
[2:31 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Please, avoid getting shot. You might die." (THAT'S a line from Bethesda. In-game, actually.)
[2:33 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The Crimson Fleet is pretty much the Yiga Clan from The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Annoying goons that ambush you randomly.
[2:35 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Whoa, they're endorsing PIRACY.
[2:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The same Bethesda employee who made her ship shaped as a platypus specifically goes and steals other people's sandwiches and dumps them into a specific sandwich cargo area.
[2:36 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "We're giving you a massive playground and a ton of toys and setting you free."
[2:37 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Todd Howard back to "take a little break."
[2:37 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: There is a "Constellation Explorer's Watch" that they've made in real life with the collector's edition of Starfield.
[2:38 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And a custom limited edition Starfield Xbox controller.
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| That... looks interesting. (That isn't a pride rainbow or anything but the colours of The Constellation.) |
[2:38 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And a first-ever Xbox custom headset?
[2:39 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "It's a Besthesda Game Studios Galaxy."
[2:40 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "We generate the planet as procedural content."
[2:40 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: booooo
[2:40 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: So some planets are hand-crafted and some are just AI-generated.
[2:41 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Take in the views."
[2:42 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Experience and rewards for fully surveying planets and a whole system." (Procedurally generated planets.)
[2:43 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're showing clips of the lighting that portrays several giant wasteland planets.
[2:43 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: And they want you to "fully" explore every "inch" of these empty areas?
[2:43 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Sounds boring to me!
[2:44 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: They're making a big deal about building mining outposts on different planets to extract resources.
[2:44 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Are you getting resources all for yourself? Do you really need to establish a whole imperialistic galactic empire of mines to sustain your ship? Or are you doing this for the space collective you work for?
[2:46 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "Gravity is different for each planet", which sounds troublesome for bullet projectile.
[2:48 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: But you can shoot lasers and energy blasts that just ignore gravity, I guess.
[2:51 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Todd Howard thanking us again and has all of his staff say their final words. One guy likes "the ending" the most, despite not much in the way of story presented to even have an ending.
[2:51 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: 09.06.23 date.
[2:51 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well, that was two days ago!
[2:51 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: I guess it's out al-...
[2:51 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Oh.
[2:51 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: "September 6, 2023" they clarified.
[2:54 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: The showcase and direct are over.
[2:54 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: Well, good night.
[2:54 PM] Ludwig Von Koopa: (Microsoft Flight Simulator hype)
Ludwig sort of wants to rewatch the entire stream again but on the Audio Description version of the stream. Not because he's interested in the stream that much, but he does think it can be funny. For example, in the Starfield stream at the sandwiches bit, the narrator deadpan describes “A pile of sandwiches on a table.” into “A sandwich floats in zero-gravity.” And Ludwig laughed out loud upon hearing that. There are probably a lot of funny things like that. Anyway, what did you think of the presentations shown?
The last Xbox reaction log was in January with the Xbox Developer_Direct featuring Hi-Fi RUSH.
The appreciation for planes but not for cars continues Ludwig's decision from years ago to join Team Planes at the expense of Team Cars.
If you have interest in Star Wars Outlaws, they did indeed show it at the Ubisoft Forward the next day. And more cars.
For more information on Path of the Goddess, including its full name, see CAPCOM's dedicated showcase here.
That caption with the woman was too funny, jeez!
ReplyDeleteYou should remanme the
*rename the website Geoff K TV, and dedicate it to his summer games fest.
DeleteNOPE NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
DeleteGeoff Keighley is doing what he did last year and before where if any event happens, he goes and brands it as Summer Game Fest. But the event itself doesn't brand itself that way (only Keighley's own event).
KoopaTV will not participate in SGF-branded events, but we leave it to the event to determine its own branding. If it was up to Keighley, the whole universe would be Keighley'd, but his say is about as important as a drunkard on the street corner shouting about the end of times.