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Thursday, October 31, 2019

Luigi's Mansion 3 and Halloween 2019

By LUDWIG VON KOOPA - The best candy from the best source of entertainment.

After ignoring fellow Nintendo Switch titles Astral Chain and DAEMON X MACHINA, perhaps I should at least give Luigi's Mansion 3 a release day article. Not that I care about it—and I don't understand why anyone who wasn't a Day 1 GameCube owner would—but Luigi is a very relevant topic for KoopaTV, so here we are. Luigi's Mansion 3 features Luigi, his ghost-dog Polterpup, Mario, Princess Peach, and some dumb escort Toads going to a haunted hotel. Mario and Peach (and the Toads but no one cares about them) disappear and Luigi has to rescue them and not get pwned by King Boo.

There must be a lot of Day 1 Luigi's Mansion fans from 2001 on GameFAQs, because Luigi's Mansion 3 is the most-anticipated game of October 2019 over here:

GameFAQs October 2019 release looking forward to Luigi's Mansion 3
Luigi's Mansion 3 with 36.36% of the vote.
Personally, I voted for Ring Fit Adventure, though that got the least number of votes.
Clearly, that's not reflected in Ring Fit Adventure being out-of-stock from many retailers. (I'd know. I tried and failed to get it.)

To my surprise (but still not to my interest), Luigi's Mansion 3 is getting a lot of well-rated reviews from most outlets, with the exception of the FAKE NEWS Washington Post. This time, they're fake news because the top of their review page portrays Luigi's Mansion 3 as looking like this:

The Washington Post Luigi's Mansion 3 review blurry banner picture fake news
The Washington Post put a 150 by 84 pixel thumbnail as the main banner image for their review, in a 1,058 by 593 pixel space.
That obviously makes the game look really bad. And they gave Luigi's Mansion 3 its lowest Metacritic review score (as of publishing).

Luigi's Mansion 3 doesn't look that bad. Here's the overview trailer, if you trust trailers. I trust them more than The Washington Post:


Luigi's Mansion 3 released today during Halloween, this horrible holiday that I can't stand that is popular among you Americans. I also wrote that I like treats a lot more than tricks, and see no benefit for me to let stupid children come to my door and give them candies. I'd like to have the candy for myself.

Well, unless my door is really the entrance of a haunted hotel. But I'd rather use Halloween as an opportunity for Koopa minions to venture forth to non-Koopa lands, go to the wide-open doors of others, and conquer the property. They're inviting strangers. The strangers don't all have to have good intentions.

...Though I guess Luigi is doing the same thing with his mansion or houses or hotels. He's invited to them and later owns them after disposing of the residents.

For my own purposes, I don't want to give anyone that opportunity. No one is to separate me from MY candy.

Most importantly, buying your own candy is better than receiving other people's charity candy. They might have needles in there, or have stuff you're allergic to, or be awful bottom-tier candy like Whoppers. (Whoppers are double-duty as an example of candy I'd be allergic to.) At workplace water coolers across America tomorrow or Monday, you will see all kinds of crappy candy like Whoppers, Almond Joys, or Milk Duds strewn about. No one wants to eat them. But the trolls at The Hershey Company still distribute them, likely in candy combo bags.

Ludwig Von Koopa plushie plush Reese's Peanut Butter Cups snack size bags Halloween
They actually suggested in a recent Reese's commercial to do EXACTLY what I did.
“Here's a good Halloween trick. Buy a bunch of Reese's, turn off all the lights in your house, and then just don't answer the door.”
It's the right thing to do.

I'd never be able to acquire such a saturation of candy goodness if I went trick-or-treating. It'd be diluted with crap candy.

Unliked unpopular Halloween candy Milk Duds Heath bars Whoppers Hershey
November 5, 2019 update: This is exactly what I'm talking about.
This bag of candy was up for grabs at a workplace.
Featuring Whoppers, Milk Duds, and Heath bars.
Because everyone already took all the GOOD candy.


I don't know if Luigi's Mansion 3 is much the same way with its content delivery. Who cares? I'm eating my top tier Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. That's all I need.


Ludwig hasn't actually opened those bags of Reese's yet as of publishing this article, so the last sentence back there is arguably as bad of FAKE NEWS as The Washington Post. But he's going to solve that issue immediately after publishing this and promoting it on social media. Did you go trick-or-treating? How was your candy haul? Or did you stay inside and play Luigi's Mansion 3 instead? ...Was that worth it? Ludwig is aware that he's simultaneously promoting eating a lot of candy with playing Ring Fit Adventure.

14 comments :

  1. Since you would regret eating all those Reese's, I'd be happy to receive some of my most favorite treats. I've already been tricked several times already this past month alone, but indulging my sweet tooth would greatly make up for it all. Plus, I've always wanted to visit the Koopa Kingdom and what better night than tonight to visit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Reese's are not going to help you on your quest to defeat Dragaux. They are only going to hinder your progress. I am actually doing you a favor by taking them from you.

      Delete
    2. I'll just eat them all before the game is available to purchase again.

      I'm almost through the first bag. Then I'll just have to eat bags two and three!

      Delete
    3. So, not only are Reese's Ludwig's favorite candy, but Kody's as well? This website really DOES have class!

      Delete
    4. Speaking of class, there are a lot of people who personally told me that Whoppers are great candy. Weirdos.

      Oh well. They can have all the Whoppers and leave me with the competitively viable candy.

      Delete
    5. Whoppers ARE actually pretty good. They're no Reese's, but still.

      Delete
    6. I'll let you know about the different candy I see scattered today at work.

      Delete
    7. As I expected, there were many Whoppers. And Milk Duds.

      There were also a surprising number of Fun Size M&Ms.

      Delete
    8. I UPDATED THE ARTICLE WITH A PICTURE OF THIS.

      Delete
  2. I need to get Luigi's Mansion 3. And Astral Chain.

    ReplyDelete

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